“A trusted source for consumers looking for comprehensive product recommendations and commentary on modern-day cultural views on sex and its icons.” —XBIZ Premiere magazine
“Sex toy Dr. Phil.” —A butthurt retailer
“I bet Epiphora eats.” —Slate
“Sweet looking for such a snarky toy reviewer.” —Joan Price
[see all press here]
E · piph · o · ra [i-PIF-er-uh] — a change or shift of distance bringing two heterogeneous things close to reveal their kinship. (Or, if you prefer, the repetition of the same words at the end of successive phrases, a fungus, a moth, or the excessive production of tears.)
hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com
For five years now, sex toys have been my life. I have ogled, squeezed, and twiddled with so many that my mind has turned into
mush a sex toy encyclopedia. I have a hard time cleaning up my apartment these days because my brain does not register the so-called “obscene” objects sitting out everywhere. On this blog, I peddle my relentlessly honest sex toy reviews — with a smattering of sex industry critique thrown in for good measure.
I make no apologies for unleashing my snarky, ridiculously truthful thoughts on sex toys. My opinions are trusted; I’ve been written about on Slate, interviewed for XBIZ Premiere magazine, called a “celebrity” by Good Vibrations, and a crowning moment in my life was when I was quoted in Tristan Taormino’s book, The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation (see all my press clippings here).
I don’t believe that wishy-washy sex toy reviews benefit anyone. Like everyone, I have certain preferences and pet peeves (my hatred for pink and love of VixSkin are no secret), but you will never read a review of mine and question how I truly felt about the toy. You’ll also never see the terms “marital aid” or “battery-operated boyfriend” in my reviews, because euphemisms give me hives. (I may or may not be known for Twitter stints that I call “Epiphora Tweets Bad Sex Toy Reviews.”)
My reviewing of sex toys began in 2007. I’d flirted with a silver bullet, but it was the Turbo Glider that hooked me. I got my start writing reviews for an online sex toy shop. In 2008, I launched this blog — and have been rabidly collecting and reviewing sex toys ever since. I also pelt people with snark on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and in my monthly newsletter.
My top sex toys of all time include the Eroscillator, Pure Wand, Seduction, Wahl, Maverick, Mona 2, Comet G Wand, Stronic Eins, Pure Plugs, Mystic Wand, Life, Twist, Randy, Cush O2, Romp, Star Delight, Touch, Splash, Mia, and Luna Beads (more here). But I’m always on the hunt for new favorites. I have had the pleasure of experiencing a variety of toy materials: glass, aluminum, pure silicone, dual-density silicone, stainless steel, wood, ceramic. Still on my wishlist: granite!
I’m a feminist, pansexual, in a relationship with a dude, and greatly prefer cats to children. My jack-off sessions are long and my cups of coffee are doused with creamer. My primary sources of visual entertainment are porn, bad reality TV, and documentaries about depraved serial killers.
You can learn more about me via my feature, Ask Piph.
Would you like me to review a product on this here blog? Want to know my opinion on porn, feminism, black coffee, etc? Have suggestions for how I can make this blog even more awesome? Shoot me an email; I would be delighted to hear from you: hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com. If you’d like to ask me something anonymously, do so here.
Or use my snazzy contact form!