“You can always count on Epiphora for her no-holds-barred reviews.” —Tristan Taormino

“A trusted source for consumers looking for comprehensive product recommendations and commentary on modern-day cultural views on sex.” —XBIZ Premiere magazine

“Something like the Ars Technica or Wirecutter of adult products.” —VICE

“I bet Epiphora eats.” —Slate

[see all press + quotes]

Email: hey.epiphora [at] gmail.com

Epiphora in superhero formI have a very discerning vagina. For over seven years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky style, I am the antidote to the coy, euphemistic sugar-coating that plagues bad sex writing. Many loyal readers entrust their future orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly. (Want help finding the best parts of this site?)

Although I’m pretty sure the estimated value of my 500+ sex toy collection could’ve bought me a really fucking nice car if I had different priorities in life, this also means that I have a baseline knowledge of sex toys that very much surpasses that of your friend’s wife. Plus, I’m sometimes a hoot.

As a trusted voice in the sex toy landscape, I’ve been featured on PlayboySlateVICE, Bitch, and in XBIZ Premiere magazine, I have been a guest on Tristan Taormino’s Sex Out Loud Radio on two separate occasions, I participated in a couple panels at CatalystCon West and East,  SheVibe made me into a superhero, Kinkly named me the #3 Sex Blogging Superhero of 2014 and #1 of 2013, and I was quoted in Tristan Taormino’s book, The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation (press clippings here). I also offer consulting services to sex shops, manufacturers, and bloggers.

Me (Epiphora) being a motherfucking professional blogger

I don’t believe that wishy-washy sex toy reviews benefit anyone. I have my preferences and pet peeves (my hatred for pink and love of VixSkin are no secret), but you will never read a review of mine and question how I truly felt about the toy. Whether I love or hate something, I make it known. You’ll also never see the terms “marital aid” or “battery-operated boyfriend” in my reviews, because euphemisms give me hives. (I may or may not be known for Twitter stints that I call “Epiphora Tweets Bad Sex Toy Reviews.”)

I’m a feminist, pansexual, in a long-term relationship with a dude and a newer one with a cute girl, and greatly prefer cats to children. My jack-off sessions are long and my cups of coffee are doused with creamer. When not smashing out paragraphs for this blog, I can be found working on the floor at a local sex toy boutique, making it my personal mission to sell as many Mona 2s as possible.

You can learn more about me via my feature, Ask Piph.


There are several ways to prod me! You can use the snazzy contact form below or shoot me an email at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com.

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