“You can always count on Epiphora for her no-holds-barred reviews.” —Tristan Taormino
“It’s an invaluable resource, and has done more than anyone realizes to change the conversations around sex toys, sex toy safety, and how we relate to our little friends.” —Violet Blue
“Something like the Ars Technica or Wirecutter of adult products.” —VICE
“I bet Epiphora eats.” —Slate
Email: hey.epiphora [at] gmail.com
I have a very discerning vagina. For over seven years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky style, I am the antidote to the coy, euphemistic sugar-coating that plagues bad sex writing. Many loyal readers entrust their future orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly. (Want help finding the best parts of this site?)
Although I’m pretty sure the estimated value of my 500+ sex toy collection could’ve bought me a really fucking nice car if I had different priorities in life, this also means that I have a baseline knowledge of sex toys that very much surpasses that of your friend’s wife. Plus, I’m sometimes a hoot.
As a trusted voice in the sex toy landscape, I’ve been published in Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1 and Storerotica, featured in Playboy, Slate, VICE, Bitch, and XBIZ Premiere magazine, I have been a guest on Tristan Taormino’s Sex Out Loud Radio on two separate occasions, I participated in a couple panels at CatalystCon West and East, SheVibe made me into a superhero, Kinkly named me a top 3 Sex Blogging Superhero of 2014 and 2013, and I was quoted in Tristan Taormino’s book, The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation (press clippings here). I also offer consulting services to sex shops, manufacturers, and bloggers.
I don’t believe that wishy-washy sex toy reviews benefit anyone. I have my preferences and pet peeves (my hatred for pink and love of VixSkin are no secret), but you will never read a review of mine and question how I truly felt about the toy. Whether I love or hate something, I make it known. You’ll also never see the terms “marital aid” or “battery-operated boyfriend” in my reviews, because euphemisms give me hives. (I may or may not be known for Twitter stints that I call “Epiphora Tweets Bad Sex Toy Reviews.”) My favorite online shop is SheVibe for many reasons — check out all the things I recommend here.
I’m a feminist, pansexual, in a long-term relationship with a dude and a newer one with a cute girl, and greatly prefer cats to children. My jack-off sessions are long and my cups of coffee are doused with creamer. When not smashing out paragraphs for this blog, I can be found working on the floor at a local sex toy boutique, making it my personal mission to sell as many Mona 2s as possible.
You can learn more about me via my feature, Ask Piph.
There are several ways to prod me! You can use the snazzy contact form below or shoot me an email at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com.