Jan 262015
 

LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibratorThe LELO Mona Wave feels like being fingered by someone who is absent-mindedly planning out the toppings on the pizza they’re going to order after I finally fucking come.

I know that isn’t what you want me to say. You want me to say that either the Mona Wave is like being fingered by the devil, or that it’s the sexual equivalent of getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It is not, and my feelings are not that extreme. But the Mona Wave does make me fucking crazy most of the time.

I don’t blame you, internet. I have conditioned you to care. I am so freakishly obsessed with my LELO Mona 2s (yes, I have three of them) that you needed to know about the Mona Wave the moment it was released. Readers have not prodded me so much to review something since the Deen Peen. So I should probably just answer the question you are frantically Googling/e-yelling/tweeting at me, which is “SHOULD I GET THE MONA 2 OR THE MONA WAVE?”

The answer is, get the Mona 2. For sure. The Mona Wave is more convoluted, more expensive, more difficult to use, and most blasphemously: its vibrations are exponentially weaker. It eclipses the Mona 2 in only a few ways: it has a slow up-and-down movement meant to mimic fingers against the G-spot, it remembers which setting I was on, and it comes in black and blue. That… is… honestly… it.

When I first heard about the Mona Wave, I had two important questions: can you turn the motion off and get just vibrations, and can you adjust the motion? The answers are yes, but the vibrations suck and not really, since the two motion speeds consist of “molasses” and “snail.” This is where the Mona Wave could have surpassed the Mona 2, but instead just fucked up.

The Mona Wave has 10 settings. Five are motion plus vibration (the usual steady, pulsation, escalation), one is just motion, and four are just vibration. The handle is all silicone now, and the buttons are no longer raised. Some people like this change, but I find it harder to grip than Mona 2’s glossy plastic handle. True story: one time I slid the Mona Wave under the covers and inserted it — only to realize I’d inserted the handle. I was sober.

The buttons on the Mona 2, fallible as they are,1 are drop-dead simple to find and master. It’s to the point with the Mona 2 that I can change settings with my eyes closed, on the verge of orgasm, during hazy post-orgasm bliss, etc. This is a feat you don’t appreciate until it’s gone. With the Mona Wave, I feel like an amateur poking around in the dark.

But the most unforgivable sin: the Mona Wave has almost half the vibration power of the Mona 2. I’m serious. I’ve done tests. I had my girlfriend close their eyes and I turned both Monas to high, pressing each into their palm. It was undeniable to both of us. I yelled “FUUUUCK!!!” and I felt ruined. It was like the time my boyfriend broke one of his favorite mugs and then just stood in the kitchen with the most crestfallen look on his face. Of course, in that case I was able to rush to eBay to order him a replacement, but if you buy the Mona Wave instead of the Mona 2, you won’t be able to time travel and reverse your choice. At least cheaply.

LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator and packaging which reads "THE ORGASM TO END ALL ORGASMS"Do not misunderestimate this power difference. Mona Wave’s vibrations are just a hair stronger than the original Siri, and Mona 2 has about four higher intensity levels than Mona Wave. This massive gap has been confirmed by many a seasoned vulva, and even a civilian — my boyfriend. I didn’t tell him which toys we were testing, just had him close his eyes and tell me if they were different or the same. “Oh, the second one [Mona 2] is stronger,” he said without missing a beat. “Noticeably stronger.”

Because of this, the Mona Wave is on the verge of useless when used clitorally. The added movement is nice — kind of like a big finger or rigid tongue moving rhythmically against my clit. With improvements, it could potentially be a way less annoying Ora. But it needs more: more strength, more speed, and above all, more variety.

This deficit is even more apparent when using the Mona Wave internally. Wave truly is the right word for the movement. It is subtle. Gentle. Like the soft ebb and flow of the ocean against the shore. I can leave it in my vagina without touching it — mostly — but it does start to twist sideways sometimes.

The motion feels good, especially with added vibration, but it really just grazes my G-spot. After not long, I want more. More curling, more pressure, a quicker pace — something. I can change the vibration pattern that goes along with the motion, but otherwise there is no progression toward that “orgasm to end all orgasms” promised to me by the packaging. (Which, can we talk about that slogan? Why would you want to end all orgasms? Why would you put your toy on such a pedestal? Granted, “it feels pleasant” doesn’t have the same ring to it, but maybe cut the bravado?)

Three humans mimic the @lelo_official Mona Wave's slow-ass "come hither" motion.

A video posted by Epiphora (@heyepiphora) on

The video above features the Mona Wave on its fastest motion setting, which I feel like looks impressive until you mimic it with your fingers. You can see, then, how this toy feels nothing like being fingered. It’s like what aliens might design based on a cursory understanding of the G-spot. Because G-spot stimulation isn’t just a mechanical up and down movement. It’s thrustingtwisting, pressing, rocking, jostling, clenching. It’s the curling of fingers and the grabbing of the pubic bone. It’s a combination of these things, depending on my mood, and my cycle, and whether anything on the internet has pissed me off that day.

That’s why the LELO Mona Wave is so fucking FRUSTRATING. For perhaps the first time ever, I find myself mad at a toy for not being human. For not understanding that I’d be much closer to orgasm if it would just speed the fuck up. I usually relish the consistency provided by a sex toy, but with the Mona Wave, I am enraged by it.

Also, that sound. Doesn’t exactly sound like water serenely lapping against the sand, does it? Yeah. I previously likened the noise to a dental drill, in case you need to have nightmares tonight. Maybe it wasn’t aliens that designed this toy, but robots. It’s not the worst sound ever, but I would never endure it if it didn’t come bundled with sexual pleasure. The walls of my vagina don’t really muffle it, either.

I kind of don’t think anyone should buy the Mona Wave. Not because it’s a horrible toy, but because I can’t shake the feeling that LELO released it before they really took the time to perfect it. The noise, the weak vibrations, and the lack of motion options are glaring issues that sorely need to be addressed before the company can rightly ask $179 for this thing and plaster it with branding guaranteeing a life-changing orgasm. This is like if Fun Factory had released the Stronic with only two slow thrusting settings. Come on. Do better.

I have grand dreams for the LELO Mona Wave, dreams that I do not believe are out of the realm of possibility in the current age of vibrators, dreams which you are welcome to get me drunk and listen to me exasperatedly list off.2 But I’m not in the business of rating sex toys on what they could be if only they tried harder. Right now, Mona Wave is just a half-assed impostor.

Want to find your G-spot? Get a Tantus dildo and/or the Pure Wand.
Want an awesome G-spot or clitoral vibe? Get the Mona 2.
Want a toy that moves in a satisfying manner? Get the Stronic Eins.

Get Mona Wave at LELO, SheVibe, Pleasure Chest, or Come As You Are (Canada).

  1. They do tend to discolor a bit over time. []
  2. Here’s what I want: tons of unpredictable motion options, vibrations that correspond to movement, and more power than the Mona 2. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? []
  • Mary Q. Contrary

    FUCK YES this review was all that I was hoping it would be. A slow eviscerating as gentle as the Mona Wave’s “come hither” motion.

  • Dannicula

    I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little disappointed but nowhere near surprised. The speed (or lack thereof) of the wave reminds me of the Ida. They just seem like vaginal butter churns!

    However, speaking of “fingers”, are you planning to attempt the Rockbox Finger? I… I don’t know if I want you to subject yourself to a modified pumpkin carver but at the same time I feel like you would for science!

  • Bex

    “But I’m not in the business of rating sex toys on what they could be if only they tried harder.”

    Yes, this (and the whole last paragraph really) is so on point. It feels nice… But then that doesn’t actually go anywhere. I just wanted to take it out of my vag and hand it right back to Lelo and say “good, now try again… except better.” Because the concept really did feel good, it just felt like I was constantly on what should be the first setting.

  • beautiful thunder

    I don’t know if my vagina is just really tight…I mean, well-toned…or if I wasn’t aroused enough, but my main issue when inserting the Mona Wave was that the wave bit just transferred to the handle. If I wanted to feel any of the motion I had to really hold on to the handle, which isn’t all that big, to try to counteract the issue.

    My second issue is the sound. It is so very not sexy at all. I live in a house that is quite soundproof and I barely hear my neighbours, so that part is not a worry to me. I just don’t like noisy vibrators.
    I must admit that the regular Mona has never really worked for me, but the fact that this version is also less strong makes it even more of a disappointment.
    However, I must report that the Siri 2 is very promising and definitely stronger than the first version. So Lelo hasn’t completely lost touch yet. 😉

  • Pegasister42

    Maybe it would make a good motorized cat-scratcher?

  • It’d probably be too slow.

  • The handle definitely waves a lot on the outside of my body when it’s inserted… but to me it seems like it does the same thing inside of me. Trying to hold it only slowed the movement entirely…

  • I’ve considered it, but yes, not sure I have the stamina for a pumpkin carver. It certainly looks a lot faster than the Mona Wave, but also a lot more OUT OF CONTROL. And potentially even louder.

  • When I first heard about this toy my first thought was that it might make for an interesting alternative to my favourite Lelo Billy prostate massager, what with the addition of physical motion working in tandem with vibrations.

    Now that I see how slow the motion actually is, and read how the vibrations are weaker than the normal Mona 2, suddenly I’ve lost all interest.

    I can definitely share your sense of frustration with a product that seems to have a good concept, but which actually fails to implement it effectively in practice. It’s as though they’re rushing so quickly from one fad to the next, that they don’t properly finish their product development.

  • StarieNite

    Seems like Lelo has gone down hill. Bummer.

  • Sammi Jawsome

    I think new Lelo is trying to convince folks with vaginas that touching the clit is bad/not a “real” orgasm. They released an “orgasm trainer” (what kinda messed up shit is that) bead this year, and none of their new toys are great for external stimulation. If the Mona 2 wasn’t so awesome I would boycott them altogether.

  • This review is perfect from the first line to the last! I love that you accidentally inserted the handle part (sober), I seriously LOLed at that. I did the civilian test too, and Jake confirmed that Mona Wave is definitely weaker. And of course the worst part is how slow & steady the movement is–it’s way too robotic and frustrated me every time I tried it, and the sound! Just, no. I love the video’s visual of how slow it really is. As you said, I think it could’ve been fabulous with some adjustments…*sigh.* Thanks for an on point, hilarious review!

  • Love this review! I have recently reviewed the INA Wave but never tried the original ina or mona out, so i have nothing to compare to it. I didn’t like the INA Wave’s rabbit ear but i liked the motion but i think it is better as a teaser than the hardcore winner

  • Jillian Boyd

    You know, all things concerned I had a pretty terrible day and that Instagram clip just made everything worthwile. And god, it does actually sound like a dental drill. Maybe, just maybe Lelo will listen and bring out a version that does all the things better? But then again, this is Lelo…

  • Wrenna

    Thank you Epiphora! This sounds like my experience with the LELO Lily, which would be my favourite if it were stronger. I will wait for version 2.0.

  • tonyinabag

    omg. after seeing the rockbox finger on frisky business i thought there’s no way it would actually get made.

    THE NOISE. my god.

  • Dannicula

    The moment I saw the design I was just… it reminded me of that one ~dildo made of two fingers that was horrifying and pointless. I’m curious how the carver effect would work vs the Stronic pulses.

  • beautiful thunder

    A colleague tried the Ina Wave and said that the wave was more evident in that device, probably because of the clitoral arm holding the whole thing in place better. But still, not really doing the job. And I wonder if it would ever be possible to design a vibrator that could do that…

  • Anna Sullivan

    Reading this post caused me to buy a Mona to replace my other that crapped out about a year ago[:'(]. However, my new one gets here Saturday, so my lovely Mona induced orgasms will finally be back. 😀 YAY!

  • *chanting* MONA MONA MONA

  • The Lovehoney reviews are dismal. And Lovehoney reviewers are usually pretty forgiving, so that tells you a lot.

  • StarieNite

    I just googled a video. It acts and sounds like a jackhammer.

  • Dannicula

    Watching the development on Frisky Business was really telling. The product was suggested and eventually designed by men, while the women kind of reacted with uneasy terror. I think naming it “Rock Box” was just the final nail in the coffin.

  • Elizabeth Doxtator-Morenberg

    If LELO’s toys are expensive and ineffective, what keeps the company in business?

  • Pegasister42

    Is the Mona Wave a nightmare dressed like a daydream?

  • YES.

  • Well, LELO has probably the most name recognition of any luxury sex toy company out there. So people just have the general vague idea that LELO toys are quality. And they do have effective toys, like the Luna Beads, Ella, Mona 2, and Siri 2.

  • tonyinabag

    “i know what would be sexy, sticking a pumpkin carver in your vag!”

  • Dannicula

    It’s really a shame. While Fun Factory, for instance, sometimes misses their goal with their toys, you can tell there’s always some sort of actual thought going into the design (draggy silicone notwithstanding), even after all these years. it’s a shame that the other big-name luxury European brand had to go so sketchy lately.

    Then again, being that one of LELO’s designers actually worked on the Rock Box Finger (there we go again), I must say I can see where they get their ~quality ideas -_-

  • Jhon Kidds

    Actually Sex toys is the part of our sexual life , we can’t get high orgasm or sexual feeling without sex toys this is very need for our sexual life, to know more details please visit this site best sex toys hope you will get what you find in online.

  • I think you’re dead on about the stroking not leading up to anything, which will be a big problem for some people!

  • Jhon Kidds

    Actually Sex toys is the part of our sexual life , we can’t get high orgasm or sexual feeling without sex toys this is very need for sexual life, to know more details please visit this site best sex toys hope you will get what you find in online.

  • Glumbumble

    Thanks for taking the time to review this. I was one of the many waiting for you to get your hands/vag on this. The videos looked so promising on the website, but your instagram video really showcases just how slow it is. I love my Mona 2, and I thought I would try to get something in that line that I could finally try to get a g-spot orgasm out of. I’ve had no luck with the Mona 2. I don’t know if it’s because of my vaginismus and/or inability to completely relax enough subconsciously, but even feeling where my g-spot is seems like a pipe dream.

  • fire

    Disappointing… but hey, so much affirmation that going out and buying a Mona 2 is a good investment!

  • Lorena

    I love your reviews SO MUCH, I mean it.
    So snarky and still honest, they are the perfect mix. And it actually answered my doubt, like, literally.
    So, yes, I’ll wait until I can buy Mona 2, because that toy is obviously mean to be mine, I’ve been wanting it for far too long to betray it now.