May 122014
 

[But what about the Mona Wave, you ask? It’s a half-assed imposter.]

LELO Mona 2 in all three colors (red, purple, pink AKA cerise)I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS WHAT GOD WANTS TO BE WHEN HE GROWS UP” when I’m drunk. So much that I have nightmares about LELO changing it. So much that I rush to comfort it when it falls off my nightstand.

“Obsessed” may be a word that describes how I feel about that vibrator. The Mona is the only sex toy I take on trips. I force shops to add it to their inventory. I subtly push people toward it in my job on the floor of a sex toy boutique (my current record is within 20 minutes of opening). One time I had it immortalized on my fingernail; another time I named a stray cat after it.

Yes, there’s the Eroscillator, Touch, Hitachi, Mystic Wand, and Wahl, and I love all of those too, but none of them offer the versatility that the Mona does. None of them have the tapered tip shape that slides between my labia so perfectly, the range of vibration intensities that suit my clit’s any mood, the charge that… sometimes lasts long enough…

Okay. The word “Mona” is mentioned 261 times in my Twitter archive, and I’m trying to get #DumpHimBuyAMona to catch on, but the fact of my Mona dying in the middle of a jack-off session is definitely A Thing I Tweet About. A Lot. Although my Mona has a run time of 2.5 hours, I forget to charge it in between sessions and then this happens:

A bouquet of MonasWell, peeps, all of that white whining is a thing of the past. Thanks to friends in high places, I now have not one, not two, but THREE Monas. One in each color. I literally own an entire set of one sex toy. 10-year-old My Little Pony collector me is losing her shit right now.

And finally, the dream I penned in my review became a reality: I have double-teamed with one Mona in my vag and one against my clit. I’m pretty sure angels sang.

Lest you deem me a lone lunatic, others also feel quite strongly about their Monas and many have reviewed it VERY favorably. People who are not me have made shrines to it and crafted mini Monas out of fondant. When I hang out with other sex bloggers, we have Mona parties and bring Mona to orgies. (“What color Mona 2 do you want to use?” is now my line.)

I know a few people who don’t love the Mona, but I still find it in my heart to be friends with them.

I’m trying to remember if I own any other “back-up” toys. I have 2+ of the Duet, Ola, Gigi, MiaHitachiTouch, and Tango, because they were each updated. I have two Wahls because people kept telling me their Wahls were loud and I needed to investigate.1 But I believe this is the first time I have owned several of the same toy with the explicit purpose of having back-ups in my times of need. And it is so, so awesome.

The only way this new system can fail is if I use two Monas simultaneously and deplete both of their charges. Then, oh horror of horrors, I will only have one fully-charged Mona to use. Thank goodness they charge quickly.

Get the Mona 2 at one of my fave places:
LELO, SheVibe, Early to BedBabeland, Pleasure Chest,
Come As You Are (Canada), or Lovehoney (international).

  1. Unfortunately, both of my Wahls are quiet. I’m still looking into it. []
  • Lunabelle

    I read the My Little Pony reference and died. My house is My Little Pony Hell (3 daughters), and envisioning a land of rainbows, butterflies, castles and brightly colored vibrators is the perfect antidote. In fact, I may need to do a “My Little Mona” mash up photo…
    Also, thanks for mentioning my fondant lunacy. I was very proud of that (and it tasted great too).

  • vulgarvag

    It’s like the saying goes, “A good girl scout is always prepared, with a Mona.”

  • MONA SWISS ARMY KNIFE

  • Camryn Jones

    Congratulations! My match-happy side is thrilled that you have completed the set ^-^
    The Mona 2 madness is really starting to get to me; I still question its power but I’m getting to a point where I don’t care… O.O
    I’m curious about this toy’s lifespan; the red one is your original Mona 2, right? Is it still performing like new? Are they all equally strong?

  • Yep, my original red Mona is still performing like a champ! The power on all of them is the same. The only thing I’ve noticed is that the light in the button pad is dimmer on my red one (this may just be something LELO changed) and that the buttons are not glaringly white anymore.

  • They’re so beautiful! Is that the prop for sex toy photos that you were looking for?

  • Yes! I needed something that would hold three things. This won out over a white plastic drying rack.

  • Susan

    Okay okay okay fine, you win. I just ordered a Mona2. Just been vibe-disappointed in everything I own lately.

  • Nice! You should call it the “Mona Stairway to Heaven”

  • Anonymous

    Okay, I am going to give my honest opinion, no one asked and maybe no one cares, but I’ve been feeling like this for a while. Honestly, I am not excited or interested by your blog much anymore. I miss the times when you actually wrote reviews. You have only put out five this year (tentatively including the Unique Condom collaboration, though I tend to agree with the blogger who said that the reviewers were only trying to “out-snark” each other), and the year is almost half over. So that’s averaging just one per month. Of course it’s your blog and you’re free to post as often as you wish… the thing is though, instead of putting out the helpful reviews that usually bring people here in the first place, there are all these extraneous posts that aren’t reviews. Some I do find helpful, like reporting on Whipspider’s disappearance, since I had been eying the Jellyfish for a while (still wasn’t able to get one sadly). The giveaway of course was also fun. But some of the posts this year just have a really braggy undertone. The blogger party post at the beginning of the year felt like the beginning of this trend. Its tone was very exclusionary to the reader; look at what I have and all the fun I’m having, jelly? And then… we get today’s post. I don’t understand its purpose. You’re essentially just bragging that you have three Monas, when I’m sure many of your readers, myself included, have to save up for months to get just one new toy. Oh, and you got them for free. How delightful for you. I mean, what do you want our response to be? We are already very well aware of your love for the Mona (as you yourself state).

    TL;DR I’m not trying to hate or anything, I’m really not. I’ve been reading your blog for about two years and used to enjoy it. But these days it really seems like you feel not only superior to us plebs who have to actually pay for our own toys, but entitled to rub our faces in it. Your eagerness to help people via your reviews feels diminished to say the least. How ironic, considering your fancy yourself a sex toy superhero. I would like to see that hero return.

  • Alright, you didn’t leave a legitimate email address so I’m going to address this here… for now. I will probably delete it after you have read it, though, because this is really something that should have been emailed to me. It’s obviously beyond this single post.

    I can see how a couple of the posts could come across that way. But I do not see myself as better than anyone else. I wrote the post about my friends because I thought it would provide some fun insight into what sex bloggers do when we all get together. Also, I finally have friends in real life who share my interest in sex toys, and that’s pretty damn exciting.

    I didn’t do anything to sway anyone when I sent them the Unique Condoms. I merely asked them to be honest in what they wrote.

    This post was supposed to serve as an explanation for how much I love the Mona, a love letter of sorts. Sometimes I feel like I didn’t adequately express it in my original review. I feel it’s really important that when I love something, I make it known, since it’s not often that I truly love something. I wanted all of the stuff that came after I published my review — how much I actually use the toy — documented. I DID want to help people with this. I ALWAYS do. I am currently planning a huge giveaway of a shit ton of Monas because I want everyone on earth to have one.

    I have many reviews that are almost finished. Trust me, I know that I don’t post often enough. That’s on me. At the same time, I don’t want to bombard people with only reviews, so I try to break up the monotony with other posts, like this one and the party one. Apparently that is not what you want out of my blog, and I’m sorry. But *I* don’t want it to be just reviews, so some of it has been deliberate.

    I’m deeply hurt that you feel this way about me. The last thing I ever want to do is disappoint my readers.

  • I am so jealous right now, I don’t have words.

  • Omg, they look SO good together. Mona is pretty much the best, keep spreading the good word!

  • Whitney M

    The first thing I did after I woke up was read this blog post, the second thing was have an orgasm with Mona. Oh Mona, you give so much and demand nothing in return. Why do I suspect the top sex toy for 2014 will be two Monas?

  • For me, it’s owning 2 Salsas and 3 Tangos. Most of them I bought myself or swapped to get. Despite having 5 of them (it might be 6, they’re small, they get lost) I do find myself with NONE charged because I’m a lazy fucker.

  • I am so glad that my Mona has a good home, rather than languishing sad and dejected in the bins of misfit dildos under my bed. Now it has friends to play with! My other lives with Redhead Bedhead now. Happy vibrator adoptions all around.

  • Anonymous

    But a private email is easily ignored. I was only curious if anyone else had noticed this (what I consider to be) shift in your blog’s focus.

    I am not trying to be a dick, like I said I really do like your reviews. The Eroscillator is one of my most favorite things ever. But I had to save up for eight months to finally be able to buy one. This is why I was attracted to your blog in the first place, because you really cared about helping people not only save, but not waste money. Good sex toys aren’t cheap and there is a ton of crap out there. So maybe this change is organic; as you become a more famous blogger, companies reach out to you more with free toys. So it feels more and more like you’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually have to struggle to get toys. I’ve never had this sense of exclusion while reading your blog before. For me, personally, sex toys are not a frivolity. I suffer from depression and sometimes I have no other way to reduce anxiety and tension. So that’s just where I’m coming from and why these blogger party/behold all my toys posts might be coming off as bragging to me. Again it’s your blog and your content. I just wanted to express that I miss the excellent, detailed reviews, but I don’t miss feeling like I’m being shunned since your posts feel more like they’re being written for other bloggers.

    I’m sorry for rambling again. And all that aside, I understand the business aspects of this for you… negative opinions and feedback are not good for business. So delete my posts if you wish.

  • Actually, a comment on a post is much more easily ignored, whereas an email shows that you care about giving me feedback privately instead of derailing the comments section. I have a horrible habit of replying to almost every email I get, even the ones that I show to friends who say “ugh, just ignore it.” So, you are wrong. I would reply to an email.

    I am acutely aware that most people do not have tons of money to spend on sex toys… but that is exactly why I write posts like this one. To show that this one, of all the billions I’ve tried, IS worth the money. Even years later, it is one of the only vibrators I use, so much so that I am thrilled to have back-ups for when it loses a charge. THAT was the point of this post, NOT to brag.

    Nor are my posts about my friends supposed to be brags. But I already said that.

    Negative opinions I can handle, and if you were only perturbed by this single post, this would be the place to voice them. But your issue is more than this post, and therefore I will not allow this thread to remain here for much longer. Please email me (hey.epiphora@gmail.com) and I would love to continue to discuss and hash this out with you.

  • ScarlettSeraph

    While I understand the points you are trying to make, I have to respectfully disagree with a few things. I think Piph’s enthusiasm for the Mona is precisely in line with what you are asking for; she is telling you, in no uncertain terms, that THIS is THE TOY that is deserving of your money. She is fully aware that we can’t all afford to buy every new model that comes along, and she reiterates her passion for this one specifically because she wants us to know what is worth spending on, and what’s worth skipping.

    That aside, looking through her last few reviews I see her telling readers to not bother upgrading their Comet G; that the changes are not worth dropping the extra cash, but the $5 to get the current model on a new purchase is. Perfectly reasonable advice. She suggests you purchase the $47 Moka over the expensive Gigi. She tells you why the Magic Banana is only worth half what they ask. None of these things sound elitist, or disrespectful of your budget.

    The third major factor that I ask you to consider in all this is just how. much. time. it takes to be Piph. Running the blog, and the social media supports for it, is a full time job, and toys are the benefit (sometimes). One of the biggest misconceptions from blog readers and even new reviewers is that toys come free and easy. Perhaps you’re correct, that it’s easier for her now that she’s made a name for herself, but that takes years of thankless, countless hours. It also costs a lot of money before a blog begins making money. Epiphora has put in a ton of time getting to where she is, and she still works harder than most. So, if she wants three of her favorite toy, and people or companies want to donate to the cause, so what? It’s just a vibrator. If you could total all the hours she’s worked to get to this point, those are some damn expensive, and well-earned toys.

    I know you don’t know Piph, and I only do via some weird, sex blogger online connection, but you should know that what her readers think matters. The reasons you liked her to begin with are still reasons, and they are behind this post just as much as any other. Piph understands the value of your dollar and just wants to share her enthusiasm with you. I’m sorry that it seems to have been misinterpreted.

  • Sally

    Any word on whether the refreshed Tango is better than the old version, beyond the charger upgrade?

  • Sally, I’m assuming you’re not a reader of my blog, but I’ve reviewed them (so have others). However, I don’t like to put links to my crap in comments on other people’s posts, so I’m not gonna link to it from here.

  • ScarlettSeraph

    I love this name.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, those are in fact good examples of good advice she has given, they didn’t particularly stick with me I guess because most of those weren’t toys I was personally interested in. And the examples go with what I was trying to say, that I think her *reviews* are consistently good and helpful. For me the single review on the Mona feels sufficient. And while I’m not a blogger of anything, I do understand how it can take up as much time as a job, and the free toys can be equated to pay or bonuses by some. I have a hard time seeing it that way though. Compared to working ten hours at my truly horrid retail job to buy a toy (assuming I didn’t need to buy food for awhile either), spending time writing and promoting sounds fun. But again I am not a blogger.

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to derail anything. And I have said pretty much everything I meant to.

  • They didn’t change the shape or the motor or anything, so… that’s about it. The charger connects a bit more easily, and there’s a low battery warning now.

  • Ellie

    Oooh, I’m soooo jealous! In a “that is SHINY and great for her, I want that too!”-way.
    My Mona2 has yet to give out on me mid-way, but I’m very particular about re-charging it. And oh, how happy I was to read about the double-teaming! Truly a great day for pleasure!

  • Sarah

    I brought my Mona to the office so I could show my boss what a good, rumbly motor feels like compared to a shit one (I also brought the BSwish Bbold). AND THEN I LEFT IT THERE OVERNIGHT WHILE I’M ALL ALONE AT THE HOTEL. What the ever-loving fuck was I thinking!?

  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  • Sarah

    I’m going to comfort myself by thinking about how I’m contributing to saving the world from another buzzy insertable. Yep. That’s all I can do besides cry.

  • Way to steal my vagina’s thunder, Piph…

  • Stephanie

    Question, when you use it internally, do you thrust it or just leave it in place? I never know what to do with internal vibrators, so…

  • Lightly thrust? It completely depends on the toy. If it’s highly textured the thrusting is often subtle, but generally speaking I don’t thrust crazily with anything unless I’m about to come or trying to squirt. Just do whatever feels right!

  • dear prudence

    Personally, when Im using the Mona 2 inside of me, I like to push the handle down so that the tip is pressing into my g spot. In an up and down, up down sort of motion. I also really like rotation, where I basically just take the handle and swivel it around in a circle. I also really, really like to take it out, and push it back in slowly as I really like the feeling of being penetrated ^/////^ it really depends on what you like, they’re no wrong answers.

  • skookum

    Piph, have you had any issues with rattles developing in your Monas? (Monae?)

    I’ve had a Mona 2 for 6 months. It’s absolutely my fave toy, but it started rattling on the lowest setting almost immediately. I didn’t care because frankly it spends precious little time on the lowest setting… but now it’s begun to rattle (loudly) on the second lowest. Now I’m just a bit worried whether one of these days it’s going to become castanets all the way up.

  • Congrats on the Monas! I can only imagine the orgasms that come from dual-wielding Mona 2.
    On the topic of Wahl’s my is ungodly loud. In fact it’s so loud that I wrote a post documenting just how much is legitimately scares me.

  • Be sure to read the comments on my Wahl review. A couple people have managed to hack into their Wahls and quiet them.

  • You know, I’ve heard about this rattling issue but I don’t feel like any of mine do that. Either that, or my definition of rattling is different. It wiggles more and gets louder when I turn it up, but that’s about it. I’d be interested to see a video of yours rattling…

  • Sarah

    My Mona 2 does not (yet) rattle, but my Mia 1.5 does. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that this is a Lelo motor issue.

  • Susan

    It arrived at my office Friday when I wasn’t there. I charged it under my desk today and left early to get it home.

    I love being that person.

  • Marta LopezNJ

    In preparation for a potential zombie apocalypse, today I bought an extra Mona and Jimmy Jane Form II, along with cat food and Spam. BTW, PLEASE PLEASE review Jimmy Jane’s “Hello Touch” so I know if it’s powerful enough to get the job done.

  • I’m sorry, but I can’t bring myself to endure the Hello Touch. One speed? Numb fingers? AAAAs? Dumb battery pack? No thx. Loading them with batteries at work is enough annoyance for me. I trust this review.

  • Maninder

    http://hotshoppingoffers.in/ for coupons and deals

  • Lynn

    Not sure about the Mona, by my Siri and Smart Wand both keep on buzzing while they are plugged in. I am always forgetting to charge them, and when they fail mid session I just plug them in and keep right on going. Have you tried that?

  • Raavynn Digital

    My Wahl is loud when used with the “spot tip.” When used with the included attachments, it’s fine.

  • Raavynn Digital

    Well, maybe a low rumble on high, but I hardly ever use it on high. No one has heard it from another room.

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  • Derpy Doo

    I wish I got as much out of my Mona as you seem to! I find it great for external use, but it does nothing for my G-spot and insertion in general feels actually a little bit uncomfortable. Sad face.

  • What’s wrong with something being great externally? That’s primarily how I use mine.

  • Derpy Doo

    The external part goes in the ‘pro’ column for sure, but I had heard all these rapturous accounts of how the Mona is the G-spot’s best friend, and for me that turned out not to be the case. I enjoy penetration and had hoped for something that would feel great to me on that score.

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  • lalune

    when i click on the lovehoney link, it says the mona 2 with australian charger port is discontinued. do you know anywhere else i can get one which has an aus port?:(

  • It looks like LELO sells a USB charger and it is compatible with Mona 2 and almost all of their other toys.

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  • unstuck

    What’s this about a new Mona Wave coming out? It’s supposed to have a mode where instead of vibrating is makes a “come hither” motion. I’m sufficiently intrigued that I will wait for reviews of this new one before getting a Mona 2.

  • I’m on it! I’ll have one in a week or two.

  • unstuck

    Your vagina does God’s work, sir.

  • Pegasister42

    What toys do you like to use externally when using the mona internally? How does the Mona perform solo internally?

  • I use it clitorally 95% of the time, but I would probably reach for the Touch, Eroscillator, or Mystic Wand, if for some reason I didn’t feel like double-teaming with two Monas. I talk more about internal use of the Mona in my original review.

  • Tzipora

    But…. I’m another who has used it anyway (have and adore the original Gigi but you make me tempted on the Mons… Gigi rocks my g spots socks so hard but won’t do it for my clit… Gigi and Mona though hmm… I like also that this sounds like I’m having a threesome with two vaguely foreign ladies. That’s surprisingly hot and amusing. Mona is a sexy name when you think about it. Gigi sounds like a pigtailed obnoxiously perky type to the deeper bedroom voiced mature Mona… Mmm. Didn’t I just reply to your post about the personality vibes and how that didn’t do it for me? Female names and imagination do apparently. Lol) but whoa whoa I had a point somewhere in here before my mind scampered off… My Gigi still runs fantastically and keeps a great charge after 6 years and quite a few using while plugged in. This little part in my brain says unless they straight up give me a detailed explanation I just don’t fully buy it. The warning is so vague I am pretty sure I read it when I bought Gigi and then plugged it in for the first time and preceded to say hey it works and used it anyway. So… I don’t know. Make of that what you will.

  • AceDenise

    I know this is late but now you can also get the Loki, comes in black and blue and has all the same settings, intensities, motor as the Mona 2. I tested this extensively, I know, what a chore right? No need to settle for a shitty Mona Wave if you want black or blue, just get the Loki! Ah, my red Mona and blue Loki look sooo pretty sitting next to each other! Not up to Loki in my butt yet, but i can say it works just as well for my g-spot as Mona, the flare even provides a teensy bit of extra stimulation around my external labia/vulva. They make an excellent team also.