Jan 292014
 

Unique CondomJust as I am not a lube connoisseur, I am also not a condom connoisseur. I haven’t tried a ton of them and don’t feel strongly about any particular brand.

So when I was contacted by Unique Condom, I thought it would be best if I enlisted the help of friends, fellow bloggers, and brave souls who follow me on Twitter. Plus, it would create a sample size of humans that would be hard to discount. Yep — on this one, you can’t just blame my picky vagina (although I know how much you guys love my vagina).

The Unique Condom is a non-latex (synthetic polyethylene resin) condom that comes in a credit card sized package. It’s $7.99 for the 3-pack, or about $2.66 per condom, making it more expensive than most condoms but not quite as expensive as internal condoms. The Unique Condom claims to be thinner and stronger than a latex condom, with easier application due to its pull tabs (that are supposed to pop off once you finish unrolling).

One of my friends gave me their leftover Unique Condom to try, but it wouldn’t unroll — it was tangled in itself, and my boyfriend made this horrible yet sadly familiar wincing face as I attempted to apply it to his penis. I think fate was trying to tell me something. Also, the condom literally looks like a curled Q-tip wrapped in saran wrap. This does nothing to assuage my fears about effectiveness, which is not mentioned anywhere on Unique’s website.

But don’t let me sway you! The following people did much more thorough testing than I, and we are forever indebted to them and their heroism. Please enjoy, and for those keeping track on your scorecards…

People who enjoyed the condom: 25%

People who likened the condom to a plastic bag or saran wrap: 75%

People who used the word “crinkly”: 44%

People who complained that the pull tabs make it hard to apply when drunk: 13%

People who felt that the existence of this condom proved that the universe and/or a deity hates them: 13%

LET’S DO THIS.

Wyatt Riot (@fruitcakeriot)

Glob of vaseline on Unique Condom — photo by Wyatt RiottThe only thing I could think of when I saw the condom after I unrolled it (with their weird plastic-wrap-like tabs on the condom) was that there was a GLOB OF VASELINE on it! As if that was an adequate personal lubricant — I don’t want any petroleum jelly in my genitals, nor does my partner. Where did that leave us? NOT FUCKED. No thanks, UNIQUE CONDOMS.

[Note from Epiphora: I've been told that Unique will be swapping out the vaseline for silicone lube.]

Heather (@FiberistaFiles)

Unique Condoms are definitely different, if by “different” one means odd and awkward.

To begin with, the material they are made from, Synthetic Resin AT-10, is essentially plastic wrap. It sounds and feels exactly like the shrink wrap you have in your kitchen cupboards. Secondly, three condoms are packaged in a plastic harness with sticker pull tabs that are nearly impossible to get a hold of. Once you get the package open, there’s the condom, squished into the shape of a q-tip with pull tabs. It opens into a round shape easily, but then you have to use the tabs like the plastic pieces that cover the sticky parts of a band-aid. This requires coordination, lest the tabs’ shrink-wrappiness grab hold of any and all short hairs in the vicinity.

Which brings me to the last, and most salient point — Unique condoms completely deaden all sensation, for both partners. Not joking — neither I nor my husband could feel anything. We had to visually ascertain that we had even achieved penetration.

Lucas Brooks (@Top2Bottom)

First off, I want to say that putting on a condom has never been so fun. I dare say putting this thing on was almost as enjoyable as popping bubble wrap, and that’s something serious. I had concerns about how crinkly it was, but I found the condom to be perfectly fine in terms of comfort. The thinness wasn’t mindblowingly noticeable, but it felt good. It wasn’t until after I used it that I discovered it was lubricated with Vaseline, which for sex educators is a serious no-no (the human body doesn’t shed oil-based products when used internally, which can lead to infection.) This is a problem that can be easily remedied, however, and I hope Unique will consider a water- or silicone-based alternative.

Navigator (@FS_Navigator)

Unique Condom on Vixen Johnny — photo by NavigatorThe first one got stuck and wouldn’t go down past the head no matter what we tried. When we got the second one on, my partner looked semi-disgusted and said “oh my god, it feels like a sandwich bag.” Intercourse was attempted for about forty-five seconds before I was actually wincing and my partner stopped and said, “okay, I will do literally anything if you will just take this fucking thing off me.” The feeling was mutual.

This thing takes me back to my younger days when I covered my toys in saran wrap, and the scraped walls of my vagina are glad to be rid of it. It’s loose, nowhere near adequately lubricated, and… crinkly. To top the whole thing off, it’s also short, and won’t cover the last half inch of my partner’s equipment (6 1/2″).

Sarah at Marvelous-Darling.com (@marvydarling)

I have some choice words about these Unique Condoms.

Who seriously thought it was a good idea to manufacture condoms that apparently require a full page of illustrated instructions? I read the instructions, but I still was slightly puzzled and second guessing myself when I actually opened the package.

After reading the justifications for the shenanigans Unique Condoms was about to put me through, I was skeptical. First, there’s the thinness issue. It’s supposed to be exceptionally thin and “more sensitive than latex.” I hate that claim. Everyone makes that claim. Sure, it’s pretty thin, but it certainly did not enable us to get lost in the moment. It made crackling sounds inside my vagina. My vagina is not full of Pop Rocks, nor is it a festive Christmas fire over which I’m roasting chestnuts, so it really ought not crackle. Ever. It’s a little distracting, and caused such bad chafing that I had to throw in the towel.

When I made my partner pull out, he took one look at his Unique-clad penis and exclaimed, “It’s like a plastic bag!” Indeed, there was a visible seam running along the head, which was made more apparent by how much air had somehow entered the condom and puffed it up. Final verdict? Unique, yes, but not in a good way.

Everyone else who had to try this monstrosity has my sympathy. Maybe we should form a support group.

(Read Sarah’s more in-depth review here.)

Kara_Sutra (@Kara_Sutra)

What’s worse than having sex with crinkly dried out saran wrap fitted over a dick lubed with Vaseline? Having sex with a Unique condom.

In all my years using protection (17 to be exact) these were THE WORST condoms I’ve ever tried. Sure, the ‘pull tabs’ make putting them on quick but doing so in the dark, while intoxicated, was a futile attempt. If I didn’t know better I’d think the universe was punishing me for something.

Also, the pull tab concept is not ‘new'; Sensis did them way back in 2009, and way better. These tabs are like someone got a little crafty with plastic bags cut into strips, a label maker, and clear drying self adhesives. I swear there’s an Etsy for this shit.

All things considered, I get what they’re trying to do and I appreciate the effort, but I’d happily spend a little more (less in most cases) for non-latex condoms made by ANYBODY else. At $7.99 for 3, Unique just isn’t worth the time or hassle.

Amie (@verbioseAmie)

Unique Condom packaging — photo by AmieI (cis-female) arrived at my (cis-male) boyfriend’s house after returning from a short holiday interstate. Souvenirs were dispensed, clothes were removed, got down to business. We both squinted at the credit card-shaped package for a minute. Happily, it was easily applied by me, one who frequently struggles with foreskins and latex condoms. It lubed up fine, tasted of nothing.

Soon we were distracted, but when we’d finished, I asked him what he thought. “It was weird. But not ‘bad weird.’” Those were my thoughts too. Outside of me, it felt a little crinkly, like a mixture of cellophane and cling wrap. But inside my vagina, it felt fine: more like slightly wrinkled skin than the rubbery feel of latex.

Warning: Boyfriend didn’t pull out as soon as he came, contrary to the condom’s instructions. His penis was getting soft when he pulled out, and the condom slipped off more easily than a latex one would. Overall, for me, more pleasant than latex. For him, perhaps a little more sensation. We will use them again!

Alyssa (@alyssalene)

I liked the concept of this condom, but it missed the mark. We tested this condom during blowjobs, missionary, girl on top, and doggy style.

The positives: The condoms are tasteless, nearly odorless, stay put during vigorous intercourse, and contain semen very well. My partner reported that sensation was comparable to other condoms.

The negatives: Application is reminiscent of of that of a band-aid and cannot be easily accomplished in some common fucking circumstances, such as in the dark or while drunk. The pull tabs pissed me off with their unnecessary existence and the four resulting tinyclingysticky pieces of trash per condom. A thick circular seam around the reservoir hits the back of my throat and vulva uncomfortably and my partner reported reduced sensation in tip of the penis. Blowing this is like deep throating a ziploc bag. During vaginal sex, even with lots of Sliquid lube reapplied frequently, I was too distracted to be able to orgasm and was sore afterward. This condom will not be getting anywhere near my butt.

Overall, it is not comfortable to be fucked with this condom. The only sexy feature is the slick packaging design.

JoEllen Notte, The Redhead Bedhead (@bedheadtweeting)

I’ve been hearing everyone bitching about hating these and frankly I can’t relate at all — I freaking LOVE Unique condoms and so does my partner. Why? They feel like you aren’t using a condom at all. They kind of shrink wrap the penis (and according to my partner take a minute to warm up) so you really feel it rather than the condom. The strips made application super-easy (I have shaky hands) and pop right off. I adore these and want many, many more.

Notes:

  • They are different than other condoms so if your inclination is to look at anything different and immediate mock it and/or seethe with rage, these aren’t for you. You will have to be willing to, you know, try something new.
  • It is important to apply them to a DRY penis. We used one after an enthusiastic blow job and noticed it slipping down.
  • They do have vaseline on them. I used first them and read later. I’m not loving that fact. Seriously, why vaseline?
  • The website is terrible. Like, really bad.

Queeraschino Cherry (@Queeraschino)

Crunchwrap Supreme — photo by Queeraschino CherryIf you’ve said to yourself, “God, I wish I could shrink wrap my dick in Saran Wrap so me and my partner will not get off at all,” then blessed be this product. The ugliest fucking thing I’ve put in me since prom. And in case you like your awful sex with a side of burning infection, Unique comes coated in VASELINE. It’s bad enough the bike tassels that hang off the sides didn’t pull off the first time I used it. Oh yeah it also sounds crunchy. It’s like fucking a hard shell taco for 20 minutes.

Just what I need: a burning, shriveled, Crunchwrap Supreme of a condom, complete with little curly sideburns like an Orthodox Jew. When I see products like these, I can only wonder: Why does God hate us? Why?

Justin Alves (@Princelymatters)

The Unique condom was aptly named, it has a different application process than “traditional condoms,” using an applicator tab, or as they refer to it, a pull system. Since it’s made of synthetic resin the Unique condom was ultra thin and allowed for a lot of sensation. I will say that I actually found the condom to be a bit loud while being used, and there was definitely a bit of a learning curve with putting it on.

That being said, I do have two concerns about this product: how the condom is being applied and its lubricant. Since you are using both hands to pull the condom on you don’t have a free had to pinch the reservoir tip. This could lead to increased risk of the condom being ineffective since if/when there is ejaculation there is nowhere for it to go. The condom also comes lubricated with vaseline, which could make folks more susceptible to internal infections.

Overall, the Unique condom does what it set out to do: be a thin condom with a different application process. It’s definitely a great choice for anyone who has a latex allergy or someone who wants something they can safely carry in their wallet.

Elena Kate at RadSexPDX.com (@RadSexPDX)

So, here’s the thing. Once you get over the fact that the thing that is about to enter your body is shrink-wrapped like the tofu kielbasas in the back of your fridge, it’s not so bad. Once you get over the fact that it crinkles like the wrappers of those mysterious red candies your grammy used to give you, it’s not so bad. Once you’ve been treated for the yeast infection that the petroleum jelly lubricant gave you, it’s not so bad. Am I willing to go through ANY of those things for sex that is “not so bad”? Absolutely not.

Oh and by the way, the Unique Condom must be applied to a DRY penis, so say goodbye to foreplay, or at least keep a designated saliva/lube/vag juice washcloth by the bed for some sultry dick-wiping.

Septimus (@SeptimusReviews)

Unique Condom on Vixen Leo — photo by SeptimusOh, I wanted to like the Unique Condoms, I really did. My husband and I were both very impressed with how easy these things are to use. We didn’t bother to read the page of instructions that came with them, and still managed to figure out how they worked (in the heat of the moment no less).

Now while I have to applaud anyone who’s out there working on how to make having safe sex the easy and simple thing to do, I cannot endorse these condoms. They are just too damn crinkly. I’ve never really noticed a condom during sex before, but when we used the Unique Condoms it just felt like there was a plastic bag moving around inside me. Not really pleasant or even slightly romantic. And the size seems to be all wrong too. My husband’s an averagely endowed guy, and the condom was clearly too big on him. Even on my Vixen Leo, it’s pretty baggy.

So, while I love the concept, I hate the execution. Sorry Unique, but keep trying!

He@ArousedDuo (@ArousedDuo)

With a name like “Unique,” 2 pages of instructions, and hyperbolic claims about not being able to see or feel it, this condom had a lot to live up to. For me, it didn’t. Feel it? Oh yes. See it? Absolutely. Also, while it may be “so thin” it sure didn’t feel that way.

The good: the condoms are packaged in, essentially, a credit card and putting one on using the applicator strips was like watching a magic trick up-close. The bad: the condoms come with nuclear launch code-like instructions for putting them on, they felt “crinkly”, didn’t stretch (too small), were thicker than other thin condoms I test drove, and it’s likely (happened to me) that removing one condom will open the covering of the adjacent one. Kudos for making condoms easier to carry, but I personally wouldn’t buy any.

Girly Juice (@Girly_Juice)

Pulling on the condoms with the newfangled tabs has a slight learning curve, but it’s easy once you know how. As with most non-latex condoms, these are noisier than latex but also don’t have that awful balloon smell.

It really “seals to a dry penis” like the marketing copy says, which is good for heat transfer and sensitivity (more sensation than Kimono Microthin, not quite as much as Crown Skinless Skin) but becomes a problem at removal time: my partner found it painful to peel the condom off his penis after sex.

The crinkly material creates a texture that feels friction-y for me, no matter how much lube we use. About 5 minutes of penetration produces so much vaginal rug-burn that we have to stop. Maybe there’s a way to master a perfectly smooth application for friction-free sex, but if we couldn’t do it, I don’t think most people could.

Anonomyss (@Anonomysstake)

I appreciated the easy mode of application, and I feel like this is a new breed of condoms that accommodate for multiple different sizes of penises (specifically in terms of girth) that doesn’t sensationalize big penises, which is really exciting. The material itself was a little iffy, it kind of felt like that new and improved plastic wrap that Glad came out with like 10 years ago, by which I mean that the texture was a little rough. The condom hugged my penis snugly, and felt comfortable during use, except I never really got used to this new texture. I think if I continued use I would though. Either way, I enjoyed the condom and want this company to continue building on this idea and upgrading it.

———

What about you? Would you try this condom of the future? There’s a 75% chance it will feel like fucking a Crunchwrap Supreme and sound like Pop Rocks, but there’s also a 25% chance that you’ll love applying it and it won’t feel like much at all. Me, I’ve learned a thing or two about statistics over the years, and seeing as there is no information about the Unique Condom’s effectiveness save for a money-back guarantee, I’ll pass. $7.99 doesn’t exactly cover an abortion.

  • http://loraxofsex.com/ Lorax Of Sex

    Transcript of my reactions whilst reading this post:
    -*envisions the nopetopus*
    -CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME! YUSSSSSS!
    -Ohfuck Septimus has the best photo! Two of my favourite things, two horrid things. That so could easily be my life- O WAIT IT IS!
    -I love this post.
    -Good post. Best post.
    -GOOD SHARE!
    -Trufax pre-sex penis is so not a dry penis.
    -The vaseline on this shit is why I turned down the opportunity to test-drive these. Because just NO.
    -I love the last line. That is the best last line you have ever written, Piph. I want it on a shirt.

  • Bex

    I loved the idea of getting a ton of mini-reviews from every one on this, came out really cool. It’s too bad these suck so hard though, the packaging is kind of cool and means that you could actually carry your condoms around with you safely.
    On the other hand… the condoms you’re carrying don’t actually mention their effectiveness anywhere so maybe not so safe. Isn’t the effectiveness the sort of thing that condom companies are supposed to be bragging about?

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    I hate to be the rain on everyone’s “I’m the snarkiest”, “no I’m the snarkiest!” parade but I do have to jump in here. Yes, the vaseline was appalling. I used my words and wrote to the company about it. It’s going away. Beyond that I need to bring up the fact that I suspect the first time latex condoms happened in the world they took a lot of explaining (and yes, probably a page of instructions. FC2 has a whole freaking pamphlet and those are awesome) and people freaked the hell out. The fact that there’s so much “I opened it, it was different, that annoyed me so I half tried and now I’m yelling” going on here is a bit ridiculous.

    Now, my experience seems to be, ahem, unique in that I had no application problems whatsoever and used each one with ease but frankly reading some of these I can’t imagine what was going on in some of these application scenarios for it to go so very wrong. That said I guess it did. Beyond that the amount of “and the two I had leftover” I’ve heard just talking to some of you raises questions for me as well. So, you tried something brand new and completely different, couldn’t figure it out, gave up and blamed the product. Awesome.

    This whole thing got me thinking about the sentence that has been running through my head for a while now “as writers we owe everyone more than just standing by waiting for the chance to yell”

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    They don’t “suck so hard”. Seriously. I know I didn’t try to be as funny as the “I tried one of them and will now yell about hating them” people did, but I used all of mine and have ordered more. I love them. I did speak to the company about the vaseline thing- that why we know it’s changing.

  • Bex

    It’s good to hear that some people liked them, and it’s true you’re not the only one who had good things to say. I’m glad they’re changing the Vaseline thing, and it’s even better that they’re willing to change things based on what people think. They’re still pretty new too so hopefully they’ll create some other lines or something that incorporates the nifty design with a condom that is more appealing to a wider audience.

  • http://loraxofsex.com/ Lorax Of Sex

    So, the lack of FDA approval or information regarding clinical testing for effectiveness in preventing STI transmission and pregnancy (y’know- what condoms are there to do) doesn’t phase you? ’cause it sure does for me!

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    That’s the thing- they are super-new. It’s like how some people loved the old female condoms but most people will still bitch about how they were like plastic bags and so they changed them and now they work for a lot more people- I feel like that would be an awesome way for this to go… but it can’t do that if we snark-pummel the company out of existence.

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    That’s an issue everyone who reviewed them faced. That’s not unique to me. You were not comfortable with that so you opted not to review them, that was your choice. As we are evaluating the properties of the condoms as they were reviewed and I did review them I feel qualified to say they don’t “suck so hard” as a condom.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    I do want to point out that I actually saw very little social media talk between people about these. I think most people came to their conclusions independently.

    I totally understand the need to point out how much you loved them amid a sea of people who hated them. I just want to give people a little more credit.

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    Admittedly of this large group those conversations were with less than a third and were brief and, frankly, details of them may have changed since (I’m not in folks’ bedrooms.) It’s just frustrating because there is power in what we say and I feel like (whether I like the product or not) we want to be respectful of that.

  • http://noveltiestoymeetsgirl.com/ dizzygirl

    Yeah so, uhm… do they prevent STIs and pregnancy or are they novelties? And seriously, vaseline. That shows that whoever this is, did zero research.

  • leabee

    I don’t have any experience with this product myself, and I appreciate that you had a really good experience with them, but I’m not sure that inherently means everyone who didn’t is just trying to be edgy.

  • http://queeraschinocherry.com/ Queeraschino Cherry

    The differing opinions are soo important here though because not everyone will read “Crunchwrap Jew sideburns” and identify with that. Redhead’s perspective, I promise, will speak to the people my perspective didn’t.
    And this was just one of those products that didn’t work at all for some of us and were the fucking jam for others. It’s not like it was a melty jelly plug that is bad for everyone (and once the silicone lube shows up, Unique will be even more safe for lots of bodies). This is just one of those things that you’ve gotta say, “You loved this, so here’s the one I didn’t use.” And really, that’s how some of us have come into many of the products we’ve come to love.

  • http://www.ladycheeky.com/ Lady Cheeky/Elle Chase

    Hi Kids!

    I’m going to come clean here and now and let you know ahead of time you’re not going to like what I have to say, so if you’re sensitive or take your condom reviews super-seriously you might want to move along.

    I tried the Unique condom after JoEllen Notte told me about them. I was looking for a new kind of condom that might work better for people of size and/or people with reach problems (it has the potential to btw). I emailed the company and they sent me some right away.

    When my partner arrived one evening I told him I was going to try one on him later and he was game. When the time came to put the the Unique condom on his erect penis, sure his cock was a little moist, but a playful sensation filled “blow”(as in, “put your lips together and” …) accompanied by my own hand stroking got the rest of my spit off, and in a most enjoyable way, I might add.

    I too, did not read the instructions and found the condom to be obvious, intuitive and easy to put on and the pull tabs came right off as advertised. Before my partner entered me I felt his cock and indeed, it did feel shrink-wrapped. This actually made me feel better! Did it feel different than a traditional condom? Yes. Did he care? No. When he did penetrate me, I noticed a difference. It felt more like bare back sex than any other thin condom. When he came and pulled out, the Unique condom was STILL in-tact and shrink-wrapped to his penis and his semen was contained in and around the tip (no pinching required). As for how my partner liked it? He abso-fucking-lutely loved it.

    Now here is where you might want to stop reading if you take yourself too seriously.

    Vaseline? Yeah, that sucks and it was a bad idea, and guess what? When brought to the companies attention they made the change to lube right away. It’s not like they originally sold them dipped in lye … it was Vaseline … and they changed it out (as Epiphora pointed out in her note). The comments about it sounding “crinkly,” using any of the quippy euphemisms above? My reaction to that is “Yeah? And?” REALLY? The SOUND the condom makes is an issue for you? How about, was it strong? Has the material it’s made from been tested safe and hypoallergenic and if so can I see the results?” “Would this condom be great for certain people more than others?” Those are salient issues I would have liked to have seen considered.

    Might you ask yourself if perhaps user error has anything to do with the ear-bleeding sound of crinkly plastic after it’s applied? Because if that thing is put on correctly, there should be no crinkly sound. I heard no sound of evil crinkles in the many, many times I’ve used these condoms except when they come out of the package and you are applying them. If you’re com paining about it being crinkly out of the package then I say “who gives a fuckedy fuck? Are you afraid you’ll wake someone up?” And shouldn’t you be concentrating on more interesting things than the sound of the condom as it goes on a dick or dildo? Each time I’ve put this on my partner’s DRY penis I have had a consistent result. I’ve had no problem putting it on with the pull tabs, the pull tabs release at the base of his penis, the material clings to his penis well, it’s not only comfortable for him but the feeling is preferable, I don’t feel a thing in my particular vagina except what I should and removing it after he’s come is easy peasy.

    I love this condom and so does my partner and I don’t understand why all the unbalanced, snarky ire from most of you. Maybe, it’s because I’m older. Maybe it’s because when I tried the condom I just “tried the condom” and didn’t make myself hyper aware that I was testing a new product, maybe it’s because when someone gives me something new and innovative, I believe them and set aside any expectations I have so I don’t prejudice myself before I’ve tried it … or maybe it’s because testing something as important as a condom should be more about it’s efficacy and safety and less about an entertaining review and clever euphamisms.

    I know I’m going to get beat up for this, but I really think that with SOME, not all of you, that a pithy review that makes your colleagues laugh with you, was more important than giving a fair and balanced review. Let the games begin! And may the odds be forever in my favor! xo Elle

  • http://queeraschinocherry.com/ Queeraschino Cherry

    Ok, Septimus has the best photo of the actual product, but I have the best photographic representation of a joke, right?

  • http://www.ladycheeky.com/ Lady Cheeky/Elle Chase

    What Bedhead said.

  • http://loraxofsex.com/ Lorax Of Sex

    I’m more curious about this not in relation to reviewing, but in relation to your having ordered more of them. There’s a level of risk that I’m willing to undertake in a prototype testing phase of a product, but this seems like it’s past that and into the on-the-market phase (since they’re selling them and all), and the lack of information regarding the actual effectiveness is worrisome to me. Being as how STIs and pregnancy can be/are a big deal- that’s an aspect of these that I feel like is worth some attention. Regardless of whether the design works for an individual or not, whether they update their lube or not, that is THE point of the product and the lack of information and testing data with that regard makes me hesitant. Obviously- your body is yours and it’s your choice (and that of your partners). I’d personally just be hesitant to recommend a product of this type without that sort of information.

  • http://loraxofsex.com/ Lorax Of Sex

    Oh I don’t even care about the product being in Septimus’ photo. I’m just loving the rest of the items in that photo! And I have a guilty love of the Crunchwrap Supreme (even though they are never crunchy and mine aren’t ever supreme because there’s no dairy in my meatyfoodz). So yes all around. Now I want a burrito.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    I always assumed “Supreme” just meant “THE BEST.” But yeah, every time I see that photo I get hungry…

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    Ah, gotcha! “Ordered” is less than accurate because I want to wait until the lube changes (I was typing faster than I was thinking- I just read where I said that) I want more, I intend to make more happen in my life, but I am waiting on the new lube.

    I also did some reading on the testing- apparently they’ve been strength-tested in Canada and by the FDA. Right now I’ve used them with one partner exclusively and I have an IUD so my actual risks are minimal (but I still use barriers) and I would want all the facts before I took them out into the greater world. Also, by the looks of it, I may have been using them with the only dude who likes them so, who knows…

  • http://girlyjuice.tumblr.com/ Girly Juice

    Not loving the comments here about how people must be doing something wrong or being unnecessarily mean if they didn’t like the product.

    The POINT of sex toy reviews (and condom reviews, and lube reviews, etc.) is to express what YOU, as an individual, thought of a product – including the way that it interacted with your particular body, preferences, lifestyle, motor skills, whatever.

    I frankly find it a little shocking that people who review sex toys, and should therefore know what goes into writing such reviews, would basically say that anyone who doesn’t like the product is either using it wrong or being overly harsh. If I don’t like a product, I will say so. If I apparently can’t figure out how to use the product correctly despite reading the instructions and approaching the task thoughtfully, that’s not a problem with me, that’s a problem with the product and/or the instructions.

    Reviews are allowed to be critical. Sometimes products just don’t work for certain people. That’s okay. It happens.

  • http://www.ladycheeky.com/ Lady Cheeky/Elle Chase

    Girly, I agree what you said to some extent. Part of the point is to express what YOU think of the product. But are we doing anyone any good as reviewers or sex educators if we don’t consider how said product MIGHT work for another person or another body? I also like to take into account that what I say about my experience may affect the company that toy or product or company and so if I’m feeling negatively about something I ask the company to clarify. If they can’t clarify or won’t, that goes into the review. I had questions about the Unique and so I wrote the company … they wrote right back responding to the questions I had and the questions they didn’t have answers to, they promised to investigate and get back to me.

    Yes, sometimes products don’t work for certain people … that is totally valid, but if I’m reading a review I want to know more than if it worked for the reviewer, I also want to know about the product and how it could work for someone else. If I can’t even find that, I write a bad review. I’ve only done this with the Sqweel.

    I appreciate that you used the product faithfully, but to read a flurry of reviews that all have the same complaint, a complaint that I nor others that have used it have experienced, tends to make me think that some of the reviewers might have inadvertently applied it improperly in some way or another. This however, is also good to know, as many people will probably have the same thing happen to them. All I’m saying is that responsible reviews should be balanced, otherwise they are hard to take seriously and may prevent people who would actually benefit from the product, shy away from purchasing it.

  • http://girlyjuice.tumblr.com/ Girly Juice

    In a regular-length review, I’d generally include information to help other people decide if the product could work for them even if it didn’t work for me. But these reviews were meant to be short and succinct.

    There’s also enough opinions here that presumably a reader could get a sense of whether the product would work for them or not. I think that was the point of having so many small reviews: to give a diverse array of opinions on the product.

    The fact is, just because you didn’t personally encounter a problem doesn’t mean that problem doesn’t exist, and it’s very invalidating to claim that other reviewers must have screwed up somehow to have disliked the product.

  • http://www.ladycheeky.com/ Lady Cheeky/Elle Chase

    Yes, short and succinct. That doesn’t mean it can’t be balanced. You’re right, just because I (and others) didn’t experience a problem doesn’t mean that problem doesn’t exist. It also means that just because you you and others did, doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with it either. BOTH can be true and both should be represented in a short and succinct review.

  • http://girlyjuice.tumblr.com/ Girly Juice

    I actually don’t think that reviewers have an obligation to find potential “silver linings” in products that we dislike. Some reviewers do, but I don’t think we all have to.

    I did make an effort to keep my review balanced, but it’s hard to do that when a product caused me more pain than pleasure. And if the truth is that I disliked the product, I don’t think I’m obligated to say “But you might like it! Who knows!” I think that’s sugar-coating and it comes off as pretty wimpy. I think the reason Epiphora, for example, has become so popular is that she DOESN’T say stuff like that. She gives her honest opinion without cushioning it in “kindness.”

  • http://arollinthehay.com/ arollinthehay

    Vaseline and crinkle wrap. I don’t even know where to start.

  • http://www.ladycheeky.com/ Lady Cheeky/Elle Chase

    Well then we must agree to disagree. The point I’m making is that you can be honest AND be kind. And that if you are really so offended by a product and see no up side you SHOULD call it out. However, I think that should be the exception and not there rule. The reason Epiphora is so respected and popular is because she’s experienced, a good writer and although she may be tough and snarky, she is fair and straightforward. She will only go off on something when it really offends her like the Revel or the James Deen dildo. The attack on this particular product seemed more like a competition of who could write the most clever review and then degenerated into an attack on what sounded to be the most offensive product to ever be produced. Short and succinct … truthful and kind can all happen when that is a reviewers intention. I don’t think that some of these reviews had that intention It’s just my opinion. And with that, I am signing off, but not before I order all of you huge boxes of Unique condoms for Valentine’s Day.

    I kid. Why? Because I love.

  • http://www.mystrapon.net/ Pamela Pegwell

    Did these condoms remind anyone else of that Seinfeld episode where George uses those super cheap condoms in a saran wrap package?

  • http://karasutrareviews.com/ Kara_Sutra

    I used all three. AND HATED MYSELF FOR IT. They were not comfortable, the crinkling was distracting, the pull tab actually broke off one of them, and the Vaseline gave me a yeast infection. I shit you not, it was the Vaseline.

    This is not me trying to be “edgy’, this is me having an experience with a set of condoms that, a tube of Canesten later, really wish I hadn’t.

  • fagtastic

    I’m a little confused as to how so many people feel like everyone is trying to out snark one another. As a reviewer, I didn’t know who else was reviewing or know anything about the opinions they had. Mine was short because well, I didn’t want that in my body, nor did my partner. Kinda can’t do much more than that. If the company is changing the lube, why did they send us this version to try out? That seems like bad planning and like dizzygirl said, bad research on their part. Maybe I’d like it with a silicone lube. Maybe not. The fact of the matter is that we are all different people who like different things. While yes, our opinions can factor in a little bit of buying (or not buying) power depending on who we are/what we say/how we say it– at the end of the day people will buy what they want. Sex toy reviewers know darn well that toys can get SHIT REVIEWS from them but with the power of marketing — THEY SELL. These will likely sell just fine to the right market. I am grateful people gave their opinions in ways that they wanted. Be it funny, serious, or whatever — in the end — it’s just a condom.

  • Heaven

    Um from the sounds of it and reading thru most of these comments. These sound like a no go to use. I would not have them near my lady bits. I be one to get a yeast infection like someone else did. On top of that everyone has their own opinion about what works for them and what does not work for them. I always say in my reviews if it does not work for me does not mean it may not work for you. everyone is different and people have to remember that. I also like to read reviews where I see that from sex toy bloggers.

  • Lucas Brooks

    I feel the need to add that I used another Unique condom since submitting this review, with a bottom who has a latex allergy. He said that he found them to be more comfortable than other non-latex condoms he’s used. So there is an audience for these…even if it’s a smaller demographic.

  • Alyssa

    I laughed out loud when I saw how many similarities there were between reviews. I purposely did zero googling or talking with other people about this and my review was, in the end, still entirely unoriginal compared to these other reviews. What does that tell me? That my assessment was pretty accurate and the majority of consumers can expect a similar experience.

  • Alyssa

    Somehow the Vaseline as lubricant escaped me. I would have declined to put this in my vagina had I known. It didn’t cross my mind that it might be lubricated with Vaseline because… Who would ever think that was a good idea????

  • Alyssa

    I’m glad that this condom wasn’t universally hated. My problem wasn’t so much the crinkly sound as much as that to me, but that it felt every bit as crinkly as it sounded. It was physically uncomfortable and left me sore in the ladyparts afterward.

  • Navigator

    Wow, the vaseline bit never reached me. The packaging on mine said it was made with silicone lube, and it felt like silicone to me (that distinct slipperiness without gumming up). Maybe I got a later run? Either way, it didn’t impact my opinion too terribly much, because the material it was made from wasnt elastic and stretchy enough for my needs. It bunched up and scratched at my skin, which is a oretty definite dealbraker.

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  • Sincerely Yours, N

    I was actually looking for that as well…

  • http://ofsexandlove.com/ Adriana Ravenlust

    This is the one thing that gets me. Hopefully this is in the process of happening. Otherwise, what’s the fucking point?

  • Oddkin

    “It made crackling sounds inside my vagina. My vagina is not full of Pop Rocks, nor is it a festive Christmas fire over which I’m roasting chestnuts, so it really ought not crackle. Ever.”

    I misread that as cackling sounds. And was very amused.