Dec 072013
 

In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this toy, because I still don’t believe that someone would send this to me, ever, let alone for free…

The Sybian... and packing materials

But there it is. A Sybian. In all its hulking glory. Safe and sound, with the grotesque attachments neatly folded into a ziploc. It’s smaller than I imagined, but still quite a beast. It’s heavy, it’s loud, and the puny “handles” on the sides are laughable. I don’t know where I’m going to store it, and my boyfriend will never forgive me for acquiring yet another huge sex accessory.

Too bad. If someone offers you a Sybian, you say yes. This is law. You do not turn down a Sybian. Even a used Sybian from a stranger on the internet, and especially not after you look up the price of a Sybian. Right now it’s $1345. That’s not missing a decimal point. And that’s on sale. (For $150 extra, you can get a different cover in the color of your choice! For $195, a lifetime warranty! Lay-a-way plans available!)

I didn’t know what to think at first, when I received the email:

First off, love the blog! You are responsible for my new wonderful arsenal of sex toys.

So here’s my situation: Shortly before he died, my husband bought me a Sybian. We, I, used it a couple times but I just couldn’t get the hang of it. It’s been one year since my induction into the Wonderful World of Widowhood(tm) so I got it out from under the bed and tried it again. Ugh. Gave me the sads.

As you know, Sybians are ridiculously expensive. I don’t want to just throw it away. Would you know of anybody who would want the base and possibly attachments (I don’t know if the attachments can be sanitized)? Do you want it?

You’ve given me so much confidence in buying toys for myself since my husband died. Weird. I know. So this is my awkward offer of a Sybian to you.

It was so sweet, so sad, so sincere, yet nearly suspicious in its sincerity. At its core, this was a stranger on the internet offering me a used sex toy. With almost any other toy, I’d probably pass. But this is not just any toy. This might literally be my only chance ever to own a Sybian. If I said no, I could live to regret it. I can handle regrets about crucial life choices; regrets about sex toys — no.

In the next email, she explained that her husband had been a microbiologist, so she knew how to sanitize correctly. That was all I needed. I forked over my address.

This is about all I knew about the Sybian before receiving it:

So that’s basically what I did first. Except not in a cute dress while on live radio with Howard Stern. More like, in my fleece pajama pants, with the Sybian perched on a chair, grabbing weirdly at the chair arms. I didn’t bother putting on porn, so I spent about 8 minutes getting off to Lady Gaga’s “Swine.”

It was good. The orgasm was strong. Gotta say, using dials like the ones on the controller really makes you feel like a badass. I only had to turn it up about a third of the way. I was sweaty, though, and wished I had not kept my pants on.

Later in the day, I set out to use it with one of the insertable attachments. Which I realized COMPLETELY MATCHED MY NAIL POLISH IN AN EXTREMELY DISCONCERTING FASHION:

Sybian attachments and my nail polish

But I wasn’t sure whether to use a barrier on the attachment or not. According to the Sybian website, the attachments are made of a material called C-Flex:

C-Flex® is a family of patented thermoplastic elastomers which range in hardness from 5 shore A to 95 shore A. C-Flex® TPE’s are biocompatible polymer blends which meet or exceed the current United States Pharmacopoeia Class VI test requirements. C-Flex® does not contain latex rubber, polyvinyl chloride, silicone rubber, or polyurethane.

Since this tells me quite a bit of nothing, does anyone have any input? Some dude on Reddit thinks he knows how to adequately clean the attachments between partners (like, with serial killer meticulousness), but he’s a dude on Reddit. So I went old school for now and slathered the attachment in saran wrap. I turned on some porn, placed the Sybian on my exercise mat on the floor, added some lube, and awkwardly lowered myself onto it.

This time, I was able to turn on the rotation for the insertable portion. That wasn’t nearly as intense as the vibration — I was able to turn it to high pretty quickly. But I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY HANDS. If I sat up straight and laid them on my thighs, the attachment didn’t come into enough contact with my clit. If I leaned forward and put them on the floor, there was too much pressure on my clit. So I had to settle for pressing my palms into the edges of the Sybian itself.

I am so not used to humping things. It’s never been how I roll. So it was just strange, and I felt sort of disassociated, because I wasn’t doing much. The orgasm was decent, again, but my wrists hurt like hell afterward, and I think my excercise mat has permanent indentations from the corners of the Sybian. Not to mention there’s lube all over it.

Although the Sybian is clearly a chore, I am very honored to have inherited it — if even just for comparison and bragging purposes. Thank you, anonymous reader, for thinking of me as the recipient of your unwanted Sybian. I will take good care of it. In fact, I shall station it in my living room and cajole people into trying it when they come over, Howard Stern style. I figure it’s the right thing to do.


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  • http://noveltiestoymeetsgirl.com/ dizzygirl

    Incredible. So sad that she couldn’t bear to use it since her huband’s death. But I figure if anyone SHOULD own a Sybian, it should be you… if for no other purpose but to round out your collection.

  • http://www.dangerouslilly.com/ Dangerous Lilly

    From everything I’ve read during my research, TPE, no matter the “patent” and weird names, is still TPE – porous.

    Now, it’s not nearly as porous as of course cyberskin, rubber, jelly, pvc….but it’s still porous. Nadia West, who writes “Diary of a Kinky Librarian”, her master has one and they bring it to sex parties. I feel certain that I’ve read about them putting condoms on the attachments.
    I would. If it’s not pure silicone/stainless steel/glass/coated wood/hard plastic, I’d cover it.

    I would also consider the rest of the surface, the thing that holds the attachments and the leather, to be porous. I’d suggest getting some dental dams and condoms.

  • http://grumpybozo.tumblr.com/ Bill Cole

    On the attachments: C-Flex is a seriously not-cheap material almost entirely used in pharmaceutical applications (e.g. http://www.biopharm.saint-gobain.com/en/Products.asp?ID=17) As a TPE, it softens with enough heat but is chemically heat-stable and unlike some softer TPEs, C-Flex is autoclavable. Not able to withstand a self-cleaning oven like steel or glass, but made for repeated cycles of harsh detergent washing followed by extended periods in high-pressure 250F (121C) steam between uses for drug transport.

    IOW: shouldn’t be damaged by any lube, cleaning material, or cleaning method that isn’t fundamentally unsafe for the user and won’t exude anything in quantities you wouldn’t be safe pumping into major veins indefinitely.

  • http://grumpybozo.tumblr.com/ Bill Cole

    TPE isn’t one thing, it is a broad functional class of materials with a useful but contradictory set of physical properties that usually are achieved by blending distinct chemical components. TPEs range from polystyrene and polyurethane brews you wouldn’t want to put hot food in (yet people do) to complex materials used in space vehicles and permanent medical implants. It refers to any material that is both made workable by heating (thermoplastic) and is rubber-like (elastic) at ambient (or intended use) temperature. Some silicones used in sex toys may be TPEs, but I expect most are not.

    Whether an object that is made of some TPE is porous is a function of its specific composition and how it is molded. I haven’t looked at C-Flex’s technical details and can’t begin to guess how Sybian molds it, but it is one of many new-ish TPEs that are used in biomed applications instead of older materials (including other TPEs & some silicones) because they are biologically and chemically more inert and impermeable.

    Conversely, a toy generically labeled as being made of “TPE” rather than of a specifically named material (such as a patented brand and/or a chemically specific class of TPE) strikes me as quite untrustworthy. In addition to there being specific TPEs and crafting methods that are inherently more friendly to biohazards and harder to clean than one would want in a toy, there are TPEs that are intrinsically unsafe for warm wet skin contact because they leech out rather nasty stuff.

  • Bean Fiddler

    Congrats on your new acquisition. It’s truly wonderful that you were able to give Ms. Anonymous the gift of reclaiming her sexuality, something I understand can be quite a challenge after the death of a spouse. Not to get all mushy, but her offering the Sybian to you not only makes you one of the luckiest reviewers, but is a testament to what you and your blog offer to the many Ms. and Mr. Anonymous’ out there. It’s a well-deserved reward.

    As far as the attachments go, I would contact the makers of the Sybian for additional info about C-Flex. If they provide you with info you feel is trustworthy, that may help you make a more informed decision.

    In the meantime, though Bill Cole apparently knows quite a bit about the making of TPE, I agree with Lily regarding the use of condoms and dental dams (or saran wrap).

    Perhaps you could put it up on a shelf with one of the larger attachments and encourage those who don’t want to try it to use it as a hat rack.

  • Darcy

    Might you consider plunking The Beast on the floor for stability? Can’t fall off the floor and no awkward chair arm gripping. Perhaps you can bring a sturdy chair up so you can rest your arms on it (maybe rest your head on your arms)?

    Dunno, just brainstorming.

    Jealous! (btw)

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    That’s where I put it for the second test, on my exercise mat. It’s just a lot of work to lug a chair over as well!

  • Darcy

    I thought that was a strange piece of Jenga construction: chair, mat, Sybian, and you. Didn’t understand the “why” of the mat, but who am I to judge?

    :_)

    OK – on to possible solutions:
    Ask the testosterone side of your relationship to heft it for you and put it in front of the chair on the day you want to re-review it?
    Ask the testosterone side to move the chair?
    Find a lighter chair?
    Find a different piece of furniture – a little Rubbermaid stepstool? A sturdy box?
    God, the gymnastics you go through for us!

  • Pingback: Reviewing A Used Sybian – ErosBlog: The Sex Blog()

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    In the second test it was on the floor on my exercise mat. Because I have hardwood floors, and it will rattle them, plus hurt my knees.

  • Ashes

    So unbelievably jealous!

  • Joan Price

    Wow, I’m envious! But if anyone deserves a Sybian, it’s you! Thanks for sharing the experience in true Epiphora fashion! Reading you is always a delight.

  • Susi El

    I envy you so much at the moment…

    About the hands problem: a friend of mine had a sybian with a small leather stool that a partner could sit on… that was great to lean forwards. What I also liked was putting the sybian beside a couch and just lean on the couch while using it.

  • http://www.naughtynuala.com nuala macmoragh

    Hell no, you don’t turn down a Sybian! And yay, Epiphora hand porn! My only concern with something like this is that I’ve never learned to cum with my knees bent. They don’t have to be locked and totally straight, but kneeling or even sitting upright won’t work.Great info on the C-Flex and TPE in general, from Bill Cole, too.

  • elwood2000

    Sybian a chore? Try lying on your back, tilting the sybian at an angle, resting it comfortably against all the right spots, insert as desired, control as desired, and there you have it! As the insert rotates, the whole sybian itself moves slightly, side to side…it’s an unforgettable experience.

  • gardenlobster

    TPE is indeed porous, so it’s best to use condoms until you can replace the attachments. Also, when are we going to see your nails sporting Jamberry’s?

  • http://karasutrareviews.com/ Kara_Sutra

    Apparently I need to visit your living room. I think we could make Howard Stern proud. …that was not meant to sound creepy.

  • SilentAJ

    Autoclavable – read: carefully monitored pressure cooker. Excellent tip from my sounding class at a kink con this year.
    (Not saying you don’t know that, but Viewers At Home may not.)

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    I fear I won’t be able to see the porn at all at that angle, but I am intrigued.

  • elwood2000

    You won’t need to!

  • elwood2000

    I’m betting you will be more than intrigued… and you probably won’t need to worry about the porn. Just a guess.

  • heatherbat

    i also vote chair in front of it to lean on, so you’re not having to lean on the floor or against the sybian itself. yeah, that involves a lot of setup, but it seems like the payoff would be worth it?

  • Anna

    SO jealous! Riding and grinding has *always* been my thing. I’d love a sybian, since it’s so difficult for me to find toys that are grindable like that. You’re a lucky, lucky woman!

  • M

    Order a gallon of Sporicidin from Amazon.com. It is hospital grade and it guarantees to kill 100% of all bacteria, viruses such as Herpes 1 & 2, HIV, and a host of other infectious diseases that could be passed through contact with body fluids. It just has to be sprayed on wet and left on for 10 minutes then wipe dry.

    It has a fresh scent smell and is safe on vinyl, rubber, and any other non porous item all of which the Sybian and the attachments will be completely disinfected, sanitized and freshen that youwill have no cause to worry at all.

    It is about $30 dollars a gallon which should last a long time depending on your use on the Sybian. Now you can use the Sybian and the attachments and disinfect them in minutes for another woman to use right afterwards with peace of mind. Of course also you can use a condom and Glad Wrap as a barrier for an extra peace of mind too.

    This is the only thing I use my Sybian to disinfect it and the attachments and it does just what it should.

  • Sybian Sexpert

    What an awesome gift! Glad to read you’ve been having fun with the Sybian. It’s definitely a different experience than most toys out there since you mount it vs. lying in bed, the shower, etc.

    I know we recommend cleaning the attachments using toy cleansers you would use for the other goodies in your stash, but for safety’s sake when sharing with friends, condoms are definitely an option during use. In addition to cleaning the attachments with toy cleanser between various users, you can also follow the instructions on the back of bleach bottles for cleaning children’s toys. (Of course this is dependent on your feelings towards bleach and the body.) I’ve used CaviCide to clean my attachments which I love since it’s “effective against TB, HBV, HCV, viruses (hydrophilic and lipophilic), bacteria (including MRSA and VRE) and fungi.”

    With regards to getting comfortable on your machine and getting the right clitoral stimulation, obviously not all genitalia is built the same so we have to modify the machine a bit sometimes to make sure you are getting what you need. It looks like you have a Sybian with the velcro on the black contact piece. Have you tried the little black slippers that fit on the contact piece and adjust the height of where the attachments are meeting your clitoris? They can make a world of difference. If you are still not getting the needed height for your body, we can always custom-make a piece here at Abco Research.

    Did your reader that gifted the Sybian to you include the manual? If not, I’d be happy to send one out to you. We want to make sure you’ve got all the info and tools you need to truly get the most out of your Sybian rides! :)

    Love reading your reviews. Thanks for all the amazing and honest work you do. Your voice is so important to the community.

  • David Busi

    I just took delivery of one as a present for my Wife. I ordered the flat top attachment with the idea that with this particular attachment that I could enter her doggy style while she leaned forward a bit and rode it (and me…). Well on receiving the flat top attachment there was a note enclosed which made specific mention of using it exactly as I had imagined. Minds that think alike it seems. I am waiting for this weekend when we have and take extra time to make love and when I can watch a tasteful video with my Wife which shows a woman using it then I will bring it out and place it on our bed within reach of the headboard and the pillows. I so want to do her while she rides it but I will wait to do so and of course once she has gotten comfortable with the two flat top attachments will give her the insert attachments so she can try the rotation with the vibration. I really want her to enjoy it and I want to take things slowly.