Dec 032013
 

Hitachi Magic Wand OriginalI finally get the Hitachi.

I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a place of understanding with the bumbling, imprecise beast that is the Hitachi Magic Wand. Perhaps that is how it was meant to be.

But there should be laws forbidding newbie reviewers from trying it. I received my first one a mere month after launching my blog, and I ended my almost-entirely-useless review with, “I know eventually I will sing your praises just as everyone else has. I just need time.”

Swayed, for sure, by the guise of sugarcoating, it was a sentence that, five years later — and thankfully for my reputation as a person who does not lie — has proven to be true.

Some backstory, first, on why I’m re-reviewing it. It’s now called the Magic Wand Original, because Hitachi had the most delayed reaction in the history of the planet, realizing ~11,000 days too late that people were using their “back massager” for NETHER REGIONS. Appalled that people would find pleasure in their objects rather than using them to bulldoze trees, Hitachi approached their massager’s distributor, Vibratex (a sex toy company…), and attempted to pull the toy from the market.

Vibratex said “no, fuck you,” renamed it the Magic Wand Original, updated it in a few small ways, took those poor achey ladies off its box, and yelled “THE MAGIC WAND WILL NEVER DIE!!!” from a mountaintop.

Paraphrasing.

So Hitachi is still manufacturing it, and without scrutiny, you can’t tell it’s an updated version at all. Your beloved oddly-textured head, blue neck, silver stripe… they’re all still there.1 The cord isn’t any longer, which is a shame. The 6 feet work perfectly for my jacking-off-at-my-desk set-up, but will still be a dilemma for people who masturbate upon tall beds or away from outlets. (I just pictured someone going to a coffee shop to use their Hitachi. For the outlets.)

Who knew he was such a big Hitachi fan?Under the hood, though, there is updated circuitry, more sturdy internal construction, a lighter body (barely — by just 1.3 ounces), and… well, remember how they were like “it’s even more powerful!!!” and we were all like yeah, right? Well, it ACTUALLY IS. Which… may or may not be a good thing? But it is stronger… buzzier… and louder.

The new “low” is situated somewhere between low and high on the old Magic Wand. Which, if you had asked Epiphora from 2008, would have been a maximum vulva itch inducer. But no, not today. In less than a minute, I christened it with its first orgasm — and began questioning why I’d let my first Hitachi gather dust.

As I figured out, the secret to the Hitachi is knowing when and how to use the Hitachi. Like when your partner’s on a quick beer run and you want to get ‘er done before they get back. Or when your friend is on her way to pick you up so you decide to have an orgasm through your pants. And then another. And another. Because she’s stuck in traffic and it starts to become like a fun game. I think I achieved four. With this toy, for me, orgasms beget orgasms.

Reasons to use the Hitachi Magic Wand:

  • you’re wearing underwear and don’t want to remove it
  • you’re wearing pants and don’t want to remove those
  • you don’t want to have to clean something2
  • you don’t want to fuck around and would please like an orgasm in <2 minutes, thank you
  • you don’t need to particularly hear anything important for the next 2 minutes
  • you don’t particularly need your vulva to be fully responsive in the next 30 minutes
  • you want the BIG GUNS for a finale orgasm
  • you just finished a leisurely masturbation session and put on your underwear, but then you spy the Magic Wand and think, maybe one more…

So that’s how it goes. I don’t take off my underwear, and sometimes even my pants, because putting the toy directly on my genitals is too much. I hold the toy diagonally, so that the head touches the side of my clit that I prefer and not my entire fucking vulva. I pretty much never use the high setting. Most importantly, I re-position it a lot. This is key, I think, to preventing numbness.

Now, I can see why people become addicted to this toy. The orgasms are strong and deep — and disgustingly easy. I’ve been eschewing my usual drawn-out, dildo-filled masturbation sessions for bonding time with the Hitachi.

But I still bristle like a porcupine when the internet suggests the Hitachi as The Perfect First Toy™. It is not. As I can attest, it is more of of an advanced sex toy than anything else. One cannot be led to believe that the Hitachi represents what vibrators are, because it is the anomaly. A massive, loud, whirring anomaly — more akin to a power tool than a sex toy.

The minor improvements in this new version are nothing to flail over. Don’t replace your Hitachi that’s still chugging along. But don’t be afraid to get a new one when it bites the dust, either.

Is it an essential? Only if you need really strong vibrations, or quick and dirty orgasms. For a lot of purposes, the Wahl and Mystic Wand are better. The feminist in me, though, kind of loves the idea of jacking off with something that our foremothers used and beloved — and that will always be the Hitachi Magic Wand.

Get the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original at GoodVibes.
They also have attachments (like the Deluxe G-Spotter) to trick it out.

good-vibes-magic-wand-banner

  1. Sure, this could’ve been an opportunity to make the the toy look not like something your grandma would use, but it would’ve been the wrong thing to do. []
  2. I will freely admit my slobbishness and say that this one definitely contributes a LOT to how often I use my Hitachi. []
  • thelesserunknown

    How would one characterize the difference between Wahl and Magic Wand vibrations? I haven’t been able to compare them side-by-side as I have no Magic Wand, and I don’t see a bristling, rampaging need to go out and get a Wand when I already have a perfectly good Wahl that works.

  • Heaven

    I still enjoy going back to my Hitachi for a quickie as well. It is much easier to get away with then reaching for something else.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    The first setting of the Wahl is pretty buzzy, and a lot less intense than anything the Hitachi does — but still stronger than a lot of vibrators. I prefer it directly on my clit, with no barriers.

    The second setting of the Wahl is deep and rumbly — rumblier than anything the Hitachi does. Comparatively, the Hitachi is MUCH buzzier. Measuring strength is difficult in this case because the vibrations are so different, but most people would say the Hitachi is “stronger.”

    Then, of course, there’s the issue of size. The attachment I use on my Wahl is the pinpoint gum drop shaped one, which I nuzzle right up against my clit. By comparison, the Hitachi’s head is enormous. (But that is also why it works so well through pants and underwear.)

    If you don’t have a bristling, rampaging need to get a Hitachi, then yeah, stick with the Wahl. But I definitely think the Hitachi is good to have around.

  • thelesserunknown

    Thank you for elaborating! That’s exactly what I needed to know. The Wahl’s rumbliness is probably the only reason it works for me; it feels like it hits my resonant frequency or something. I use the general body massage attachment, the trumpet-bell-shaped one, against the pubic bone, but I suspect this is another of my idiosyncrasies. When I start reviewing, I may end up creating a guide/disclaimer to the effect of “What My Body Likes (And Yours Might Hate)” after seeing all the rave reviews of vibrators that just leave me mystified.

  • http://noveltiestoymeetsgirl.com/ dizzygirl

    Before I beat the anorgasmia, I used the Hitachi and it could kind of sometimes get me off but more often than not, it just made me numb. It collects dust now because I have all kinds of better ways of getting off now.

    I’m glad you can appreciate it better now than before.

  • Sexualscientist

    Have you tried it with the Magic Wand (alternatively labeled as Wand Essentials) speed controller? It is basically the same model as the Harbor Freight router speed controller, just at a higher price.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Not yet.

  • Catherine

    I always enjoy your posts, but whether it’s just my current mood or you on fire, but I laughed out loud a few times on this one. So much so that I’m commenting when I rarely ever do…and certainly not from my work computer (originally read in the RSS email but came here to post). Awesome, keep it up!

  • Catherine

    Bah! I hate when I see grammar mistakes too late.

  • http://www.naughtynuala.com nuala macmoragh

    I got one for a girlfriend who loved hers (hey, it’s a pain to schlep a hitachi back and forth for overnights!), and I found that it’s generally too much, but I do find the dubious “silicone” flutter attachement on Amazon to be fun, can only deal with “low,” and it works when all else fails, or like you said, I want to bang one out quickly, Also, on your period, through a kotex, when you don’t want to make a big fucking bloody mess. Just sayin’.

  • http://rollinthehay.blogspot.com/ rollinginthehay

    I may or may not be on my 3rd Magic Wand, after using the first two to the point that I wore out the components. I ADMIT NOTHING.

    Although it’s probably my most used toy because it definitely does give easy orgasms and I don’t have to worry about it dying in the middle of a session, I both love and hate it. It’s big and gets in the way at times. Other times, that size is an asset. I love and hate and love and hate it.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Also, on your period, through a kotex, when you don’t want to make a big fucking bloody mess.

    So true.

    I find that the Flutter attachment is way way too much on the Hitachi, but good on the LELO Smart Wand large.

  • Joan Price

    Yet again, I laughed with pleasure through your review. Part of my pleasure was reading that you have, indeed, discovered why we all raved about this magical Magic Wand. Give it another few decades, and you won’t even want the cushioning fabric between you and your Wand — and you’ll be using it on High. (Anything else you want to know about aging? My sex life is an open book — two of them, actually.)

    If you want to diffuse the turbo power a bit, try the Pop Tops — I’ll be reviewing them this month on my blog.

  • Kirby

    I’m a big fan of my Hitachi Magic Wand, and you’re absolutely right that it serves a relatively specific purpose – fast orgasms. The first time I ever used my Hitachi Magic Wand, I came in literally seconds and lay there astounded. I use it now when I want to “pop off a quick one,” as I would say. Or if I want more than one orgasm because I’m usually a one-and-done girl.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    The Pop Tops are a great idea, and might actually make using the Hitachi on bare skin bearable!

  • http://karasutrareviews.com/ Kara_Sutra

    Although I’ve rarely used the high setting it’s great when you’ve had a lot to drink, are horny as f*ck, and just can’t get off.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    GREAT POINT! Brute strength.

  • Stabbin Robots

    You know, when I first got mine, I couldn’t use it. At all.
    Then I found using it in the general vicinity of my clit worked (like, a good four inches away from it, seriously)
    Now, when I use it, I squirt. Shocking. Off-putting. But awesome.

  • http://loraxofsex.com/ Lorax Of Sex

    I hate how this has somehow come to be known as the “cadillac” of sextoys. Uhh, look at the magic wand and then look at a cadillac. Yeah no. It’s more like the Geo Metro of sextoys. Ugly, but does what it needs to do, does it well, and lasts for fucking ever.

    I get customers at work who see it and ask “so, this is the best thing ever eh?” or some version of that, and I have to be all “well…” Beause sure- it’s the most ubiquitous, but it’s not for everyone. I too only recently came ’round to it myself, and I still prefer my SmartWand over it (which I know is another of our seemingly infamous agree-to-disagree moments).

    I’m kinda annoyed that in the revamp they didn’t bother to give it a silicone head. That, to me, seems like the biggest downfall of all. Then again, Vibratex has a weird history of revamping toys to improve the materials but not going all the way. Sure, elastomer rabbits are better than PVC, but just barely.

  • http://hopefiending.wordpress.com/ Britni

    You literally just described my masturbation style. I do not take off my pants. I do not want to invest longer than 2 minutes in achieving each orgasm. I hate cleaning sex toys. It is for this reason that the only two toys I’ve truly ever loved for masturbation have been the Magic Wand and the Wahl.

  • Caitlin @ No secrets

    hmm.. you give me an idea on what should I buy for my self this Christmas and I think I need to change my old vibrator too. :) nosecrets.onsugar.com/

  • tonyinabag

    i also have heard good things about taking a tenga egg and flipping it inside-out and putting that over the hitachi head.

  • Tuesday

    I’m glad to hear you’re finally enjoying the Magic Wand. It was my first and only toy for 25 years.

    You say this version has buzzier vibrations than the previous Magic Wand. Too bad you can’t try the version I bought so many years ago. When it finally died after 30 years, I bought another one, but it is buzzier than my first one. It’s too bad they keep moving in that direction.

    I love your idea of using it with your pants on. I’ll have to try that although I don’t have much chance to use it anymore. My son, his gf and the grandkid moved back home so I’m restricted to quiet toys.

  • fatfox

    What is invaluable is that I take medication that makes my genitals 99% unresponsive to stimuli. My brain still gets sexy but my nether regions give a gratuitous yawn. I can either charlie horse my arm (chronic pain sucks y’all!) Trying to get shit done the old fashion way or bust out the Hitachi and have a great orgasm in a few minutes. I know its strong for some folks and not on meds I whole heartedly agree that it can overwhelm. However I am greatful for this power tool now days.

  • dougom

    Based on my and my partner’s experience with the Hitachi, I have to say basically everything about this is absolutely spot-on. If you use this device as a beginner, I think you’ll be disappointed. But as an added item in your quiver of tools, it’s excellent. If only there were a male equivalent that could give me a non-messy orgasm through my jeans . . .

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  • Klavia Anya Harkov

    Hi Epiphora,

    How does the Hitachi Magic Wand compare to the Bodywand? I really love my rechargeable Bodywand, but I’m so curious about the Hitachi Magic Wand …. do you think it would be too similar to what I already own to justify the purchase??

    Thanks :)

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  • xteec3

    I’ve pined after this toy for years but never decided to take the plunge and buy it. Surprisingly enough my boyfriend took the plunge for me and purchased it for me. I got it in the mail today and I almost feel like a virgin all over again. But I guess in essence I am. He purchased a gspot attchement to go with it. I’ve been chasing after a gspot orgasm for years and I can proudly say I finally had multiple gspot orgasms with this thing! Why did I put off buying one for so long?! I was surprised how fast this makes me cum internally. I love my Magic Wand. It’s time to just toss all of my other toys and marry this one. To be honest all of my other ones are shit anyways.

  • KJ

    I <3 mine so much, but oh boy does using a lamp dimmer (which cost me all of $10) make such a big difference. Being able to fine tune how much of that beast gets let out at any given time makes it a toy I pick up again and again and again. Also, it's great for partner sex, when I'm not able to get something directly on my clit, but still want the vibrations.

  • Elle C

    I cannot use this for more than 30 seconds without having shaking orgasms. What a pussy. GOOD LORD THIS THING IS AWESOME (and loud but more awesome).