Apr 242013
 

[Wondering what I think of the other toys, Zwei and Drei, in the Stronic line?]

Stronic Eins and the best ever tea towel from a friend.There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a YouTube trailer filled with innuendo and no actual facts, a video of people racing the toys across a table, and a side-eye-inducing claim that 87% of women prefer them over vibrators.

Listen, bub, you’re not gonna usurp vibrators in one fell swoop. You’re just not. But if anyone should be screaming “revolutionary!!!”, you know, for once, Fun Factory has actually earned it. The Stronic Eins feels nothing like any sex toy I’ve ever touched or put in my vagina.

Where vibrators have a rotational motor, the Stronic Eins is hollow-bodied and equipped with a solid metal weight that moves back and forth inside it.1 The movement reminds everyone of a Shake Weight. As another reviewer put it, the Stronic Eins “shudders like me seeing a jelly toy.” Prior to trying the toy, I declared, “the way this thing writhes, it’s either going to be awesome — or a complete disaster.”

Well, fuck. It’s awesome.

Other toys have vibrated, oscillated, flapped, jackhammered, clampedflickered, pinched, rolled around, and electroshocked, but the Stronic Eins (which Fun Factory calls a “pulsator”) is the first to use an internal weight to simulate thrusting. Previous “thrusting” toys have been either fucking machines, frankenstein dildo-holders, or rabbits made of dubious materials with shafts that physically jut out and retreat. The Stronic Eins moves to and fro, but not by extending a part of itself. Also, it doesn’t look fucking stupid. That helps.

The Stronic Eins does not normally come with a storage bag, which is pretty shit-tay for a $200 toy, so SheVibe includes a Sugar Sak with every one. It charges for a very long time — up to 16 hours — but holds a charge well. I’ve only had to re-charge mine once2 because it seemed like it was beginning to lose steam… and I’ve used it a lot.

Other stuff: the Stronic Eins is waterproof; it can be locked for travel; its three buttons (on/off, + and -) are hard as marbles, pleasing to the touch, and they light up. Yes, good.

The silicone shaft is about 6″ long, but I doubt most people would insert more than 5″. The shaft is 1.5″ in diameter at the part that’ll actually be inside you, and 1.83″ at the nub part. As I always say, Fun Factory’s silicone sucks. It’s too matte, too draggy, and this particular toy has a faint grainy texture to it. I suggest lubing the shit out of it, as it must move freely to succeed.

This is probably the only sex toy I’ve ever used that is actually worthy of the buzzphrase “whisper quiet.” Another reviewer described it as the sound of a distant helicopter, which is about right; I like to pretend I’m on Lost and a Dharma food drop is coming (peanut buttah!).

The Stronic Eins has 10 modes, described uselessly by the manual with names like “Dirty Dancing,” “Roller Ball,” and “Vienna Waltz.” It starts on the fourth setting, “perfect start,” and from there you can hit the minus button to go down into the “algorithmic” modes, or the plus button to go into “constant” and then “dynamic” modes. No, I have no idea why this is how it works.

Normally, I wouldn’t give a single fuck about a toy shaped like this one. Its pathetic little curve and slight nub seem to say “let’s not commit too strongly to G-spot or clitoral stimulation here.” Some Fun Factory documentation will claim, distressingly yet expectedly, that the nub is a clitoral stimulator — but it gets nowhere near my clit. And I’m glad, because pulsations like this aren’t stimulating enough clitorally. At all.

But apparently an extreme G-spotting curve is not necessary when a toy wiggles like this, because as it turns out, the Stronic Eins hits my G-spot absurdly well.

Reviewers pretty universally agree that the Stronic Eins is weird when you first try it. It takes some adjustment for people like us, who are used to death-gripping our insertables, because the tighter the Stronic Eins is held, the less stimulation you’ll feel. The trick is to hold it as loosely as possible without it escaping.

And that’s what I was worried about: that this toy would want to jump out of my hand like a rocket launching. It will slide out if there’s nothing stopping it, but stopping it is not nearly as difficult as I anticipated. I usually hold out one or two of my fingers for it to bump against. Yes, this is kind-of a pain in the ass, and it does make me wish my arms were longer, but I can deal because it does the rest of the work for me.

If you’re highly motivated to be even lazier, you can even brace it against something else, like a pillow, to go hands-free. This actually does work, contrary to how failtastic it sounds.

There’s a lot to explore within the 10 modes. The “algorithmic” modes consist of jerky, punchy pulses; I like “Rattle” because it’s the fastest and feels like it’s manipulating my G-spot. The movement becomes more fluid through the “constant” modes, where the inner weight isn’t felt as easily; my favorite is “Quicky” (once I reach “Roller Ball,” the thrusting is so fast that it begins to feel mundane, like vibrations).

The “dynamic” modes are the most unusual. “Vienna Waltz,” too much of a tease for me, is a quick shiver followed by increasingly slower, weaker, and more drawn-out thrusts. “Rumba” features pulses that become increasingly faster, stronger, and closer together; it is one of the best.

In any mode, though, the Stronic Eins does fucking wonders for my G-spot. My G-spot is notoriously easy to stimulate, yes, but the sensation is so unique and awesome. The thuddy throbs, the back and forth movement… it just strokes my G-spot so consistently. Most toys are not consistent because, you know, I’m behind the wheel. And I’m not a machine.

To be quite honest, there’ve been times I’ve been using traditional dildos and yearned for the Stronic Eins. It’s just such a quick, fulfilling toy. It’s so lazy, and I LOVE IT. Not just because it is lazy, but because it is highly stimulating. I am constantly coming too soon when using this toy3. It is a problem, and also a sign. A sign that this toy actually lives up to the hype.

And unlike with other moving toys, like rabbits with rotating beads, I can clench my PC muscles around the Stronic Eins without stopping its movement. I am highly particular about clenching around toys, both as I use them and as I orgasm, so this is awesome. I actually relax my PC muscles most of the time when using the Stronic Eins, but I do clench when I orgasm, and am relieved to find that the toy does not resist me.

Inevitably, comparisons to penetrative sex (oh, sorry, lovemaking) will be made, so here’s the T. I don’t know if you know this, but penises do not contain weights that move back and forth. I also believe they are attached to humans, who tend to be unpredictable. Still, this is the closest a toy has ever come to mimicking sex for me — especially “Rumba” mode, with its increasingly fast pulses, which are reminiscent of when I’m about to come during sex and I command my boyfriend to thrust faster and harder.

The Stronic Eins doesn’t really slide in and out, though, and it has nowhere near the power of a particularly driven penis, i.e. it cannot slam into me like a cock can. That is one of my grievances — that it does not fuck my brains out even more.

My other grievance is that $200 is a lot of money. I suppress a cringe when I have to say, out loud, “it’s 200 bucks.” But at the same time, there is literally nothing else on the market like this. And fucking machines cost a lot more. Like $500-1,500, with most over a grand. The Stronic Eins is like a fucking machine minus the space consumption, the grody attachments, and 800 bucks.

That doesn’t erase the fact that $200 is more than most people can muster, though. So here are my suggestions.

Number one, you gotta like thrusting. If you’re the kind of person who’d pick this up in a sex shop, feel the movement, and grimace — it’s not for you. If, however, you’d slowly nod your head in understanding, a smile creeping up your lips… then yes. Put it on your wishlist.

Number two, if you have not become BFFs with your G-spot or internal vaginal stimulation, it’s possible the Stronic Eins would just feel like weirdness. But I also know someone who squirted for the first time using this toy, so it’s hard to say.

Number three, the Stronic Eins is not a first toy. It’s not even a second or third toy. It’s a fifth or sixth toy, when you have a decent collection of sex toys already, when you’ve already covered the bases of a good, versatile vibe, an excellent dildo, a butt plug, and another great dildo or vibrator. When you’ve already braved the trenches of actually thrusting your dildos, and you’re itching for something quite different.

It feels a bit fucked up to enjoy this toy as much as I do. As if not having to work for my orgasms is a sin. As if endorsing a $200 toy is a sin. As if I give a shit about sinning. But my vagina is unaware of societal norms or monetary constraints; all it knows is that the Stronic Eins jostles my G-spot into oblivion with very little effort on my part. Quick, disgustingly effortless pleasure. The Stronic Eins is like nothing else in my arsenal, and it has already become a cornerstone.

The Stronic Eins is $200 at SheVibe.

  1. When the toy’s not on, I can feel the weight moving if I shake it. []
  2. The charging light was on for over 7 hours; I don’t know the exact amount of time because I went to bed. []
  3. And know that when I say this, I mean I am pairing it with a good clitoral vibe. []

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  • http://karasutrareviews.com/ Kara_Sutra

    I impatiently wait for the day my vagina knows the Stronic Eins as intimately as yours does. #jealousvag

  • http://www.redheadbedhead.com/ The Redhead Bedhead

    Funny story, on the Babeland stop on my tour Claire Cavanagh and I held a Stronic for a full five minutes saying stuff like “I mean… this might be the fantasy come true”

    There’s one in the mail to me right now.

  • (FS) Navigator

    I cannot for the life of me remember where, but someone posted a picture of a Fun Factory manual with the dildo placed sort of upside-down on top of the vulva, with the nub-thing on the clit and the tip on the perineum, and somehow that was supposed to be what they meant by “clitoral ridge”, but that seems…….dumb.

    Also, fuck does this make me want a Zwei even more, because the shape of the Zwei makes me giddy just looking at it. I’m still sort of thinking it might be better to hold off for another month and get the $400-model fuck machine I’ve had my eye on for ages, simply because I can use every dildo I’ve got with it, instead of just having one toy that can move on its own. (I think I’m probably a good deal more invested in machine sex than the average individual, though.)

  • http://beckandherkinks.com/ Beck

    I’m actually really surprised you like this toy. I hate it. I just sold it to someone else because I can’t stand to use it. Nonetheless, I enjoyed your review. Plan to write mine here soon.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    I was surprised that I liked it so much, too, but I really love thrusting, and my G-spot responds extremely well to the movement of this toy. I would not bullshit people into buying a $200 toy if I didn’t adore it.

  • Jake Holden

    A lot of what you say (things like ‘As if not having to work for my orgasms is a sin’) rings true for the Fun Factory Cobra Libre too – all you have to do is hold it in place and it will make a guy come, just like that. It’s made me come in less than a minute before, without a single thrust of mine, or hand on my cock. Long live the crazy Germans at Fun Factory and their ridiculously powered toys!

  • Jake Holden

    A lot of what you say (things like ‘As if not having to work for my orgasms is a sin’) rings true for the Fun Factory Cobra Libre too – all you have to do is hold it in place and it will make a guy come, just like that. It’s made me come in less than a minute before, without a single thrust of mine, or hand on my cock. Long live the crazy Germans at Fun Factory and their ridiculously powered toys!

  • Jure

    I’m SO GLAD you mentioned the grainy texture. I bought mine and was like, WTF WHAT IS THIS SILICONE MATERIAL?! I’ve basically had to use condoms with mine because I find it really goddamn abrasive.

    (Other than this, I really like it and I agree with you – it gets me off super quickly).

  • http://aeriesroom.com/ Aerie

    I was super intrigued but skeptical when I first discovered this while browsing at a local store. The price tag makes my wallet shrivel in distress, but after reading several reviews, I really want one of these. It’s going to be a while before I can afford such a thing, however.

    I read somewhere that it doesn’t come with the required Fun Factory charging cable. Is it true that you have to either have one already or purchase one separately?

    Also: thank you for reminding me that the Jopen Intensity exists.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    I’d heard that, too, so I asked SheVibe. At SheVibe it does come with the charging cord.

  • http://rollinthehay.blogspot.com/ rollinginthehay

    Mine came with the cable, too, but I didn’t buy it from SheVibe. After talking with a few blogger friends about the issue, selling it without the charger seems to be a UK/EU thing.

  • Monkey

    As far as I know, the Zwei is much more suited for men than women. It is much smaller and the movement is less intense, too delicate to effectively stimulate the G spot.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    The Zwei is not smaller; it’s just as big, if not bigger. I also don’t think its “motor” is any different, so its movements should be just as intense as the Eins.

  • Ones

    Stronic Eins…sounds like a German industrial band!

  • Ella

    This sounds ridiculously amazing. *Sigh* If only I had $200 to spend on a sex toy…

  • http://www.facebook.com/jackstruelove Amanda Campbell

    Okay the racing across the table just makes it a must try!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jackstruelove Amanda Campbell

    Okay the racing across the table just makes it a must try!

  • Ashley

    I just found your blog and I am amazed. This is awesome! I’m already creating a wish list and this one definitely tops the list! I get too easily annoyed with vibrators that do so little and I almost always find it easier to just use a dildo and hammer away till I come, or to use a bullet on my clit. This toy however…well. Frankly it sounds amazing and for all the rave reviews you gave it $200 is looking reasonable to my vagina while my head is going we need to EAT this month. Definitely saving up starting now!

  • http://twitter.com/lauraleyechat Kay

    Oh my god, this sounds amazing. I am the laziest masturbator (oh hey, there’s a band name) so this sounds like the PERFECT THING for my vagina. Oh, but the $200 dollar price tag makes my everything hurt. But I think I need it!

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  • SalviaSeregon

    I am so transfixed just holding it in my hand at the store that i can’t even imagine what kind of worm hole i might go in if i had it in my vagina!

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  • Pleasure Piratess

    This one has had me excited than a kid in a candy shop! Not sure if I want to just jump on board with this one, or if they are planning a more g-spot targeted version. Anyone know if there is one in the works?

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    The third one, the Stronic Drei, is more curved and also more textured.

  • stellated

    I am so full of want. funfactory toys are wonderful silicone and I don’t really do vibration, so I’m always way in to toys that are kind of different.

  • Kat

    You have such great reviews! Oooh, I just checked the link for the “Drei” — it looks like they’ve made the Tiger into a pulsator. Man. Can’t wait to try that…

  • Deborah Zarett

    when’s the textured model coming out? I don’t see it on their website yet……

  • Deborah Zarett

    found the Stronic Drei (the curvy textured one) on the Euro site but not the U.S. site….?

  • Deborah Zarett

    That’s the one I REALLY want- and it’s available in TURQUOISE instead of just the standard pink and purple!!

  • Anna

    This review makes me want one even more than i already do, but unfortunately the $200 price tag is a little too steep for my budget.

  • Bella

    I feel that I must have this now…but as a poor college student all I can do is cry about it…

  • Krisstie May-Deckard

    Stronic eins

  • Cyn

    It’s action and quality is highly overrated.

  • subSpecies

    Great review but I wanted to add a few word from the other side of the aisle. My girlfriend bought me the Sonic Drei for Xmas. It came with the charging cord unlike one comment in the comment section. When I picked up the Sonic at The Traveling Tickle Trunk I said to my girlfriend “My life has just changed forever.” It does not, and cannot, take the place of a solid pegging from a good woman, but it is a pleasant masturbation tool and can provide intense prostate stimulation. This is not a toy for any man who is not already used to ass play – definitely not a starter size or design the Drei has very aggressive ridging. Charge time is long but the vibrator is very powerful, the stroking actions available are considerable and enjoyable. On the Drei model the wide base helps to prevent any over penetration. It is the best vibrator I have ever owned and stands next to the John Holmes dildo as my favourite solo anal toy.

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  • boop

    Why wouldn’t you recommend it as a first toy? As someone who only currently has a cheap vibrator, the pulsating sounds pretty fantastic, but also different from the sensations of a standard vibrator.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Well, most people can’t plunk down $200 on their first sex toy, primarily. But I also feel it’s a more advanced sort of sensation. You need to know that you like thrusting, which is something you figure out more as you use insertable toys. But don’t let me stop you if it sounds like something you’d really like!

  • Tanmay

    Is it good if used as prostate massager?

  • http://HeyEpiphora.com Epiphora

    I don’t have a prostate, so I wouldn’t know. However, if you want something for prostate stimulation you should look at the Zwei instead, since it’s anal-safe. Check out this review of it.

  • cjd2004

    Fun Factory also classes the Drei as anal safe.

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