Nov 202012
 

Tantus Splash, a well-read dildoThe Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry about being deficient in some area, as many sex toys are. (Those are the kinds of toys that might scowl whilst being slimed. Bad sports.)

I tested a prototype of this toy, and I loved it the moment I saw it. Then I really loved it when I put it in my vagina. And now I really really love it in its finished form. I suggested the names Drip, Ooze, and Slime, but alas, Tantus had to be all classy and call it Splash. They also made it thicker, ripplier on the head, with more pronounced and rearranged drips. One particular drip, on the underside of the toy, was smartly eliminated.

It was very interesting to see how this toy went from awesome to mega awesome, as my prototype also did not come in this INCREDIBLE DUAL TONE COLORING. And wow. This just might be the best thing to happen to silicone since glitter.

For years, the Tantus Echo was my favorite textured silicone dildo. Its ridged shape was often challenged, but never defeated. I enjoyed the peculiar and extreme texture on the Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, but it was pretty abrasive. Well, the Echo is now truly knocked off its throne, and the Splash is now one of my most fervent recommendations for texture sluts like me.

Because it is not adorned with ridges, waves, bumpsswirls, or veins. You have yet to experience this sensation, because these are drips. Drips coming at you from all angles! After testing the prototype, I wrote to Tantus: “a very unique sensation which I have not felt before — that’s a feat!” And um, that was not meant in a condescending tone that my exclamation point usage might signal. No, total and complete seriousness.

Never underestimate the power of an exquisitely-shaped chunk of silicone.

Like the Cush O2, the Splash stimulates the front walls of my vagina amazingly — and with even more intensity due to the hardness of the material and the abundance of drips. In a departure from Cush, the Splash is topped off with an always-appreciated G-spotting curve that works like a dream. The Splash is not really a thrusting dildo, though, so the G-spot stimulation may only be mild if you are not well-acquainted with your G-spot. Me, all I have to do is clench around the Splash to experience all its stimulating intricacies. Which, by the way, are made of Tantus’ wonderfully frictionless glossy silicone.

This type of texture isn’t for everyone; it’s intense and sort of strange, but that is why I love it. If you are wary of shocking your vagina with texture, the Splash has a baby sibling named Splish. But you know me — I always prefer whatever’s huge. Not that the Splash is, but the texture definitely requires a certain… dildo experience level. One that I’ve reached because my vagina is a boss.

I don’t know if it’s the shiny dual colors or watery shape or what, but for me, this dildo evokes summer, lust, and the rush of experiencing something new. If this dildo were a poem, it would be “California Swimming Pool” by Sharon Olds:

. . . the true center was the
dressing rooms: the wet suits,
the smell of chlorine, cold concrete,
the splintered pine wall, on the other
side of which were boys, actually
naked there in air clouded as the
shadows at the bottom of the pool, where the crocodiles
glistened in their slick skins. All summer
the knothole in the wall hissed at me
come see, come see, come eat and be eaten.

It’s a great world we live in, people. Our dildos are no longer confined to penis shapes, veins, and splotches of terrifying pubic hair. We do not need our dildos to look remotely like penises because — oh yeah — masturbation is for us. Our universe includes polka dots and tentacles and bubbles; toys shaped like plants and question marks and aliens and ocean waves and smiling worms; and things that we never would have thought would feel good but then THEY DO.

Yes, my friends, we have dual-colored, pearlescent, faded dildos. We know the people who make these dildos and they are some of the greatest in the industry. They send us dildo tree seeds and T-shirts and sweet emails. They mail us prototypes and actually ask how things should be different. They have sales based on “What What in the Butt.” They are charming and gracious even when we criticize their color choices. The cherry on top? They make the Splash.

And God said, let there be Tantus: and there was Tantus. And God saw Tantus, and it was good.

Get the Splash at SheVibe, Tantus’ site, or Lovehoney (international).

  • http://elspethdemina.wordpress.com/ Elspeth Demina

    I know that both Splish and Splash have been big hits with some of my gentleman friends, who find that ripply head to be a wonderful tool for prostate milking.

  • http://www.kiraskink.com/ Kira

    I love my Splish and Splash and I usually *hate* texture. So not just for texture sluts! In fact, these are pretty much the only two textured toys I can use.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Oh dang!

  • http://www.kiraskink.com/ Kira

    Maybe because it drips rather than ridges or bumps? That’s the best guess I got. ‘Cause ridges and bumps feel like sandpaper in my vagina. X.x

  • http://deviantdildos.com/ solitudinarian

    Now I’m REALLY excited about getting Splash soon! Echo and Cush O2 are two of my favourite dildos. Hurry up parcel.

  • http://twitter.com/Incendiaireblog Incendiaire

    The fact that the Echo is your favourite textured dildo merely reconfirms that you have excellent taste (it’s mine too). If the Splash really can out-perform it then I must order one immediately.

  • Ones

    hmm that dildo reminds me of when whales jump out of the ocean, kinda like Free Willy…

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora
  • http://girlyjuice.tumblr.com/ Girly Juice

    Gurl, this review is a fucking triumph.

    The problem I have with the Splash/Splish duo is that the Splash would be too large for me (I think) and the Splish would be too small. I might just have to “ovary up” and get a Splash, though.

  • L

    Completely sex toy unrelated, but I was checking out your books. HOW GREAT IS THE CHRONOLOGY OF WATER!?! Lidia Yuknavitch is quite literally amazing.

  • John

    I don’t have a vagina, but if I did, I would want this in it. All the time. It looks amazing.

  • http://twitter.com/ashtheelf ss ash

    Good to know! Got this one as swag a while back and have been sidetracked; with the Epiphora stamp of approval on it, I’ll move it up the list to try.

    Part of the reason it was put off: I can’t help thinking that it looks like it’s been the center of a bukkake scene, and then I start cracking up thinking of what each dildo’s personal fantasies are, and then I want to make all my sex toys have conversations with each other.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Um it is SO GREAT. Her short stories are incredible also.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000223728491 Deborah Zarett

    similarly, I think it looks like a partially melted dolphin candle……..

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  • http://twitter.com/faithlessjuliet faithlessjuliet

    This review want me to make me stand up and applaud. And save up for the Splish.

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  • http://www.naughtynuala.com nuala macmoragh

    EXACTLY. I thought it was a dolphin, kind of like a Fun Factory toy. Looks and sounds like a good time though, as I love the hardness of Tantus silicone, texture and girth. I think Santa’s getting me one of these ;)

  • http://deviantdildos.com/ solitudinarian

    Yep, you were right.

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  • http://twitter.com/leDestiny_Cat Destiny Cat

    why do you have to make me want them all? i have to buy food ya know. maybe ramen for awhile is ok

  • Alexandra

    I have test the splish (the same in smaller size), you can read my review here: http://www.sextoyer.com/category/Essais-comparatifs (in french)

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  • Slutty Girl Problems

    I can’t WAIT to try this toy! Just starting to get into Tantus

  • Maro

    How does the hardness of the material compare to the tantus acute?

  • Sarah Goldberg

    I really wanna try to try this toy! Its texture seems so great. *.*