Feb 012011
 

Je Joue, makers of the failtastic SaSi, attempt to make vag balls! In my head, that is the slogan for the Je Joue Ami.

Which is really quite unfair to the Ami, because this set of vag balls (kegel exercise balls, if you prefer) is not bad at all. Divorced from the terrible mistake that is the SaSi, the Ami balls are an admirable contribution to the vag ball market. I say “admirable,” though, and not “FREAKIN’ AWESOME,” for a reason. You will see.

The Ami set is trying really hard, and I mean that in a loving way. It comes in a box within a box, and it’s sealed with plastic (props, Je Joue, I appreciate that). The storage box has a black ribbon for tying it closed. Weirdly, the top of the box does not fully open, so I can’t just stare in wonder at the balls — the top falls back down.

This set includes three silicone-covered vag balls, all with different weights and sizes. The silicone on these balls is super soft, and on the Ami 1 (the big lone ball) and Ami 2 (the large duo), the silicone is slightly loose; I can actually move the silicone around and pinch it, much like the skin of a Shar Pei1. The connecting portions of the duo balls are squishy and easily bent. Each has a 3″ retrieval cord that is made of stretchy silicone and attached to the base with a circle of plastic. I do not understand the appeal of a retrieval cord that behaves like a rubber band, but I have had no snapping disasters as of yet.

The Ami set is priced at a disturbingly reasonable $40. It seems quite clear that Je Joue is taking what people loved about the LELO Luna Beads — the two sets of differently-weighted balls — and going a step further. In my opinion, though, Je Joue cannot claim victory on this one. The Luna Beads are just better.

The Ami 1 ball (1.65 ounces, 1.5″ in diameter and length) is pretty comfortable; it fits easily past the pubic bone — although it’s the only Ami that feels like it’s pulling my innards out when I remove it. The Ami 2 balls (2.75 ounces, 1.25″ in diameter, 3″ long without the cord) are long and really need to be shoved up there. I can’t feel them much once they’re in place, but sometimes, I can feel the plastic part very slightly poking at me. Blegh.

The heavy Ami 3 balls (3.73 ounces, 1″ in diameter, 2.75″ long without the cord) don’t do much except feel heavy. I suppose they are comfortable.

All the Ami balls have these things in common: they are easy to insert (though I do have a cavernous vag, so your results may vary), and they feel… very… boring. Dancing, playing Wii Fit (and jogging), walking to the grocery store and back, thrusting my hips intensely — nothing makes the balls inside the balls roll. After much testing of all the balls, I only felt the rolling sensation a handful of times, and it was subtle.

I don’t know if the silicone coating muffles the sensation of the rolling balls, or if the balls inside are too big, or what. I just know it is a deal-breaker for me.

I didn’t realize quite how much the Ami balls lacked the rolling sensation until I tried my Luna Beads again. Holy crap! They were rolling around immediately. A sassy stroll down the hallway set them a-rolling. Getting up from my chair made them shiver. It makes sense, though: outside of the vag, when shaken, the Luna Beads sound far more noticeable than the Ami balls do. The only Ami that sounds comparable to the Luna Beads is the lone Ami 1 ball, and it’s just one ball, so it doesn’t feel like much.

There are a lot of people raving about the Ami, and I am slightly puzzled over it. Maybe they like the lone ball because it is comfortable; maybe they prefer not to feel the rolly-ball sensation; maybe they are easily wooed by hygienic materials and nice packaging. All of this is possible, and most of it is legitimate.

But it comes down to this: are you buying vag balls for sensation, or are you not? I’m sure the Ami set can tone kegels just fine, but I wear vag balls to make life more fun, and Luna Beads are the champs of that. No other vag balls I have tried have come close to being as fun.

  1. Okay, it doesn’t move as much as a Shar Pei’s skin does, but… deal with it. []