Jun 202010
 

I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls!

(Keen readers will point out that I’ve already had one realistic dildo with balls: Mr. Man. This is true. Mr. Man’s balls are very perky, though, which somehow makes it easier to consider them anything-but-balls. Johnny’s balls droop more. My insightful boyfriend says, “Mr. Man is winter balls; Johnny is summer balls.”)

Johnny is a large, curved, realistic VixSkin silicone dildo. Mine is the caramel color, and quite pleasant to behold. Many Vixen toys come in plastic tubes, but Johnny’s balls are just TOO BIG! for that, so it came in a plastic bag. The bag lists cleaning instructions (soap and water, or boil for three minutes) and advises, “to maintain shape, store this product upright.” Sadly, not really feasible for me. Vixen also sent me a sheet of paper with all kinds of facts about Johnny, and even a handwritten note at the bottom. Swoon!

At 1 13/16″ in diameter and 7″ long, Johnny is a bit smaller than my recent (and massive) VixSkin lover, Maverick. I chose Johnny because of its hefty diameter and crazy curve — but also because I wanted to get over my fear of realistic dildos once and for all. Johnny and Maverick have certainly done that for me, and in the end, I have nothing but praise for Vixen’s entire line of realistic dildos.

I love Johnny, but matter what I do, my brain keeps coming back to one gross word to describe it: meaty. What my brain means, I think, is that this dildo is fat, vein-covered, and feels very much like a real cock. Although I can’t really feel the intricate texture of Johnny’s skin in use, it definitely feels different from Maverick’s uber-smooth skin.

As it’s made of VixSkin, Johnny is squishy on the outside with a firm inner core. Its G-spot curve feels amazing internally, and most of the G-spot stimulation — which is awesome, by the way — comes from the curve (whereas the G-spot stimulation with Maverick comes primarily from its extremely bulbous head). Really, this thing is just a joy to use. It feels delicious through and through. If I had to find one thing to complain about, it would be that the base is a bit harder to grasp than Maverick’s circular one.

And, to my unexpected dismay, Johnny’s balls don’t really end up touching me unless I thrust really, really quickly. Yep, I kept hoping for the balls to slap against my skin. Who am I, again?

The existence of the balls also helps me keep Johnny right-side up (i.e., G-spot facing) at all times. With thick, constant G-spot stimulation, it is very easy for me to squirt with Johnny. Obviously, this dildo is a winner.

If I were held at gunpoint and forced to choose between Johnny and Maverick, I’d probably choose Maverick — my size queen tendencies are very strong. However, I’d be distraught about the loss of Johnny. Johnny is truly a kickass dildo. Its curve and texture are delicious; its girth is awesome; hell, even its balls are awesome. Yeah, I said it. It’s that good.

Get the dual-density VixSkin Johnny at one of my fave shops:
Good Vibes, SheVibeShe Bop, or Come As You Are (Canada).

The (cheaper) single-density Johnny is available at SheVibe and Early to Bed.

Thank you so much, Vixen Creations!

  • http://femeninadeliciosa.blogspot.com/ Gardenvy

    Ooooh I want! Very nice review ;-D
    Ps. I like balls!

  • http://britisshameless.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    Welcome to the dark side.

  • http://thecherryscoop.blogspot.com/ Sundae

    MEAAAAAATTTTTTTTY.

    Next time I’m sucking cock it’s going to be all ‘YOUR WINTER BALLS AND MEATY COCK GET ME SWOONING, SLAP THEM AGAINST ME’

  • Toygirl

    I’m a little sleepy this morning, so when I tried to type your address into my browser I typed “he” thinking it would autofill, except it didn’t and Firefox took me to the Wikipedia page for helium. Just thought you should know.

    My first thought about “summer balls” was that they’re meeeellllttting.

  • http://macleodvalentine.com Jaye of The Shiny Purple Ass-Missile

    Meaty cock and salty balls—it’s what’s for dinner!

    Fun review, and I love your boyfriend’s (accurate) quote.

    –Jaye

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  • sophie2229

    I still want this one, but I’m sure you’re not surprised to know that I want the Maverick more.

  • Selective Sensualist

    Oh, God, I LOVE my VixSkin Johnny! He’s my favorite dildo — and, yes, I must agree that he IS meaty. ;) I love how his balls stabilize him enough to ride him.

  • Bri

    OMG…I couldn’t stop laughing at 1. winter vs. summer balls and 2. ‘meaty’. Though meaty is the perfect word for this one I think.

  • http://twitter.com/hopeandmemory Liz

    I would agree that “meaty” is an accurate assessment for Johnny. Holy god. Those veins. O_O

    Are the balls rigid, or do they have the same kind of give as the rest of the dildo? Just curious.

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  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Liz: They’re squishy. I’m guessing they are made of just the soft stuff — no inner core.

  • Crystalline

    Ah, that angle looks killer. DO WANT. The texture is completely UNF. ( + Love the boyfriend commentary.)

  • sophie2229

    your review was spot on. I got mine in the mail yesterday and it *is* meaty

  • Sarah Marlatt

    Love it! Want it, except it’s massive. I’d love the feel of the testicles. Rawwrr.

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  • Lemming

    But is it harness compatible??

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Yes.

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