My mom is having a sex toy party.
I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company’s website, relieved to find their store not completely dependent on shitty jelly toys. Then I tweeted. “My mom does not know I review,” I wrote, “so I will have to pretend I know nothing. It may be very difficult, but I still want to go.” I was surprised that this lead to several tweets urging me to tell her.
maybe it would serve as a good opportunity to come out to her?
Tell her. You might be surprised. My mom tests some things for me once in a while
Maybe the party is the time to tell her you review?
I know these things were all said with the best of intentions, but I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to prod me about “coming out” to anyone. You are not me; you do not know my situation; and most importantly, you don’t know my parents. It’s one thing to say “mom and dad, I’m down with sex toys” (which I will be saying well enough with my presence at the party) — it’s another to say, “mom and dad, I run a public blog where I frequently post personal descriptions of using sex toys and watching porn.”
I know what will happen when I tell my mom: she’ll want to read the blog. She will pester me for the URL. Who knows — she might even go searching for it. And the knowledge of her reading this could really, really damage my desire to keep writing, and my love for this blog. I’m just not comfortable with her reading it (and no, telling her that would not be enough to keep her from snooping).
And I’m especially not comfortable with my dad knowing. My dad will start worrying about me. Worrying that I could amass creepy fans, be harassed. I don’t want him to worry or feel weird.
The way I see it, this sex toy party is not an opportunity for me to “come out.” It’s just an opportunity to feel a little better about eventually, eventually telling my parents, and that’s really good enough for me.
I envy those of you who are “out” to your moms/parents/families. I think it’s awesome, and I would love to one day be completely open with my parents about my blogging. But it’s not the right choice for me right now. I will know when it is.
In the meantime, I’ll be attending this party, biting my tongue, laughing on the inside, and fiddling with the toys with a fake sense of wonderment.