Dearest Turbo Glider,

Hello, my dear. It’s been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I understand if you feel neglected; I barely get you out from the drawer at all. The truth is, my clit now prefers less buzzy, more unique toys. But don’t cry; you will always be in my heart. I will always remember you fondly as my first true sex toy love.

It was February of 2007, and I was in search of something cheap to get me off. I picked you up from the mail room at college and for a solid year afterward, you were my only sex toy. I only used you clitorally, and I thought of nothing else. What else was there to want? Something quieter, sure, but that wasn’t a huge issue. Besides, quietness usually means less power, and I could never sacrifice the power you afforded me.

OH, THE POWER! It’s still hard to find this much power in a clitoral stimulator. Expensive toys like the Mia, the Bcurious, and the Better than Chocolate don’t even come close.

And there are other things I love about you, too. You are BLUE, not hot pink or purple. And I love your translucency, which allows me to watch your little motor whirl away. I love your shape — the bloops! — and how your tip sits against my clit perfectly. And I love that you really are waterproof; several unsuccessful bathtime romps with other toys have led to me yell at the boyfriend, “bring the blue one!”

You are a trooper, Turbo Glider, and that is why I appreciate you. I am certain that you are the best sex toy out there for $25 (and often less!).  For that, I will continue recommending you like crazy. I may have outgrown you for most occasions, but that doesn’t make you any less awesome.

Love always,
Epiphora