[This review is an April Fool's joke; please, never buy this abomination of a toy!]
The 1st thing I noticed about the Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong was his alluring scent. OMG, it reminded me of cherry blossoms on a beautiful walk in the park… I never thought a sex toy could make me feel so relaxed just via sensory overload! And he always leaves his husky scent on my hands to remind me of our sexy escapades!!!
This red beauty is made of Crystalessence, I dunno what that is but doesnt it sound elegant?? I love how sticky his “skin” (lol) is, it makes me think of eating drippy ice cream on a hot day. Haha and sometimes i get the urge to eat this toy too! LOL I know so kinky! But he brings out the wild women in me.
Anyway this toy is sooo versatile! He works on the clit, in vajayjay, even in the butt if your feeling really naughty! The vibration are intense and gives me shivers up my spine- no joke. I just love rubbing his head on my clit, mmm. He rubs me the right way if u know what I mean. 
(I mean he makes me cum really hard and fast)
I also LUV his BALLS! They are soo sexy and how they stick a bit on my skin as I thrust OMG!!1
OH and I take him on a rub a dub dub trip with me to the bath sometimes. I’m trying to use him in every room of the house, LOL so for I’ve used 3 rooms for my masturbatory pleasures. Hehe. Garage here I “cum”!!!
Cleanup is sooo easy! Just give him a little handjob in the sink and he’ll be sterilized for ur next use. I store him on the windowsill so I can watch pretty sunlight coming through his redness. 
Dont worry about leaving him out.he looks more like beautiful decor than a scandalous toy!! Youre grandma wont even notice.
So yeah I love my vibro dong!! He is the most arousing sexy toy I own! Def my new favorite of ALL TIME and you all deserve to experience his greatness, so go out and buy one for yourself! No you cant have mine! Raaawr! lol
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March 31st, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Also, don’t you love how it burns?
March 31st, 2010 at 10:22 pm
OMG! Cherry scented! lol! that’s, lyke, awesome. And so pretttyy! If only it were PINK and not red it’d be perfect!!11!
March 31st, 2010 at 10:23 pm
@adriana: omg YES it feels sooo good
March 31st, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@Epiphora:
Didn’t you know? The burning is a special feature- it’s like built in warming lube, lolz!
March 31st, 2010 at 10:29 pm
@EmilyC: haha yeah true hey you just saved me some money thanks!!
March 31st, 2010 at 10:53 pm
Totally plopping down my cash NOW. I want burning. I mean warming. I want sticky ice cream fingers! I want FREAKY VAGINA CANCER when I’m 63!
March 31st, 2010 at 10:55 pm
@Beautiful Dreamer: cancer is so hot right now LOL
March 31st, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Excuse me? I have this toy and it’s awesome. I haven’t gotten cancer or an infection, so stfu, haters.
Stop making fun of it like it’s some April Fool’s Day joke. Not funny.
March 31st, 2010 at 11:02 pm
OMGee!!1! Totes LUV the new site design, and this hawt toy is deffo next on my sexy time shopping list, cherry is my FAVE!1!!! Thx for the revuez, Eppie! X-D
April 1st, 2010 at 4:19 am
You know, some dummy will not realize this is an April Fool’s joke and they will go purchase this cheap, jelly, piece of shit because you recommended it.
April 1st, 2010 at 4:20 am
Also, it’s 7 in the morning here and I just woke up. I stared at that red dildo for 5 minutes going ‘that’s jelly, wtf is wrong with Epiphora?’
April 1st, 2010 at 5:39 am
You are so awesome. You should get a really high useful rating for this review – I mean, it covers everything!
btw: Are we going to see a review of those spiked balls in your header? Cause, man those look so great!!
April 1st, 2010 at 6:13 am
@Polly Vincere: ty! & yes those balls are great, they feel soo good in my butt
April 1st, 2010 at 6:52 am
have u tried using vaseline for lube? omg, its sooooooooooooo good. and economical!!!! (lol) luv the revieww!! can’t wait for mine to “cum” to my house!!!! (lol) luv u, piph~~!!!! <3 <3
April 1st, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Girrrrrl. You got me. I had an arsenal of comments ready and it’s waaay past 7am! I thought you’d been hacked. You really got me, damn!
April 1st, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Okay, this post rocks. Officially the only April Fool’s day post that genuinely rocked my world today.
April 1st, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Once, I had a pile of Jolly Rancher candies melt that ended up looking JUST LIKE THIS!
Oh, and I’m disturbed that my butt’s new best friend is no longer the centerpiece of your website header/banner. I’m telling Tantus.
April 1st, 2010 at 3:39 pm
just laughed so hard at work reading this. Coffee on keyboard
You’ll be getting my bill shortly.
April 1st, 2010 at 3:55 pm
@Jaye of The Shiny Purple Ass-Missile: haha whatever tantus SUX
April 1st, 2010 at 4:28 pm
cool background! looks like myspace but better LOL can u send me the html codes plz>?
April 1st, 2010 at 4:30 pm
@Jake Holden: wuts a html – is that a clothing brand?? hehe
April 1st, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Oh yeah, this one’s definitely going on our EF wishlist! (lol)
April 1st, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Oh, great. Now my OTHER eye is broken. It got crappy code in it. *rubs eye and reaches for her brain bleach*
April 1st, 2010 at 8:40 pm
ZOMG I LOVE YOUR PAGE MAKEOVER, IT LOOKS LIKE MYSPACE BUT NAUGHTY XXX.
“Cleanup is sooo easy! Just give him a little handjob in the sink and he’ll be sterilized for ur next use. I store him on the windowsill so I can watch pretty sunlight coming through his redness.” <-I laughed so effing hard at that, I had juice come out of my nostrils. It burrrned.
April 1st, 2010 at 8:42 pm
@Amorous Rocker: glad to please <333 xoxo
April 2nd, 2010 at 8:08 am
To make this more jokey after changing the main theme back you could wrap it all up in a with some inline css to do the comic sans and crazy background?
April 2nd, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Hope they make it in grape soda that way you can store it in the fridge with your soft drinks
April 1st, 2011 at 1:18 am
Oh yum! Reminds me of a big cherry Luden’s cough drop!
April 1st, 2011 at 2:05 am
This really tickled my funny bone, if you know what I mean (I mean I just about pissed my pants laughing)
Literally.