Apr 012010
 

[This review is an April Fool's joke; please, never buy this abomination of a toy!]

The 1st thing I noticed about the Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong was his alluring scent. OMG, it reminded me of cherry blossoms on a beautiful walk in the park… I never thought a sex toy could make me feel so relaxed just via sensory overload! And he always leaves his husky scent on my hands to remind me of our sexy escapades!!!

This red beauty is made of Crystalessence, I dunno what that is but doesnt it sound elegant?? I love how sticky his “skin” (lol) is, it makes me think of eating drippy ice cream on a hot day. Haha and sometimes i get the urge to eat this toy too! LOL I know so kinky! But he brings out the wild women in me.

Anyway this toy is sooo versatile! He works on the clit, in vajayjay, even in the butt if your feeling really naughty! The vibration are intense and gives me shivers up my spine- no joke. I just love rubbing his head on my clit, mmm. He rubs me the right way if u know what I mean. ;) (I mean he makes me cum really hard and fast)

I also LUV his BALLS! They are soo sexy and how they stick a bit on my skin as I thrust OMG!!1

OH and I take him on a rub a dub dub trip with me to the bath sometimes. I’m trying to use him in every room of the house, LOL so for I’ve used 3 rooms for my masturbatory pleasures. Hehe. Garage here I “cum”!!!

Cleanup is sooo easy! Just give him a little handjob in the sink and he’ll be sterilized for ur next use. I store him on the windowsill so I can watch pretty sunlight coming through his redness. :) Dont worry about leaving him out.he looks more like beautiful decor than a scandalous toy!! Youre grandma wont even notice.

So yeah I love my vibro dong!! He is the most arousing sexy toy I own! Def my new favorite of ALL TIME and you all deserve to experience his greatness, so go out and buy one for yourself! No you cant have mine! Raaawr! lol

  • http://ofsexandlove.com adriana

    Also, don’t you love how it burns?

  • http://femminablog.blogspot.com femmina

    OMG! Cherry scented! lol! that’s, lyke, awesome. And so pretttyy! If only it were PINK and not red it’d be perfect!!11!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @adriana: omg YES it feels sooo good

  • http://textual-intercourse.blogspot.com/ EmilyC

    @Epiphora:

    Didn’t you know? The burning is a special feature- it’s like built in warming lube, lolz!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @EmilyC: haha yeah true hey you just saved me some money thanks!!

  • http://beautifuldreamer30.blogspot.com Beautiful Dreamer

    Totally plopping down my cash NOW. I want burning. I mean warming. I want sticky ice cream fingers! I want FREAKY VAGINA CANCER when I’m 63!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Beautiful Dreamer: cancer is so hot right now LOL

  • Carnivalesq

    Excuse me? I have this toy and it’s awesome. I haven’t gotten cancer or an infection, so stfu, haters.

    Stop making fun of it like it’s some April Fool’s Day joke. Not funny.

  • http://twitter.com/mivox mivox

    OMGee!!1! Totes LUV the new site design, and this hawt toy is deffo next on my sexy time shopping list, cherry is my FAVE!1!!! Thx for the revuez, Eppie! X-D

  • Sarahbear

    You know, some dummy will not realize this is an April Fool’s joke and they will go purchase this cheap, jelly, piece of shit because you recommended it. :P

  • Sarahbear

    Also, it’s 7 in the morning here and I just woke up. I stared at that red dildo for 5 minutes going ‘that’s jelly, wtf is wrong with Epiphora?’

  • Polly Vincere

    You are so awesome. You should get a really high useful rating for this review – I mean, it covers everything!

    btw: Are we going to see a review of those spiked balls in your header? Cause, man those look so great!!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Polly Vincere: ty! & yes those balls are great, they feel soo good in my butt :)

  • Saraid

    have u tried using vaseline for lube? omg, its sooooooooooooo good. and economical!!!! (lol) luv the revieww!! can’t wait for mine to “cum” to my house!!!! (lol) luv u, piph~~!!!! <3 <3

  • http://www.tabutoys.com Alex

    Girrrrrl. You got me. I had an arsenal of comments ready and it’s waaay past 7am! I thought you’d been hacked. You really got me, damn!

  • Champagne and Benzedrine

    Okay, this post rocks. Officially the only April Fool’s day post that genuinely rocked my world today.

  • http://macleodvalentine.com Jaye of The Shiny Purple Ass-Missile

    Once, I had a pile of Jolly Rancher candies melt that ended up looking JUST LIKE THIS!

    Oh, and I’m disturbed that my butt’s new best friend is no longer the centerpiece of your website header/banner. I’m telling Tantus.

  • lolmerrill

    just laughed so hard at work reading this. Coffee on keyboard :( You’ll be getting my bill shortly.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Jaye of The Shiny Purple Ass-Missile: haha whatever tantus SUX

  • Jake Holden

    cool background! looks like myspace but better LOL can u send me the html codes plz>?

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Jake Holden: wuts a html – is that a clothing brand?? hehe

  • http://alanandmichele.com Alan & Michele

    Oh yeah, this one’s definitely going on our EF wishlist! (lol)

  • ThatToyChick

    Oh, great. Now my OTHER eye is broken. It got crappy code in it. *rubs eye and reaches for her brain bleach*

  • http://amorouschick.blogspot.com/ Amorous Rocker

    ZOMG I LOVE YOUR PAGE MAKEOVER, IT LOOKS LIKE MYSPACE BUT NAUGHTY XXX.

    “Cleanup is sooo easy! Just give him a little handjob in the sink and he’ll be sterilized for ur next use. I store him on the windowsill so I can watch pretty sunlight coming through his redness.” <-I laughed so effing hard at that, I had juice come out of my nostrils. It burrrned.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Amorous Rocker: glad to please <333 xoxo

  • Jake Holden

    To make this more jokey after changing the main theme back you could wrap it all up in a with some inline css to do the comic sans and crazy background?

  • sophie2229

    Hope they make it in grape soda that way you can store it in the fridge with your soft drinks

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  • LucyLemonade

    Oh yum! Reminds me of a big cherry Luden’s cough drop!

  • http://abedroomblog.com the bedroom blogger

    This really tickled my funny bone, if you know what I mean (I mean I just about pissed my pants laughing)

    Literally.

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