[Did you read the first Jack-off Journal?]
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and Tom Byron. Sasha and Sunny were great, but wow, Tom is a creeper and a half. Things that I am entirely certain need to be outlawed in porn (all of which were present in this scene): fake eyelashes, shitty pleather couches, dudes with goatees, dudes with pot bellies, dudes who grunt like cavemen, and this face:
My orgasm came out of nowhere, before I could even click up to level 3 on the Eroscillator. I think I get off on creepy guys being turned on by two hot chicks kissing. Sadly, that sentence was not a joke.
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
This was a showdown. Epiphora versus Randy, part two. I had tried Randy once before — my vagina screamed in pain and would not allow it to stay in. I was a little wary to try again.
As I slowly made my way through too many toys of increasing girth (Goddess, Mr. Man, Seduction, Candy Stick), I watched Kristina Rose is Slutwoman. Mainly a threesome scene between Ms. Slutwoman, James Deen, and Mick Blue. It was one of the better DPs I’ve seen, since neither of the guys are toolboxes. Eventually I could no longer prolong the inevitable, so I reached for Randy and not so delicately pushed it into myself.
Ow, ow, ow. But I wasn’t going to give up this time. I was going to conquer the pain; I was going to model through it. And eventually, Randy’s hugeness felt delicious.
With the Eroscillator on my clit, I brought myself to what I thought was going to be a normal clitoral orgasm. It wasn’t. My vagina pushed Randy out as I came, and then proceeded to squirt all over the floor. I don’t know what happened, but it was awesome.
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
So what if I watched The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody having never seen The X Files? Evan Stone is in it (and sporting his new preppy short hair), and so is my love, Kimberly Kane. Kimberly’s scene at the very end (bet you can’t guess who she screws!) was a little too romantic, so I moved on to Bitchcraft 2.
My scene of choice featured Sinn Sage, Sasha Grey, and Sandra Romain. I’d never heard of Sandra Romain until recently, and she’s not especially attractive to me, but she’s a freaking expert at dirty talk. And her slightly broken English — “make her fucking asshole to be wet” — is both amusing and endearing.
Made my way up to Randy again. Squirted again. Was hooked.
Friday, November 27th, 2009
I watched a little porno called Peep Show 4. All that matters is that a chick was licking James Deen’s butthole. Why doesn’t this happen way more often? Why isn’t there a movie dedicated to this? Unsurprisingly, I came very quickly.
Saturday, November 28th, 2009
Where to begin with this jack-off session. It began with a shitty porno by the name of Deep Impact, which I was only interested in watching because it features up-and-coming Thai and British pornstar Keni Styles. I wanted far more actual talking than there was, although the phrase “wank that cock” was pretty amazing.
The thing is, I ended up having three orgasms in one sitting, which is definitely a record for me. I don’t know why I felt compelled to keep going each time, but I did — first with the Eroscillator on my clit, then the Fairy Mini Mini, all the while with Randy inside me. By the end of it I was sweating profusely, no longer paying attention to the porn (?!), and my left hand was permanently bent downward in a dildo-holding position. I needed some serious nourishment after that.
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December 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Yay! I really love these, they’re great. And on multiple orgasms in one sitting; they fucking rock, don’t they? My body is to the point now where I think it might be physically impossible for me to have only one orgasm during masturbation. In the past months I’ve had insane numbers of orgasms in a row; it’s pretty fucking awesome. Multi-orgasmic bodies, ftw.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Ashley: Yeah! I normally feel tired enough after one, but this was really fun too. I feel like a warrior when I just keep going.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I’m glad Randy is working out for you, but it still scares the crap out of me!
December 1st, 2009 at 4:06 pm
P.S. You should totally get some of the X-Files on netflix.
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:10 am
huh, while i thought i wouldn’t really want to read these, i am strangely interested. you, dear, have a very colorful wanking life, heh. typically all it takes for me are a few SM/spanking pictures or a well-written sexy story, my hands, and ONE toy, maybe two. sometimes i wish i could go on for longer!
also, that face made me crack up…
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 am
@Wilhelmina: Ha! I’m winning you over with my insightful thoughts on porn faces, aren’t I? It does help that I love porn, and that I always want to watch something new. I do try to change it up with the toys, although I get on kicks… right now I’m on a Randy kick.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I seriously laughed out loud at that dude’s face.
I really want Randy.
And your masturbation is so much more exciting than mine. Mine is Hitachi on clit and BAM. done.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
@Britni TheVadgeWig: I think you’d love Randy. He/it seems like just your style.
I like to draw it out. I don’t know why. I’m a freak.
October 15th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Oh, god . . . this is classic:
“My orgasm came out of nowhere, before I could even click up to level 3 on the Eroscillator. I think I get off on creepy guys being turned on by two hot chicks kissing. Sadly, that sentence was not a joke.”
LOL! I love your Jack-off Journals!
November 18th, 2011 at 8:28 am
You had me at James Deen butthole licking! I know I’ve seen him getting a bit of salad tossing someplace or another in a line-up of dudes, but it was way too short.