In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It’s not a re-hashing of the usual harness style. There is no other harness like it. Yes, it looks very unassuming; it’s not sparkly, and it won’t make you look like Superwoman. But I’d rather be comfy than look like Superwoman, and the Joque knows very well what comfy is.

Admittedly, I was in love with the Joque before I ever put it on. After seeing this video of one of Babeland’s employees putting on the Joque, I was hooked. And once I put it on myself, I knew this was it. The harness to end all harnesses.

It’s hard to write a review of a product that gets almost everything right. This might end up sounding like a laundry list of special features. But let’s get to it: the Joque is made of poly-spandex (80% polyester, 20% spandex), not leather or cheap-o backpack strap material. Poly-spandex is lovely for a variety of reasons. I feel bullet points coming on…

• It’s freaking comfortable. Not tolerable, comfortable. I don’t even notice the leg straps, which is really a miracle of the world.¹
• It’s waterproof. Yeah — shower, tub, jacuzzi, torrential downpour, Pacific Northwest, shark tank — you name the wet place, poly-spandex can handle it.
• It’s machine washable. Squirters and squirter-lovers rejoice!

The Joque comes in two sizes (imagine that! It fits real people!). Spareparts first sent me the size A, which is meant for waists of 20-50″, but the instructions that came with the harness informed me that size B (35-65″ waist) is recommended for those with more hips and thighs, even if their waist is smaller. Sweethearts that they are, the folks at Spareparts sent me a size B, whilst I sent my size A to a grateful friend.

My Joque is all black, but it comes in a bazillion other colors (including, um, American flag). The white Spareparts Hardwear label on the front of the waistband is a bit of an eyesore, but I’ve heard of others removing it with a seam ripper². The harness comes with very thorough instructions on how to put it on, and it comes with a drawstring satin pouch for storage and travel, which the harness curls and folds into surprisingly well.

The Joque is easy to adjust (via velcro on the waist and buckles on the leg straps), and one adjustment is nearly all it takes. The leg straps may need to be loosened and tightened a bit each time the harness is worn, but the adjusted waist need not be messed with. In effect, the Joque can be adjusted once, then subsequently stepped into like underwear. Um, yeah. Awesome.

The amount of ways the Joque can be used is mind-boggling. It can be used with a regular or double-ended dildo (dildos with balls included, as the balls can be tucked into the pouch!). It can be used with a vibrating bullet in the pouch, or not. It can be used with the pouch open — so the dildo has direct contact with your skin — or with the pouch closed, so the smooth fabric is what you feel. The Joque can even be used for packing.

The O-ring is one of my favorite parts of the Joque. Yes, O-ring singular! This is a stretchy O-ring. I know what you’re thinking: that sounds either obnoxious or genius. I can assure you it is genius. The O-ring is 1 1/2″ in diameter to begin with, but stretches up to 2″ or so. It doesn’t really feel stretchy (it actually feels very taut), but it stretches when something large is shoved through it.

So pretty much any dildo fits in the Joque. With some finagling, I was able to get the massive Randy through the O-ring (and proceeded to violate my boyfriend’s Fleshlight). Smaller dildos work, too, as long as they have decent bases — the minuscule Tantus Ripple (small) fits like a dream.

But the best fit would have to go to Mr. Man. With its balls tucked away in the fabric pouch and its base resting snugly against my pussy, my boyfriend was able to suck me off — and get intense suction going — without having to hold Mr. Man in place. Glory, glory, hallelujah!

Now, my boyfriend and I are still very far from pegging. It will be a long time before I can strap on a cock and have my way with him. But you know what? My search for the perfect harness — which only consisted of trying three harnesses — is officially over. No more annoying adjustments, no more fumbling with different O-rings, and most of all, no more feeling awkward and uncomfortable. The Joque is the one I want.

Thank you so very much, Spareparts Hardwear!

1. The waistband does cut into my stomach a little when I sit down, though. [↩]
2. Or you could buy the all white version of the Joque and call it good. [↩]

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: Vibrating Velvet Harness
2. Winter hotness giveaway
3. Winter hotness giveaway winners!

Filed under Hi, I love you, Reviews | 19 Comments

Tagged with harness, Spareparts Hardwear