Nov 082009
 

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and then you want to bitch out anyone who dares judge your snookum-wookum on its external appearance? That’s how I’ve become, very quickly, with the Eroscillator. It is my darling, my little copper-colored sweet.

And you can have it from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Because this is the best sex toy I’ve ever tried. Full stop, end of discussion.

True to its name, the Eroscillator oscillates rather than producing regular up and down vibrations. That may not sound amazing to you, and I understand. I used to wonder what oscillating even meant. Was the attachment going to spin in circles crazily? Was it going to assault my clit? How could oscillations feel better than vibrations? Oh, it’s hilarious to think about now…

I. Examining the contents

I was sent the Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo, which is the ultimate package of all things Eroscillator. It includes the Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe (which has 35% more power than the Eroscillator 2 Plus) and all seven available attachments. (Update: I’ve now tried both Eroscillators!) The combo also includes a plastic storage bag1, a manual, a DVD, and a delicious one-year warranty. There’s even a 30-day refund policy for used Eroscillators, if you decide you just don’t like yours. Which would never happen, but still.

The Eroscillator is the only sex toy ever endorsed by Dr. Ruth, which probably would mean more to my mom, but I’ll take it. The 12-minute DVD is mostly an advertisement, but it keeps me laughing all the way from excited hetero guy to to slow motion peach massage.

As an “already orgasmic” woman, the manual presents me with a list of ways to “create a sensual mood” for myself: take a bubble bath, lie down on “dark satin sheets,” drink wine/eat chocolate, listen to music. Rebel that I am, I usually eschew all of this advice and opt for some good ol’ pornographic material instead.2 Unsurprisingly, a sensual mood is completely unnecessary. What is necessary: a socket, a hand, a clitoris.

II. Material-sniffing and initial awesomeness

The Eroscillator is not small; 10″ long and 1 3/8″ in diameter, with a shaft weight of 8 ounces. Snapping an attachment onto it adds an inch or two to its length. The attachments lock into place easily, although removing them can be slippery if they are covered in lube. The cord, with its incredibly generous length of 12 feet (twice the length of the Hitachi’s cord), plugs into the bottom of the Eroscillator, then threads through a notch in the base so that the shaft stands up securely. I love being able to stand the Eroscillator up on my desk when I take a break from jacking off to tweet or take notes on the porn I’m watching.

The AC power is great, too. I’ve never had trouble with the cord, and I very much appreciate knowing my Eroscillator is never performing at less than 100%, as is apt to happen with slowly draining batteries. And the shaft doesn’t overheat — ever. Let’s be honest: this beast is going to last a hell of a lot longer than a battery-powered or rechargeable vibrator. And it better, because if it ever dies on me, I’ll cry. Cry and become murderous.

The body of the Eroscillator is plastic and covered in easy-to-grip ribs. To access the three oscillation levels, there is a long strip of plastic with a lip. Clicking it forward once reveals the number 1 branded on the shaft, then 2 and 3 with subsequent clicks, so that the current level is obvious with a quick glance. This feature rocks.

Now, the attachments. The Seven Pearls of the Orient is made of PVC, the Ultra-Soft Finger Tip is made of silicone elastomer, and the rest of the attachments are made of… well, I’m not sure. I asked the Eroscillator people, and they told me the following: all the attachments are RoHS3, and the others are made of TPE with a silicone coating. In terms of the coating, I’m not convinced it’s pure silicone, because the texture is slightly tacky and the smell is reminiscent of plastic.4

The attachment names crack me up, especially the Seven Pearls of the Orient and the French Legionnaire’s Moustache. Untapped awesomeness: you can purr, “oh, I’m feeling like the French Legionnaire’s Moustache today,” whilst lying back in your chaise lounge and stroking your jewels. Wow, that sounds far more erotic than I meant it to be. The point is, I enjoy saying the luxurious attachment names.

III. Attachment utilization and peculiarities

So what do oscillations look like, feel like, and why are they the shit? Well, oscillations make the attachments look like they’re shivering. The attachments move at a speed of 3,600 back-and-forth oscillations per minute, or 60 per second. So, obviously, the back and forth motion isn’t discernible to the naked eye — nor is it discernible to the naked clit.

The sensation of oscillation is hard to describe, especially in a way that will accurately convince you of its majesty, but here goes: oscillations feel a lot deeper than regular vibrations. When I use a regular ol’ vibrator on my clit now, the vibrations feel very surface-level, and thus not as stimulating. Oscillations also don’t numb, and with oscillations, it’s not necessary to use pressure. Really, pressing the attachment harder doesn’t accomplish much at all, other than soreness in the hand.

It has taken some time and much experimenting, but I’m finally semi-prepared to order the attachments from my favorite to my least favorite. Refer to the photo for the corresponding attachment shapes.

  1. Seven Pearls of the Orient. I really like pinpoint clitoral stimulation, but I had no idea I’d want to marry this attachment. The tip is very small, so it nestles between my labia wonderfully. In use, it almost feels like I’m not using a sex toy at all, and more like an invisible force is stimulating my clit. The best part, though, is the orgasms with this particular attachment. They feel like a combination of clitoral and G-spot orgasms — clitoral for sure, but I always get the sensation of almost squirting. It’s amazing.
  2. G-Point. The G-Point wins second place based almost purely on strength, although the curved shape is nice and ergonomic. I have no idea why, but certain attachments conduct the oscillations better than others, and the G-Point does it the best. It’s the best choice for a strong finish.
  3. Ultra-Soft Finger Tip (or as I like to call it, the marshmallow). One of the mildest in terms of strength, but it’s absolutely perfect for warm-up. The marshmallow is large, squishy, and wonderful for applying lube. It’s the most gentle of all the attachments, and I love it for that. Also, it brings me the most tactile pleasure, as it really does feel like poking a marshmallow.
  4. French Legionnaire’s Moustache. I’m grossed out by facial hair of all kinds, so I did not expect to like this one. But it’s actually quite fun, and feels very unique. It can be used straight on, with the two bristles stimulating the labia, or sideways with one of the bristles stimulating the clit. Watch out, though: the bristles spew lube.
  5. Grapes and Cockscomb. Texture, ahoy! The amount of texture is a little much for me, but I still enjoy it from time to time. This attachment also has an interesting semi-circle side.
  6. Ball and Cup. Good for cupping my clit, as is the Golden Spoon, but not as exciting as the others.
  7. Golden Spoon. I’m just not big on the shape of this one.

But everyone’s different, so my seventh favorite could very well be your most favorite. None of them suck, and rest assured that any attachment will result in orgasm. It’s the oscillating function that matters in the orgasmic end, not the shape of the attachment.

The attachments can be used internally, but most of them aren’t made for the purpose. I tentatively used the Seven Pearls in my ass (with a condom pulled over it, of course), but didn’t care for it much, perhaps because I don’t have a prostate. Nonetheless, I don’t recommend using any attachment anally, because it could come loose and snap off.

I did introduce the G-Point attachment to my G-spot, but it wasn’t a match made in heaven. The oscillations feel interesting internally, but I’d never use any attachment as a makeshift dildo. Besides, then what would I use on my clit?! Catastrophe!

I’ve found the three oscillation levels to be nearly perfect, and only rarely do I ever wish there was a higher level. I sometimes find myself getting off without going past the first level, because the oscillations just feel that good. These aren’t power tool levels, though, so don’t expect anything crazy.

Strangely, different attachments result in different sound levels. The Moustache, Grapes and Cockscomb, and Golden Spoon are the quietest, followed by the Ball and Cup and Seven Pearls. The “marshmallow” is where things start to rattle a bit, and the G-Point’s noise on the highest level is comparable to a fairly noisy vibrator. So the Eroscillator’s claims of silence aren’t quite correct, but most of the attachments are very quiet.

IV. Orgasmic utopia and the shunning of old friends

I was never in the business of comparing orgasms, and am normally opposed to the idea that any toy, in an of itself, can give different or better orgasms. But after spending weeks and weeks with the Eroscillator, I’m ready to say it: my orgasms with the Eroscillator are different. And yes, they are better. They’re longer and deeper. That university study that found the Eroscillator most likely to produce high intensity orgasms? It’s accurate. Com’n, people, it’s science!

I’ve also noticed that the Eroscillator makes me come faster than I usually do. Before the Eroscillator, I was able to resist the nearing-orgasm urges. But now, the oscillations feel so good that I have had several instances of thinking fuck it and letting myself come, even though I wanted to continue jacking off for one reason or another.

To explain my love for the Eroscillator in terms that longtime readers of this blog will understand: I haven’t used my (ex-) beloved Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet (which I once dubbed “the bullet to end all bullets”) since I received the Eroscillator. I’ve tried, and it just doesn’t feel good anymore. Yeah, the clitorial stimulator that I used almost exclusively for over a year and a half doesn’t do it for me now. Basically, I’m ruined.

I’d also like to say goodbye to concave toys, flickery sleeves, too small bullets, too weak vibrators, and flapping tongues. Goodbye to practically anything that has ever brought me to clitoral orgasm before this. Sorry, y’all, but I honestly can’t see myself using any of you ever again.

V. A couple negatives before you assume I’m on uppers

Mainly, the Eroscillator is expensive. The Ultimate Combo (the big kahuna) is priced at a hefty $255. The Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe by itself is around $195. The Eroscillator 2 Plus is the cheapest, at $140. Sadly, the least expensive ones don’t include my favorite attachments (the attachments are sold separately, but they’re overpriced).

Although it’s quite a chunk of money no matter which version/package you choose (I reviewed both versions here), consider that it goes toward an oscillating function that cannot be found in most other toys (and when it is, it’s usually in an offensively rudimentary form). It also goes toward what will most likely become the only clitoral stimulator you will ever need.

But back to the quibbles:

  • It’s difficult to focus on the stimulation of the Eroscillator while using a vibrator internally, so if you’re an avid vibrator-in-vagina person, be prepared for the Eroscillator’s specific and somewhat delicate oscillations.
  • The Eroscillator is a bit heavier than most toys, especially clit toys, so it takes some getting used to.
  • The attachments are riddled with nooks and crannies, so you’ll need to bust out your old toothbrush during cleaning time, lest those crevasses become filled with dried lube and juices.

I would comment on the Eroscillator’s unfortunate color and odd appearance, which deterred me from caring about its existence for far too long, but its appearance is actually an asset. I leave the unadorned shaft sitting out beside my desk, so that it’s always plugged in and ready for me. As it should be.

VI. Just buy one. Seriously.

I’m being dramatic, I know, but if there ever was a sex toy to be dramatic over… it’s this one. If my apartment was burning down and I had already saved my cats, I’d probably try to grab my Eroscillator.

You may not fully understand the majesty of the Eroscillator if you are not yet jaded by the same-old same-old plastic vibes and “innovative” clit stimulators — but I am jaded, and the Eroscillator is the antidote. Now I know that I don’t have to settle for the often loud thrum of regular ol’ vibrations. I don’t have to settle for surface-level stimulation. I just don’t have to settle, because the Eroscillator blows everything else out of the water — er, toy drawer.

Everyone with a clitoris should own the Eroscillator. Hell, everyone with a soul should own it. And if you’re going to pull the “it looks like an electric toothbrush” excuse, then I implore you to consider how much a toy’s resemblance to a toothbrush matters when you are experiencing some of the most unique and stimulating clitoral pleasure of your existence.

There are a lot of Eroscillator packages to choose from. Let me break them down for you.
The Eroscillator 2 Plus is the regular one; the Top Deluxe has 35% more power. I reviewed both here.

Thank you, folks of Eroscillator, for sending me your glorious device!

  1. It doesn’t even close, though, so I’m on the hunt for something far cuter and more secure. []
  2. Hilariously, the renting of an “adult movie” is recommended for anorgasmic women, but not for me. []
  3. Which is really just a fancy way of saying, “woohoo! No lead!”, so.. yeah. I would hope so. []
  4. For this reason, I would not recommend sharing the Eroscillator with a non-fluid-bonded partner unless you use a condom, since the attachments can’t be sterilized. []
  • LOLmerrill

    omfg. The Epi seal of approval/adoration has cemented this unique gem to item numero uno on Merrill’s 2009 christmas list. Ps: your reviews are unlike anyone elses. Seriously girl, your skills are unmatched. I need this magnificent, coppery god immediately. Well done.

  • http://longingsend.wordpress.com Sylvanus

    We’re an Eroscillator family, ourselves. We understand.

  • http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    FINALLY. So glad to be reading this at last! It’s every bit as detailed and wonderful as I thought it would be and makes me lust for this toy even more than I did before. I remember when I first started seeing the Eroscillator; I was immediately drawn to it because I actually love the way it looks. I am a fan of the Steampunk aesthetic and this is totally reminds me of that and I just love the idea of what kinds of toys would be around in a Steampunk world. So yeah, I immediately loved the look of this toy but I really had no idea if it was a good toy. Then I started hearing things here and there about it, then you received yours and tantalized us forEVER about it before finally posting this exceptional blog. I hope that someday I could own this (being poor though, I don’t see it happening any time soon). Thanks for the great, very long overdue post!

  • http://lusciouslily.blogspot.com/ Luscious Lily

    Curse you for convincing me that I need this! Curse you! *shakes fist* My bank account curses you, too! :P

    Absolutely amazing review.

  • http://syntaxual.blogspot.com Syntax

    After such a long and thorough review, I can’t believe I could find something you didn’t cover, but I have a question for you — how heavy would you say it is compared to the Hitachi?

  • http://britisstillshameless.blogspot.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    YOU FINISHED IT!!!

    This has been way high up on my wishlist for a long time, and now I think it’s moved to number one! This review was absurdly thorough, but I actually have a question similar to Syntax’s, but slightly different. How would you compare the strength of stimulation as compared to the Hitachi? I know that vibration and oscillation are different, but if you *could* compare…?

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Syntax: Keepin’ me on my toes, aren’t you? I even whipped out my postal scale to figure this out. The Eroscillator weighs 8 oz, while the Hitachi weighs 1 lb 5 oz. This is a difference of 13 oz, a.k.a. “the Hitachi is a lot heavier.”

    @Britni TheVadgeWig: You’re right, they’re really hard to compare. I had a line in this review that I ended up deleting because I couldn’t find a home for it, and the gist of it was, “the only kind of person who would not enjoy the Eroscillator would be someone who can’t get off without the Hitachi.” I mean, if you really, seriously can’t orgasm without the power of the Hitachi, I’m not certain the Eroscillator can give you an orgasm. But I’m inclined to think that it just might be able to, since oscillations are so different. I can get off with both, so I don’t know for sure.

    Compared to the Hitachi, the power of the Eroscillator is… delicate. It doesn’t pound. It feels light most of the time. Obviously, the Hitachi feels heavy and insanely powerful, like a power tool. It uses brute vibrating force to get you off. The Eroscillator won’t make your cooch feel like a massage chair, but it does stimulate deeply. It really feels completely different, but I can honestly say that I greatly prefer the Eroscillator.

  • http://heartbreaknympho.com Wilhelmina

    that picture is awesome.

    and the eroscillator seems epic.

  • http://www.thesexcarnival.com/ DominaDoll

    Finally! Whoot! Hoot! Now we know what all that time waiting was for. You locked yourself away and masturbated for a couple weeks while pretending to write this review! AhaHA!

    Okay… I wanted one before… Now I want one baddddd! :)

  • http://beautifuldreamer30.blogspot.com Beautiful Dreamer

    Love. :)
    This is the best toy. Ever. And your review should convince everyone of that. Fabulous job!

  • http://www.lacequeenrose.blogspot.com Rose

    I am super excited that you finally finished this review! I was agape when I read it. You ACTUALLY don’t use the Xtreme anymore??!! My mouth fell open. Once you said that, I just knew I HAD to have one. Muuaahahhahaa…I am saving up now. I just KNOW it will be worth it. Oh, man…it is drool worthy now that I KNOW. I love it!!! So glad you love it, too.

  • Sara

    Kind of glad I can’t afford one! Wouldn’t want to make all of my other toys obsolete :p

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Sara: It doesn’t make dildos obsolete!

  • http://funwithsammi2.blogspot.com Sammi

    This is an awesome review of an awesome toy! I so love this one :-)

  • http://www.coypink.com Coy Pink

    You know you’re an excellent toy reviewer when… you have two people (at least, I can only speak for my husband and myself) obsessively checking your site and Twitter stream for some mention of the Erocillator review. We were so excited to read this last night!

    I was coming here to say what Sara just said – I really want an Erocillator now but I’m afraid of making all my other toys useless by owning one!

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  • http://ravenquince.wordpress.com Raven Quince

    I had heard nothing but good things about the Eroscillator before your review. And now the thoroughness of your post has just sold me on it. Problem is the price tag. It’s going to be a long time before I get my paws on one of these. In the meantime, while I’m saving my pennies, I think I’ll try that Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet. If I”m lucky I’ll get a year out of it before I am able to shun it for the Eroscillator. But at least I would have had fun while waiting ;)

  • http://ofsexandlove.com Adriana

    Did I comment yet? No. I want. Seriously. I’m considering a buy out of EF but, quite honestly, who wants to read another review of it? Not I!

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  • http://www.insatiabledesire.com/ Melen’s Rayne

    Ooo… I want it now. I was all, “Ew. It’s ugly.” I’m ridiculously visual. But it sounds like all sorts of fun.

    Great review!

  • Submissive_D

    This may be an odd quirk of mine but am I the only one who’s completely put off by the ridiculous names for the attachments?

    I’m a really visual person (maybe unfortunately). If I don’t find it visually appealing in some way (I can even find something visually appealing about the Hitachi…but some things I just can’t.) there’s no way I could play with it. I love Lelo and JimmyJane toys (not lucky enough to own a JimmyJane toy YET) because they’re so gorgeous. Plus the quality is top notch.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Submissive_D: The attachment names are ridiculous, but they’re hardly reason enough not to try the Eroscillator itself. You could always re-name the attachments for yourself — it’s not like they have their names branded on them or anything.

    I’m not sure if you’re trying to say that you find the Eroscillator’s appearance off-putting or not, but I think the Eroscillator is about on par with the Hitachi in terms of looks. In terms of quality, it is extremely high quality — I dare say just as high quality as a Lelo toy.

  • http://www.undressedreviews.com Mimi

    I’m really curious about this toy because I’ve been devoted to my Hitachi for so long (not for lack of trying other toys) and I seem to prefer the broader head and strong vibrations, but if the attachments are good enough, it seems like that would surpass a broader head.

    We’ll see. Someday.

    Excellent review! It was long, but it didn’t FEEL long. It “felt” appropriately thorough and interesting. Thank you.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Mimi: I’m glad it didn’t feel long! I wish everyone could just try the Eroscillator to see what it feels like… I know it’s hard to conceptualize a sensation.

  • http://unsafewords.com Themistokles

    Two battery-powered vibes have silicone heads that you can use in your Eroscillator; the purple “Silicone Mini Oscillator” and the pink “Intimacy Massager.” I’m not sure I can post links here, but both vibrators should be googlable.

    The purple kit is better than the pink. The side that looks like a pair of antennae is the _extraordinary_ — hook an antenna under the hood and make the world go still.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Themistokles: Your comment comes across as spammy, but I’m going to keep it in case someone comes along wondering where they could get maybe-cheaper attachments. Personally, I don’t really see the benefit in buying those pieces of junk just to use the attachments, but I suppose it would work if you got a good deal.

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  • Mike Greenfield

    Have you tried the “Celebrator?” Same concept as the Eroscilator but about a 1/4 the price.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Mike Greenfield: No, I haven’t tried it. But as always with sex toys, there are reasons it’s so cheap…

    It takes 2 AAs and as such, could never have the same amount of power as the Eroscillator.

    It has one tip shape, not seven.

    And I can’t for the life of me figure out what the tips are made of, but I have seen warnings about replacing the tips if they “become rough or scratched.” I even read this: “With proper care, the Celebrator® can be used multiple times.” So this is not made of the most hygienic material.

  • http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com Joan Price

    Great review of my favorite vibrator. The Eroscillator is also a wonderful design for clitoral stimulation during partner sex (doesn’t get in the way of the two bodies), and very effective. The “marshmallow” is my favorite attachment because I can bear down with it to get the oscillations sort of surrounding my clitoris without any hard surface interfering with my pleasure.

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  • Jamie

    Thank you so much for this review!

    It’s been a while since I’ve had a sex toy (due to lack of funds and a low sex drive), so I’m in the process of looking for something I’d like.

    The Eroscillator is a staple of any good sex toy website, but its appearance has always been a bit of a turn off. The reviews of it were always glowing, saying that it was amazing, but it never seemed any different than any other expensive toy. Your review, on the other hand, made it clear why it was so top quality. I especially enjoyed your describing what the oscillating feels like and the attention to the attachments (I freaking want that marshmallow one).

    Even though it’s a bit out of my price range, I have a feeling I’ll end up getting it. And I have a feeling my clit owes you one.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Jamie: Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Jamie! Before I got mine, I also wondered why people were insane about the Eroscillator. Now I know.

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  • C

    This is such a great review! I am about to finally plunk down some cash and buy a vibrator that costs more than a $100. The cheap things I’ve experimented with before pretty much get ignored in my drawer, but I want something that offers great clitoral stimulation to relieve my tired hand during sex. So…for a gal that is looking for a clit wonder that can be used during sex, would you recommend the eroscillator and its giant ugly goldness, or something like the Form 2, even thought it has glitches and whatnot? I am hemming and hawing between le eroscillator, the Form 2, or something more perfunctory, like the Mystic Wand. Any advice would be super appreciated!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @C: To be completely honest, I haven’t tested a majority of my toys during sex, but here is what I can tell you: Form 2 will be annoying no matter what. Mystic Wand will probably be too big. Eroscillator will probably work, and is awesome (obviously). Another option would be the Lelo Siri, or possibly the new Form 3, which I will be reviewing soon. It depends on what positions you like and if you need something super small, or if something bigger like the Ero might work. In any case, the Ero is badass.

  • C

    Awesome! One last question–is the deluxe the only way to go, or do the lower end versions get close to the deluxe in glory? Thanks again for such a helpful review!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @C: I’ve been wanting to find out the answer to that for a long time, but unfortunately I don’t know yet. I have a friend with the regular version who has been meaning to mail it to me to test…

  • C

    Hmmm, maybe there’s an answer for this…I got the much adored Eroscillator Top Deluxe, and while I don’t dislike it, I’m not sure I’ve learned its tricks yet. It’s pleasant, but doesn’t quite get me there, and when it does, it feels more like a fast ummemorable blip than an orgasm…after a few solid tries, I haven’t been able to get it to deliver. This is the first toy I’ve invested in besides cheapies…has anybody else experienced a learning curve with the Eros?

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  • Selective Sensualist

    THIS is the review that finally sold me on the idea that it is not completely insane to spend that much money on such a fantastically fugly vibrator — or perhaps it just convinced me that this toy would drive me to a *desirable* sort of (orgasmic) insanity. “I’ll have what she’s having . . . “. ;)

  • http://beanfiddler.com Beanfiddlers

    Talk about a detailed review! I am seriously impressed. I’m also impressed Eroscillator sent you their primo package. Awesome!

  • sophie2229

    I didn’t like this one… I need pressure!

  • http://www.namelesschaos.com namelesschaos

    Although I’m a guy, I love using vibrators on myself and I’m deeply curious how oscillations compare but 200+ is a mighty steep price tag just to see. Do you know of any other toys with an oscillation feature (that’s good enough for me to get an idea of how they feel) that aren’t so pricey?

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @namelesschaos: There’s a shitty Cal Exotic knock-off, but that’s all I can think of…

  • http://twitter.com/hopeandmemory Liz

    I am dying to see how this feels, but I cannot afford that much for a vibrator. :( And the marshmallow attachment looks so fun!

  • Tuesday

    Usually your reviews match exactly how I feel about a product, but with this one we’re not in sync. To me the eroscillator feels weak, like a watch battery powered toy. I wonder about the difference in strength between the deluxe eroscillator and the eroscillator 2. Do you know?

    And who paid for that study? That can make all the difference.

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  • http://will-o-the-wisp.tumblr.com Caroline

    I really didn’t like the eroscillator. I’ve always been able to come with my hand or a toy…but I feel so inorgasmic with this toy. And the orgasms have just been so-so. Perhaps it doesn’t work with my body. But it definitely wasn’t worth the $200.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Caroline: I’m really dismayed to hear this. Unfortunately, sex toys are so individualized, and there will always be people who have very different experiences. In this case, you and I are about as far apart as possible, and I am sad about that.

  • http://will-o-the-wisp.tumblr.com Caroline

    @Epiphora: I actually take back what I said about the eroscillator! All the other heads are so textured that they’re kind of uncomfortable. But the marshmallow head which was forgettable in the beginning but so good now! I guess this toy has a bigger learning curve than I expected!

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Caroline: Glad to hear it! The oscillations are different than most vibrators, so it can take some adjustment.

  • AM

    Holy crap, I just ordered this. I hope I love it as much as you do! That was a huuuuge investment.

  • AM

    OH MY GOD. I just had full on sex with this GOD(DESS?) of sex toys. I mean writhing around on the bed in a way I have never done with a vibrator before. Other vibrators have gotten me off, but none have inspired me to switch positions without once removing it. To be honest, it took me a few sessions to get the hang of it, but….wow. I think I might be in love.

    Since this was the review that inspired me to finally take the plunge, I have to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

  • Manda

    I want one SO. BAD. This seems like the kinda thing you will never regret shelling out the money for. I just wish someone had a review of both the Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. the Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe to see if the extra power boost is really worth it.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Manda: I have a blogger friend who owns the regular version. She is supposed to send me hers to test alongside my deluxe one, eventually…

  • Manda

    oh great!! it will be an epic battle of Eroscillators :)

  • sexyamystar

    Wow. You really sound like you enjoyed this toy. Now I am really keen of getting one myself. I just have to have it!

  • Nina

    I know this is pretty old, but question! I’m getting a bonus soon and considering this, but my main concern is noise level. How noisy is this compared to, say, The Wahl?

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Nina: Unquestionably, the Eroscillator is louder. Its noise level depends a bit on which attachment you use, but it is overall louder than the Wahl. Both toys get quieter once you actually touch them to yourself, but the Eroscillator has an unfortunate rattling sound to it, whereas the Wahl is one of the quietest toys I own.

  • DolceVita

    Ok, first… I love your blog! I recently purchased lelo Ella after reading about your experience (and not being able to find the beyond 3) and couldn’t be happier. Now I’m in the market for a new clit vibe… And the eroscillator really intrigues me! I need strong intense vibration and this sounds like it would do the job… Unfortantely, this just is not in the budget righI now and i have yet to find a bullet/cult vibe that really works for me. Do you have any cheaper suggestions for me ($30-60 range) that have power and might get the job done until I can afford this awesome toy?

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    You can’t go wrong with the Wahl. I also really like my Mystic Wand. Both are powerful and in your price range. Some of the strongest rechargeable clit vibes I’ve found have been the ones from We-Vibe, so if your budget expands, that’s what I’d suggest. The Eroscillator isn’t actually what I would call “powerful,” as it doesn’t vibrate, but it is an amazing toy.

    P.S. You can still find the Beyond 3 on SheVibe!

  • http://twitter.com/NelaWink NelaWink

    I have ordered the Eroscillator a few days ago and I am very excited, hopefully it’ll arrive soon!

    BUT – I ordered it directly from the Eroscillator website and their communication with me sucks. I had to kick them through an email to even confirm the order and now I have been trying for three or four days, by three emails, to confirm whether it has been shipped and to send me a postal tracking number (they explicitly offered it in the email I got from them!). No response, silence and darkness.

    I am sorry for the bitching :) I just thought it may be an interesting information.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    Argh, I’m sorry for that. Hopefully the experience of the Eroscillator will make up for their crappy customer service.

  • http://twitter.com/NelaWink NelaWink

    If I didn’t think it would, I wouldn’t act as the most annoying customer ever :)

  • Tom

    Am I the only one who thinks it looks like a steampunk sex toy? I’m sure that it would appeal visually to them, at least…

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  • TJtheMadHatter

    Favorite line: “Basically, I’m ruined”. I’ve gone back and forth with this one, just because of the price tag. It’s one of those toys stamped “SOON”. When I read the bit about the fire scenario, I got a visual of your front window, with one of those animal lists for the firemen to see. The kitty box checked, with SAVE EROSCILLATOR written underneath in Sharpie.

  • Kiwi

    This thing left me sad. Perhaps I’m just not a very orgasmic person, but after three hours and every single attachement, I gave up. Things that comes with “orgasm guarantees” or “satisfaction guarantees” rarely work for me :(

  • Casey

    Epiphora, just seeing your latest posting come into my inbox gives me joy to look forward to (I save your posts to savour at the end of the day). Good or bad, your reviews are delightful, educational, and well-written.

    Too bad that I can’t write raptures about this “toy.” It brings me so very little joy. I bought it based on several reviews, and it certainly is well-crafted and well-presented. That said, BLAH. No, that’s not quite right. It’s just …. perhaps my expectations were too high? No, that’s not it, either. Look, let me put it this way: compare a pencil to a paint roller. Try painting a wall with a pencil and see where you get. Also, you keep poking with a pencil and OUCH. That’s this toy for me. It’s too pointy. I guess it taught me something, but it’s a bit much to pay to find out that something with a bit more coverage delivers better results for me. Also, it is very difficult to explain to others just why your carpal tunnel is acting up again when you can’t exactly blurt out that your new vibey-vibey toy shook your wrist into spasms. Seriously, my arm goes numb using this thing and my clit feels like it was poked-poked-poked.

    It does get me there in the end, but it’s in a sort of detached, are we done yet? way. Right, since I have other toys to try out (you have POWER, woman! Power over my spending habits), I’ll go try those out, shall I?

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