Aug 222016

Me + Sandra from SheVibe + a hotel room with vulvaesque wallpaper + a phone camera + wine = this rollicking good time of a video!

Easily, one of the highlights of Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit this year was spending time with Sandra, Thor, and Alex from SheVibe. I’ve hung out with them before at conferences past, but this time I was reminded once again why we are a match made in sex toy heaven. How, I wondered, could I convey their in-person awesomeness to all of you? That’s when I decided to corral Sandra into my room for a live Periscope video chat.

Answering questions from each other and the audience, we spent an hour talking about dream vibrators, vulva kayaks, our shared love of betusked animals, our shared distaste for rabbit vibes, and the unique challenges of working in an industry where creeper phone calls run rampant and people make you responsible for their orgasms. Plus, Sandra reveals which well-loved sex toy she’s yet to try (SHOCK AND HORROR!), and a viewer mistakes me for Erika Moen!

Here’s an overview of all the stuff we discussed. Sorry for the crap video quality — I even got a new phone for this, but livestreaming is just bound to suck, I guess?

  • 0:47 — A question from Jamie Gump on Twitter: “Favorite toy of the last year vs. favorite toy of all time?” I explain that the Pure Wand is probably my all-time fave because when I went in for my sex toy manicure, I knew for a fact I needed it on one of my nails. So far this year, I’ve been impressed with the We-Vibe Rave (which Sandra did not know was app-compatible!).
  • 2:19 — We talk about day-to-day operations at SheVibe, Sandra’s role as problem solver, and how people make us responsible for their orgasms.
  • 5:19 — Sandra asks me, “If you had access to unlimited resources and the world’s greatest engineers, what would you endeavor to create as the ultimate pleasure toy?” For one, I’d make sure it had a rumbly motor.
  • 7:10 — A live viewer asks us, “Are manufacturers better nowadays about using body-safe materials?”
  • 7:57 — I ask Sandra about SheVibe’s stance on stocking porous toys and products from unpopular companies such as Pipedream. Short answer: accessibility. Some people just need a cheap glass toy or inexpensive (phthalate-free!) realistic dildo. Not everyone can afford to spend $300 on a huge chunk of silicone from Tom of Finland or Square Peg.
  • 13:39Backwoods Bedroom on Twitter asks, “What is the biggest mistake you typically see new sex toy reviewers making?”
  • 15:42 — Someone wants to know if the new curved base on the Tantus Ryder is an improvement. Sandra and I discuss the best butt plug colors.
  • 17:10 — We commiserate about creeper phone calls, how degraded they make us feel, and how nobody ever calls to ask legitimate questions about penis pumps.
  • 22:45 — Sandra asks me, “What are your ‘go to’ toys when a newbie asks for vibe recommendations, dildo recommendations and butt toy suggestions? Is it difficult to think in those terms after years of honing your own pleasure toy preferences?” I somehow manage to only answer the second half of that question, so here’s my answer to the first part: PicoBong Ako (vibrator), Tantus’ Grab Bag section (dildo), and the Fun Factory Bootie (butt plug).
  • 24:29 — Good question: “Do you think that the dual stimulation toy is just something that people should stop trying to fucking do?” We decide that categorically, rabbits/dual vibes are the type of sex toy most likely to disappoint you.
  • 25:49 — Spurred by a story of a customer who got the Hitachi and Gee Whizzard and complained they couldn’t orgasm with them, we talk about how so many things can influence pleasure — not using lube, taking antihistamines, being upset that someone was voted off Big Brother… then I squeal embarrassingly loudly after Sandra reveals that her best friend is related to Julie Chen (the host of Big Brother). I tell Sandra about Julie Chen’s merciless take-down of a racist houseguest.
  • 28:28 — BACK TO TALKING MORE SHIT ABOUT RABBITS, because we can always talk more shit about rabbits. Sandra says that the only rabbit she has ever liked was the Thunder Cloud. We come up with a theory: when a rabbit works for someone, they find it so impressive that they then get excited about the mere concept of rabbits.
  • 30:17 — If a sex toy is going to be shaped like an animal, the only animal I’ll allow is the walrus, because I collect them. Naturally, we discuss walrus anatomy and whether it would feel pleasurable. I learn that Sandra collects elephants — another TUSKED creature!
  • 32:35 — A viewer asks about fucking machines. I have the Sybian and it’s okay, but mostly I don’t want to be RAMMED INCESSANTLY like that.
  • 34:40 — Taking a moment to fangirl over the amazing Japanese artist Rokudenashiko and her vulva kayak, and how we need a different word than “ballsy” — maybe “vulvy”? (Correction: Rokudenashiko was actually fined for distributing a 3D scan of her vulva.)
  • 36:10I rarely ever throw toys away and instead just give them to my family members.
  • 38:24 — Someone asks whether glycerin in lube is bad — usually yes, because it acts like a sugar and can promote yeast infections! I contend that using lube means the difference between loving and hating masturbation.
  • 40:05 — We share memories of when SheVibe and I first started working together and how Sandra learned to gel with bloggers. She says so many sweet things to me and I don’t know what to do with myself!
  • 43:14 — SheVibe is making an effort to draw more people of color on their site after realizing how white their characters were.
  • 44:04Sugarcunt wants to know, “What’s the hardest part about working with bloggers? (Let’s be real, we’re not always perfect!)” We discuss how to find your voice as a blogger.
  • 47:18 — A viewer would like some advice for their first time in a sex shop. I tell a story about someone in the middle of checking out with the Mona and Hula Beads who asked me, “are these any good?”
  • 50:46 — “Basically, don’t tell me about your penis.” —me, every day
  • 51:12 — We run out of wine and our garçon pours us more. Thanks, Thor!
  • 51:27“What sort of products have you picked up [at SheVibe] that you didn’t think would sell, but turned out that they did?” Sandra didn’t believe the Womanizer would even work, let alone sell.
  • 53:55 — Someone says “shout out to your dildo hutch” and I realize they’ve mistaken me for Erika Moen. We talk more about sex toy storage, such as over-the-door shoe organizers.
  • 54:47“Are sex toys always part of your sexual encounters,” Sandra wants to know, “or do you ever go ‘commando’?” She is amused by me saying that my vulva-rubbing technique is “not that good.” It’s just not!
  • 56:30 — I ask Sandra, “Which toy that bloggers really like have you not tried?” and I gasp in horror when she says the Pure Wand!
  • 58:47 — Sandra asks me, “Have you ever felt like you had to raise the bar for yourself sexually or has it been a natural progression of curiosity?” Natural, I think, considering my journey toward larger toys. I consider how the Intensity, shitty as it was, prepped me for estim that I actually like in the Neon Wand.
  • 1:03:54 — A viewer wants to know about the best cleaner for silicone toys. Just soap and water, yo! Tips for boiling them? I suggest a good pair of TONGS.
  • 1:06:00 — Holy shit, there are 151 people watching us! We should make out. We don’t actually make out. But we would. That’s what matters.
Aug 032016

Look, I got a sex toy manicure (at Finger Bang!)

[Top: Ryder, Pure Wand, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Mona 2.
Bottom: Luna Beads, Joque, Mustang, Seduction. Photo by my boyfriend!]

In the past, there was no option for me to enshrine my favorite objects — sex toys — on my fingernails. For one, I bit my nails ravenously until about 4 years ago (obsessively painting them helped me stop). Also, I feel like most traditional nail salons would not take kindly to a request for such “lewd” designs, and my life is just so [. . . read more]

Jul 202016

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Doxy Don (left) and Doxy Die Cast with Nuzzle Tip attachment (right).

Put it on my clit. Now.

That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don, standing in the hallway at a conference with it reverberating in my hands. I’d never seen or heard about the product in my life, but in a split second I wished it upon my genitals. Although I often make snap judgments about toys, they’re usually negative ones based on stomach-turningly buzzy vibrations. This was the opposite: the vibrations were so deliciously rumbly, so promising.

I’d never[. . . read more]

Jul 082016

Sex toy news: rimming butt plugs and LELO's gravest mistake

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.”

This butt plug has rotating beads in the neck for a rimming sensation. But it’s $150! You’d have to really want to be rimmed by a machine.

At first I was like “cool,” when I saw that Jimmyjane was coming out with a line of battery-operated vibrators modeled after their rechargeables. Then, I was able to try the Intro 2 (inspired by the Form 2), and WOW,

[. . . read more]

Jul 012016

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?

I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation and “low” price of $40. It has happened often enough for me to become sufficiently jaded about it.

So, last year, while sitting in Joan Price’s senior sex workshop at Woodhull, I was sadly unsurprised when a male member of the audience piped up to mention My Celebrator… as an alternative to Joan’s (and my, and a lot of peoples’) beloved Eroscillator.

Because… you know…[. . . read more]

Jun 102016

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

The simplehuman Sensor Pump squirting lube onto the njoy Pure Wand.

Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions and glistening stainless steel bathroom accessories it beckoned, goading me to use it for nefarious purposes. I’d never spend $40 on an automatic soap dispenser, but in my household, the simplehuman Sensor Pump has a much more life-sustaining function: dispensing lube.


That’s the sound it makes. An adorable mechanical blip, and my god — it’s a glorious thing. The first time I used it, I couldn’t stop myself. Lube was flowing like water, like wine. It was one-handed. It was instantaneous. My left hand[. . . read more]

Jun 022016

Jack-off Journal #20 October 24, 2015
My secret shame: I am terrible at remembering to pack lube when I travel. And porn. On this #dildoholiday, I had to borrow my friend’s Good Clean Love, and I had to stream my porn because my laptop has nada. Luckily, I’d been given access to Fat Girl Fantasies, but I still had to suffer with small-town buffering.

I watched two scenes: April Flores and Isiah Maxwell and James Darling and Cinnamon Maxxine. Both pretty scorching hot, but James and Cinnamon’s took the cake for two reasons: 1) James’ INTENSE, DEEPLY FOCUSED face as he makes Cinnamon squirt, and 2) the whimsical cat painting in the background.

Mostly I used the Womanizer and[. . . read more]

May 212016

Review: Siri 2 FINALLY. Fucking finally.

I’ve been waiting years for LELO to upgrade their humble little clit vibe, Siri. While they were off dilly-dallying with weird oral sex simulators and pretentious cock rings, I was over here drumming my fingernails on my desk, condescendingly clicking my tongue, wondering if the almost-great Siri would ever get an upgrade.

The sex toy landscape was different when I reviewed the original Siri back in 2010. Pickings were slim when it came to rechargeable clitoral vibrators, and I was less jaded. I liked the cute, egg-shaped Siri. It wasn’t terribly strong, but it was rumbly, and it was enough. “Is it the clit vibe to end all clit vibes?” I wrote. “Not quite[. . . read more]

May 102016

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

The Lovehoney Flash (left) is a buzzy vibrator. The Doxy Don (right) is rumbly.

Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept flittering into my mind: buzzy.

Ugh, too buzzy. What a shame. The design is cool, but it’s so fucking buzzy. Nope.

I even met an avid reader of my blog who works for an up-and-coming sex toy manufacturer. Their flagship vibrator intrigued me with its peculiar manta ray flaps and vibrant shade of turquoise silicone. But I turned it on and could not hide my disgust. “It needs a better motor,” I sighed.

“Oh, I know,” she said. “I knew you’d hate it.”

A sex toy could do literally everything else right —[. . . read more]