Oct 192016

This month, my blog turns 8 years old. It could’ve been a two-term president in that time. My sex toy collection has grown from a sad box of junk to a walk-in closet of glory; my standards have been raised to preposterous levels. But one thing remains the same: each year, I celebrate my blogiversary with a huge giveaway, to put my favorite sex toys in the hands of people who deserve them. With liberty and #sextoysforall.

Win your pick of more than 50 sex toys in this HUGE giveaway!

[All graphics by the incomparable Aerie. Hire them for any and all projects!]

54: that’s the number of sex toy prizes I wrangled for this giveaway. It’s a new record for most toys I’ve ever given away at once. I’m also allowing you to choose your top 3 prizes this time around, to reduce the amount of anxiety over choosing just one prize. (Winners will still win one each, to spread the love.)

Peeps, I’ve got everything here from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses and BDSM implements, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! This year there are a slew of “winner’s choice” prizes, where you can win any product you desire from the catalogs of OhMiBodFucking Sculptures, Downunder Toys, New York Toy CollectiveMinna, and Self Delve (YES, FRUIT- AND VEGETABLE-SHAPED DILDOS).

As always, classic favorites such as the Pure Wand, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Stronic EinsEroscillator, and Mona 2 are up for grabs, but there’s also a ton of new stuff, such as the Doxy Die Cast, Womanizer Pro, L’Amourose Prism V, sparkle rope from Twisted Monk, and the We-Vibe Rave. Most of these prizes are valued at or over $100, because I have expensive taste and you deserve fancy shit. Plus, more than half the prizes are available to international folks!

How to enter

Read about each of the prizes below, sorted by those open to international entrants and those restricted to US entrants. Choose 1-3 prizes you want most (carefully — you can’t change your picks after you’ve entered), then enter using the widget below or on the giveaway landing page.

To ensure your entries are properly counted, please disable any ad-blocking extensions or software before entering. Some entry techniques require Gleam authentication. Do not be alarmed; this simply makes it a LOT easier for me to verify entries. Problems? Email me or hello@gleam.io.

Sex toys for all — win one of more than 50 sex toy prizes!

This giveaway ends on Friday, November 18th at 11:59 pm PST.

MASSIVE THANKS to all the lovely companies who donated: SheVibeTantus, We-Vibe, Crystal Delights, DoxyEarly to BedSpareparts HardwearFun Factory, VibratexnjoyHole Punch ToysLELOFleshlight, Twisted MonkVixen Creations, LovehoneyStockroomMinna, Fucking SculpturesPink & WhiteOhMiBod, Dallas Novelty, Downunder ToysL’AmouroseBabeland, Self Delve, LiberatorGood Vibrations, Tenga, Womanizer, and Hot Octopuss. Y’all are rockstars.

Open to everyone / international entrants

Note: while these generous donors have agreed to ship internationally, there may still be restrictions shipping to certain countries. Please read descriptions carefully.

Doxy Die Cast vibrator

The (sparkle!) Doxy Die Cast, donated by Doxy.

LOOK. IT IS SPARKLY LIKE DOROTHY’S SLIPPERS. It comes in red, purple, black, and white sparkle! Do I really have to say more? Fine, it’s a very good wand vibrator too.

L'Amourose Prism V vibratorThe L’Amourose Prism V, donated by L’Amourose.

Exceedingly versatile and impeccably-designed, the Prism V is everything a good rechargeable vibrator should be. Plus, it looks cool as hell.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

SheVibe $100 gift card
A $100 gift card to SheVibe!

Not seeing the toy of your dreams on this list? SheVibe stocks pretty much every good sex toy on earth, including some obscure yet awesome brands. They rule.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

LELO Mona 2 vibrator

The LELO Mona 2, donated by LELO.

I never tire of giving away Monas. This unstoppable vibrator is well-rounded as fuck, with a vibration range that could suit almost anyone. It’s so good I own three of them.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

KinkLab Neon Wand

The KinkLab Neon Wand, donated by Stockroom.

I didn’t think electrostim was my thing, and then I tried the Neon Wand. The adjustable intensity dial and array of electrode attachments make this a versatile sensation toy. Zap zap!

Note: Winner cannot live in Russia.

We-Vibe Pleasure Mate CollectionThe We-Vibe Pleasure Mate Collection, donated by We-Vibe.

My world changed when I discovered hands-free orgasms thanks to two toys in this collection — the Dusk “butt plug” and Tango vibrator combined.

njoy Pure Plug butt plug

The njoy Pure Plug in your choice of size, donated by Lovehoney.

One time I joked about the stainless steel Pure Plug staying with me after I die, placed in a nook next to my urn. I do not regret this. This butt plug is perfection incarnate.

Fucking Sculptures product of your choice

The Fucking Sculptures product of your choice, donated by Fucking Sculptures.

Glass dildos made entirely by hand? Count me fucking in. Get an implement with which to pound your P-, A-, or G-spot from their catalog of gorgeous designs.

Note: This prize excludes the Double Trouble.

NobEssence Seduction dildoThe NobEssence Seduction, donated by SheVibe.

The Seduction is one of my top 3 G-spot dildos of all time. I love how lightweight the wood is, and both ends are epic G-spotters. That big end, though. Holy shit.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

$100 gift card to Tantus

A $100 gift card to Tantus!

If you’re in need of high-quality silicone dildos and butt plugs (and who isn’t?), this gift card is for you. Oh dang, what will you get in their awesome online shopCush? Ryder? Something else from their dual-density O2 line? So many possibilities!

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge vibratorThe L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, donated by L’Amourose.

The two profoundly rumbly motors in this toy are more than enough to make it amazing… but it also heats up.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

Doxy Don vibratorThe Doxy Don, donated by Doxy.

It may resemble a bowling pin, but the glory of the Don lies in its AC power, which results in extremely thuddy vibrations all funneled into a pinpoint tip.

LELO Loki prostate vibrator

The LELO Loki, donated by LELO.

It’s the BUTT MONA! For your butt! With a flared base! Because you should put vibrating things in your butt! Also, that blue.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.


Fleshlight of the winner’s choice, donated by Fleshlight.

The years go by, and the Fleshlight remains the gold standard for my most treasured penis owner (my boyfriend). With this prize, you have your pick of the litter.

Note: Winner will be responsible for any customs/duties fees.

A year membership to Crash Pad Series

A year membership to Crash Pad Series, donated by Pink & White.

Yeah. I’m jealous of this prize. Crash Pad Series is full of sizzling hot queer porn and they have sorting options up the wazoo — so if you want to see a scene starring Chelsea Poe (swoon) or featuring strap-ons, you can do that in 2 seconds flat.

We-Vibe Touch vibrator

The We-Vibe Touch, donated by We-Vibe.

This petite rechargeable vibe is small enough to nestle in the palm, but equipped with enough oomph to satisfy. That’s a hard combo to find. Trust me.

njoy Pure Wand dildo

The njoy Pure Wand, donated by njoy.

Oh, only the toy that has taught millions1 of vaginas to squirt. Just one of the greatest G-spotting dildos of all time. Your G-spot will sing like a choir of angels. Whatever.

Eroscillator 2 Plus vibratorThe Eroscillator 2 Plus, donated by Dallas Novelty.

Look past its fugly exterior to the toy within — this toy oscillates, and it feels different and deeper than a traditional vibrator. Plus it has stood the test of time, holding up as one of the greatest clitoral stimulators I’ve ever tried.

We-Vibe Rave vibratorThe We-Vibe Rave, donated by We-Vibe.

Intriguingly asymmetrical in its shape, the Rave is a wonderful external or internal toy, and it can be controlled with a phone app. From anywhere, yo.

Self Delve product of your choice

The Self Delve product of your choice, donated by Self Delve.

Might I interest you in a fruit- or vegetable-shaped sex toy? Self Delve makes silicone dildos shaped like eggplants, corn, bananas, cucumbers, and more. Some of their toys even use thermochromic pigments, so they change color with temperature.

Liberator Wedge

The Liberator Wedgedonated by Liberator.

Sex positions becoming infinitely better — and oh my god, easier — when you have a Wedge lying around. Truly, one of the unsung heroes of my repertoire.

$125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys

A $125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys, donated by Hole Punch Toys.

This little operation makes hand-poured silicone sex toys in fantastical shapes, such as carrot and radish butt plugs, ice cream anal toys, and rocket ship strap-ons. Which one would you choose?

Tenga Flip Hole masturbation sleeve

The Tenga Flip Hole of the winner’s choice, donated by Tenga.

Known as one of the best masturbation sleeves around, the Flip Hole comes in several styles and textures, including the new Flip 0 with the most intricate internal details yet! Put yer dick in it.

Note: Winner cannot live in Central or South America.

We-Vibe Tango vibratorThe We-Vibe Tango, donated by We-Vibe.

Small but very mighty, the We-Vibe Tango will rattle your clit into oblivion. Subtlety will not be involved.

LELO Siri 2 vibrator

The LELO Siri 2, donated by LELO.

Now upgraded with a more powerful motor, LELO’s humble little Siri is officially a contender for best rechargeable clitoral vibe on the market.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

Liberator Throe

The Liberator Throe, donated by Dallas Novelty.

The most water-resistant sex blanket available today. You, too, can experience the peace of mind that comes with having a Throe under your butt.

New York Toy Collective product of your choice

The New York Toy Collective product of your choice, donated by SheVibe.

Silicone realistic dildos with bendable inner cores? That you can pack and play with? Yes, it’s true, and the cushion of these dildos makes them awesome for strap-on play.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo

The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo, donated by Hot Octopuss.

The Pulse is one of the most unique penis toys on the market. It can be used while hard or flaccid, with or without a partner, and this brand new remote-controlled version features 25% more powerful vibrations.

Downunder Toys product of your choice

The Downunder Toys product of your choice, donated by Downunder Toys.

Get something cool from this awesome indie silicone sex toy manufacturer. They make whimsical designs like the Koala Kisscolorful Hitachi replacement heads, and their own dual-density dildos (!!!).

njoy Eleven dildo

The njoy Eleven, donated by njoy.

It weighs three pounds. You can kill intruders with it. You can also stuff your orifices to the brim with it, if you dare — this stainless steel beast is 2″ in diameter at its widest part.

LELO Hugo prostate vibrator

The LELO Hugo, donated by LELO.

This prostate toy is freakishly powerful and controlled via remote, so you can buzz your prostate into oblivion from afar (or near).

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

L'Amourose Rosa vibratorThe L’Amourosa Rosa, donated by L’Amourose.

Deeply rumbly vibrations surpassing most other sex toys on the scene. If you’ve been dissatisfied with other vibrators before, this one’s for you.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

Open to U.S. entrants only

Fun Factory Stronic Eins pulsatorThe Fun Factory Stronic Eins, donated by Fun Factory.

The Stronic Eins does not vibrate; it THRUSTS. And if you prop it up against a pillow, you don’t even have to hold it. I often crave it specifically — a sure sign of excellence in my household.

Womanizer ProThe Womanizer Pro, donated by Womanizer.

Easily one of the most innovative sex toys of the past several years, the Womanizer stimulates with air and suction rather than vibration. It is peculiar and, I must say, quite pleasurable.

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness

The Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness, donated by Spareparts Hardwear.

So comfortable, so adjustable, so perfect. This harness, my favorite of all time, makes strap-on sex worth having.

A VixSkin dildo of your choice

A VixSkin dildo of your choice, donated by Vixen Creations.

Ooh, friend, if you haven’t experienced VixSkin dual-density silicone yet, you must. It will spoil you for life. Choose from any of Vixen’s amazing designs — my faves are the Buck, Mustang, and Maverick.

Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable vibrator

The Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex.

I love the original Mystic Wand, and I love this new rechargeable version. When you’re on a business trip and you need something small yet powerful to whip out and appreciate in a hotel room, this toy is your ticket.

Open to winners in North America.

Crystal Delights Minx Tail of your choice

The Crystal Delights Minx Tail of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights.

A glorious glass butt plug with a tail attached, just for you! Which will it be — a pony tail, a bunny tail, or a fluffy fur tail?

Butt Pack (Fun Factory Bootie + B Ball Uno + Flexi Felix)

The Butt Pack (Bootie + B Ball Uno + Flexi Felix), donated by Fun Factory.

Why settle for one anal toy when you can win THREE? With the perfectly-curved Bootie plug, the jiggle-ball-containing B Ball Uno, and Flexi Felix anal beads, this set is a great introduction to anal play.

Crystal Delights dildo of your choiceThe Crystal Delights dildo of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights.

Fact: Crystal Delights makes both of my favorite glass dildos: the swirly Crystal Twist and bumpy Star Delight. Win this prize and you can have whichever one you’d like, with the Swarovski crystal base of your choice.

Fun Factory Big Boss G5 vibrator

The Fun Factory Big Boss G5, donated by Fun Factory.

I am super impressed with this girthy toy from Fun Factory. Incredibly powerful, flexible, and intuitive, the Big Boss G5 (with new and improved clicky buttons!) is a triumph of modern vibrator-making.

(Hitachi) Magic Wand Original vibrator

The (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original, donated by Vibratex.

It’s the OG of wand vibrators, with two speeds called “fuck” and “holy fuck” and a broad head that will shake your entire genital region. Be prepared.

Open to winners in North America.

(Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator

The (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex.

The Magic Wand is one of the strongest vibrators ever — loved by those with all sorts of genitals. I fell in love all over again when they introduced a rechargeable version. YES.

Open to winners in North America.

Twisted Monk Rope Pack

The Twisted Monk Rope Pack, donated by Twisted Monk.

Dive into rope bondage! This pack includes two 20-foot lengths of sparkle bamboo rope (ivory with black and silver sparkle), a Curiosity Candle for wax play, safety scissors, and an instructional DVD, all beautifully gift wrapped.

Crystal Delights anal plug of your choiceThe Crystal Delights anal plug of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights.

Honestly, now that Crystal Delights butt plugs exist, I’m annoyed when any glass plug doesn’t have a Swarovski crystal in its base. With this prize, choose the plug shape and crystal color of your wildest dreams!

Jopen Key Comet II Wand vibratorThe Jopen Key Comet II Wand, donated by Babeland.

This silicone-dipped vibrator is disgustingly good at G-spotting. The drag of the silicone is amazing at replicating the “come hither” motion that G-spots love.

$100 credit to the gender expression category on Early to Bed

A $100 credit to the gender expression category at Early to Bed!

Get a cool hundred to spend in Early to Bed’s impressive gender expression category, which includes packers, binders, sleeves (including the new Buck Off), DVDs, gaffs, harnesses, STPs, and more!

Minna product of your choice

The Minna product of your choice, donated by Minna.

Choose between the Ola, with which you can record your own vibration patterns, or the kGoal, which lets you play games with your vagina and improve your PC muscle strength in the process.

Spareparts Hardwear Tomboii harness

The Spareparts Hardwear Tomboii, donated by Spareparts Hardwear.

Wanna fuck, but still wanna look like the cutest queer on the block? Boom: the Tomboii boxer briefs style harness. This mofo has two O-rings and three vibrator pockets.

NobEssence Romp butt plugThe NobEssence Romp, donated by Good Vibes.

The Romp is a gorgeous, ergonomic wooden plug with a comfortable butt-cheek-friendly base. Its majestic shape will make you believe in heaven. OK, maybe I’m getting out of hand. Or maybe not…

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

OhMiBod product of your choice

The OhMiBod product of your choice, donated by OhMiBod.

Most known for their sound-responsive vibrators (such as the Club Vibe, beloved by cam models), OhMiBod also makes the solid Lovelife Cuddle, and its app-controlled cousin, the Nex 2. Pick your favorite from their array of fun stuff.

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

Fun Factory Bouncer dildoThe Fun Factory Bouncer, donated by Fun Factory.

It’s a dildo with several kegel balls housed within it. YEAH. That means when you move it around, the balls roll. Do you see where I’m going with this? It feels very nice.

  1. rough estimate []
Oct 042016

Ask Piph #9

Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com, or ask here.

Can you squirt with something inside you or do you have to pull it out?
In most instances, with most toys, the toy has to be pulled out at the exact right moment, after which the squirt follows. This is especially true with larger toys, or when it’s more of an accidental squirt during a clitoral orgasm — where I’m using a clitoral vibe and stimulating my G-spot, but not trying to ejaculate.[. . . read more]

Sep 162016

Review: Prism V There is no clever way to start a review about a vibrator that just works. I can offer no snarky analogies, no thought-provoking insight, no riotous backstory. I can’t lure you in with tales of boundless pleasure: dramatically arched backs, fistfuls of sheets, kaleidoscopes of color passing before my eyes. But let me tell you about all the easy, simple orgasms I’ve had with the Prism V. Ones where I didn’t have to think, or try, or struggle… where I could just get off.

That, there, is the triumph — small and insignificant as it may sound.

The L’Amourose Prism V is not the most unique or interesting sex toy, but “unique” and “interesting” sex toys are so fucking overrated. In the[. . . read more]

Sep 032016

A sex blogger by any other name

I never know my name anymore.

A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out of a homemade bong and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. It was the most high school moment of my life — particularly so because, aside from meeting boys off the internet in mall parking garages, I never did anything terribly forbidden in high school. Amidst dramatic readings of Sextrology and attempts at acting out #buttstuff in charades, a woman I’d never met arrived at the party and asked my name.

As I often do these days, I hesitated.

The same thing happened at the airport coming home from Woodhull, when the restaurant hostess asked for a name to reserve a table. It happened when[. . . read more]

Aug 222016

Sex toy video chat with Sandra from SheVibe and Epiphora!

Me + Sandra from SheVibe + a hotel room with vulvaesque wallpaper + a phone camera + wine = this rollicking good time of a video!

Easily, one of the highlights of Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit this year was spending time with Sandra, Thor, and Alex from SheVibe. I’ve hung out with them before at conferences past, but this time I was reminded once again why we are a match made in sex toy heaven. How, I wondered, could I convey their in-person awesomeness to all of you? That’s when I decided to corral Sandra into my room for a live Periscope video chat.

Answering questions from each other and the audience, we spent an hour talking about dream vibrators, vulva kayaks,[. . . read more]

Aug 032016

Look, I got a sex toy manicure (at Finger Bang!)

[Top: Ryder, Pure Wand, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Mona 2.
Bottom: Luna Beads, Joque, Mustang, Seduction. Photo by my boyfriend!]

In the past, there was no option for me to enshrine my favorite objects — sex toys — on my fingernails. For one, I bit my nails ravenously until about 4 years ago (obsessively painting them helped me stop). Also, I feel like most traditional nail salons would not take kindly to a request for such “lewd” designs, and my life is just so [. . . read more]

Jul 202016

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Doxy Don (left) and Doxy Die Cast with Nuzzle Tip attachment (right).

Put it on my clit. Now.

That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don, standing in the hallway at a conference with it reverberating in my hands. I’d never seen or heard about the product in my life, but in a split second I wished it upon my genitals. Although I often make snap judgments about toys, they’re usually negative ones based on stomach-turningly buzzy vibrations. This was the opposite: the vibrations were so deliciously rumbly, so promising.

I’d never[. . . read more]

Jul 082016

Sex toy news: rimming butt plugs and LELO's gravest mistake

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.”

This butt plug has rotating beads in the neck for a rimming sensation. But it’s $150! You’d have to really want to be rimmed by a machine.

At first I was like “cool,” when I saw that Jimmyjane was coming out with a line of battery-operated vibrators modeled after their rechargeables. Then, I was able to try the Intro 2 (inspired by the Form 2), and WOW,

[. . . read more]

Jul 012016

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?

I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation and “low” price of $40. It has happened often enough for me to become sufficiently jaded about it.

So, last year, while sitting in Joan Price’s senior sex workshop at Woodhull, I was sadly unsurprised when a male member of the audience piped up to mention My Celebrator… as an alternative to Joan’s (and my, and a lot of peoples’) beloved Eroscillator.

Because… you know…[. . . read more]

Win your pick of more than 50 sex toys in this HUGE giveaway!

I’m currently running my biggest giveaway of the year, with over 50 of my favorite sex toys as prizes! Vibrators, dildos, butt stuff, gift cards, and SO MUCH MORE! Don’t miss out.

Enter this giveaway now!