Feb 192017
 

Pick a sex toy, any sex toy!

It’s been a while since I sat down and scouted out new sex toys to review. Usually I grab items as they’re released, like the new We-Vibe Wish that just came in the mail. But as my list of “to review” items dwindles, I decided it would be a good idea to get more stuff — so I can start testing it all!

Thus far I’ve narrowed it down to these 20 products. But half the fun of reviewing is fulfilling your desires, so I would like you to vote on your top choices. Some of these are toys I already own, some I’d need to acquire, and at least one may be near-impossible to get, but like… RUMBLE SEAT, GUYS.

You can — and should — select multiple toys. Choose the ones that you most want to read about!

Have an idea for me that’s not listed here? Leave it in the comments!

If you can’t see the poll below, here’s a direct link.

Made by PollMaker

Feb 122017
 
Step inside my sex toy closet

This is the stuff dreams are made of — my dreams at least. This, friends, is my majestic sex toy closet. The culmination of years of collecting, organizing, and fantasizing. It is here where I store my gigantic sex toy collection, which is rapidly nearing 600.

How did I get here? Well, shockingly, one does not amass enough sex toys to fill a walk-in closet overnight. In fact, nine years ago, my sex toy collection lived in a single cardboard box under my desk. As I began reviewing more, the toys graduated to a purple zippered storage case, and later to a herd of similar cases. [. . . read the rest]

Jan 282017
 
Review: Mystic Wand Rechargeable

It’s a let-down, but not in the “my clit is screaming” way. Not in the “orgasm seems like an impassable river” way, or even in the “these vibrations feel like death” way. But in the manageably sad way, like your car stereo breaking right before a big road trip. Not apocalyptic, but less than ideal. I expected to love this vibrator, but you know what happens when your hopes are high: they get dashed.

The Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable weakens under the weight of comparison. It cannot outshine its competitors or its predecessor. Its shape bears similarities to other sex toys that surpass it; its name sets up promises it cannot keep. [. . . read the rest]

Jan 162017
 
A trans woman's orgasm savior: the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, with its robust vibrations and large head, is known as an effective vibrator for all sorts of genital configurations. The release of a rechargeable version was met with much (deserved) fanfare, which only bolstered my desire for more people to experience this fantastic toy. So I reached out to Zinnia Jones, trans activist, writer, sex toy user, and creator of Gender Analysis, to see if she wanted to try it. Zinnia was already a fan of the original Magic Wand, so SheVibe graciously sent her the Magic Wand Rechargeable[. . . read the rest]

Dec 312016
 
Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2016

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older lists!]

2016 has been a trying, infuriating, exhausting year, and it seems trivial to jump straight to sex toys without acknowledging that. But this is also a year in which we’ve needed to learn how to remain resolute amidst unbelievable pain. To laugh at the absurdity of our world. And if you want absurdity, oh, look no further than my life.

This was my ninth year reviewing sex toys for all the internet to see. This year, among other things, I perverted a soap dispenser into a lube dispenser, let other people control my vibrator over the internet, and played vaginal Chubby Bunny with tiny silicone dildos. [. . . read the rest]

Dec 172016
 
Review: Eva

I’ve never told you much about my labia, but I guess now’s as good a time as any. I’d describe my outer labia as puffy, yet unobtrusive. My inner labia? Visible but modest. Usually, my labia don’t cross my mind often… but then the Dame Eva came along, and suddenly I was digging around in there like a raccoon foraging through the garbage.

Engineered with the wishful thinking that the vulva is merely a puzzle to be solved, Eva is a rechargeable vibrator with flexible arms that tuck under the labia to secure the toy to one’s vulva, against the clitoris. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 232016
 
Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Some people might argue that mashed potatoes and gravy are the best thing about this time of year, but I’d argue that freakishly good sex toy deals win out. You can put both in your orifices, yes, but food is temporary, and high-quality dildos are forever. Also, I don’t recommend gravy as a lubricant. In case your mind was going there. Mine was.

The point is that if you have been waiting for a good price on the sex toy of your dreams, now is when you should bite the bullet. I watch sales and deals all year long, but this is when retailers tend to pull out all the stops. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 232016
 
Sex toys for all giveaway winners

I’m exhausted, y’all. Turns out, awarding over 50 sex toy prizes to over 50 different people is tiring! But I’m also stunned and humbled: over 5,000 individual human beings entered my huge annual giveaway. Thank you, all of you, especially those who left sappy comments on the post. I know I bribed you into saying nice things, but every nice thing still means a lot to me.

I wish I could give all of you the sex toys of your dreams, but at least Black Friday is this week, and I vow to faithfully keep you updated on the best sex toy deals in all the land. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 182016
 
Review: Rave

It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the mail. I was already dressed — pants, shirt, shoes. My hair was wet from a shower. I’d already had one orgasm that morning, in bed with my fingers after a hot dream, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t have my glasses on yet, but there was no time for that. Nor was there time to give the vibrator an initial charge.

I took the Rave straight out of its packaging, turned it on, and unbuttoned my pants. I pulled up some porn on my laptop, shoved my underwear to the side, and pressed the vibrator against my clit in a blurry-eyed haze. [. . . read the rest]