Sep 162016

L'Amourose Prism V rechargeable G-spot vibratorThere is no clever way to start a review about a vibrator that just works. I can offer no snarky analogies, no thought-provoking insight, no riotous backstory. I can’t lure you in with tales of boundless pleasure: dramatically arched backs, fistfuls of sheets, kaleidoscopes of color passing before my eyes. But let me tell you about all the easy, simple orgasms I’ve had with the Prism V. Ones where I didn’t have to think, or try, or struggle… where I could just get off.

That, there, is the triumph — small and insignificant as it may sound.

The L’Amourose Prism V is not the most unique or interesting sex toy, but “unique” and “interesting” sex toys are so fucking overrated. In the scramble for innovation, companies keep inundating our genitals with flappingwrithingelectro-shockingwater-shooting toys with painful rotating parts, condescending shapes, laser light technology, useless music modes, and other laughable “features.” 9 years into my career as a sex toy reviewer, I truly believe that it takes more gumption for a luxury sex toy company to introduce a basic vibrator into their catalog than to trot out some stupid gimmick.

World’s first. Revolutionary. Cutting edge. Best. Only.

Fuck that shit. Do the thing that has been done before. Do it well. Then I’ll be impressed.

Last year I tried L’Amourose’s Rosa, which received a slew of warranted praise within the sex toy reviewing community for its impressively rumbly vibrations. But something wasn’t up to snuff for me personally: the shape. The oblong base obstructed my clit and felt too chunky in my palm. It was just awkward enough to deter me from using it regularly, and I longed for a traditional handle like the one on my Mona 2. Then the company announced the Prism V.

In this vibrator, my prayers have been answered. The Prism V is sleek and sophisticated, with a smartly-curved head and an artsy, geometric base that doubles as a pleasing handle. It’s covered in powdery soft silicone and comes in sky blue, royal blue, and deep red. The flat base is a bit of an odd design choice, but it does allow the toy to stand proudly upright on any flat surface. So when I set it on my desk it looks like a cute Loch Ness monster poking its head out of the wooden sea.

The USB charging cord attaches magnetically to a notch in the base, so the Prism V becomes a beached Loch Ness monster when you go to charge it. It’s a bit finicky, as most magnetic chargers are. The toy is fully waterproof, and when I use it in the bath and lift it out of the water, residual water wiggles in the charging alcove like a tiny rooftop hot tub. (I may be literally the only person on earth amused by this, but WHATEVER.)

The price tag is what really shoots the Prism V into the stratosphere, though. $99 barely gets you anything rechargeable these days — usually a vibrator that’s palmsized or smaller. To find an insertable vibrator for that price, especially one as fully-featured and well-rounded as the Prism V, is amazing. Particularly because its functionality is similar to my favorite vibrator — for SEVENTY DOLLARS less.

That’s seven months of Netflix. Four boxes of wine. Nine orders of Panda Express. An impossible-to-quantify amount of material happiness.

One mark of a quality vibrator is a high number of distinct vibration settings, and this is where the Prism V excels. It features 12 steady vibration intensities and 5 patterns.1 I relish being able to incrementally increase the vibration intensity rather than clicking through a small handful of settings. The vibrations are quite good — not as powerful or rumbly as the dual-motored Rosa,2 and a couple notches weaker than Mona, but decent and sufficient for most scenarios.

Just to throw a few quibbles out there, I’ll concede that the Prism V is kinda loud and rattly on its highest settings, and — this is weird, but — I feel improper staring at the charging port and battery disposal icons on the base while I’m using this toy. It shouldn’t be where my eyes go; it’s like watching someone pick their nose in their car.

But that tells you how solid the Prism V is — that I’ve resorted to complaining about having to look at the charging port during use.

I received the Prism V around the same time that I got the We-Vibe Rave, and so much of my testing involved pinpointing differences between them. They are quite similar: both are versatile, affordable,3 rechargeable G-spot toys. I felt the crushing pressure to choose a favorite, to label one THE BEST. But it cannot be done easily, because the race is too close.

There are a couple major differences between the two. The standout feature of the Rave is its ability to be controlled with an app, from anywhere — whereas you gotta still be in the same room as the Prism V, old school style. But the Prism V is waterproof, and the Rave is only splashproof.

What I realized is that they are both great toys, but neither is 100% amazing at both internal and external stimulation. The Prism V suffers from a design choice that always dismays me: the handle curves away rather than toward me. As far as vibrator faux pas go, this one’s pretty mild, but it prevents the toy from being the best G-spotter it could be. I have to reach too far to control it, so I can’t really thrust. It’s good for static vag hangin’, but to get supreme G-spot stimulation from it, I have to press the handle downward like I’m jacking up a truck.

For intense G-spot play, I’d choose the asymmetrical, slightly girthier Rave, with its handle that leans toward me. For clitoral stimulation, though? I prefer the straightforward head of the Prism V. Neither pinpoint nor broad, it rests on the dominant left side of my clit effortlessly. That, and those 12 vibration intensities, are all I need.

Plus, if you’re the kind of person who likes to vote with your dollar, you’ll be pleased to hear that the company who makes this vibrator, L’Amourose, do not seem to be sexist jerks! You’d hope I wouldn’t have to specify that, but we now live in a world where the most well-known luxury sex toy company manufactures penis tuxedos and hires a known abuser to endorse their dubious new condom. Now we must specify.

That’s why I was so thirsty for a good, reasonably-priced, versatile rechargeable vibrator like the Prism V. A vibrator that functions admirably, asks little of the user, supplies reliable pleasure without protest. It checks the boxes, fulfills the requirements. With all the features of a thoroughly modern vibrator save for the price, the Prism V has quickly cemented its place among other top-tier rechargeable G-spot toys. It’s an awesome, all-purpose vibrator, and it’s only $99. My thirst is quenched.

Get Prism V at SheVibe, Early to Bed, Smitten KittenPleasure Chest, or Lovehoney (international).

  1. As always, the patterns do not impress me. One is frustratingly close to good, but has too many gaps in the vibration. []
  2. I’d say Rosa feels like it has 3-4 higher settings than the Prism V. []
  3. For rechargeable toys of their size, of course. []

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Sep 032016

A sex blogger by any other name

I never know my name anymore.

A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out of a homemade bong and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. It was the most high school moment of my life — particularly so because, aside from meeting boys off the internet in mall parking garages, I never did anything terribly forbidden in high school. Amidst dramatic readings of Sextrology and attempts at acting out #buttstuff in charades, a woman I’d never met arrived at the party and asked my name.

As I often do these days, I hesitated.

The same thing happened at the airport coming home from Woodhull, when the restaurant hostess asked for a name to reserve a table. It happened when[. . . read more]

Aug 222016

Sex toy video chat with Sandra from SheVibe and Epiphora!

Me + Sandra from SheVibe + a hotel room with vulvaesque wallpaper + a phone camera + wine = this rollicking good time of a video!

Easily, one of the highlights of Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit this year was spending time with Sandra, Thor, and Alex from SheVibe. I’ve hung out with them before at conferences past, but this time I was reminded once again why we are a match made in sex toy heaven. How, I wondered, could I convey their in-person awesomeness to all of you? That’s when I decided to corral Sandra into my room for a live Periscope video chat.

Answering questions from each other and the audience, we spent an hour talking about dream vibrators, vulva kayaks,[. . . read more]

Aug 032016

Look, I got a sex toy manicure (at Finger Bang!)

[Top: Ryder, Pure Wand, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Mona 2.
Bottom: Luna Beads, Joque, Mustang, Seduction. Photo by my boyfriend!]

In the past, there was no option for me to enshrine my favorite objects — sex toys — on my fingernails. For one, I bit my nails ravenously until about 4 years ago (obsessively painting them helped me stop). Also, I feel like most traditional nail salons would not take kindly to a request for such “lewd” designs, and my life is just so [. . . read more]

Jul 202016

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Doxy Don (left) and Doxy Die Cast with Nuzzle Tip attachment (right).

Put it on my clit. Now.

That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don, standing in the hallway at a conference with it reverberating in my hands. I’d never seen or heard about the product in my life, but in a split second I wished it upon my genitals. Although I often make snap judgments about toys, they’re usually negative ones based on stomach-turningly buzzy vibrations. This was the opposite: the vibrations were so deliciously rumbly, so promising.

I’d never[. . . read more]

Jul 082016

Sex toy news: rimming butt plugs and LELO's gravest mistake

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.”

This butt plug has rotating beads in the neck for a rimming sensation. But it’s $150! You’d have to really want to be rimmed by a machine.

At first I was like “cool,” when I saw that Jimmyjane was coming out with a line of battery-operated vibrators modeled after their rechargeables. Then, I was able to try the Intro 2 (inspired by the Form 2), and WOW,

[. . . read more]

Jul 012016

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?

I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation and “low” price of $40. It has happened often enough for me to become sufficiently jaded about it.

So, last year, while sitting in Joan Price’s senior sex workshop at Woodhull, I was sadly unsurprised when a male member of the audience piped up to mention My Celebrator… as an alternative to Joan’s (and my, and a lot of peoples’) beloved Eroscillator.

Because… you know…[. . . read more]

Jun 102016

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

The simplehuman Sensor Pump squirting lube onto the njoy Pure Wand.

Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions and glistening stainless steel bathroom accessories it beckoned, goading me to use it for nefarious purposes. I’d never spend $40 on an automatic soap dispenser, but in my household, the simplehuman Sensor Pump has a much more life-sustaining function: dispensing lube.


That’s the sound it makes. An adorable mechanical blip, and my god — it’s a glorious thing. The first time I used it, I couldn’t stop myself. Lube was flowing like water, like wine. It was one-handed. It was instantaneous. My left hand[. . . read more]

Jun 022016

Jack-off Journal #20 October 24, 2015
My secret shame: I am terrible at remembering to pack lube when I travel. And porn. On this #dildoholiday, I had to borrow my friend’s Good Clean Love, and I had to stream my porn because my laptop has nada. Luckily, I’d been given access to Fat Girl Fantasies, but I still had to suffer with small-town buffering.

I watched two scenes: April Flores and Isiah Maxwell and James Darling and Cinnamon Maxxine. Both pretty scorching hot, but James and Cinnamon’s took the cake for two reasons: 1) James’ INTENSE, DEEPLY FOCUSED face as he makes Cinnamon squirt, and 2) the whimsical cat painting in the background.

Mostly I used the Womanizer and[. . . read more]