worth every damn penny

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

IS THAT A CORDLESS HITACHI?????

—everyone on earth whenever I post a photo of the Magic Wand Rechargeable

Yes. Yes, it is. The time has come, my friends. The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, widely regarded as the most powerful vibrator of all time, now comes in a rechargeable version. It can finally be there for you during power outages. While camping. On your porch. In your treehouse. On your top bunk. Or simply when you’re too damn lazy to get up and plug something in. (Me, all the time.)

The world has been holding its breath, as have I, because there are many ways this new version could have gone terribly wrong. . . . read the rest

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

[But what about the Mona Wave, you ask? It’s a half-assed imposter.]

I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS WHAT GOD WANTS TO BE WHEN HE GROWS UP” when I’m drunk. So much that I have nightmares about LELO changing it. So much that I rush to comfort it when it falls off my nightstand.

“Obsessed” may be a word that describes how I feel about that vibrator. The Mona is the only sex toy I take on trips. I force shops to add it to their inventory. . . read the rest

Review: Comet II Wand

Review: Comet II Wand

Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand.

“It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina,” Girly Juice raved.

“I was 38 years old and found my G-spot for the first time in my life with the Key Comet and the blended orgasms I can get with it completely blow my mind,” Dizzygirl wrote.

I ranked it as the #1 sex toy I tried in 2013 and explained, “this is simply a toy that comes very, very, disturbingly close to usurping one of the greatest G-spot dildos of all time . . . . read the rest

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me whether it’s worth the extra cash to get the Top Deluxe version of the toy. I’ve always had to say “I don’t know; mine is the more powerful one and I’ve never tried the regular version,” which pained me because I hate not having an answer to anything sex toy-related. I’m cool with feeling like a failure in some respects (I can’t do a crossword to save my life), but not that one.

So finally, my online amiga of many years, Britni, agreed to loan me her Eroscillator 2 Plus for comparison purposes. . . . read the rest

Review: Comet G Wand

Review: Comet G Wand

[Wondering what I think of the vibrating, second generation Comet II? It is ALSO AWESOME.]

It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year.

I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that is the Intensity. Jopen, whose parent company is California Exotic. Jopen, who must think they are naming perfumes rather than vibrator lines (KeyEgo, Vanity). They’re not always the sharpest tool in the shed… but this is a motherfucking home run. . . . read the rest

Review: Splash

Review: Splash

The Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry about being deficient in some area, as many sex toys are. (Those are the kinds of toys that might scowl whilst being slimed. Bad sports.)

I tested a prototype of this toy, and I loved it the moment I saw it. Then I really loved it when I put it in my vagina. . . . read the rest

Review: Mona 2

Review: Mona 2

[How much do I love the Mona 2? So much that I now have BACK-UP MONAS.
But what about the Mona Wave? It’s a half-assed imposter.]

It’s kind of ridiculous how much I like my LELO Mona 2. Fuck it, love. It just feels weird to say that because the Mona is such a simple toy. It’s not a revolutionary shape, and in fact, it’s been around for some time and I’ve all but ignored it. So it is sort of unnatural and worrisome how much I’ve latched onto it now. But I cannot lie — I adore this vibrator. . . . read the rest

Review: Pure Plugs

Review: Pure Plugs

I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do such a thing. And sometimes, my hunches about toys are way off. But in this instance, I’d like to gloat about the fact that I was totally and completely spot on (à la Gordon Ramsay).

The Pure Plugs seem like flawless, glorious nuggets of shiny stainless steel, and that is exactly what they are. Put one in your ass, be astounded, THE END. They are love at first butt. First insertion? First ass? . . . read the rest

Review: Mustang

Review: Mustang

[Eeee! This incredible dildo comes in neon pink
and tie dye in addition to the skin tones!]

Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS.

It’s been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin, but not once in that time have I tried a realistic VixSkin dildo that was anything less than massive. Things were getting out of control. As my friend once said, “My size queen-ness is getting too extreme. I see a toy and quickly say ‘BUT IS IT HUGE?'”

Sad but true — I started eliminating toys from my wishlist based on their dimensions alone.  . . . read the rest

d