OH GOD, NO.
DON’T COME ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING.

I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE. I DON’T NEED THE SAME SPIKES TIMES A THOUSAND PLUS VIBRATION.

A whip and an incognito vibe covered in silicone ticklers SPIKES
5.5 insertable inches (14 cm) of silicone-covered, vibrating bliss HELL
Silicone ticklers are soft TERRIBLE against skin and ultra hygienic WILL [...]

[This is the first installment of a new feature called "Um, No," which will feature toys and other tidbits that are "WTF" and "LOL" worthy. Pocket pussies are some of the most hilarious and horrifying offenders, so I thought it only fitting that I begin with one.]

Acquaint yourself with Carmen Luvana’s pussy, Austyn Moore’s pussy, [...]

Flavored lubes notoriously suffer from too-sweet syndrome — and gross-aftertaste syndrome — which is why I am generally skeptical of them. The Sex Tarts line, however, is called Sex Tarts, promising on its labels to be “tangy.” So I said, “prove it.”
There are about a hundred million other Sex Tarts flavors, but I figured it [...]

On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, “Try Me.” You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body jewelry, Hot Topic, the 90s. But this tactile experience does not prepare you for the sensation of the spines in your pussy.
And you feel them all. Every [...]