[Sorry this one has taken SO LONG. I want to recount only the best masturbation stories... of the year, apparently.] February 3rd, 2011 Tonight I found one of my favorite male pornstars, Danny Wylde, on cam. When he saw my name in the chatroom, he said, “holy shit, is this the Epiphora?” and I just [...]

July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the nozzle is not plugged up. Today, attempting to lube up a toy, my lube split-streamed on me and sprayed itself on my shirt. Classy. July 6th, 2010 Having watched a lot of porn in a [...]

You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless steel can indeed change your — and your G-spot’s — life. The answer is yes. Holy fuck, yes. Your G-spot will never be the same. You don’t even know. [...]

June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually hate erotica. I generally don’t fantasize. I prefer graphic depictions of genitals going into other genitals. But this particular fiction — a slash pairing which is morally objectionable on more than one level — is [...]

I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls! (Keen readers will point out that I’ve already had one realistic dildo with balls: Mr. Man. This is true. Mr. Man’s balls are very perky, though, which somehow makes it easier to consider them anything-but-balls. Johnny’s balls droop [...]

April 6th, 2010 Wow, most frustrating masturbation session in a long time. I watched, but not really, Fashionistas, which wasn’t doing it for me at all (o hai, latex). I tried out the Form 6, but got irritated with the buttons being on the shaft, which is fully insertable. The straw that broke the camel’s [...]

I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls — all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is shared by many, despite how we may feel about actual cocks. But somewhere, something changed with me. I’m not sure when or what it was. [...]

I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with more subtlety. Some have only caused me discomfort. And a select few, by themselves, can make me squirt. The Ophoria Beyond 3 makes me squirt in less than 30 [...]