I believe the texture on this toy is supposed to be swanky, but my friend says it reminds him of a chain-link fence. So that’s a great association… if you’re into prison-inspired sex toys. My thought process basically went “I like texture and I like that color. Give it to me.” In hindsight, I should’ve maybe thought it . . .
Toys that could potentially make one’s vagina shrivel up in fear. Sometimes this means toys that my vagina rejoices over.
I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I moved, I re-arranged my life so that my desk only contains the most pertinent of sex toys. One drawer is reserved for glass toys, and guess what’s inside? Three Crystal Delights dildos. Nothing else. Crystal Delights . . .
In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this toy, because I still don’t believe that someone would send this to me, ever, let alone for free… But there it is. A Sybian. In all its hulking glory. Safe and sound, with the grotesque attachments neatly . . .
[Wondering how I feel about the rechargeable version of this toy? I LOVE IT.] I finally get the Hitachi. I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a place of understanding with the bumbling, imprecise beast that is the Hitachi Magic Wand. Perhaps that is how it was meant . . .
[Wondering what I think of the other toys, Zwei and Drei, in the Stronic line?] There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a YouTube trailer filled with innuendo and no actual facts, a video of people racing the toys across a table, and . . .
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn, held a vibe to my clit, and easily slipped the big end of the 2.75-pound dildo into my vagina. Every so often, I check to make sure this is true. I am always slightly surprised . . .
The Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry . . .
THE MOST ANTICIPATED SEX TOYS OF THE YEAR… WELL, ON TUMBLR ANYWAY. Having followed porn star James Deen for years, I think I can call myself an honorary Deenager. I have tagged him relentlessly, featured his ridiculously hot antics time after time in my Jack-off Journals, and even defended his honor when some fool on Nightline called his popularity “deeply disturbing.” . . .
The Pleasure Works Rippler is like what the Tantus Echo wants to be when it grows up. It is a beast. A glimmering, swirly green beast; a beast that, sadly, promises much more than it delivers. I know. Despite the fact that I love large dildos, textured dildos, and toys that come in green, and despite . . .