Lovehoney

Lovehoney began in the UK but has now expanded into the U.S and Australia as well. They are fast, discreet, and well-respected. They also make some of their own toys; the ones I’ve tried have been somewhat dubious and ridiculous, but they are still good folks.

Review: Sqweel Go

Review: Sqweel Go

“IT’S SO GODDAMN CUTE,” I stammered upon opening the Lovehoney Sqweel Go. I actually cooed over it, like an idiot. I don’t normally care if sex toys are “cute,” but this toy reminded me of a hamster or hedgehog or something. It was actually smaller than I’d imagined, which pretty much never happens.

There was another reason for my excitement as well. It appeared Lovehoney had taken my advice, FINALLY, after YEARS. I wrote about the first Sqweel in 2009:

. . . to really excel as a clitoral stimulator, the Sqweel would need to shrink by 50%, have more power, and not sound like a kid’s mechanical toy. . . . read the rest

Review: Flash

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC.

It really has all the buzzing “power” of a herd of bees. Apparently a group of bees is sometimes called a “grist.” A grist of bees. But that makes it sound more robust than it is. This vibrator is the furthest thing from robust.

Sex toy reviewers often make the distinction between “buzzy” and “rumbly” vibrations. It’s something you learn with time, as your clitoris becomes grizzled and your tolerance for bullshit wanes. . . . read the rest

Review: Mini Magic Wand

Review: Mini Magic Wand

You might stumble across the Lovehoney Mini Magic Wand while shopping for the legendary Mystic Wand and think to yourself, “oh! It’s 30% cheaper than the Mystic Wand and virtually the same! Nailed it!”

But you would not, in fact, have nailed it.

The second time I went to try the Mini Magic Wand, I actually said out loud, “oh, I have to use that fucking piece of shit again.” Nobody was in the room. Just a cat snoozing on my desk.

The Mini Magic Wand takes four AAs, the same type and number as the Mystic Wand, yet it uses them for evil. . . . read the rest

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!]

Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated sex toys that I tried this year. As in 2011 and 2010, I’ll first list the best/worst toys, then give out faux awards such as “Most Heinous Battery Compartment” and “I Risked My Life For You; You Are Welcome.”

Don’t forget to comment with which toys you loved and hated this year!

Best sex toys of 2012

  • Crystal Delights Crystal Twist — I thought I’d felt it all, especially when it came to glass dildos.
  • . . . read the rest
    Review: Sqweel 2

    Review: Sqweel 2

    [There’s a newer and smaller Sqweel now! Read my review of the Sqweel Go.]

    Lovehoney didn’t have to talk me into reviewing the Sqweel 2. I’m not sure why. You’d think, after experiencing the vulva hog and noisemaker that was the original Sqweel, I’d be done with that flappity flap shit. But maybe enough time has passed that the previous wound healed? Or at least sufficiently scabbed over?

    This new-‘n’-improved Sqweel comes in a cardboard box and plastic clam shell combo which, of course, boasts it as “THE WORLD’S BEST-SELLING ORAL SEX TOY” (emphasis always theirs), and the back lists all the improvements.  . . . read the rest

    Review: Rock Box

    Review: Rock Box

    Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing much beyond the fact that it was THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL SEX TOY!!!1!!1. Considering that phrase no longer means anything to me, undeterred and with a flourish, I wrote in the application box:

    I like to ROCK. And I have a lot of Aerosmith I could listen to whilst using the Rock Box.

    Apparently that was good enough, because Lovehoney sent me the Rock Box. Which is approximately ten times more ridiculous than I imagined it would be.  . . . read the rest

    Review: Spider

    Review: Spider

    It’s been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw the Spider, he was giddy. This thing really is interesting: a masturbation sleeve with a suction cup that can be adjusted to any angle. I was intrigued, too, because the Spider serves a similar function as the Liberator mounts, but without being a huge-ass chunk of foam that takes up space in the closet. Plus, the sleeve can be removed and replaced with a Fleshlight sleeve. Can you say “deciding factor”?

    Made by a Korean company called Morriskim, the Spider (not the most sensual or appealing name, but it does describe the product, I guess) comes in a huge, white cardboard tube. . . . read the rest

    Review: Sqweel

    Review: Sqweel

    [There are two newer Sqweels now! Read my reviews of the Sqweel 2 and Sqweel Go.]

    The only clue I had to the Lovehoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it. But the icon reminded me of a shortbread cookie and the accompanying slogan was “A Revolution in Orgasms,” so I couldn’t resist the mystery product — even if I knew nothing about it. I can’t turn down a revolution.

    My puzzlement upon opening the Sqweel should demonstrate to you that this toy is quite unique. I mean, usually I understand a toy immediately. . . . read the rest

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