Jopen

Jopen is the higher-end arm of cheap and huge sex toy manufacturer California Exotic Novelties. I’m highly conflicted about them, because they created the mistake that is the Intensity but also the glory that is the Comet G Wand. Their lines have silly names like Key, Ego, and Envy.

Review: Ceres Lace

Review: Ceres Lace

I believe the texture on this toy is supposed to be swanky, but my friend says it reminds him of a chain-link fence. So that’s a great association… if you’re into prison-inspired sex toys. My thought process basically went “I like texture and I like that color. Give it to me.” In hindsight, I should’ve maybe thought it through more.

This is the Jopen Key Ceres Lace. The others in the Ceres line are the Ceres G-Spot and Ceres Rabbit. The entire Key line includes both battery-operated and rechargeable toys, and a few things that don’t vibrate at all (kegel balls, a dildo).  . . . read the rest

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2014

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2014

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!]

Oh hey, remember 2014? It was the year I was a guest on Sex Out Loud Radio, I taught a sex blogging class, I fell in love with someone new, and I bought a house. This year I coined a new catchphrase, “that’s not where my clit is,” which can be applied to any unsatisfactory experience. I shook my head in disgust at the LELO PinoTeddy Love, and shitty G-spot articles. I hung out with my friends, bid farewell to the makers of fantastical dildos, and said hello to my new sponsors. . . . read the rest

Review: Comet II Wand

Review: Comet II Wand

Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand.

“It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina,” Girly Juice raved.

“I was 38 years old and found my G-spot for the first time in my life with the Key Comet and the blended orgasms I can get with it completely blow my mind,” Dizzygirl wrote.

I ranked it as the #1 sex toy I tried in 2013 and explained, “this is simply a toy that comes very, very, disturbingly close to usurping one of the greatest G-spot dildos of all time . . . . read the rest

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2013

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2013

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!]

2013 was a good year. I attended CatalystCon East AND CatalystCon West (even doing a panel), hit 500 postsbecame a superhero, conducted my most elaborate April Fool’s joke ever, and oh yeah, I was gifted a $1,345 Sybian. I spilled my guts about the horrible sex toys I used to lust afterwhy I hate pink, and why I think sex toys should not be called “pleasure objects.” I wrote my epic beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and gave you a peek into my life as a sex toy reviewer. . . . read the rest

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply.

They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand they do. In my hand they do. In my vagina, no matter how hard I clench, they don’t.

This is an affront to my vagina and its power.

Ugh, Jopen. I both hate and love you and that is just uncool. I don’t appreciate having to be nuanced. Not my specialty.

It’s ironic because the VR1 balls are not nuanced at all. There is but one sensor, on the big ball in the middle on one side. . . . read the rest

Epiphora's sex toy gift-giving guide

Epiphora's sex toy gift-giving guide

If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased, considering I own over 400 of them and have been testing them and reviewing them for six years, but you know. The point is, I have OPINIONS about things that go on vulvas and in vaginas and butts, and even sometimes over penises.

Today, I was on Sex Out Loud Radio telling the universe all about my top sex toy gift ideas — plus my tips for picking out a sex toy for someone else. As an accompaniment, here’s the written version — along with photos of the toys and links to my reviews. . . . read the rest

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand

Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back that peeps have bought and loved it.

A reader named Alex sent me the sweetest, ego-stroking email thanking me for alerting her to toxic sex toy materials and iffy lube ingredients, the existence of good porn, and glass dildos. She bought the Crystal Delights Star Delight and Comet G Wand based on my reviews, and confessed, in perhaps the greatest compliment ever given to me, “my vagina thanks you from the bottom of its (our?) heart.”

Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate. . . . read the rest

Review: Comet G Wand

Review: Comet G Wand

[Wondering what I think of the vibrating, second generation Comet II? It is ALSO AWESOME.]

It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year.

I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that is the Intensity. Jopen, whose parent company is California Exotic. Jopen, who must think they are naming perfumes rather than vibrator lines (KeyEgo, Vanity). They’re not always the sharpest tool in the shed… but this is a motherfucking home run. . . . read the rest

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!]

Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated sex toys that I tried this year. As in 2011 and 2010, I’ll first list the best/worst toys, then give out faux awards such as “Most Heinous Battery Compartment” and “I Risked My Life For You; You Are Welcome.”

Don’t forget to comment with which toys you loved and hated this year!

Best sex toys of 2012

  • Crystal Delights Crystal Twist — I thought I’d felt it all, especially when it came to glass dildos.
  • . . . read the rest
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