Fleshlight

You may have heard of Fleshlight. They make masturbation sleeves that are housed in flashlight-like cases. They’re the best around. My boyfriend is IN LOVE with his.

Epiphora's sex toy gift-giving guide

Epiphora's sex toy gift-giving guide

If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased, considering I own over 400 of them and have been testing them and reviewing them for six years, but you know. The point is, I have OPINIONS about things that go on vulvas and in vaginas and butts, and even sometimes over penises.

Today, I was on Sex Out Loud Radio telling the universe all about my top sex toy gift ideas — plus my tips for picking out a sex toy for someone else. As an accompaniment, here’s the written version — along with photos of the toys and links to my reviews. . . . read the rest

Review: Fleshlight Vibro

Review: Fleshlight Vibro

I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the “Sex Toy or Baby Toy?” quiz (I got 11/15, by the way), and what isn’t amazing about the page on dollar store sex toys? But I should not be thinking of DIY sex toys when looking at a $77, profesh sex toy. Yet I am.

Because the Fleshlight Vibro is basically a nice masturbation sleeve cobbled together with shitty, cheap, annoying little bullet vibrators. This enables it to vibrate, yes, but is the effort worth it? My penis-wielding counterpart says no. . . . read the rest

Review: Flight

Review: Flight

It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just how he likes it — soft and smooth as a baby’s butt. I should delete that. I really should. But I just can’t bear to do it. Don’t come at me, FBI.

Even with its inner texture and my boyfriend’s peculiar penile preferences, though, the Fleshlight Flight has jumped to the #2 spot on his list. Which is still composed entirely of Fleshlights, because he is a ~discerning gentleman~.

The Flight, in its case, is 2″ shorter than a regular Fleshlight, 35% lighter at 14.4 ounces, and .75″ smaller in diameter at the front. . . . read the rest

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

Wow. I’m about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog. And that’s a tall order considering some of the hella cool giveaways I’ve done in the past.

I am humbled by all the amazing comments you left offering improvement ideas. I’ve already implemented one of the ideas — a suggestion box where you can drop your thoughts without even giving your name. Hopefully it will be useful when you have something embarrassing you want to tell me? Or something?

Without further ado, here are the lucky winners of the 15 toys in my giveaway! . . . read the rest

Mini sex toy doodads!

Mini sex toy doodads!

I think I can call this a legit collection now.

Back in April, after jealously ogling everyone’s photos of the mini Tantus dildos at Momentum, the lovely Jenna sent me a few in various colors. They are mini Goliaths, and I adore them. I set them up on my shelf all in a row, and threw that ridic PicoBong die up there, too, because what else was I gonna do with it?

Then when I saw Searah at Early to Bed talking about Fleshlight samples and Vixen Creations penises the other day, I saw an opportunity to expand my collection of weird tiny sex toy thing-a-majigs.  . . . read the rest

Still Fleshlight after all these months

Still Fleshlight after all these months

I’m at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes — then he emerges to tell me that he is going to jack off, too. His announcement is not unusual, but his masturbating at night is.

Afterward, we converge in the bathroom. I pee; he washes his Fleshlight.

It’s been a year since he acquired that Fleshlight. “Don’t you need a new one of those?” I ask while flipping through the new Rolling Stone.

“Why?”

There are so many out there! So many orifices! So many freaky innards! Crazy transparent materials! . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can

Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can

These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh…

Even though my boyfriend wasn’t a huge fan of his Sex in a Can series Fleshlight — the Succu Dry — I’m still giggling like a schoolgirl over this new, gay-oriented Sex in a Can series, Jack’s Soda.

It’s just so bright and playful! And campy; I mean, fruit sodas… for gay men. The “flavors” are Cherry Pop, Banana Cream, and Gape Soda. Oh yes, they went there. And the semen splatters seem oddly at home among the fruits…

I think I’m in love with this series because it reminds me of silly childhood things, like smelly markersxylophones, and Lisa Frank. . . . read the rest

Review: Succu Dry Fleshlight

Review: Succu Dry Fleshlight

Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I’ve wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he’d clearly love a shrunken version. With teeth. And pale skin. And a fang-like texture on the inside.

Yeah, I know. I was asking for it.

The Succu Dry is shaped like an energy drink, but it certainly won’t pass for one — it’s bigger and, uh, has an intense vampire woman on the front. It says “1 pint” on it, but if it were actually a drink, it would be more like 20 or 22 ounces. . . . read the rest

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it doesn’t even have a texture on the inside. I presented the Tera Patrick Fleshlight to him (err, gave it to him for Christmas…) because I thought he’d like the inner Twista texture. The outside? Well, he barely cares that it’s vulva-shaped, and doesn’t care at all that it’s a pornstar’s vulva.

A few things have changed since last September, when he first fell in love with the Fleshlight. The main one is that he rarely, if at all, uses the “shoe method” now. . . . read the rest

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