I've been a sex toy fiend for over 5 years. Since I can't put "exhaustive sex toy knowledge" on a resume, I put it in a blog. My reviews are snarky, honest, and delightfully void of euphemisms.
The Eroscillator is one of the best vibrators I’ve ever tried (although it’s not technically a vibrator, since it oscillates rather than vibrating). It has its own tag because I talk about it too much.
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me whether it’s worth the extra cash to get the Top Deluxe version of the toy. I’ve always had to say “I don’t know; mine is the more powerful one and I’ve never tried the regular [...]
Sometimes I wait an embarrassingly long time to clean my sex toys. But that’s the beauty of non-porous toys — they clean up beautifully no matter what. And just look at this awesome array of colors! I’m so proud of myself for not having a pink and purple smorgasbord. Clearly, though, I need to invest in better paper [...]
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I attempted to organize my toys into these drawers, I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I didn’t want to organize things by type, since I have about [...]
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the nozzle is not plugged up. Today, attempting to lube up a toy, my lube split-streamed on me and sprayed itself on my shirt. Classy. July 6th, 2010 Having watched a lot of porn in a [...]
June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually hate erotica. I generally don’t fantasize. I prefer graphic depictions of genitals going into other genitals. But this particular fiction — a slash pairing which is morally objectionable on more than one level — is [...]
March 4th, 2010 You know what’s hard to watch? An hour and 16 minutes of nothing but cocksucking. But I did it — boy, I did it — in the name of reviewing. Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio, that is. I watched it in the bedroom, with my laptop hooked up to the TV [...]
February 9th, 2010 Dear diary, today I learned that masturbation while drunk is really fucking annoying. I spent most of the night in a chatroom with Britni and Carnivalesq, shooting the breeze about Lady Gaga, American Idol, and the mind-blowing pick-up line that Britni got on a dating website: “I want to lay on top [...]
Reading The Big Book of Sex Toys, I learned that it’s hard to read a book about subject I already know like the back of my hand. Also a subject I’m snooty and picky about. Also a subject that I believe no book could ever adequately cover unless I wrote it myself. And even that [...]
