My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous1 little thing with a finger hole. The NobEssence Allure is like a second edition of the Linger, expanded and deluxe. The finger hole has been replaced with a G-spotting bulb, and the bloops on the shaft have been enlarged, elongated, and straightened out. The G-spotting [...]

It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and I had narrowed it down to either the Goddess or the Echo, both Tantus dildos with texture. Being a cheapskate, I chose [...]

I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed ones, and even one with terrifying spikes on it. The last frontier was “juicer”-style dildos, so I tried two of those. Done with that conquest, I [...]

After a long masturbation session, the kitchen counter usually looks something like this: Left to right: Alumina Motion/Revolve hybrid, Dual-Sided Swirled Rib, Xtreme Pack, Cobalt Twister, Gold Ribbed Love Wand, Alumina Motion/Revolve hybrid This was taken in December of 2008, though, when I was on a glass dildo kick, and when my Xtreme Pack had [...]

The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like to discover something else as amazing as my G-spot. The .GIFs promised so much glorious stimulation. I wanted it all! And then suddenly the Split Dildo [...]

Um. It’s made of ash stone. It’s nearly $400. It’s Pure Wand-shaped. And it can go in my vagina anytime, though it probably never will. That is the Luz de la Riva Parda dildo. All my sex toys, even the really cool ones, look like amateurs in comparison. The end.

I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I attempted to organize my toys into these drawers, I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I didn’t want to organize things by type, since I have about [...]

When I searched the universe to find a discontinued Tantus Sherbet (yes, the neon green color fueled my fervor more than I should admit), I was so amused by the old Tantus packaging that I had to take a picture for posterity’s sake. I dunno about you, but I’m really glad they shied away from [...]