cock rings

Rings that go around the penis to restrict blood flow and sometimes provide stimulation to a partner.

Um, No: Pino

Um, No: Pino

We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO.

For about three years, they’ve mostly been releasing convoluted, overpriced, “innovative” pieces of shit topped off with pretentious marketing. It began in 2011 with Lyla, a remote-controlled egg that only responded when I pointed the remote directly at my vulva. The Smart Wands, in 2012, included “technology” which caused them to fail at inopportune moments. 2013 brought us Ida, easily the most functionally deficient LELO toy I’ve ever tried (that’s putting it mildly), and the useless Hula Beads. This year, we were blessed with Ora, an “oral sex” simulator, which was a waste of my clit’s time. . . . read the rest

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long turd of beautiful blue jelly with a flexible internal spine.

According to ’70s couple on the box, I guess you’re supposed to tie the rope around a dude’s dick, then stick the jelly tail up his ass? Wait, no, wait, that’s too gay. The correct usage of the Ecstasy Rope is displayed on the side of the box — OH GOD:

Yes, that glorious jelly rod is supposed to rub poke the chick’s ass back (?) while she rides the dude. . . . read the rest

Pop Shot: Minerva

Pop Shot: Minerva

The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong.

It may be packaged in a psuedo new age purple box and endorsed by Dr. Laura Berman. It may be named after a Roman/Greek goddess. It may be made of somewhat hygienic TPR. It may take four AAA batteries and have serious power in comparison to most cock rings. It may even have heart-shaped buttons on the control pack.

But it fucking hurts. It hurts both of us. It pulls on my boyfriend’s pubic hair. It jams into his stomach when I ride him. . . . read the rest

Review: Bo

Review: Bo

Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the cats scattered, and standing outside my door was a man holding a package and an electronic signature device.

It only made sense that heightened drama surround the LELO Bo. It’s the world’s first rechargeable cock ring, after all, and — gasp — it’s made of hygienic materials (plastic and TPE1). The generous people at LELO sent it to me after I admitted to being wary of its clit-hitting abilities. . . . read the rest

Video: Introducing LELO's Bo

As you may know, LELO was kind enough to send me their new cock ring, Bo. I have never owned a LELO toy, but I had heard about their beautiful packaging. It really blew me away, so I made a video. I’ll warn you: it’s quite the teaser. But my full review will be up soon!

Edit: Review is available now right here!

. . . read the rest

Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things

Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things

[Image by Buchino]

Barack Obama will be our next president. I’m not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I’m excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be alive for this election and this presidency. I squealed inside when Obama said “gay” during his victory speech. Although other states have these ridiculous homophobic ballot measures passing, at least our next president isn’t homophobic.

And now onto things that will sound superficial in comparison, but hey…

  • I am now reviewing sex toys and porn for XCritic. My first review, of AbbyWinters’s “Girls Who Lust,” is already up.
  • . . . read the rest
    LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?

    LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?

    I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it’s rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I believe not, and this makes Bo all the more intriguing. Bo is made of TPE, comes with a travel/charging case, and supposedly lasts up to 4 hours on a 1-hour charge. LELO is marketing this as a “gentlemen’s” toy, which explains the sleek and angular look of it. It’s definitely sexy, and I’d expect nothing less from LELO.

    But I’m not so sure this thing will play well with clits. You see, I’m very pessimistic about cock rings. . . . read the rest

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