cock rings

Rings that go around the penis to restrict blood flow and sometimes provide stimulation to a partner.

Um, No: Pino

Um, No: Pino

We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO. For about three years, they’ve mostly been releasing convoluted, overpriced, “innovative” pieces of shit topped off with pretentious marketing. It began in 2011 with Lyla, a remote-controlled egg that only responded when I pointed the remote directly at my vulva. The Smart Wands, in 2012, included “technology” which caused them to fail at inopportune moments. 2013 brought us Ida, easily the most functionally deficient LELO toy I’ve ever tried (that’s putting it mildly), and the useless Hula Beads. This year, we were blessed with Ora, an “oral sex” simulator, which was a waste of my clit’s time. And now we have this. Your eyes do not deceive. That is a cock ring with a pinstripe-lined box, LELO-branded cufflinks, and a money clip . . . read more

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long turd of beautiful blue jelly with a flexible internal spine. According to ’70s couple on the box, I guess you’re supposed to tie the rope around a dude’s dick, then stick the jelly tail up his ass? Wait, no, wait, that’s too gay. The correct usage of the Ecstasy Rope is displayed on the side of the box — OH GOD: Yes, that glorious jelly rod is supposed to rub poke the chick’s ass back (?) while she rides the dude. Like a creepy ERECT snake. Hold me. But at least it’s dual use! After the sex, you can use . . . read more

Pop Shot: Minerva

Pop Shot: Minerva

The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new age purple box and endorsed by Dr. Laura Berman. It may be named after a Roman/Greek goddess. It may be made of somewhat hygienic TPR. It may take four AAA batteries and have serious power in comparison to most cock rings. It may even have heart-shaped buttons on the control pack. But it fucking hurts. It hurts both of us. It pulls on my boyfriend’s pubic hair. It jams into his stomach when I ride him. It grinds into my clit in missionary — hard. And we aren’t even very rough. . . . read more

Review: Bo

Review: Bo

Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the cats scattered, and standing outside my door was a man holding a package and an electronic signature device. It only made sense that heightened drama surround the LELO Bo. It’s the world’s first rechargeable cock ring, after all, and — gasp — it’s made of hygienic materials (plastic and TPE1). The generous people at LELO sent it to me after I admitted to being wary of its clit-hitting abilities. They dared me to try it for myself; how could I resist that offer? Although the package was dotted with wetness, everything inside . . . read more

Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things

Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things

[Image by Buchino] Barack Obama will be our next president. I’m not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I’m excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be alive for this election and this presidency. I squealed inside when Obama said “gay” during his victory speech. Although other states have these ridiculous homophobic ballot measures passing, at least our next president isn’t homophobic. And now onto things that will sound superficial in comparison, but hey… I am now reviewing sex toys and porn for XCritic. My first review, of AbbyWinters’s “Girls Who Lust,” is already up. I’ve found that porn takes a lot more time to review. Blogger Ansley Agnello is sending me a . . . read more

LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?

LELO’s Bo: cock ring of the future?

I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it’s rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I believe not, and this makes Bo all the more intriguing. Bo is made of TPE, comes with a travel/charging case, and supposedly lasts up to 4 hours on a 1-hour charge. LELO is marketing this as a “gentlemen’s” toy, which explains the sleek and angular look of it. It’s definitely sexy, and I’d expect nothing less from LELO. But I’m not so sure this thing will play well with clits. You see, I’m very pessimistic about cock rings. Many of them are powered by watch batteries, and that is not nearly enough . . . read more