California Exotic Novelties

Cal Exotic is one of the big four sex toy manufacturers, in addition to Doc Johnson, Topco, and Pipedream. In my opinion, they are one of the better ones, although that’s not a huge compliment. They have a luxury-focused division called Jopen.

Sex toy news: rimming butt plugs and LELO's gravest mistake

Sex toy news: rimming butt plugs and LELO's gravest mistake

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.”

This butt plug has rotating beads in[. . . read more]

Review: Ceres Lace

Review: Ceres Lace

I believe the texture on this toy is supposed to be swanky, but my friend says it reminds him of a chain-link fence. So that’s a great association… if you’re into prison-inspired sex toys. My thought process basically went “I like texture and I like that color. Give it to me.” In hindsight, I should’ve maybe[. . . read more]

Sex toy news: worm-like vibrators and cheeseburger ball gags

Sex toy news: worm-like vibrators and cheeseburger ball gags

Since we last spoke, LELO has gone a bit insane with the new releases. They’ve now put out the Ina/Mona Wave, Siri 2 [edit: review here!], Pino, and PicoBong Transformer. Thoughts on the Mona Wave and Siri 2 are forthcoming. Thoughts on the Pino and Transformer: they’re stupid.

[. . . read more]

Review: Comet II Wand

Review: Comet II Wand

Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand.

“It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina,” Girly Juice raved.

“I was 38 years old and found my G-spot for[. . . read more]

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply.

They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand they do. In my hand they do. In my vagina, no matter how hard I clench, they don’t.

This is an affront to my vagina and its power.

Ugh, Jopen.[. . . read more]

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

In 2007 when I started reviewing sex toys, I knew nothing about them. Oh, I knew that jelly was bad in theory, but I hadn’t yet smelled the rancid, gooey, overpowering scent that characterizes it, or felt the agonizing burning sensation that it can cause (still haven’t — insert sign of the cross here).[. . . read more]

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand

Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand

Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back[. . . read more]

Review: Comet G Wand

Review: Comet G Wand

[Wondering what I think of the vibrating, second generation Comet II? It is ALSO AWESOME.]

It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year.

I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re[. . . read more]

Legend for my header

Legend for my header

Click to embiggen.

Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epiphora’s-header is. No longer will you have to sheepishly email/tweet me and awkwardly try to describe the location of the toy you need identified.

I took[. . . read more]