I've been a sex toy fiend for over 5 years. Since I can't put "exhaustive sex toy knowledge" on a resume, I put it in a blog. My reviews are snarky, honest, and delightfully void of euphemisms.
The Lady Calston Y-Bullet is a HIGH-TECH device. It plugs into your USB PORT. It runs off PURE USB ADRENALINE. Its plastic box reads, Make Your Next MSN Web Cam Chat… A Y-Bullet Sexperience. When I plug the Y-Bullet into my desktop computer, both my monitors go black and fall into a deep sleep, not to [...]
Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties (is your brain fried from the ugh-factor yet?) and assumed that, via my super magical sex toy sensing abilities, I just knew what size the bullet was. No, there weren’t [...]
It’s okay. You can be wary of the Bswish Bnaughty Unleashed. I was too. And sadly, having tried it now, I still am. I was really hoping for a triumph. So many remote vibrating bullets suck royally. Many of the bullets are loud. They malfunction. They fail miserably at being discreet. Some aren’t waterproof, which [...]
Hey, watch battery bullets — have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that’s because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the bullet into a container and never use it. Hence, the existence of a watch battery bullet tends to read as an afterthought in many of [...]
The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape, only the Impulse Fantasy Kit takes a whopping 4 AAs instead of 2. I got the idea into my head that I was going to get my [...]
The Jollies Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle inside the vagina and quietly, secretly, stimulate. While it may look as unassuming as a river rock, it is actually quite large, at 4.5″ long and 1.75″ in diameter. It comes with a one-speed silver (not purple) [...]
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed it. The inevitable happened a couple weeks ago. And now, after a year and a half of wonderful times, I am laying my Xtreme [...]
The Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser looks like a joke: a plastic, slightly pointed pink bullet with a TPR bunny-shaped sleeve. It is, essentially, a rabbit vibrator’s clitoral stimulator severed from the rabbit. This is fine with me, as I recently denounced rabbit vibrators. The ones I’ve tried have failed at hitting my clit, and besides, I prefer [...]
