AC power

This tag describes toys which are plugged into the wall before use.

Today in my life... a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

Today in my life... a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this toy, because I still don’t believe that someone would send this to me, ever, let alone for free…

But there it is. A Sybian. In all its hulking glory. Safe and sound, with the grotesque attachments neatly folded into a ziploc. It’s smaller than I imagined, but still quite a beast. It’s heavy, it’s loud, and the puny “handles” on the sides are laughable. I don’t know where I’m going to store it, and my boyfriend will never forgive me for acquiring yet another huge sex accessory. . . . read the rest

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original

[Wondering how I feel about the rechargeable version of this toy? I LOVE IT.]

I finally get the Hitachi.

I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a place of understanding with the bumbling, imprecise beast that is the Hitachi Magic Wand. Perhaps that is how it was meant to be.

But there should be laws forbidding newbie reviewers from trying it. I received my first one a mere month after launching my blog, and I ended my almost-entirely-useless review with, “I know eventually I will sing your praises just as everyone else has. . . . read the rest

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me whether it’s worth the extra cash to get the Top Deluxe version of the toy. I’ve always had to say “I don’t know; mine is the more powerful one and I’ve never tried the regular version,” which pained me because I hate not having an answer to anything sex toy-related. I’m cool with feeling like a failure in some respects (I can’t do a crossword to save my life), but not that one.

So finally, my online amiga of many years, Britni, agreed to loan me her Eroscillator 2 Plus for comparison purposes. . . . read the rest

Review: Rock Box

Review: Rock Box

Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing much beyond the fact that it was THE WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL SEX TOY!!!1!!1. Considering that phrase no longer means anything to me, undeterred and with a flourish, I wrote in the application box:

I like to ROCK. And I have a lot of Aerosmith I could listen to whilst using the Rock Box.

Apparently that was good enough, because Lovehoney sent me the Rock Box. Which is approximately ten times more ridiculous than I imagined it would be.  . . . read the rest

Review: Wahl

Review: Wahl

The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle — usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been perverted. But since the Hitachi has been more universally perverted, the Wahl tends to be forgotten. Now that I have tried the Wahl, I feel that this is a grave injustice. And I am here to rectify it.

Previously referred to as the Wahl 7-in-1, the Wahl is an 8-inch long, gun-shaped massager that used to come with seven plastic attachments (now comes with four). Each attachment has a vanilla purpose, and they are named for them: scalp attachment, facial1 attachment, etc.  . . . read the rest

Review: My Mini Miracle Massager

Review: My Mini Miracle Massager

It seems that making miniature Hitachi knock-offs is in style. I’ve already found my mini Hitachi knock-off lover — the Fairy Mini Mini Wand — but I’m interested in other reincarnations. And the My Mini Miracle Massager, created by California Exotic, is one of the newest. Although all the Ms in its name make me twitchy, I wanted to try it.

The Mini Miracle is very petite, at 8″ long and 1.2″ in diameter. It comes with a 6 foot long cord (can be unplugged) that connects to a very chunky and unnecessarily heavy-duty 12 volt AC adapter. . . . read the rest

Review: Eroscillator

Review: Eroscillator

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and then you want to bitch out anyone who dares judge your snookum-wookum on its external appearance? That’s how I’ve become, very quickly, with the Eroscillator. It is my darling, my little copper-colored sweet.

And you can have it from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Because this is the best sex toy I’ve ever tried. Full stop, end of discussion.

True to its name, the Eroscillator oscillates rather than producing regular up and down vibrations. . . . read the rest

Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand

Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand

I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck — heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger than it needs to be. It numbs my entire vulva within minutes — an unfortunate side effect of using the most powerful vibrator in existence. Finally, a Japanese company named Merci decided to take a stab at designing a miniature version of the Hitachi, and the result is the Fairy Mini Mini Wand.

But can a pipsqueak like this defeat the reigning champ? Incredibly, and to my great amazement, it not only beats it — it one-ups it. . . . read the rest

Review: Hitachi Magic Wand

Review: Hitachi Magic Wand

[Oh hey! I reviewed the updated (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original and
Magic Wand Rechargeable. Those are much better reviews, so read them instead, yeah?]

Hello, hello, reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put off by your grandma-esque appearance. But, presented with the offer to review you, I could not resist. I had to know. What makes you so great? Why do the bloggers shorten your name to the majestic Hitachi? Am I going to shudder and squirt when I orgasm?

You came in a laughable box plastered with photos of dorky people using you on innocent spans of skin: backs, arms, shoulders, legs. . . . read the rest

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