Since I can't put "extensive sex toy knowledge" on a resume, I'm putting it in a blog. My reviews are snarky, unflinchingly honest, and delightfully void of the term "battery-operated boyfriend."
March 5th, 2009 — all laid out and drying after a nice thorough boil in a big pot. Some dildos change, but boiling day remains the same. Pictured sorta left to right: Phallix Inside-Out Spiral Rib Double Dong, Tantus Ripple, Tantus Alumina Revolve, LELO Ella, Phallix Dual-Sided Swirled Rib, Big Teaze Toys Dai-Do #4, Tantus [...]
Click to embiggen. Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epiphora’s-header is. No longer will you have to sheepishly email/tweet me and awkwardly try to describe the location of the toy you need identified. I took the picture that [...]
The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is it joshing you. It is one serious mofo, and that is why I love it. It’s basically made for texture sluts like myself. Here’s a simple test to determine whether or not the Bliss 8 [...]
How do you improve on a truly fantastic G-spot dildo? Duh, you make it vibrate! Vibrations make everything infinitely better, right? I mean look at Rumble Paks, mascara wands, and cell phones! That shit’s the bomb! But in the process of making the dildo vibrate, Ophoria also chopped off the handle… and in doing so, [...]
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with more subtlety. Some have only caused me discomfort. And a select few, by themselves, can make me squirt. The Ophoria Beyond 3 makes me squirt in less than 30 [...]
It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I’ve never heard of. Especially when that toy is 100% silicone and adorable as hell! I speak of the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo, sent to me from the folks at Babeland. It came in an exceedingly classy white box which, in all [...]
Today the mail guy brought me the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo. Babeland sent it as my next review item. I was surprised to find that it is smaller in girth than the average dildo, and also that it is very stiff. Sometimes I wonder if there is a conspiracy going on surrounding pure silicone. [...]
