I've been a sex toy fiend for over 5 years. Since I can't put "exhaustive sex toy knowledge" on a resume, I put it in a blog. My reviews are snarky, honest, and delightfully void of euphemisms.
Jimmyjane is a high-end vibrator company. I consider them the pretentious hipster in the room among sex toy companies. They like to give vibrators to celebs and offer $35,000 private jet packages. Their Little Chroma is one of the biggest scams in the industry.
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated sex toys that I tried this year. As in 2011 and 2010, I’ll first list the best/worst toys, then give out faux awards such as “Most Heinous [...]
The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your friend emailing you in distress because they’re stranded in London. Not like replying to a Craigslist post about an apartment only to have the nice folks offer to mail you the key from West Africa. Not like someone making nasty things about you on Twitter. But [...]
It’s almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means — it’s time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, like last year, this list includes toys that I acquired/reviewed in 2011, not necessarily toys that were released this year. Anyway, let’s get to it! Best sex toys of 2011 [...]
I know what you’re thinking. After such distressing trysts with Jimmyjane’s Form 6, Form 2, and Form 3, why the fuck would I want to try the (inventively-named) Form 4? I’ll tell you why. Because I was still waiting for Jimmyjane to get something right. And yes, I just used the past tense. The Form 4 [...]
Bless Jimmyjane’s little hearts; they really are trying. They’re trying so hard to create innovative toys, but they keep promising shit that they can’t follow through on. Just as the Form 2 was supposed to function as vibrating tweezers, the Form 3 is supposed to “amplify touch” through a thin silicone membrane. Sounds awesome, I know. [...]
I’ve been dreading writing this review. I’ve been putting it off. I’ve been typing and deleting, trying to form sentences that adequately explain my feelings without sounding like a total grump. But I think I’m going to sound like a grump no matter what, because I just don’t like the Jimmyjane Form 6. Sometimes, I [...]
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn’t anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out of nowhere, they migrate out of the ears — where they belong — and into the base. The motor starts whining loudly, and the vibrations on my clit [...]
[Note: I no longer recommend the Form 2. Read why here.] It’s the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or… the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It’s the Jimmyjane Form 2, a two-pronged pipsqueak that I’ve lusted after for a while now. Yes, I finally got my grubby hands on it, and I [...]
