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Table of Contents
Pages
- We got you!!!
Dude, you are so April Fooled right now. Were you actually going to contribute money to our horrific endeavor? Take that dinero and buy…
- My favorite things
This page is under construction. Please excuse the dust! Vibrators Fun Factory Stronic LELO Mona 2 Minna Ola Fun Factory Big Boss Leaf…
- Write me a postcard
Did you acquire a toy that I recommended and love it? Then you are eligible to write a blurb for my Postcards from the Peanut Gallery feature! Postcards…
- Press
I've been written about on Slate, interviewed for XBIZ Premiere magazine, quoted in Tristan Taormino's book The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female…
- Epiphora's Snark Digest
Ahoy! Have you heard about my monthly newsletter, Epiphora's Snark Digest? Girl, it is the best thing! Each month I recount my latest reviews and posts, plus…
- Suggestion box
You've found the suggestion box! Nice sleuthing! Here is where you can drop your stray ideas, queries, and gripes. I'm always open to suggestions on…
- Tags
No description found for this item.
- Porn performers, directors, and companies
Here are all the porn performers and directors with their own tags. Adrianna Nicole April Flores Belladonna Billy Castro Bobbi Starr Carlos…
- Sex toy tags
Jump to: types materials features brands / manufacturers Types of sex toys Vibrators Bullets Rabbits Remote-…
- Porn performers, directors, and companies
- Randomize
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- Giveaways: Free sex toys!
Want to be alerted whenever I launch a sex toy giveaway? Sign up for email updates or subscribe to my RSS feed! Oh, and follow me on Twitter. As a rabid sex…
- FAQ
You can find more answers to various questions via my feature, Ask Piph, and on my Tumblr. Have a question that isn't answered here? Email me at hey.epiphora…
- Best of the Best
This page is not completely exhaustive yet, just so ya know. Best-of lists Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012 Epiphora's best and worst sex…
- Sales, deals, and promos
Rabidly researched and continually updated, this page rounds up the best sex toy sales, promos, and deals of the moment from my favorite shops and manufacturers…
- Affiliate programs
On the hunt for some affiliate programs to join? Great! Use the links below and you'll be crediting me with referring you. Note: Clear your cache and…
- Buy toys!
In the market for a new sex toy, porno, sex blog hosting, etc.? Here are the places I recommend! Note: Clear your cache and enable cookies before clicking…
- Commenting policy
I love receiving comments on my posts and reviews, and I welcome them with open arms! However, there are some commenting tactics that bug me. Common sense…
- Banners
Oh, you'd like to put a banner linking to me on your site? You are so sweet! To add an image to your site, save the banner of your choice and upload it…
- Advertising
Do you want to purchase advertising on Hey Epiphora? You're in luck! I'm looking readily for new advertising partnerships. Why you should place an ad on…
- Archive
Click month and day headers to collapse/expand them. Use the scrollbars at the right and bottom to breeze through.
- Toybox
If you're not looking for a specific toy, check out my sex toy tags, where you can narrow the field by type of toy, material, brand, and features, or my porn…
- About
"A trusted source for consumers looking for comprehensive product recommendations and commentary on modern-day cultural views on sex and its icons." —XBIZ…
Blog posts
- Category: Announcements (35)
- Winner of the Stronic Eins!
May 17, 2013
You've all been waiting with baited breath, I'm sure, to find out who won my Stronic Eins giveaway. So I will torture you no further. The winner is Natty! O…
- Red sex toy giveaway winners!
January 28, 2013
Whooooosh! That's the sound of my red sex toy giveaway going by in a flash. Usually my giveaways last a bit longer, but I wanted to finish this one in time to…
- 4-year blogiversary giveaway winners
October 29, 2012
Wow. I'm about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog. And that's a tall order considering…
- Subscribe to Epiphora's Snark Digest!
October 1, 2012
I'm doing something nuts, peeps. I'm starting a newsletter. You may have heard little rumblings about this on Twitter, but I figured an actual announcement…
- Neon and tie dye VixSkin winner
September 6, 2012
So I'm pretty sure my neon and tie dye VixSkin giveaway has been my most successful giveaway to date. AND WHY WOULDN'T IT BE? WHO WOULDN'T WANT NEON AND…
- Get an Ophoria Beyond 3 before it's too late
August 30, 2012
I guess I'm an old geezer, because I remember when Ophoria was the brand new sex toy company on the block, and now I'm around to witness the very unfortunate…
- Penetralia wooden toy winner
July 8, 2012
Thank you all for making my Penetralia giveaway a rousing success! I'm so thrilled to be the first one to give away a piece from such an up-and-coming…
- Hey Epiphora delivered to your Kindle
May 24, 2012
Dudes! You can now subscribe to my blog on your Kindle! After you subscribe, my full blog posts will be auto-delivered wirelessly to your Kindle and updated…
- Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for a newish feature called "Blogger…
- And the winner of the custom dildo is...
March 23, 2012
Aidyn! Thank you all for entertaining me for hours with your ideas for what you'd put in a custom dildo. I will miss being able to use the phrase…
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner
February 5, 2012
The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only did I receive a ton of entries, but I didn't…
- Blogiversary giveaway gift card winners
November 7, 2011
Thanks, peeps, for being total badasses! I had a great turnout in my 3-year blogiversary / 200 reviews giveaway. Now I am pleased to announce the ten winners o…
- Hey Epiphora goes mobile!
October 20, 2011
I know what happens, peeps. You're standing in line for a concert, or waiting for decades at DMV, and you're fiddling with your phone thinking, damn, I…
- It's not a free Pure Wand, but I tried
September 18, 2011
When Sexcuse Moi asked if I wanted to do a special promotion and offer a discount on a certain toy, I knew which one immediately: the Pure Wand. This toy is…
- Green sex toy giveaway winners
March 19, 2011
Let me begin by saying, YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. I feel like I just spent half my life counting entries for my Green sex toys for everyone! giveaway. Granted, it's…
- Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!
February 28, 2011
I've never been a big participator in St. Patrick's Day. I don't go out and get wasted on Irish Car Bombs, nor do I specifically remember to wear green every…
- The best Christmas list ever
December 20, 2010
This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- 2-year blogiversary giveaway winners
October 16, 2010
Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all your entries. Here are the winners of the 8 fabulous…
- Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes!
October 4, 2010
My 2-year anniversary of blogging -- and 3-year anniversary of sex toy reviewing -- is approaching fast! And of course, I can't resist an opportunity to shower…
- We came, we Tickled.
August 28, 2010
Hoorah! My Tickle gift card giveaway went swimmingly. The Twitter parties were great -- we discussed many awesome things, like how sex toys are different from…
- Giveaway: It's raining Tickle gift cards!
August 15, 2010
So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided to hold some more! This time, there will be no…
- Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question
June 22, 2010
I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin' Twitter parties! Now that the festivities have wound down, I have…
- Squeeze some VixSkin winner!
May 18, 2010
Damn! You guys really like dildos, don't you?! The response to my Squeeze some VixSkin giveaway was immense. I wish I could give all of you the VixSkin dildo…
- It's Courtney Trouble week!
February 1, 2010
Follow Courtney Trouble week by subscribing to my RSS feed or subscribing via email! If you don't know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that.…
- Tickler winner!
January 25, 2010
I was delighted by the response to my Tickler giveaway. I received a boatload of comments! But of course, there can only be one winner... and that winner…
- New decade, new butt plug winner!
January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging, and salivating over the NobEssence…
- Winter hotness giveaway winners!
January 3, 2010
Thank you, everyone who entered That Toy Chick's and my Winter hotness giveaway! We're very excited to be sending two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear…
- A little hiatus
December 21, 2009
Christmas is coming up fast this week, which means several days of festivities for me. I know a lot of my readers are probably quite busy around this time as…
- Blogiversary blowout winners!
October 28, 2009
Ahhh, the end of my blogiversary blowout! I am excited to announce the seven lucky winners. First I chose my two favorite comments of all time and awarded…
- And the winner of the Pure Wand is...
September 14, 2009
After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning entry: body writing, the fantastic feat of epic…
- RubyGlass21 dildos winners!
August 2, 2009
My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the level of participation and thoughtfulness of the…
- And the bumpy glass goes to...
June 13, 2009
My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say, it was a resounding success. In all, my followers tweeted about the…
- Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet winner!
April 11, 2009
I received nearly 30 entries to my contest to win the Epiphora-approved Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, making this contest my most successful to date! I attached a…
- Babeland gift card winner!
March 18, 2009
I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first sex toy. I am a firm believer that everyone should at least…
- Babeland Swag Contest Winners!
December 30, 2008
I didn't get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most. I asked participants to digitally edit a sex toy into a…
- Winner of the Stronic Eins!
- Category: April Fool's! (7)
I like to pull your leg.
- We got you!
April 3, 2013
So, I pulled my most elaborate April Fool's Day prank ever this year. A faux Indiegogo campaign, sketches of potential products, a site re-design, a…
- Help fund the Joy Ride!
April 1, 2013
I cannot explain how excited I am right now, peeps. To finally be able to reveal a project Lorax Of Sex and I have been working on for some time. I'm pretty…
- A few changes around here
April 1, 2012
Don't crucify me, peeps, but I'm starting to get burnt out on reviewing sex toys. I know, I know! Of course, I'm too obsessed with sex toys to ever completely…
- Fooled again!?
April 2, 2011
Look, I had to top last year's April Fool's joke. And although perhaps you were less shocked this time, I think I succeeded: Delta O. Venus called it "a…
- ~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! *~*~*~*~
April 1, 2011
WARNING! Adult content ahead!!!!!! if u are offended by sex products do not scroll down! This is a review of a Marital…
- April Fooled!
April 2, 2010
If you didn't get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like: With a .GIF, sparkling background and Comic Sans, of course! Jake…
- Review: Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong
April 1, 2010
The 1st thing I noticed about the Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong was his alluring scent. OMG, it reminded me of cherry blossoms on a beautiful walk in the…
- We got you!
- Category: Ask Piph (6)
You have questions; I am your sex toy Dr. Phil. This is going to be a changing day in your life.
- Ask Piph #5
April 30, 2013
Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. I was wondering if you've ever had an allergic reaction to any of your…
- Ask Piph #4
December 31, 2012
Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. How often do you masturbate? You have quite a collection of toys; do you…
- Ask Piph #3
September 13, 2012
Have a question for me? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. Your boyfriend seems to be pretty comfortable with your reviewing. I'm curious…
- Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for a newish feature called "Blogger…
- Ask Piph #2
April 13, 2010
Check out Ask Piph #1! Would you like to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. If all your favorite sex toys had to be…
- Ask Piph #1
January 16, 2010
Would you like to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. What made you choose the pseudonym "Epiphora"? I put too much…
- Ask Piph #5
- Category: Banter (97)
Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about pornstars ruining our daughters, sometimes about horrific blowjob advice.…
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
May 14, 2013
Everyone knows regulation in the sex toy industry is practically nonexistent, right? We all accept that as fact. We have to do all the material-sniffing and…
- Insane deals on some of my favorite toys!
April 20, 2013
I don't like to clutter my blog and inundate you with information you may or may not want, so I usually confine this info to my sales & deals page... but…
- We got you!
April 3, 2013
So, I pulled my most elaborate April Fool's Day prank ever this year. A faux Indiegogo campaign, sketches of potential products, a site re-design, a…
- Help fund the Joy Ride!
April 1, 2013
I cannot explain how excited I am right now, peeps. To finally be able to reveal a project Lorax Of Sex and I have been working on for some time. I'm pretty…
- The amazing things that happened at CatalystCon
March 20, 2013
CatalystCon is a sex conference where children teethe on cock rings and I shake the hand of the man who invented one of the best dildos in history. This is my…
- Armed and ready for Catalyst
March 11, 2013
You guys, CatalystCon is happening. Like, really soon. In just a couple days, I will be traveling alone for the first time in my life, arriving in Washington…
- What should we call sex toys?
February 8, 2013
While the rest of the world was chomping on chips and gluing their unblinking eyes to a TV on Superbowl Sunday, I was busy debating the relevance of the term…
- Meet me at CatalystCon!
January 17, 2013
I got some of the best news of possibly my life a few days ago. I'M GOING TO CATALYST. I had to refrain from adding multiple exclamation points to the…
- My vagina is a black hole
December 4, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2"-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn, held a vibe to my clit, and easily slipped the big end of…
- This will be your life.
November 10, 2012
Look, I get it. You think this is a picture of a FUN FUN SUPER FUN night. I know -- you'd kill to own that many sex toys. But I would gently ask that you…
- How does a sex toy reviewer decorate an office?
November 2, 2012
Some people dream of owning several cars or having a swimming pool. I dream of having a sex toy lair. When I say "sex toy lair," you are probably picturing…
- The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft
September 4, 2012
My doctor was mildly amused when I told her that I run a sex toy review blog. "Some people experience a loss of libido," she said later, after she'd prodded my…
- Sex toy storage: chargers and lube edition
July 19, 2012
Rechargeable sex toys can free people from the burden of clunky batteries, but there's one side effect that kinda sucks: wrangling all the charging cords. I…
- So vibrators are disempowering now?
June 14, 2012
Now that Hysteria’s come out, everyone has an opinion about vibrators. Many of which I ignore. But I had not really heard this particular argument from a…
- The pinnacle of relief
May 7, 2012
I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for dinner, and something kept saying to me, "this is time." So I…
- To tell the truth
April 20, 2012
If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to tell my parents about my blog, I would've scoffed at you. And in fact, I basically did that in written…
- The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star
February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I've just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite male porn…
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
- A milestone. A huge one.
January 26, 2012
I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about ((Seriously, I remember feeling lost... I felt like I was…
- Jollies resurfaces... on Etsy
January 19, 2012
I mourned the death of sex toy company Jollies half a year ago, but it looks like we all might have a new chance to get some of their toys. A couple days ago,…
- 5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten
December 19, 2011
I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing eye for shooting porn. But all of them combined?…
- A touch of whimsy
December 1, 2011
I'm always getting emails from people wanting to advertise their shit on my site. Only, they never want to pay to advertise it. In fact, they present it to me…
- The Netflix of porn
October 10, 2011
I'm finally at a point where I can shell out the cash for a monthly porn DVD subscription. THIS IS VERY EXCITING! I've been wanting to do this for ages. It…
- Tantus sends me a box of challenges
August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
- Goodbye, Jollies
June 21, 2011
I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
- Once upon a time...
May 13, 2011
...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
- Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring
May 10, 2011
A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions left and right. After grumbling…
- Things seen at an amateur porn film festival
April 27, 2011
Outside the theater, most people are hipsters. Most people are smoking. But the people that stand out are the ones holding a purple inflated Alien Love Doll.…
- Legend for my header
April 12, 2011
Click to embiggen. Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epipho…
- Fooled again!?
April 2, 2011
Look, I had to top last year's April Fool's joke. And although perhaps you were less shocked this time, I think I succeeded: Delta O. Venus called it "a…
- A dude's solution to the problem of phthalates
March 8, 2011
Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to soften cheap sex toys? Are you skeptical…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
February 7, 2011
Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- Peek inside my sex toy storage
January 14, 2011
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y'all are creepers, so I figured you'd want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I…
- The best Christmas list ever
December 20, 2010
This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- Oreos? Really?
October 29, 2010
It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
- Tantus, your neon colors are killin' me
October 15, 2010
Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three popular toys (Ryder, Echo, and Acute) in…
- Still Fleshlight after all these months
October 1, 2010
I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
- Best sex toy storage: plastic drawers
September 16, 2010
I think I've finally found a method for storing sex toys that works. In March of last year, I wrote about organizing all my sex toys into a bunch of For…
- Friends I've made along the way
August 20, 2010
You know, I didn't expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I was a bit lost and alone. I knew nothing about other…
- Hooray
August 1, 2010
Time for my first password-protected post. Because I'm sitting here fuming, and there's nothing else I can do to feel better. There is a blog post that made…
- Dildo desk takeover
July 21, 2010
A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS -- err, actually organize my sex toys. They've been hanging out in plastic drawers,…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
May 31, 2010
Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
May 21, 2010
Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and…
- What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
May 12, 2010
Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- Why I won't be coming out any time soon
May 7, 2010
My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company's website, relieved to find their…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
April 29, 2010
I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
- She Wouldn't Fuck You!
April 24, 2010
Dear this spammy ad's target audience: I don't think getting ripped will be enough. Here's a better idea... Have a large cock. Be able to get hard…
- Watch battery bullets can suck it
April 6, 2010
Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
- April Fooled!
April 2, 2010
If you didn't get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like: With a .GIF, sparkling background and Comic Sans, of course! Jake…
- I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
January 26, 2010
Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
- So kiss me and smile for me...
December 11, 2009
Today I sent one of my favorite toys away. It was my NobEssence Seduction. It developed white splotches in one area that wouldn't wash off. I emailed…
- Holiday giving wishlist
December 4, 2009
This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
- The dual orgasm
November 15, 2009
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, "I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm. G-spot and clitoral at the…
- Where to go from here
November 6, 2009
Passing the one-year mark on this blog has led me to think a lot about what I should change around here. I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I started…
- Shame, Fleshlight style
October 10, 2009
Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
- Discontinued? No reviews? I should know better.
October 5, 2009
The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape,…
- A clitoral revolution is brewing
September 3, 2009
The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a picture; that's how unusual it was. Normally, after I masturbate, I'm left…
- Talking sex shops over coffee
August 27, 2009
I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop. That's because, where I live, my options to do so are…
- 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
July 31, 2009
I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
- An absence of grimacing
July 21, 2009
Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far -- to say the least. The last time I wrote about our forays, which was in January, I noted…
- All good things must be replaced
July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Not exactly forgiven
July 8, 2009
Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
- Don Wands keeps digging
June 27, 2009
"Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
- Or you could get defensive
June 26, 2009
When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Saying "dildo" on Twitter
June 18, 2009
It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
- Sneak peek at the new Tantus Curve
May 23, 2009
As a graduation present to myself, I ordered two dildos from Tantus’ closeout section: the Twist and the Acute (at amazing prices, by the way). Imagine my…
- A likely lack of posts
April 12, 2009
It seems insane to me, but in about a month, I will be graduating from college. It is terrifying and, at this point, a bit incomprehensible. I still have a…
- A hint of organization
March 26, 2009
My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Cal Exotic inches toward integrity
February 21, 2009
I'm a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there. The "new" site is underwhelming; it doesn't seem…
- Policing sex toy reviews?
February 7, 2009
So the Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008 list came out. And I was ecstatic to find myself in spot #5. Although I've been reviewing since fall of 2007, I have only…
- His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
January 24, 2009
We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
- Hey Epiphora's new home
January 14, 2009
It's true, I've moved! I know; I'm still just a wee one in the sex blogosphere, but that didn't stop me from spending Christmas money on a domain and hosting.…
- The spirit of sex bloggers
December 25, 2008
It's been snowing like mad out here, and my Christmas festivities have been delayed for a few days. Today was going to be just another day... until I checked…
- It's official; I'm a squirter
December 24, 2008
Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly how fast I have to thrust with the Ella. I soaked…
- More real than usual
December 3, 2008
Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin' 2008, because then we can all be excited. Behold: a fake pussy molded from the…
- A revolutionary cock
November 19, 2008
Sometimes I talk about the future of sex toys whimsically, hopefully, as though all toys will one day be made of body-safe materials, all packaging will be…
- Porn documentaries (the good news)
November 16, 2008
There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing: a new documentary called 9 to 5: Days in…
- Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things
November 4, 2008
Barack Obama will be our next president. I'm not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I'm excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be…
- Porn documentaries (the bad news)
October 29, 2008
The bad news is, they're hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative or superficial. Even Frontline, which I normally adore…
- The perks of tweeting
October 22, 2008
I'm so excited I can hardly sit still! This new blog, and my new Twitter, are working wonders for me. Today, Ansley Agnello posted a review of the Flexi…
- LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?
October 19, 2008
I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it's rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I…
- Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices
October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then I remembered that I was reading Feministing. Shit, I…
- Politics 'n' pornstars
October 10, 2008
I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…
- In the mail: Durex finger thingy, a SEX BELT, Gyrating (?) massager
October 8, 2008
These three items are on their way to me right now, and boy do I have some confusions about them! (Edited to add review links.) Durex Play Vibrations…
- Caving in
October 7, 2008
I never thought I would become a "sex blogger." Mainly because I don't write very much erotica, and I somehow thought that was a requirement for sex blogs. But…
- Category: A Death in the Family (3)
- Goodbye, Jollies
June 21, 2011
I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
- So kiss me and smile for me...
December 11, 2009
Today I sent one of my favorite toys away. It was my NobEssence Seduction. It developed white splotches in one area that wouldn't wash off. I emailed…
- All good things must be replaced
July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Goodbye, Jollies
- Category: Adventures in Squirting (5)
- Review: Randy
January 9, 2010
Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My vagina is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
- The dual orgasm
November 15, 2009
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, "I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm. G-spot and clitoral at the…
- His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
January 24, 2009
We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
- It's official; I'm a squirter
December 24, 2008
Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly how fast I have to thrust with the Ella. I soaked…
- Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
December 11, 2008
You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that the LELO Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since…
- Review: Randy
- Category: Boyfriend Buttplay (2)
- An absence of grimacing
July 21, 2009
Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far -- to say the least. The last time I wrote about our forays, which was in January, I noted…
- His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
January 24, 2009
We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
- An absence of grimacing
- Category: Dirty Videos (8)
- The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star
February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I've just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite male porn…
- 5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten
December 19, 2011
I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing eye for shooting porn. But all of them combined?…
- The Netflix of porn
October 10, 2011
I'm finally at a point where I can shell out the cash for a monthly porn DVD subscription. THIS IS VERY EXCITING! I've been wanting to do this for ages. It…
- She Wouldn't Fuck You!
April 24, 2010
Dear this spammy ad's target audience: I don't think getting ripped will be enough. Here's a better idea... Have a large cock. Be able to get hard…
- Porn documentaries (the good news)
November 16, 2008
There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing: a new documentary called 9 to 5: Days in…
- Porn documentaries (the bad news)
October 29, 2008
The bad news is, they're hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative or superficial. Even Frontline, which I normally adore…
- Hot scenes: Roxy Deville + Steven St. Croix
October 15, 2008
Who needs lube when you have a video of Steven St. Croix fucking the unbelievably hot Roxy Deville? Not me! This scene from Naughty Office Vol. 3 made it…
- Politics 'n' pornstars
October 10, 2008
I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…
- The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star
- Category: Disingenuous Assholes (9)
- So vibrators are disempowering now?
June 14, 2012
Now that Hysteria’s come out, everyone has an opinion about vibrators. Many of which I ignore. But I had not really heard this particular argument from a…
- The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star
February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I've just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite male porn…
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
- Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring
May 10, 2011
A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions left and right. After grumbling…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
February 7, 2011
Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
May 21, 2010
Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and…
- What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
May 12, 2010
Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- So vibrators are disempowering now?
- Category: Epic Fail (17)
- The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft
September 4, 2012
My doctor was mildly amused when I told her that I run a sex toy review blog. "Some people experience a loss of libido," she said later, after she'd prodded my…
- The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star
February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I've just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite male porn…
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
- A touch of whimsy
December 1, 2011
I'm always getting emails from people wanting to advertise their shit on my site. Only, they never want to pay to advertise it. In fact, they present it to me…
- A dude's solution to the problem of phthalates
March 8, 2011
Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to soften cheap sex toys? Are you skeptical…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- Oreos? Really?
October 29, 2010
It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
- EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
May 21, 2010
Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and…
- What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
May 12, 2010
Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
April 29, 2010
I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
- Watch battery bullets can suck it
April 6, 2010
Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
- I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
January 26, 2010
Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
- Shame, Fleshlight style
October 10, 2009
Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
- Don Wands keeps digging
June 27, 2009
"Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
- Or you could get defensive
June 26, 2009
When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft
- Category: Feminism's Not a Dirty Word (6)
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
- Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
February 7, 2011
Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
- Um, No?: Topco's Fucked line
July 23, 2010
WARNING: There are several photos of paraphilia-inspired sex toys in this entry that you may find totally disgusting. Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line…
- Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
April 29, 2010
I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
- I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
January 26, 2010
Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
- Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices
October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then I remembered that I was reading Feministing. Shit, I…
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
- Category: In My Dreams (2)
- Holiday giving wishlist
December 4, 2009
This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
- Talking sex shops over coffee
August 27, 2009
I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop. That's because, where I live, my options to do so are…
- Holiday giving wishlist
- Category: Joy to the World (4)
- Tantus sends me a box of challenges
August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
- Tantus, your neon colors are killin' me
October 15, 2010
Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three popular toys (Ryder, Echo, and Acute) in…
- Still Fleshlight after all these months
October 1, 2010
I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
- Friends I've made along the way
August 20, 2010
You know, I didn't expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I was a bit lost and alone. I knew nothing about other…
- Tantus sends me a box of challenges
- Category: Making Progress (12)
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
May 14, 2013
Everyone knows regulation in the sex toy industry is practically nonexistent, right? We all accept that as fact. We have to do all the material-sniffing and…
- My vagina is a black hole
December 4, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2"-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn, held a vibe to my clit, and easily slipped the big end of…
- The pinnacle of relief
May 7, 2012
I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for dinner, and something kept saying to me, "this is time." So I…
- To tell the truth
April 20, 2012
If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to tell my parents about my blog, I would've scoffed at you. And in fact, I basically did that in written…
- A milestone. A huge one.
January 26, 2012
I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about ((Seriously, I remember feeling lost... I felt like I was…
- Why I won't be coming out any time soon
May 7, 2010
My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company's website, relieved to find their…
- Hell Yes: Ola
January 14, 2010
There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I've seen that really looks innovative. It's made…
- Review: Benjamin Bond
March 22, 2009
When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and had only penetrated myself with a tiny toy skinnier than…
- Cal Exotic inches toward integrity
February 21, 2009
I'm a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there. The "new" site is underwhelming; it doesn't seem…
- More real than usual
December 3, 2008
Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin' 2008, because then we can all be excited. Behold: a fake pussy molded from the…
- A revolutionary cock
November 19, 2008
Sometimes I talk about the future of sex toys whimsically, hopefully, as though all toys will one day be made of body-safe materials, all packaging will be…
- LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?
October 19, 2008
I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it's rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I…
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
- Category: Sad News (3)
- Goodbye, Jollies
June 21, 2011
I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Goodbye, Jollies
- Category: Something Like Feedback (3)
- Not exactly forgiven
July 8, 2009
Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
- Don Wands keeps digging
June 27, 2009
"Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
- Or you could get defensive
June 26, 2009
When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Not exactly forgiven
- Category: Technology (2)
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- What the eff is RSS?
October 12, 2008
My apologies to the 3 awesome people who have subscribed to my feed already, but I wanted to do a quick rundown of what RSS is and how to watch feeds. You…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
- Category: Toybox Reports (15)
- Sex toy storage: chargers and lube edition
July 19, 2012
Rechargeable sex toys can free people from the burden of clunky batteries, but there's one side effect that kinda sucks: wrangling all the charging cords. I…
- Tantus sends me a box of challenges
August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
- Once upon a time...
May 13, 2011
...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
- Legend for my header
April 12, 2011
Click to embiggen. Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epipho…
- Peek inside my sex toy storage
January 14, 2011
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y'all are creepers, so I figured you'd want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I…
- Still Fleshlight after all these months
October 1, 2010
I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
- Best sex toy storage: plastic drawers
September 16, 2010
I think I've finally found a method for storing sex toys that works. In March of last year, I wrote about organizing all my sex toys into a bunch of For…
- Dildo desk takeover
July 21, 2010
A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS -- err, actually organize my sex toys. They've been hanging out in plastic drawers,…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
May 31, 2010
Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
February 19, 2010
Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
- Discontinued? No reviews? I should know better.
October 5, 2009
The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape,…
- 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
July 31, 2009
I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
- All good things must be replaced
July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- A hint of organization
March 26, 2009
My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Sex toy storage: chargers and lube edition
- Category: Whine Time (16)
- This will be your life.
November 10, 2012
Look, I get it. You think this is a picture of a FUN FUN SUPER FUN night. I know -- you'd kill to own that many sex toys. But I would gently ask that you…
- So vibrators are disempowering now?
June 14, 2012
Now that Hysteria’s come out, everyone has an opinion about vibrators. Many of which I ignore. But I had not really heard this particular argument from a…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- Oreos? Really?
October 29, 2010
It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
- EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
May 21, 2010
Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and…
- What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
May 12, 2010
Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
April 29, 2010
I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
- Watch battery bullets can suck it
April 6, 2010
Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
- I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
January 26, 2010
Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
- Shame, Fleshlight style
October 10, 2009
Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
- Not exactly forgiven
July 8, 2009
Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
- Don Wands keeps digging
June 27, 2009
"Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
- Or you could get defensive
June 26, 2009
When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Saying "dildo" on Twitter
June 18, 2009
It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
- This will be your life.
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
- Category: Contests & Giveaways (52)
- Winner of the Stronic Eins!
May 17, 2013
You've all been waiting with baited breath, I'm sure, to find out who won my Stronic Eins giveaway. So I will torture you no further. The winner is Natty! O…
- Win a Stronic pulsating thrusting vibrator
April 26, 2013
ALRIGHT PEOPLE. On Wednesday, I gave a sickeningly glowing endorsement to a 0 sex toy, and my reviewer's guilt is setting in. No matter how epic a sex toy…
- Red sex toy giveaway winners!
January 28, 2013
Whooooosh! That's the sound of my red sex toy giveaway going by in a flash. Usually my giveaways last a bit longer, but I wanted to finish this one in time to…
- Giveaway: Red sex toys for Valentine's Day or any day
January 22, 2013
So, I don't really do Valentine's Day. In fact, the Valentine's Day aisle at the store makes me kinda sick with all the pink stuff falling off the shelves. B…
- 4-year blogiversary giveaway winners
October 29, 2012
Wow. I'm about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog. And that's a tall order considering…
- 4-year blogiversary giveaway -- 15 prizes!
October 3, 2012
Four motherfuckin' years, my friends. That's how long this blog has been chugging along. If you know me at all, you know I'm a fan of throwing epic blogiversary…
- Subscribe to Epiphora's Snark Digest!
October 1, 2012
I'm doing something nuts, peeps. I'm starting a newsletter. You may have heard little rumblings about this on Twitter, but I figured an actual announcement…
- Neon and tie dye VixSkin winner
September 6, 2012
So I'm pretty sure my neon and tie dye VixSkin giveaway has been my most successful giveaway to date. AND WHY WOULDN'T IT BE? WHO WOULDN'T WANT NEON AND…
- Giveaway: Neon and tie-dye VixSkin FOR YOU!
August 21, 2012
So after screaming "IS THIS REAL LIFE???" and recovering from my initial heart attack when I heard about these new toys yesterday, I knew my next mission: get…
- Penetralia wooden toy winner
July 8, 2012
Thank you all for making my Penetralia giveaway a rousing success! I'm so thrilled to be the first one to give away a piece from such an up-and-coming…
- Win a Penetralia wooden sex toy!
June 21, 2012
When do you ever get the chance to own a gorgeous, handmade sex toy before practically anyone else? When I'm here to help you out, duh! I recently got my hands…
- And the winner of the custom dildo is...
March 23, 2012
Aidyn! Thank you all for entertaining me for hours with your ideas for what you'd put in a custom dildo. I will miss being able to use the phrase…
- Win a custom dildo -- with anything you want inside it!
March 4, 2012
Have you ever thought to yourself, "dildos are fun and all, but they'd be way cooler if I could put a picture of my cat inside one"? Me too. And since…
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner
February 5, 2012
The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only did I receive a ton of entries, but I didn't…
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway!
January 17, 2012
You want this dildo. First, as you can see, it's gorgeous. It's glimmery. It's iridescent. It has an effing Swarovski crystal in its base. But that's not even…
- Blogiversary giveaway gift card winners
November 7, 2011
Thanks, peeps, for being total badasses! I had a great turnout in my 3-year blogiversary / 200 reviews giveaway. Now I am pleased to announce the ten winners o…
- Blogiversary giveaway: celebrating 200 reviews with 600 bucks!
October 6, 2011
Oh snap, my friends! This week is my 3-year blogging anniversary, and I've hit 200 reviews written! I wrote 35 reviews off-site before I began this blog, and…
- Green sex toy giveaway winners
March 19, 2011
Let me begin by saying, YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. I feel like I just spent half my life counting entries for my Green sex toys for everyone! giveaway. Granted, it's…
- Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!
February 28, 2011
I've never been a big participator in St. Patrick's Day. I don't go out and get wasted on Irish Car Bombs, nor do I specifically remember to wear green every…
- 2-year blogiversary giveaway winners
October 16, 2010
Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all your entries. Here are the winners of the 8 fabulous…
- Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes!
October 4, 2010
My 2-year anniversary of blogging -- and 3-year anniversary of sex toy reviewing -- is approaching fast! And of course, I can't resist an opportunity to shower…
- We came, we Tickled.
August 28, 2010
Hoorah! My Tickle gift card giveaway went swimmingly. The Twitter parties were great -- we discussed many awesome things, like how sex toys are different from…
- Giveaway: It's raining Tickle gift cards!
August 15, 2010
So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided to hold some more! This time, there will be no…
- Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question
June 22, 2010
I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin' Twitter parties! Now that the festivities have wound down, I have…
- Giveaway: Woodgasm
June 6, 2010
Wooden sex toy manufacturer NobEssence makes some of the most beautiful -- and expensive -- sex toys out there. And while most of their toys retail for…
- Squeeze some VixSkin winner!
May 18, 2010
Damn! You guys really like dildos, don't you?! The response to my Squeeze some VixSkin giveaway was immense. I wish I could give all of you the VixSkin dildo…
- Giveaway: Squeeze some VixSkin!
May 1, 2010
It's no secret I adore VixSkin, the soft-on-the-outside and hard-on-the-inside silicone invented by Vixen Creations. Right now, I'm still on a high from my…
- It's Courtney Trouble week!
February 1, 2010
Follow Courtney Trouble week by subscribing to my RSS feed or subscribing via email! If you don't know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that.…
- Tickler winner!
January 25, 2010
I was delighted by the response to my Tickler giveaway. I received a boatload of comments! But of course, there can only be one winner... and that winner…
- Giveaway: A Tickler of your choice!
January 17, 2010
Hey! If you're new here, why don't you subscribe to my RSS feed or subscribe via email to make sure you'll catch the next giveaway? Also, follow me on Twitter…
- New decade, new butt plug winner!
January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging, and salivating over the NobEssence…
- Giveaway: New decade, new butt plug
January 4, 2010
The year is 2010. It's a new decade, and you're ready for a change. Your butt plug collection is paltry, consisting of just a few uninspired shapes, perhaps…
- Winter hotness giveaway winners!
January 3, 2010
Thank you, everyone who entered That Toy Chick's and my Winter hotness giveaway! We're very excited to be sending two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear…
- Winter hotness giveaway
December 14, 2009
When That Toy Chick asked if I wanted to help her give away two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear, I was elated. I just reviewed a Joque of my own, and…
- Blogiversary blowout winners!
October 28, 2009
Ahhh, the end of my blogiversary blowout! I am excited to announce the seven lucky winners. First I chose my two favorite comments of all time and awarded…
- Blogiversary blowout: oodles of sex toys
October 6, 2009
Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of this here blog, so of course, I wanted to give out some presents! I was inspired by other blogiversary contests held…
- And the winner of the Pure Wand is...
September 14, 2009
After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning entry: body writing, the fantastic feat of epic…
- Vote for the Pure Wand winner!
September 5, 2009
A month ago, I began a very hardcore contest called What would you do for a Pure Wand?. I decided to make the contest a somewhat complicated one, to befit the…
- Round 2 of the Pure Wand contest begins
August 21, 2009
It's that time... time to move into the next phase of my What would you do for a Pure Wand? contest! I received a total of 22 entries, and have chosen my…
- Contest: What would you do for a Pure Wand?
August 9, 2009
Ten inches of stainless steel. Two spheres of extreme G-spot stimulation. One and a half pounds. The sex toy, the legend. Yes, the folks of Play Passions are…
- RubyGlass21 dildos winners!
August 2, 2009
My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the level of participation and thoughtfulness of the…
- Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!
July 18, 2009
Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks of RubyGlass21. And…
- Saying "dildo" on Twitter
June 18, 2009
It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
- And the bumpy glass goes to...
June 13, 2009
My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say, it was a resounding success. In all, my followers tweeted about the…
- Giveaway: Win two bumpy glass dildos!
May 22, 2009
In celebration of my graduation and my leap back into reviewing and blogging, I am excited to announce a bumpy giveaway. The wonderful Domina Doll and SexToy…
- Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet winner!
April 11, 2009
I received nearly 30 entries to my contest to win the Epiphora-approved Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, making this contest my most successful to date! I attached a…
- Contest: Win the toy I rave about
March 29, 2009
TabuToys has taken notice of my ridiculous and unhealthy obsession with my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, and they presented me with an offer I could not refuse:…
- Babeland gift card winner!
March 18, 2009
I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first sex toy. I am a firm believer that everyone should at least…
- Contest: Win a Babeland gift card!
February 27, 2009
Yep, my friends at Babeland are letting me have a second contest! I'm giving away a Babeland gift card! I'm going to make this contest very simple: comment…
- Babeland Swag Contest Winners!
December 30, 2008
I didn't get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most. I asked participants to digitally edit a sex toy into a…
- Swag Contest: Win a Rabbit Habit or Pink Kink Kit!
December 13, 2008
Very exciting news! My pal Mae at Babeland is allowing me to give away two great items to my readers. Having only started this blog in October, I am…
- Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things
November 4, 2008
Barack Obama will be our next president. I'm not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I'm excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be…
- Winner of the Stronic Eins!
- Category: Epiphora Makes Lists (6)
- The amazing things that happened at CatalystCon
March 20, 2013
CatalystCon is a sex conference where children teethe on cock rings and I shake the hand of the man who invented one of the best dildos in history. This is my…
- Epiphora's beginner's guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging
February 13, 2013
So you wanna become a sex toy reviewer. I know, it sounds so glamorous and enticing. Packages bursting with free sex toys! Masturbation as a job! Merely…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2012
December 20, 2012
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2011
December 31, 2011
It's almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means -- it's time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, like last year, this list includes…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2010
December 31, 2010
I'm starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I'm gonna make a list of my top and bottom toys for the year, and give out entirely fake awards…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- The amazing things that happened at CatalystCon
- Category: Goodies (1)
- Wallpaper: Santa Eleven
December 19, 2008
I was hoping to do a whole series of these for the holiday season, but schoolwork won out. Nonetheless, I have finally finished a wallpaper for those of you…
- Wallpaper: Santa Eleven
- Category: Guides (2)
- Epiphora's beginner's guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging
February 13, 2013
So you wanna become a sex toy reviewer. I know, it sounds so glamorous and enticing. Packages bursting with free sex toys! Masturbation as a job! Merely…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- Epiphora's beginner's guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging
- Category: Hell Yes (13)
Upcoming sex toys that might actually be good?!
- Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures
January 7, 2013
These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a lot. Fucking Sculptures is a brand new…
- Hell Yes: Stronic Eins
November 14, 2012
I like thrusting, if you haven't noticed, so I am drawn to this new majig from Fun Factory. The Stronic Eins, or Stronic One, is the first in a series of…
- Hell Yes: Leaf
November 14, 2011
BMS Enterprises has not made much of anything that's too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of bullets, and they designed…
- Hell Yes: Luz de la Riva Parda dildo
February 4, 2011
Um. It's made of volcanic ash stone. It's 0. It's Pure Wand-shaped. And it can go in my vagina anytime, though it probably never will. That is the…
- Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?
July 5, 2010
This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read descriptions? Too bad -- YOU CAN'T. This is all you…
- Hell Yes: Bartenders
May 16, 2010
Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud at something on the…
- Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can
April 9, 2010
These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean... heh, heh... Even though my boyfriend wasn't a huge fan of his Sex in a…
- Hell Yes: Woodvibes
March 30, 2010
It's probably unfair for me to feature a sex toy line that doesn't even exist, but seriously, these are the definition of beautiful. Woodvibes were…
- Hell Yes: Cobra Libre
March 7, 2010
I think Fun Factory is definitely onto something with the Cobra Libre. I've been wondering when someone would harness the power of vibrations in a penis-oriente…
- Hell Yes: Alice
February 23, 2010
I don't even really know the plot of Alice in Wonderland, and yet Erica McLean and Carlos Batts's upcoming porno Alice is making me, um, very excited. I've…
- Hell Yes: Ola
January 14, 2010
There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I've seen that really looks innovative. It's made…
- Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)
November 26, 2009
The ChillDil (or if you prefer, there's a Twitter account), the brainchild of That Toy Chick, is a sleeve for heating and cooling sex toys. It can…
- Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2
November 7, 2009
Tongs. Chopsticks. Tweezers. I did not know I wanted a sex toy modeled after them. But the Jimmyjane Form 2 is making me drool. This is the first time…
- Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures
- Category: Interviews (5)
- Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for a newish feature called "Blogger…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 4
February 8, 2010
It's the last day of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Berlin. Today: Bordello. Courtney Trouble and I didn't mean to have a drunken online chat; it…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 3
February 6, 2010
It's day six of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Dirty South. Today: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2. Tomorrow: Roulette Berlin. Courtney Trouble and I…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 2
February 4, 2010
It's day four of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Speakeasy. Today: Seven Minutes in Heaven. Tomorrow: Roulette Dirty South. Courtney Trouble and I didn't…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 1
February 2, 2010
It's day two of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette. Today: Nostalgia. Tomorrow: Speakeasy. Courtney Trouble and I didn't mean to have a drunken…
- Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
- Category: Jack-off Journal (15)
Where I recount all the ~salacious~ details of my masturbation sessions. Not really. More like whether I can orgasm at the exact moment the timer for the corn…
- Jack-off Journal #15
December 15, 2012
July 27th, 2012 Creeped myself out watching a Belladonna movie from 9 years ago called StrapOn Chicks: Bella's Bitches. There was this super young looking…
- Jack-off Journal #14
July 12, 2012
January 21st, 2012 After a nap with weird dreams, I got up at 10 p.m. and drank a Rockstar. Like you do. I did some work, then jacked off to Belladonna's…
- Jack-off Journal #13
January 12, 2012
February 3rd, 2011 Tonight I found one of my favorite male pornstars, Danny Wylde, on cam. When he saw my name in the chatroom, he said, "holy shit, is…
- Jack-off Journal #12
January 24, 2011
October 1st, 2010 WHY WHY WHY WHY: WHY WHY WHY WHY. November 13th, 2010 I took a break from playing Plants vs. Zombies... ...to watch a new…
- Jack-off Journal #11
September 23, 2010
August 5th, 2010 Today I watched Justine Joli: Lost with Saraid, which I had been eagerly anticipating. Very quickly realized it was a mistake to have…
- Jack-off Journal #10
August 13, 2010
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the nozzle is not plugged up. Today, attempting to…
- Jack-off Journal #9
July 19, 2010
June 6th, 2010 Here's a little secret for you: I've been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually hate erotica. I generally don't fantasize.…
- Jack-off Journal #8
June 16, 2010
May 8th, 2010 Eight days into May and I haven't jacked off yet. I need to work on life. I saw pictures of this cute pornstar named Gracie Glam (oh god…
- Jack-off Journal #7
May 25, 2010
April 6th, 2010 Wow, most frustrating masturbation session in a long time. I watched, but not really, Fashionistas, which wasn't doing it for me at all (o…
- Jack-off Journal #6
April 18, 2010
March 4th, 2010 You know what's hard to watch? An hour and 16 minutes of nothing but cocksucking. But I did it -- boy, I did it -- in the name of reviewing. T…
- Jack-off Journal #5
March 10, 2010
February 9th, 2010 Dear diary, today I learned that masturbation while drunk is really fucking annoying. I spent most of the night in a chatroom with Britni…
- Jack-off Journal #4
February 13, 2010
January 2nd, 2010 Although I'd just read a terrible piece of "science," I was too tired to go for the G-spot gold, so I picked up the Wahl and watched a bit…
- Jack-off Journal #3
January 3, 2010
December 10th, 2009 Having received an orange Jimmyjane Little Chroma in the mail from a Halloween giveaway I didn't know I entered, I decided to pit the…
- Jack-off Journal #2
December 1, 2009
November 17th, 2009 I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and Tom Byron. Sasha and Sunny were great, but wow,…
- Jack-off Journal #1
November 16, 2009
November 3rd, 2009 Settled into bed with Roulette on my laptop and the Better than Chocolate on my clit, for probably the most simple masturbation session in…
- Jack-off Journal #15
- Category: Movie Night (1)
In which I watch (and make fun of) movies and documentaries about sex toys, porn, and other relevant topics.
- Movie Night: Missionary Positions
June 7, 2012
Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a ~crazy~ idea: to, uh, do something about the…
- Movie Night: Missionary Positions
- Category: New arrival (4)
- New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more
December 6, 2008
I think it's fair to say that my boyfriend's getting a little irritated with having to bring in mail that looks like this. Although three packages in one day…
- New arrival: Ophoria Pleasure No. 6
November 21, 2008
Today the mail guy brought me the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo. I was surprised to find that it is smaller in girth than the average dildo, and also that it is…
- New arrival: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra's Secret
October 25, 2008
I think my boyfriend has discovered the secret to giving me gifts: all sex toys! For my birthday, he got me these two wondrous items: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra'…
- New arrival: Goddess
October 8, 2008
With a 30% off coupon, I have bought my very first 100% silicone watch-battery-using dildo. It is, fittingly, named Goddess. I wanted a textured dildo…
- New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more
- Category: Photos (59)
- Review: Vice Merchants erotic sheets
March 27, 2013
While I'm generally a pretty frugal person, there are a handful things in life I don't like to skimp on: coffee, toilet paper, sex toys, and bed sheets. I'm no…
- Review: Flight
January 3, 2013
It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just…
- How to make a gorgeous dildo even prettier
December 7, 2012
I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The Crystal Twist is one of those toys. As if the Crystal Twist was not pretty enough to…
- This will be your life.
November 10, 2012
Look, I get it. You think this is a picture of a FUN FUN SUPER FUN night. I know -- you'd kill to own that many sex toys. But I would gently ask that you…
- Mini sex toy doodads!
August 27, 2012
I think I can call this a legit collection now. Back in April, after jealously ogling everyone's photos of the mini Tantus dildos at Momentum, the lovely Je…
- Review: Big Boss
August 16, 2012
The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it.…
- Review: Cush O2
July 16, 2012
One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I had to have the Tantus Cush O2. I tore through my drawers but I couldn't find it, which only increased…
- Review: Duet
June 11, 2012
I can now say that I own a vibrator engraved with my name. Or, I should say, engraved with the epic sequence of words Exclusively for Epiphora. I didn't…
- Review: Fun Wand
June 4, 2012
Nobody wants to know how the njoy Fun Wand is. Everyone just wants to know how the Fun Wand compares to the njoy Pure Wand. Which I think is totally fair.…
- Review: Rock Box
May 21, 2012
Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing…
- Review: Hold On To Me
April 26, 2012
I'll admit I scoffed at Real Housewife of Atlanta Kandi Burruss' new line of sex toys, Bedroom Kandi. Look, I'm not into so-called "girly" things... like…
- Soaked-through paper towels
April 24, 2012
Sometimes I wait an embarrassingly long time to clean my sex toys. But that's the beauty of non-porous toys -- they clean up beautifully no matter what.…
- Review: Lotus
February 29, 2012
A glass dildo shaped like an actual cock sounded pretty nice. I'm a fiend for many realistic dildos, so why not try a similar shape in glass? I certainly…
- Boiling day
February 24, 2012
March 5th, 2009 -- all laid out and drying after a nice thorough boil in a big pot. Some dildos change, but boiling day remains the same. Pictured sorta…
- Review: The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation
February 9, 2012
It's not like I needed to read The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation. I discovered my G-spot three years ago, and squirted soon after.…
- Review: Soraya
July 6, 2011
The world of luxury ((silicone, rechargeable)) rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has a few in their new G4 line; Cal Exotics is trying really…
- Review: Allure
June 10, 2011
My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous ((I just looked at my Linger review and I wrote almost this exact phrase in it. Wow, I…
- Once upon a time...
May 13, 2011
...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
- Review: Goddess
May 6, 2011
It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn't know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and…
- Review: Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
April 6, 2011
I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed…
- Afterward
March 25, 2011
After a long masturbation session, the kitchen counter usually looks something like this: Left to right: Alumina Motion/Revolve hybrid, Dual-Sided Swirled…
- Review: Split Dildo
March 21, 2011
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
- Tantus Sherbet and old packaging
October 27, 2010
When I searched the universe to find a discontinued Tantus Sherbet (yes, the neon green color fueled my fervor more than I should admit), I was so amused by…
- Purpleheart vs. Cocobolo
August 31, 2010
These kinds of emails are the best to receive: It's time for another round of awkward question of the day: Would you be able to take a picture of your…
- Review: Maverick
April 27, 2010
I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is…
- Avatar prototype
March 16, 2010
This is a quick snapshot I took when I came up with the idea for my avatar. I wanted to see if it would look as good as it did in my head. It almost…
- Review: Jollet
March 14, 2010
The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
- One year ago
February 28, 2010
At a cozy little bed & breakfast, we celebrated our fourth anniversary. Dream Toys Lemon Drops, NobEssence Linger, Acuvibe Mini I had probably the best…
- Review: Form 2
February 26, 2010
It's the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or... the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It's the Jimmyjane Form 2, a two-pronged pipsqueak that I've…
- Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
February 19, 2010
Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
- Review: Eroscillator
November 8, 2009
You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
- Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
October 20, 2009
I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
- A clitoral revolution is brewing
September 3, 2009
The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a picture; that's how unusual it was. Normally, after I masturbate, I'm left…
- Review: Seduction
August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
- 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
July 31, 2009
I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
- Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!
July 18, 2009
Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks of RubyGlass21. And…
- All good things must be replaced
July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Review: Romp
June 30, 2009
Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
- Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
June 10, 2009
A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
- Review: Be Be
May 29, 2009
It's not every day you receive a postcard along with a sex toy. Along with a packet of materials explaining and promoting the toy itself, my package included a…
- Sneak peek at the new Tantus Curve
May 23, 2009
As a graduation present to myself, I ordered two dildos from Tantus’ closeout section: the Twist and the Acute (at amazing prices, by the way). Imagine my…
- Review: Lemon Drops glass dildo
March 27, 2009
Despite the grotesque name, I've always wanted to try a "juicer"-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the Lemon Drops, a stunningly beautiful piece…
- A hint of organization
March 26, 2009
My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Review: Luna Beads
February 3, 2009
I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
- Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
January 17, 2009
Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
- Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
January 15, 2009
I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
- Review: Cry Baby
January 7, 2009
It sounds wrong to say "my Cry Baby is dead." But it's true. Now, I did not drop my Cry Baby. I didn't say anything mean to it. But... I suppose it may have…
- Review: Linger
December 7, 2008
On my quest to become a sex toy connoisseur, I am determined to try every phthalate-free material on the market. Next up: wood! Wood is one material I've been…
- New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more
December 6, 2008
I think it's fair to say that my boyfriend's getting a little irritated with having to bring in mail that looks like this. Although three packages in one day…
- Review: Pleasure No. 6
December 5, 2008
It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I've never heard of. Especially when that toy is 100% silicone and adorable as hell! I speak of the…
- Review: Rhapsody, Symphony Edition
November 28, 2008
There's been some hoopla and excitement surrounding this new toy company, Evolved Novelties, so when I was offered the opportunity to review one of their toys,…
- Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo
November 24, 2008
Before this dildo, I'd never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers of affordable glass dildos -- a rarity in…
- New arrival: Ophoria Pleasure No. 6
November 21, 2008
Today the mail guy brought me the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo. I was surprised to find that it is smaller in girth than the average dildo, and also that it is…
- Review: Ripple (small)
November 15, 2008
I knew the Tantus Ripple would be amazing. How? Well, for one, Tantus can do no wrong; their toys are made of beautiful 100% silicone, and they're lovingly…
- Review: Hitachi Magic Wand
November 12, 2008
Hello, hello, the reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put off by your grandma-esque appearance. But,…
- Review: Maven masturbation sleeve
November 8, 2008
My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so, a fluid squeezing motion that I have yet to…
- Review: Crystal Teaser
November 7, 2008
It's tiny! A year ago, my vagina would've rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a thing of this size and feel immediate disappointment. It's…
- New arrival: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra's Secret
October 25, 2008
I think my boyfriend has discovered the secret to giving me gifts: all sex toys! For my birthday, he got me these two wondrous items: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra'…
- New arrival: Goddess
October 8, 2008
With a 30% off coupon, I have bought my very first 100% silicone watch-battery-using dildo. It is, fittingly, named Goddess. I wanted a textured dildo…
- Review: Vice Merchants erotic sheets
- Category: Pornfail (3)
The silly things that happen in porn, documented.
- Pornfail: Pussy painting
May 3, 2012
Have you been jonesing for a deep look into the female psyche? Then What Girls Like is the porno for you! Seriously, it's uncanny how much this film…
- Pornfail: Mmm, rubber
July 14, 2011
Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn't look sanitary. In fact, I'm willing to bet…
- Pornfail: Popsicle "fun"
July 30, 2010
This one comes to us from the thoughtfully-titled Pound the Round 2. If you have sensitive teeth, click away now. STEPS FOR GETTING A GIRL'S MOUTH AND…
- Pornfail: Pussy painting
- Category: Postcards from the Peanut Gallery (6)
Letters from readers who buy toys based on my recommendation and then love them. Want to submit your own blurb? Read my tips here.
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand
April 15, 2013
Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny.…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Jollet
November 8, 2012
The story of the Jollies Jollet is a long and strange one. I acquired and reviewed mine just as Jollies, as a company, was petering out. Their toys were…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Romp
March 29, 2011
I am unabashed about my love for the NobEssence Romp. I can't help it if it's the best butt plug ever made, okay?! I can't help it if I turn into a ROOOOOMP…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Alumina Motion
June 23, 2010
Ah, the Tantus Alumina Motion. One of my favorite dildos. I gave one away in my blogiversary blowout, to an awesome guy by the name of Jaye Valentine. Jaye…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Eroscillator
March 4, 2010
I'm not surprised that my insanely extensive and enthusiastic review of the Eroscillator resulted in several of my readers lusting after it. Sarahbear took…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Luna Beads
January 8, 2010
It was my glowing endorsement of the Lelo Luna Beads that convinced Rachelle to get them. But beyond that, her job as a waitress needed some sprucing up. And…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Comet G Wand
- Category: Public Service Announcement (2)
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
May 14, 2013
Everyone knows regulation in the sex toy industry is practically nonexistent, right? We all accept that as fact. We have to do all the material-sniffing and…
- PSA: Not everything I say is sexual
October 17, 2010
I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex on the brain 24/7. And most importantly, I do not feel the need to sex-ify…
- Once and for all: what's in our sex toys?
- Category: Reviews (258)
The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews!
- Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth more?
May 7, 2013
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator "the best sex toy I've ever tried," people have been asking me whether it's worth the extra cash to…
- Review: Stronic Eins
April 24, 2013
Hollow-bodied with a metal weight that moves back and forth inside, the Stronic Eins feels unlike any sex toy I've used. It jostles my G-spot into oblivion.
- Review: Tulip
April 10, 2013
The Vibratex Tulip is really bizarre. It looks like a rocket ship puking a flower, like some combination of a character from David Lanham's work and a beast…
- Review: Vice Merchants erotic sheets
March 27, 2013
While I'm generally a pretty frugal person, there are a handful things in life I don't like to skimp on: coffee, toilet paper, sex toys, and bed sheets. I'm no…
- Review: The Feminist Porn Book
March 5, 2013
Wedged between my consumption of Fast Food Nation and We Need to Talk About Kevin, I inhaled The Feminist Porn Book. I wrote in the margins and bent the…
- Review: J-Pop
February 27, 2013
The G-Spot Lollipop J-Pop begins with a mistake -- by getting way too literal about things. Always an ominous sign. Since it's wrapped up like a fucking…
- Review: Comet G Wand
February 20, 2013
It's only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I…
- Review: Mia 2 and Adore Me Pleasure Set
February 4, 2013
The LELO Mia and I go way back. Almost to the beginning of this blog. A lot of things have changed since then -- for instance, I am now a hardcore Google…
- Review: Mini Magic Wand
January 21, 2013
You might stumble across the Lovehoney Mini Magic Wand while shopping for the legendary Mystic Wand and think to yourself, "oh! It's 30% cheaper than the…
- Review: Luna Beads Mini
January 10, 2013
This is so disappointing, you guys. And a sex toy reviewer's nightmare. But I just cannot feel the LELO Luna Beads Mini in my vagina. I really really love…
- Review: Flight
January 3, 2013
It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just…
- My favorite lube? Sliquid anything
December 12, 2012
Here are my standards for lube: That it not smell like a sanitary pad or like Nickelodeon Gak That it not taste like perfume That it not contain…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Pegging
November 26, 2012
Do you know how many years it's been since Bend Over Boyfriend? I hate to break it to you (and myself), but 1998 was 14 years ago. While you were suffering…
- Review: Splash
November 20, 2012
The Tantus Splash looks like it's in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it'd be grinning and taking it like a…
- Review: Mona 2
November 12, 2012
It's kind of ridiculous how much I like my LELO Mona 2. Fuck it, love. It just feels weird to say that because the Mona is such a simple toy. It's not a…
- Review: Wolf Hudson Is Bad .com
November 6, 2012
Wolf Hudson looks like the kind of guy who owns more than a few sets of brass knuckles, but in actuality, he is a sweetheart with killer dance moves who…
- Review: Sqweel 2
October 31, 2012
Lovehoney didn't have to talk me into reviewing the Sqweel 2. I'm not sure why. You'd think, after experiencing the vulva hog and noisemaker that was the…
- Review: Leo
October 24, 2012
As with any type of collector, the phrase "limited edition" is like a dog whistle in my ears. Add the color orange to the equation and I'm like a dog that has…
- Review: James Deen dildos
October 15, 2012
THE MOST ANTICIPATED SEX TOYS OF THE YEAR... WELL, ON TUMBLR ANYWAY. Having followed porn star James Deen for years, I think I can call myself an honorary Dee…
- Review: Ola
October 8, 2012
Minna Ola is an innovative vibrator with a squeeze pad on the handle. Squeeze a pattern into it, and it will loop back to you.
- Review: Pure Plugs
September 26, 2012
I could've written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do such a thing. And sometimes, my…
- Review: Penetralia Number 23
September 10, 2012
The Number 23 is not, as you might think, a psychological thriller starring Jim Carrey, but instead a wooden dildo made by Penetralia. That's good news,…
- Review: Big Boss
August 16, 2012
The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it.…
- Review: Star Delight
August 6, 2012
Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on my feelings for them. But once in a while, a toy comes…
- Drugstore condom company vibrator showdown
July 25, 2012
They've figured us out, guys. THEY KNOW. People... actually... use... vibrators. The newest model on the shelves is the Tri-Phoria, created by the condom…
- Review: Cush O2
July 16, 2012
One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I had to have the Tantus Cush O2. I tore through my drawers but I couldn't find it, which only increased…
- Review: Little Chroma
July 9, 2012
The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your friend emailing you in distress because they're stranded in London. Not like replying to a Craigslist post…
- Review: Penetralia Number 66
June 20, 2012
Aside from a handful of super indie manufacturers and some really sad bigwig attempts, wooden sex toys have primarily been the domain of NobEssence for…
- Review: Duet
June 11, 2012
I can now say that I own a vibrator engraved with my name. Or, I should say, engraved with the epic sequence of words Exclusively for Epiphora. I didn't…
- Review: Fun Wand
June 4, 2012
Nobody wants to know how the njoy Fun Wand is. Everyone just wants to know how the Fun Wand compares to the njoy Pure Wand. Which I think is totally fair.…
- Review: Rock Box
May 21, 2012
Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing…
- Review: Life
May 10, 2012
The Leaf Life looks like something you'd pick up along a nature trail. Colored a cheery green and shaped like a fat leaf or a pointy slug, the Life comes…
- Review: Hold On To Me
April 26, 2012
I'll admit I scoffed at Real Housewife of Atlanta Kandi Burruss' new line of sex toys, Bedroom Kandi. Look, I'm not into so-called "girly" things... like…
- Review: Intensity
April 11, 2012
The Jopen Intensity, as the fable goes, did not begin as a sex toy. It began as a medical apparatus used to strengthen women's pelvic floor muscles and treat…
- Review: Décor Wedge
March 29, 2012
It's hard to describe Liberator shapes to people. The word "shape" doesn't exactly evoke much, so sometimes you have to resort to, "um, it's like a really…
- Review: Rippler
March 17, 2012
The Good Vibes Rippler is like what the Tantus Echo wants to be when it grows up. It is a beast. A glimmering, swirly green beast; a beast that, sadly,…
- Review: Décor Fascinator Throe
March 13, 2012
The Liberator Décor Fascinator Throe is my third Liberator Throe. That tells you a lot, right there. I now have a Throe for every room I could possibly…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex
March 8, 2012
Tristan Taormino is obsessed with the butt. This is a known fact. But somehow it's been four years since her original guide to anal sex. Therefore, Trista…
- Review: Lotus
February 29, 2012
A glass dildo shaped like an actual cock sounded pretty nice. I'm a fiend for many realistic dildos, so why not try a similar shape in glass? I certainly…
- Review: Kiki
February 20, 2012
I was going to ignore PicoBong altogether. Although I was initially drawn to the brand because, well, LELO invented it and some of the toys come in turquoise,…
- Review: The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation
February 9, 2012
It's not like I needed to read The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation. I discovered my G-spot three years ago, and squirted soon after.…
- Review: Spider
January 30, 2012
It's been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw the Spider, he was giddy. This thing really is interesting…
- Review: Severin
January 23, 2012
I don't know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that's okay -- I've never really been the queen of class. It feels like I'm pooping. Because…
- Review: Crystal Twist
January 17, 2012
You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco Bell's Cinnamon Twists? The answer is: you can't. Sure,…
- Review: Deluxe G-Spotter Hitachi attachment
January 9, 2012
It's all fun and games until someone's vag vibrates off. The Deluxe G-Spotter is my first ever Hitachi attachment. I know; I'm a slacker. But I've never…
- Review: Lyla
December 28, 2011
Soaring hope followed by crushing despair. That's the LELO Lyla. The first ever rechargeable wireless egg, meant for insertion in the vagina and fun on the…
- Review: Jellyfish
December 26, 2011
The Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish is a magical sea creature. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. And I'm keeping it. Because despite the fact that this dildo…
- Review: iVibe Massager phone app
December 21, 2011
When asking me to review the iVibe Massager iPhone app, the developer freely admitted to me -- and I quote — I already know its pretty weak. I mean its a…
- Review: Y-Bullet
December 14, 2011
The Lady Calston Y-Bullet is a HIGH-TECH device. It plugs into your USB PORT. It runs off PURE USB ADRENALINE. Its plastic box reads, Make Your Next MSN Web…
- Review: Form 4
November 28, 2011
I know what you're thinking. After such distressing trysts with Jimmyjane's Form 6, Form 2, and Form 3, why the fuck would I want to try the (inventively-named)…
- Review: Touch
November 7, 2011
Here's a sentence only a sex toy freak would ever write: I've been waiting a long time for a company to make a rechargeable clit toy with a pointy tip. One of…
- Review: Rough Sex 3
October 19, 2011
This may be the right time to admit that I don't find Adrianna Nicole's face terribly attractive. However, her body is smokin', her tattoos are fabulous, and I…
- Review: Mustang
October 3, 2011
Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It's been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin,…
- Review: MiMi
September 11, 2011
Everyone's coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3; LELO invented the Siri and…
- Review: Ryder
July 26, 2011
There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job and does it well. If it were a person, you'd want it as…
- Review: Soraya
July 6, 2011
The world of luxury ((silicone, rechargeable)) rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has a few in their new G4 line; Cal Exotics is trying really…
- Review: Allure
June 10, 2011
My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous ((I just looked at my Linger review and I wrote almost this exact phrase in it. Wow, I…
- Review: Goddess
May 6, 2011
It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn't know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and…
- Review: Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
April 6, 2011
I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed…
- Review: Split Dildo
March 21, 2011
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
- Review: Lucky 11
March 3, 2011
The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved's "Roulette" line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base that controls the vibrations. Admittedly, I was drawn…
- Review: Mia (new version)
February 21, 2011
LELO is a sex toy company that listens to people. When consumers loved their uniquely-shaped Gigi, they invented a dildo version named Ella (which, by the…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms
February 16, 2011
Tristan Taormino does incredibly important work with her Expert Guide series of porn movies. So many "how-to" movies are yawn-inducing, but Tristan realizes…
- Review: Bliss 8
February 10, 2011
The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is it joshing you. It is one serious mofo, and that is why I love…
- Review: Ami
February 1, 2011
Je Joue, makers of the failtastic SaSi, attempt to make vag balls! In my head, that is the slogan for the Je Joue Ami. Which is really quite unfair to the…
- Review: Vanity by Jopen Vr9
January 21, 2011
This vibrator is not purple. It is fuchsia. Let it be known. Despite every product photo ever depicting it as a nice, moderate color of purple, it is instead…
- Review: Mystic Wand
January 12, 2011
The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right. Replace the entire text of this review with "IT…
- Review: Getaway Wild
December 29, 2010
Those who remember the wrath I unleashed on the Nomi Tang Better than Chocolate may be surprised that I was even interested in the latest Nomi Tang creation,…
- Review: G-Rider
December 16, 2010
I'm just going to have to admit defeat with this one. The Nexus G-Rider is too much for my butt. I thought I could handle it. I have the G-Play medium -- a…
- Review: Isla
December 9, 2010
The LELO Isla is one of three toys in LELO's new Insignia line. These toys are characterized by cut-out handles and metallic cores, but my favorite part is…
- Review: Form 3
November 15, 2010
Bless Jimmyjane’s little hearts; they really are trying. They're trying so hard to create innovative toys, but they keep promising shit that they can't…
- Review: La Palma
November 4, 2010
I was stirring ramen on the stove as my boyfriend tried on the La Palma for the first time. He figured it out easily and slipped his hand inside. It looked…
- Review: Rough Sex 2
October 18, 2010
Tristan Taormino has upped the ante. After the greatness that was Rough Sex, she has created a sequel that is longer (3.5 hours, yo), kinkier, and more…
- Review: Two
October 11, 2010
The Wet for Her Two is... um, actually, what is it? Is it a dildo? A sleeve? Should I call it a "finger extender"? I don't know. It's just... long silicone…
- Review: Toyfriends
September 27, 2010
My standards for the Toyfriends were laughably low. I reviewed their predecessors, the Ticklers, and was astonished by with their lack of power. Although the…
- Review: Stimulating O Gel
September 20, 2010
You probably don't know this, but I'm fucking in love with Sliquid. I love their H2O and Sassy lubes, which are odorless, flavorless, and have a grand total…
- Review: Siri
September 10, 2010
The Siri is a new release from LELO made solely for clitoral stimulation. Siri is futuristic and adorable, small and perfect for grasping. I am, admittedly,…
- Review: Outlaw
September 2, 2010
The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8 1/2" tall, with a girth of 2" and an insanely detailed shaft,…
- Review: Eleven
August 22, 2010
I don't normally have sexual dreams, but I've had dreams about the Njoy Eleven. They were always incredible jack-off sessions consisting of intense G-spot…
- Review: Spring
August 17, 2010
The Fun Factory MiniVibe Spring is a little pipsqueak of a vibrator in the same family as Fun Factory's Bubbles, Ocean, and Flash -- all smallish, rechargeable,…
- Review: Talula
August 6, 2010
I have never seen a sex toy angled like Vamp Talula. I mean, this thing is nuts. Just look at it. It juts out crazily. It falls over if I try to stand it up.…
- My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)
July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless…
- Review: Isis
July 16, 2010
The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It's sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It comes snuggled in white satin, in an elegant…
- Review: My Own Master
July 8, 2010
There is something about Kimberly Kane’s brain that I really like. My Own Master, her latest directorial movie, reminds me exactly why. Static on the TV in…
- Review: SaSi
June 29, 2010
The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it's still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the block. It's just like oral sex! It remembers…
- Review: Johnny
June 20, 2010
I did it. I got Johnny -- a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And... and... balls! (Keen readers will point out that I've already had one realistic…
- Review: Ina
June 14, 2010
The LELO Ina is a very divisive toy. Those who love it vehemently love it; those who have trouble with it vehemently bemoan its incompatibility with their…
- Review: Form 6
June 8, 2010
I've been dreading writing this review. I've been putting it off. I've been typing and deleting, trying to form sentences that adequately explain my feelings…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
May 31, 2010
Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- Review: Signature
May 25, 2010
Oh joy! Oh rapture! My first ceramic toy! This is the Signature, a very shiny ceramic dildo made by Duncan Charles Designs. Duncan Charles is a small…
- Review: Grip
May 11, 2010
Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel -- as he puts it -- too much like extensions of his hand. He…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven 3
May 3, 2010
Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven is a queer reality porn series. I am enamored with the first Seven Minutes in Heaven, and I thought Seven…
- Review: Maverick
April 27, 2010
I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is…
- Review: Turn Me On Vibrating Panties
April 20, 2010
Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties (is your brain…
- Review: Beyond 1
April 16, 2010
How do you improve on a truly fantastic G-spot dildo? Duh, you make it vibrate! Vibrations make everything infinitely better, right? I mean look at Rumble…
- Review: Bnaughty Unleashed
April 12, 2010
It's okay. You can be wary of the Bswish Bnaughty Unleashed. I was too. And sadly, having tried it now, I still am. I was really hoping for a triumph. So…
- Review: Fairy Mini Wireless
April 8, 2010
It's been a little while since I crowned the Fairy Mini Mini better than the Hitachi in almost every way, but there's a new Fairy in town -- the Fairy Mini…
- Review: Beyond 3
April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with…
- Review: Pfun
March 27, 2010
As my first stainless steel butt plug, it's kinda funny that the Njoy Pfun is meant, well, for the prostate -- but I have an unhealthy love for curved butt…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio
March 24, 2010
I'm not big on blowjobs in porn. I don't hate them, but I'll usually only watch a couple minutes of a blowjob, then fast-forward to whatever's next. Thus, I…
- Review: Flexi Felix
March 21, 2010
I've been reviewing sex toys for over two years now, so it's high time I tried some mothafuggin' anal beads. Yet... there's not much to say about the Flexi…
- Review: Astrovibe
March 17, 2010
I knew I had to have the Astrovibe the moment I saw it. It did not matter what size it was. It didn't matter if it vibrated or not. It didn't matter if it came…
- Review: Jollet
March 14, 2010
The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
- Review: Succu Dry Fleshlight
March 12, 2010
Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I've wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he'd…
- Review: Billy Castro Does the Mission
March 8, 2010
So Billy Castro, hottie extraordinaire of Bordello and Speakeasy, now has his own film. It's called Billy Castro Does the Mission, for obvious reasons. In it,…
- Review: The Big Book of Sex Toys
March 5, 2010
Reading The Big Book of Sex Toys, I learned that it's hard to read a book about subject I already know like the back of my hand. Also a subject I'm snooty and…
- Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System
March 3, 2010
The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a stupidly long name, comes in a large box, and…
- Review: Form 2
February 26, 2010
It's the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or... the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It's the Jimmyjane Form 2, a two-pronged pipsqueak that I've…
- Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
February 19, 2010
Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
- Review: Delve
February 16, 2010
Well, folks, the time has come -- I've found a NobEssence toy that doesn't work with my body. But it's not for lack of trying, of course -- the Delve is a…
- Review: Ticklers
February 11, 2010
The Toyfriend Ticklers will fool you, with their neon colors and cute-ass shapes. But their adorableness is matched, even overtaken, by their failure. Is it…
- Review: Cocomini
February 9, 2010
There are a lot of vibrators in the world, but few that charge via USB. That's why I wanted the Xtassie Cocomini. Okay, that and it comes in freaking TURQUOISE.…
- Review: Bordello
February 8, 2010
It's the last day of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Berlin. This shall excite you: Bordello is basically Clue porn. There is a murder, a…
- Review: Roulette Berlin
February 7, 2010
It's day seven of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2. Tomorrow: Bordello and a chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 4. Roulette…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2
February 6, 2010
It's day six of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Dirty South. Tomorrow: Roulette Berlin. I was really impressed by Seven Minutes in Heaven, so I…
- Review: Roulette Dirty South
February 5, 2010
It's day five of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Seven Minutes in Heaven and a chat with Courtney Trouble, pt 2. Tomorrow: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2 and a…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven
February 4, 2010
It's day four of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Speakeasy. Tomorrow: Roulette Dirty South. Billed as the "first ever gonzo queer film," Seven Minutes in…
- Review: Speakeasy
February 3, 2010
It's day three of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Nostalgia. Tomorrow: Seven Minutes in Heaven and a chat with Courtney Trouble pt. 2. I had high hopes…
- Review: Nostalgia
February 2, 2010
It's day two of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette. Tomorrow: Speakeasy. Besides having one of the most kickass porno titles of all time, Nostalgia…
- Review: Roulette
February 1, 2010
It's day one of Courtney Trouble week! Tomorrow: Nostalgia and a chat with Courtney Trouble pt. 1. Roulette is Courtney Trouble's first film, so sure --…
- Pop Shot: Beer Lube
January 31, 2010
It doesn't taste like beer. At all. ((No, not even a little.))
- Review: Bcurious
January 29, 2010
The Bswish Bcurious, which is quite humorously one letter away from being called the "Bicurious," joins a small, tight-knit family of other rechargeable…
- Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)
January 22, 2010
My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it…
- Review: Belladonna's Strapped Dykes
January 19, 2010
There will be squirting, tons of it -- onto faces, asses, assholes, sheets. There will be spitting, punching, smothering, choking. There will be feet in mouths…
- Review: Wahl
January 15, 2010
The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle -- usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been…
- Review: Randy
January 9, 2010
Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My vagina is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
- Review: Scoop/Wedge
January 5, 2010
The Liberator Ramp and Wedge are somewhat legendary in the sex blogging community -- and should be legendary in the entire world -- for making sex and…
- Review: Better than Chocolate
December 13, 2009
Let's get one thing out of the way: I don't like chocolate all that much. In small doses or in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, okay, but I'm not ravenous for it --…
- Review: My Mini Miracle Massager
December 7, 2009
It seems that making miniature Hitachi knock-offs is in style. I've already found my mini Hitachi knock-off lover -- the Fairy Mini Mini Wand -- but I'm…
- Review: Raquel
December 3, 2009
The Vixen Creations Raquel doesn't look like much, especially in pictures. It's a simple pink dildo with a bulging head, a streamlined shaft, and a chunky…
- Review: Joque harness
November 29, 2009
In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It's not a re-hashing of the usual harness style. There is no other harness…
- Review: Soft Serve
November 23, 2009
As I've previously mentioned, I'm quite fond of ice cream inspired dildos. And even if no ice cream should come in this freakish shade of blue, the sweet idea…
- Review: Eroscillator
November 8, 2009
You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
- Review: The Birthday Party
November 1, 2009
I expect a lot of Sasha Grey. And I expected a lot from The Birthday Party, since it marks one of Sasha's first cracks at directing (along with Oren Cohen).…
- Review: Tiger
October 28, 2009
The Fun Factory Tiger is just begging me to make a bunch of tiger jokes, puns, and references. But I will resist doing so. For now. Instead I will just say…
- Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
October 20, 2009
I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
- Review: Hydra
October 15, 2009
If you have a stuffed-up nose and malfunctioning taste buds, Intimate Organics Hydra will seem completely perfect. It's water-based, glycerin free, DEA free,…
- Review: Sqweel
October 12, 2009
The only clue I had to the Lovehoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it. But the icon reminded me of a shortbread cookie and…
- Review: Content
October 4, 2009
Writing this review feels like a bit of a sham. Eon McKai's Content is meant to speak for itself -- and for the most part, it does, in its desaturated and…
- Review: Sex Tarts round-up
October 1, 2009
Flavored lubes notoriously suffer from too-sweet syndrome -- and gross-aftertaste syndrome -- which is why I am generally skeptical of them. The Sex Tarts…
- Review: Fleshlight
September 27, 2009
My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question "do you want a Fleshlight?", responded with a shrug. But it's not the…
- Review: Raspberry Chunk
September 18, 2009
I've had my eye somewhat indifferently trained on the Raspberry Chunk for a while now. In March, I reviewed the Lemon Drops, a juicer-type glass dildo made by…
- Review: Under the Bed Restraint System
August 31, 2009
For a set of restraints, the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System seems to make a dangerous declaration: fuck bedposts. Having never tried restraints…
- Review: Luna
August 26, 2009
The first thing you should know about the Jollies Luna is that it is large: 6" long and 1.5" in diameter. Get out your ruler/measuring tape and visualize this.…
- Review: Rough Sex
August 23, 2009
So we've already established that rough sex, when directed and shot by genius pornographer Tristan Taormino, is hot as fuck. What could possibly make it…
- Review: Candy Stick
August 16, 2009
Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I've tried one before, the Fun Factory Twister, and it was a bit of a flop. More than…
- Review: Seduction
August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
- Review: Rider
August 7, 2009
The Jollies Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle inside the vagina and quietly, secretly, stimulate. While it…
- Review: Pussy a Go Go
August 5, 2009
Pussy a Go Go is a fake documentary about a traveling burlesque carnival show -- or, rather, the (often sexual) exploits that go on behind the scenes. It is…
- Review: Vibrating Velvet Harness
August 2, 2009
The Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness is composed mostly of nylon straps, so when I touch/look at/wear it, all I can think about is backpacks. It makes me…
- Review: Hardcore Circus
July 29, 2009
A circus is a hard thing to pull off in a porno, which is why I was half-expecting the scenery of Erica McLean's Hardcore Circus to be a room with a couple…
- Review: Athena
July 21, 2009
The Luxotiq Athena is a gorgeous and elegant double-ended dildo, with two different-sized ends. Both ends double as insertable and as handles, depending on…
- Review: Stroker
July 20, 2009
I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Stroker. It's one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made by a company that impresses me time…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men
July 19, 2009
What am I gonna do with you, Tristan Taormino? Really, if you keep making innovative and hot porn like this, people are going to stop believing me when I drool…
- Review: Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser
July 13, 2009
The Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser looks like a joke: a plastic, slightly pointed pink bullet with a TPR bunny-shaped sleeve. It is, essentially, a rabbit…
- Review: Echo
July 11, 2009
I've had the Tantus Echo on my wishlist for a long, long time, ever since it lost in my mental choice between the Echo and the Goddess for my first 100%…
- Review: Champion
July 7, 2009
Go ahead, tar and feather me... I didn't love Champion. ((I am definitely in the minority. Other bloggers have, by and large, loved Champion.)) It pains me…
- Review: Alumina Pace
July 3, 2009
After my disappointing experience with California Exotic's aluminum butt plugs, Metis Black (president of Tantus) offered to send me Tantus's take on an…
- Review: Romp
June 30, 2009
Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
- Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief
June 26, 2009
The Astrea I vibrating brief is "one size fits most," which of course means "one size fits size small." It cuts into my skin very efficiently. There's also…
- Review: Mr. Man
June 25, 2009
The Jollies Mr. Man is an understated genius of a dildo. It doesn’t look special from afar, but the hole at the tip of the head hints at its secret ability…
- Review: Treeze Wave
June 24, 2009
I used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands Treeze Wave wooden vibrator, however,…
- Review: Finger Licking Good 6
June 24, 2009
Genre: Lesbian Director: Mike Quasar Length: 2 hours, 7 minutes Cast: Jana Jordan, Sophia Santi, Erin Avery, Georgia Jones, Sochee Mala, Kimberly Kane, Lexi…
- Review: Love Liquid
June 24, 2009
Kama Sutra Love Liquid is water-based, but the untrained eye and vagina might think it silicone-based. It is insanely thin. So thin that it can ooze off the…
- Review: iVibe Egg
June 23, 2009
Sure, bullet/egg vibes rule. They're tiny and portable and made for the clit. In a way, they're all bound to be winners, as long as they have decent power. But…
- Review: Curve
June 21, 2009
The Fun Factory Curve is a curly 100% silicone dildo that is not ashamed of its adorableness. It's made of a soft matte silicone with raised accents in a…
- Review: Waterproof Slender Probe
June 20, 2009
There's only so much you can say about a vibrator, and so I won't say much. The Waterproof Slender Probe measures 6 3/4" in length, with a diameter of 1".…
- Review: Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Rough Sex
June 19, 2009
In trying to articulate what makes much of Tristan Taormino’s porn so great, I've decided on this: she pushes her performers to express their actual…
- Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets
June 14, 2009
On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, "Try Me." You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body…
- Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
June 10, 2009
A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
- Review: Aluminum Mini 3" and 4"
June 9, 2009
There are two surprising things about California Exotic's Aluminum Mini butt plugs. First, uh, they're made of aluminum, and since when does CE consider that a…
- Review: Sublime
June 9, 2009
A while back, I wrote up a post entitled "Cal Exotic inches toward integrity," which detailed the new and hilariously titled "Couture Collection," a line of…
- Review: Bloomy
June 4, 2009
Nobody can argue that Bloomy isn’t cute. It’s freaking adorable, in fact. Cute designs are definitely Fun Factory’s forte. The question is: what is it?…
- Review: Bootie
June 4, 2009
My history with butt plugs has not been especially eventful, nor has it been particularly blissful. My first plug was the adorably sparkly Buddy, which, while…
- Review: Brent Corrigan's Summit
June 2, 2009
Brent Corrigan's Summit is supposed to be a reality-style porn film. All the stars journeyed to a Lake Tahoe cabin for 10 whole days to shoot it. Hot dudes…
- Review: OhMiBod
May 30, 2009
I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn't have quite enough justification to state that blatantly in a review... until last…
- Review: Be Be
May 29, 2009
It's not every day you receive a postcard along with a sex toy. Along with a packet of materials explaining and promoting the toy itself, my package included a…
- Pop Shot: Minerva
May 27, 2009
The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
- Review: Share
May 26, 2009
I'm not the ideal candidate for a double-ended dildo, mainly because my boyfriend is not ready for penetration in the least. But he is willing to suck any cock…
- Review: Skinny Dipped
May 24, 2009
I have a thing for twinks. Luckily, I'm young enough that it's not yet creepy, but sometimes watching twink porn makes me feel like a pedophile. This tended to…
- Review: Bob
May 22, 2009
I'm going to resist the urge to refer to the LELO Bob as though it were male. It is going to be difficult, since... it's named Bob. But the name Bob makes me…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Threesomes
May 21, 2009
Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Threesomes begins with a lesson from Tristan, about nine minutes long. As you might imagine, nine minutes isn't much time to…
- Review: On My Dirty Knees
April 18, 2009
Eon McKai understands something about porn that many directors don't: male porn stars can be more than disembodied penises. Of course, he understands a lot of…
- Review: Impulse Butterfly
April 5, 2009
Don't ask me why I had to try a strap-on vibrator. I'm ashamed to admit that I ever thought it would work. It's just that I'm getting so desperate to find…
- Review: Girls Girls Girls II
April 5, 2009
Girls Girls Girls II is an '80s-inspired porno directed by the fabulous Joanna Angel. There is no plotline, just discrete scenes, and luckily, it doesn't take…
- Review: Bare With Me game
March 28, 2009
Bare With Me is a sex game, so unsurprisingly, the box is beyond ridiculous; it features a jungle scene with a woman bathing, a creepy-ass park ranger leering,…
- Review: Lemon Drops glass dildo
March 27, 2009
Despite the grotesque name, I've always wanted to try a "juicer"-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the Lemon Drops, a stunningly beautiful piece…
- Review: Monkey Spanker
March 26, 2009
The Monkey Spanker is so weird-looking that my boyfriend had to try it. The toy consists of a plastic handle, a soft and vaguely ribbed entrance, and a…
- Review: Benjamin Bond
March 22, 2009
When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and had only penetrated myself with a tiny toy skinnier than…
- Review: Xtreme Kit
March 22, 2009
I've been curious for a while now about the Xtreme Kit. I am unabashed in my creepy allegiance to the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, but I always wondered if the…
- Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
March 22, 2009
I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
- Review: The New Romantix
March 21, 2009
The New Romantix is one of the most frustrating porn films I've ever seen. From the description of it, I thought I'd love it. It features some performers I…
- Review: Shifting Gears
March 12, 2009
Genre: Bisexual Director: Chi Chi LaRue Length: 1 hour, 25 minutes Cast: Cameron Marshall, Ryan Alexander, Lola, Lee Stephens, Shy Love, Britney Amber,…
- Review: Acuvibe Mini
March 7, 2009
I'm going to say it: the Hitachi Magic Wand and I are not very close. I completely understand the appeal, and I know why people love that thing. But it's not…
- Review: FYN Big Foot case
March 6, 2009
It pays to be on the computer 24/7, and to have Twitter updates popping up in the corner of my screen as they happen. That is how I acquired my wonderful Big…
- Review: Twister
March 6, 2009
I'm a sucker for sex toys that come in any shade of green. They're difficult to come by. The Fun Factory Twister, sent to me from the folks at PinkCherry, is a…
- Review: Dai-Do #4
February 19, 2009
It seems that aluminum is the new "it" material. At first glance, however, the Dai Do #4 doesn't appear to be made of aluminum -- it looks like a modern…
- Review: Secret Garden cream
February 15, 2009
Allow me a little embarrassment; I've never reviewed an arousal cream before. So I don't really know how to compare Shunga Secret Garden cream to other…
- Review: Goddess Platinum Massager
February 8, 2009
I am ever on the lookout for any toy that resembles the love of my life, the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet. There aren't a lot out there, which is why I latched…
- Review: Live In My Secrets
February 8, 2009
I hesitated in requesting Live In My Secrets. The trailer, which features relentless screams from the infamous "God Warrior" (“she's not a Christiaaaan!"),…
- Review: Massage Oil (Excitation)
February 4, 2009
How hard is it to review a massage oil? It must be hard, as I have been procrastinating writing this review for quite some time. And it finally occurred to me…
- Review: Luna Beads
February 3, 2009
I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
- Review: Gigi
January 31, 2009
Recently, I've been caught up in a passionate love and squirting affair with Ella, LELO's pure silicone double-ended dildo with a G-spot tip. But I had never…
- Review: G-Twist
January 21, 2009
The first thing I noticed about the Fun Factory G-Twist was that it was quite large. The second thing I noticed was that the battery compartment was impossible.…
- Review: Bo
January 20, 2009
Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the…
- Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
January 17, 2009
Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
- Review: Dual Sided Swirled Rib
January 16, 2009
I've finally become jaded. After a plethora of impressive glass toys, my standards for glass have been raised quite a bit. A pretty piece of glass is not…
- Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
January 15, 2009
I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
- Review: Cry Baby
January 7, 2009
It sounds wrong to say "my Cry Baby is dead." But it's true. Now, I did not drop my Cry Baby. I didn't say anything mean to it. But... I suppose it may have…
- Review: Cobalt Twister
January 6, 2009
I know, I know, I know. I'm reviewing another glass dildo. What can I say? I just keep finding interesting shapes and textures that I want to try. Phallix's…
- Review: No Man's Land: Interracial Edition 11
January 2, 2009
Genre: Lesbian Director: Anton Slayer Length: 2 hours, 13 minutes Cast: Gina Lynn, Marie Luv, Daisy Marie, Jada Fire, Tori Black, Eva Angelina, Erika…
- Review: Dr. Laura Berman Ruby
December 29, 2008
While I do own quite a few glass dildos at this juncture, I don't have any that look quite like this. The Icicles No. 8 comes close, but Dr. Laura Berman has…
- Review: Bree & Sasha
December 27, 2008
Genre: Lesbian Director: Andre Madness Length: 2 hours, 5 minutes Cast: Bree Olson, Sasha Grey, Ava Rose, Lisa Neils, Angie Savage, Lexxi Tyler, Sophia…
- Review: Bi Pole Her #3
December 24, 2008
Genre: Bisexual Director: Ed "Twinkle-Toes" Hunter (hey, that's what it says on the cover...) Length: 2 hours, 33 minutes Cast: Nicole, Rick, Sandro,…
- Review: Elle clitoral dancer
December 23, 2008
As many of you know, I am practically married to my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet. Although it is a quite blissful marriage, I often wonder if there is more out…
- Review: Spring Chickens #21
December 22, 2008
Genre: Mostly straight, vignette Director: Gregg Alan Length: 2 hours, 23 minutes Cast: Nicole Ray, Brittany Angel, Mickey Graham, Cameron Love, Chayse…
- Review: Mia
December 20, 2008
Here is who I am: I got very excited when I received a 2GB jumpdrive as a gift. I anxiously await every new version of Firefox. I install a bazillion…
- Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
December 11, 2008
You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that the LELO Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since…
- Review: Star 69: Threesomes
December 11, 2008
Genre: Edited-down threesomes Director: Varies by scene Length: 3 hours and 43 minutes on each disc, 7 hours and 26 minutes altogether Cast: See below. Ctrl…
- Review: Linger
December 7, 2008
On my quest to become a sex toy connoisseur, I am determined to try every phthalate-free material on the market. Next up: wood! Wood is one material I've been…
- Review: Pleasure No. 6
December 5, 2008
It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I've never heard of. Especially when that toy is 100% silicone and adorable as hell! I speak of the…
- Review: Silicone Bliss
December 3, 2008
Silicone, eh? Is that so? Really? I don't believe you. You are California Exotic; you do not do this. You make jelly and plastic toys. Please explain... The…
- Review: Rhapsody, Symphony Edition
November 28, 2008
There's been some hoopla and excitement surrounding this new toy company, Evolved Novelties, so when I was offered the opportunity to review one of their toys,…
- Review: The Private Life of Josh Elliot
November 27, 2008
Genre: Gay Director: George Duroy Length: 2 hours, 15 minutes Cast: Josh Elliot, Ethan Clarke, Benjamin Bloom, Jeff Daniels, Ralph Woods, Alex Orioli, Luke…
- Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo
November 24, 2008
Before this dildo, I'd never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers of affordable glass dildos -- a rarity in…
- Review: The Violation of Harmony
November 18, 2008
Genre: Lesbian, Feature Length: 98 minutes Cast: Harmony Rose, Monica Mayhem, Audrey Hollander, Gwen Summers, Holly Wellin, Jennifer Dark, Cameron Love,…
- Review: Ripple (small)
November 15, 2008
I knew the Tantus Ripple would be amazing. How? Well, for one, Tantus can do no wrong; their toys are made of beautiful 100% silicone, and they're lovingly…
- Review: Hitachi Magic Wand
November 12, 2008
Hello, hello, the reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put off by your grandma-esque appearance. But,…
- Review: Maven masturbation sleeve
November 8, 2008
My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so, a fluid squeezing motion that I have yet to…
- Review: Before and After Toy Cleaner
November 8, 2008
I have been, until now, a slave to the sink. After each session—sometimes right after, sometimes an hour later -- I would carry my used toys to the bathroom,…
- Review: Crystal Teaser
November 7, 2008
It's tiny! A year ago, my vagina would've rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a thing of this size and feel immediate disappointment. It's…
- Review: Inside Out Spiral Rib Double Dong
November 6, 2008
After a while, all my reviews of glass toys are going to sound the same. "It's great! A bit pricey, but hey, it's basically worth it!" I wish there were new…
- Review: Ride the Vibe
November 4, 2008
I don't want to lead you on, so straight up: Ride the Vibe doesn't work. I know. It has a cool name. It sounds like it will turn you into an orgasm…
- Review: Girls Who Lust
November 2, 2008
Genre: Lesbian Director: Patience (from AbbyWinters) Length: 110 minutes Cast: Angie, Odette, Carys, Cleo, Fotina, Kiki Special Features: Girl-Girl…
- Review: Durex Play Vibrations Focus
October 20, 2008
My boyfriend and I are big fans of Durex condoms. When we started having sex, we tried a few different types of condoms and he preferred those. Plus, they…
- Review: Gyrating Massager
October 20, 2008
When I saw this vibrator in its package for the first time, I gasped. It looked gargantuan. Huge. Dong-like. The art surrounding the actual toy is supposed to…
- Review: Illusion Wand Rapture
October 3, 2008
Time for a fact check. Illusion? No, I don't think I was imagining that thing buzzing manically in my vagina. Wand? Um, I guess so, if we are in a Disney…
- Review: Crystal Candy G-Licious
September 15, 2008
The Crystal Candy G-Licious came in a transparent plastic box that looked like it belonged in the little girls' aisle at the store: stars all over it and a…
- Review: Twisted Lattachino Love Wand
September 14, 2008
Take just a moment to ogle the photographs of the Phallix Twisted Lattachino Love Wand, and you will quickly see why I lusted after it. It is made of glass, of…
- Review: Bgee
September 10, 2008
I like adorable names. Short, pithy names that aren't "So-and-So Pornstar's Pleasure Stick," etc. I like velvety plastic. It's soft to the touch, yet hard…
- Review: FYN Adult Toybox
September 7, 2008
I confess, I used to store my toys in a cardboard box. This was back when I only had a few toys and hadn't explored the wonderful (but expensive) possibiliti…
- Review: Icicles No. 8
August 6, 2008
The story of the Icicles No. 8 begins with my Gold Ribbed Love Wand -- or, as I fondly call it, my bumpy dildo. My first made-of-glass love, my first truly…
- Review: Tera Patrick's Super Charged Magnum
July 31, 2008
I know packaging doesn't matter, but sometimes I just can't ignore the hilarity of it. Check out this piece of advertising genius, from the front of the…
- Review: Silicone Slims Self Satisfier
July 27, 2008
First things first: this thing is unabashedly pink. No, not hot pink or magenta -- I'm talking cutesy, baby shower pink. Pink is last on my list of preferred…
- Review: Buddy
July 4, 2008
Buddy came to me as if from outer space -- sitting upright inside a plastic tube. A blurb on the side of the tube congratulated me on selecting a toy from…
- Review: Her Perfect Fit
June 4, 2008
A somewhat bored-looking, lingerie-clad woman stares back at me from her position atop Her Perfect Fit. Three cute icons at the bottom of the package explain…
- Review: Fun Factory Delight
April 18, 2008
I feel like I have been waiting a zillion years to get my hands on the Delight. The moment I saw it, I fell hopelessly in love. Those sleek curves, the…
- Review: My Secret
April 15, 2008
Last fall, I had an aggravating experience with my bank. When I arrived back home and couldn't shake my bad mood, I decided the only solution was to order a…
- Review: Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet
April 5, 2008
This is one case in which I will permit the use of the word "Xtreme." Why? Because it actually describes this toy! Everything about this vibe is "Xtreme," and…
- Review: Turbo Glider
March 28, 2008
I stumbled upon the Turbo Glider whilst on the hunt for an inexpensive vibe that wouldn't fall apart or die right away. Initially, I was drawn to it because of…
- Review: Gold Ribbed Love Wand
March 11, 2008
This dildo is dishwasher safe! I find that endlessly amusing. I should preface this review with a few tidbits about myself: I like vibrators. I came into…
- Review: Sally Seal
February 1, 2008
There's no denying the cute factor of the Sally Seal. While some people may think animal shaped vibes are too absurd, I just find them amusing. I have to laugh…
- Review: Chemistry Vol. 3
January 16, 2008
Um, can Tristan Taormino make one of these per year until I die? I dare say she's found the gold mine with the Chemistry series. Each one of them has been…
- Review: Cum On My Tattoo
December 10, 2007
Cum on My Tattoo has the base formula for what I find hot: sexy alternative girls with tattoos and real bodies. This, at least, is more than mainstream porn…
- Review: Corsar
November 26, 2007
Corsar is my first 100% silicone toy, and I have to say, I am delighted. I've heard all the gushing about the wonders of silicone, and I now must agree…
- Review: O'My lube
November 13, 2007
I have only owned one bottle of lube in my life (although I have tested quite a few at sex toy workshops), but I do know this: my dream lube would melt with my…
- Review: Royal Wizard
October 9, 2007
The Royal Wizard has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head with a narrow shaft, and its deep blue body is accented with…
- Review: Sydnee's Elegant Endeavor
October 2, 2007
I never imagined masturbation as "elegant," nor have I ever described it as an "endeavor." Perhaps if my experience with Sydnee's Elegant Endeavor had been…
- Category: Hi, I love you (52)
Behold! My favorite sex toys!
- Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth more?
May 7, 2013
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator "the best sex toy I've ever tried," people have been asking me whether it's worth the extra cash to…
- Review: Stronic Eins
April 24, 2013
Hollow-bodied with a metal weight that moves back and forth inside, the Stronic Eins feels unlike any sex toy I've used. It jostles my G-spot into oblivion.
- Review: Comet G Wand
February 20, 2013
It's only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I…
- My favorite lube? Sliquid anything
December 12, 2012
Here are my standards for lube: That it not smell like a sanitary pad or like Nickelodeon Gak That it not taste like perfume That it not contain…
- Review: Splash
November 20, 2012
The Tantus Splash looks like it's in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it'd be grinning and taking it like a…
- Review: Mona 2
November 12, 2012
It's kind of ridiculous how much I like my LELO Mona 2. Fuck it, love. It just feels weird to say that because the Mona is such a simple toy. It's not a…
- Review: Pure Plugs
September 26, 2012
I could've written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do such a thing. And sometimes, my…
- Review: Big Boss
August 16, 2012
The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it.…
- Review: Star Delight
August 6, 2012
Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on my feelings for them. But once in a while, a toy comes…
- Review: Cush O2
July 16, 2012
One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I had to have the Tantus Cush O2. I tore through my drawers but I couldn't find it, which only increased…
- Review: Penetralia Number 66
June 20, 2012
Aside from a handful of super indie manufacturers and some really sad bigwig attempts, wooden sex toys have primarily been the domain of NobEssence for…
- Review: Life
May 10, 2012
The Leaf Life looks like something you'd pick up along a nature trail. Colored a cheery green and shaped like a fat leaf or a pointy slug, the Life comes…
- Review: Décor Fascinator Throe
March 13, 2012
The Liberator Décor Fascinator Throe is my third Liberator Throe. That tells you a lot, right there. I now have a Throe for every room I could possibly…
- Review: Crystal Twist
January 17, 2012
You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco Bell's Cinnamon Twists? The answer is: you can't. Sure,…
- Review: Jellyfish
December 26, 2011
The Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish is a magical sea creature. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. And I'm keeping it. Because despite the fact that this dildo…
- Review: Touch
November 7, 2011
Here's a sentence only a sex toy freak would ever write: I've been waiting a long time for a company to make a rechargeable clit toy with a pointy tip. One of…
- Review: Mustang
October 3, 2011
Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It's been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin,…
- Review: Mystic Wand
January 12, 2011
The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right. Replace the entire text of this review with "IT…
- Review: Siri
September 10, 2010
The Siri is a new release from LELO made solely for clitoral stimulation. Siri is futuristic and adorable, small and perfect for grasping. I am, admittedly,…
- My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)
July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless…
- Review: Johnny
June 20, 2010
I did it. I got Johnny -- a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And... and... balls! (Keen readers will point out that I've already had one realistic…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
May 31, 2010
Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- Review: Maverick
April 27, 2010
I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is…
- Review: Beyond 3
April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with…
- Review: Jollet
March 14, 2010
The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
- Review: Belladonna's Strapped Dykes
January 19, 2010
There will be squirting, tons of it -- onto faces, asses, assholes, sheets. There will be spitting, punching, smothering, choking. There will be feet in mouths…
- Review: Wahl
January 15, 2010
The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle -- usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been…
- Review: Randy
January 9, 2010
Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My vagina is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
- Review: Joque harness
November 29, 2009
In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It's not a re-hashing of the usual harness style. There is no other harness…
- Review: Eroscillator
November 8, 2009
You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
- Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
October 20, 2009
I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
- Review: Fleshlight
September 27, 2009
My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question "do you want a Fleshlight?", responded with a shrug. But it's not the…
- Review: Under the Bed Restraint System
August 31, 2009
For a set of restraints, the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System seems to make a dangerous declaration: fuck bedposts. Having never tried restraints…
- Review: Rough Sex
August 23, 2009
So we've already established that rough sex, when directed and shot by genius pornographer Tristan Taormino, is hot as fuck. What could possibly make it…
- Review: Candy Stick
August 16, 2009
Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I've tried one before, the Fun Factory Twister, and it was a bit of a flop. More than…
- Review: Seduction
August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men
July 19, 2009
What am I gonna do with you, Tristan Taormino? Really, if you keep making innovative and hot porn like this, people are going to stop believing me when I drool…
- Review: Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser
July 13, 2009
The Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser looks like a joke: a plastic, slightly pointed pink bullet with a TPR bunny-shaped sleeve. It is, essentially, a rabbit…
- Review: Echo
July 11, 2009
I've had the Tantus Echo on my wishlist for a long, long time, ever since it lost in my mental choice between the Echo and the Goddess for my first 100%…
- Review: Romp
June 30, 2009
Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
- Review: Mr. Man
June 25, 2009
The Jollies Mr. Man is an understated genius of a dildo. It doesn’t look special from afar, but the hole at the tip of the head hints at its secret ability…
- Review: Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Rough Sex
June 19, 2009
In trying to articulate what makes much of Tristan Taormino’s porn so great, I've decided on this: she pushes her performers to express their actual…
- Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
June 10, 2009
A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
- Review: Bootie
June 4, 2009
My history with butt plugs has not been especially eventful, nor has it been particularly blissful. My first plug was the adorably sparkly Buddy, which, while…
- Review: On My Dirty Knees
April 18, 2009
Eon McKai understands something about porn that many directors don't: male porn stars can be more than disembodied penises. Of course, he understands a lot of…
- Review: Live In My Secrets
February 8, 2009
I hesitated in requesting Live In My Secrets. The trailer, which features relentless screams from the infamous "God Warrior" (“she's not a Christiaaaan!"),…
- Review: Luna Beads
February 3, 2009
I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
- Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
January 17, 2009
Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
- Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
December 11, 2008
You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that the LELO Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since…
- Review: Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet
April 5, 2008
This is one case in which I will permit the use of the word "Xtreme." Why? Because it actually describes this toy! Everything about this vibe is "Xtreme," and…
- Review: Gold Ribbed Love Wand
March 11, 2008
This dildo is dishwasher safe! I find that endlessly amusing. I should preface this review with a few tidbits about myself: I like vibrators. I came into…
- Review: Chemistry Vol. 3
January 16, 2008
Um, can Tristan Taormino make one of these per year until I die? I dare say she's found the gold mine with the Chemistry series. Each one of them has been…
- Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth more?
- Category: Pop Shots (4)
- Pop Shot: Beer Lube
January 31, 2010
It doesn't taste like beer. At all. ((No, not even a little.))
- Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief
June 26, 2009
The Astrea I vibrating brief is "one size fits most," which of course means "one size fits size small." It cuts into my skin very efficiently. There's also…
- Pop Shot: Minerva
May 27, 2009
The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
- Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
March 22, 2009
I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
- Pop Shot: Beer Lube
- Category: Slush pile (39)
These toys are THE WORST.
- Review: Little Chroma
July 9, 2012
The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your friend emailing you in distress because they're stranded in London. Not like replying to a Craigslist post…
- Review: Rock Box
May 21, 2012
Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I had to apply to review without knowing…
- Review: Intensity
April 11, 2012
The Jopen Intensity, as the fable goes, did not begin as a sex toy. It began as a medical apparatus used to strengthen women's pelvic floor muscles and treat…
- Review: Kiki
February 20, 2012
I was going to ignore PicoBong altogether. Although I was initially drawn to the brand because, well, LELO invented it and some of the toys come in turquoise,…
- Review: Severin
January 23, 2012
I don't know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that's okay -- I've never really been the queen of class. It feels like I'm pooping. Because…
- Review: Lyla
December 28, 2011
Soaring hope followed by crushing despair. That's the LELO Lyla. The first ever rechargeable wireless egg, meant for insertion in the vagina and fun on the…
- Review: iVibe Massager phone app
December 21, 2011
When asking me to review the iVibe Massager iPhone app, the developer freely admitted to me -- and I quote — I already know its pretty weak. I mean its a…
- Review: Y-Bullet
December 14, 2011
The Lady Calston Y-Bullet is a HIGH-TECH device. It plugs into your USB PORT. It runs off PURE USB ADRENALINE. Its plastic box reads, Make Your Next MSN Web…
- Review: Split Dildo
March 21, 2011
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
- Review: SaSi
June 29, 2010
The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it's still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the block. It's just like oral sex! It remembers…
- Review: Turn Me On Vibrating Panties
April 20, 2010
Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties (is your brain…
- Review: Fairy Mini Wireless
April 8, 2010
It's been a little while since I crowned the Fairy Mini Mini better than the Hitachi in almost every way, but there's a new Fairy in town -- the Fairy Mini…
- Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System
March 3, 2010
The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a stupidly long name, comes in a large box, and…
- Review: Ticklers
February 11, 2010
The Toyfriend Ticklers will fool you, with their neon colors and cute-ass shapes. But their adorableness is matched, even overtaken, by their failure. Is it…
- Review: Better than Chocolate
December 13, 2009
Let's get one thing out of the way: I don't like chocolate all that much. In small doses or in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, okay, but I'm not ravenous for it --…
- Review: Sqweel
October 12, 2009
The only clue I had to the Lovehoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it. But the icon reminded me of a shortbread cookie and…
- Review: Rider
August 7, 2009
The Jollies Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle inside the vagina and quietly, secretly, stimulate. While it…
- Review: Vibrating Velvet Harness
August 2, 2009
The Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness is composed mostly of nylon straps, so when I touch/look at/wear it, all I can think about is backpacks. It makes me…
- Review: Stroker
July 20, 2009
I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Stroker. It's one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made by a company that impresses me time…
- Review: Treeze Wave
June 24, 2009
I used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands Treeze Wave wooden vibrator, however,…
- Review: Waterproof Slender Probe
June 20, 2009
There's only so much you can say about a vibrator, and so I won't say much. The Waterproof Slender Probe measures 6 3/4" in length, with a diameter of 1".…
- Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets
June 14, 2009
On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, "Try Me." You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body…
- Review: Brent Corrigan's Summit
June 2, 2009
Brent Corrigan's Summit is supposed to be a reality-style porn film. All the stars journeyed to a Lake Tahoe cabin for 10 whole days to shoot it. Hot dudes…
- Review: OhMiBod
May 30, 2009
I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn't have quite enough justification to state that blatantly in a review... until last…
- Pop Shot: Minerva
May 27, 2009
The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
- Review: Skinny Dipped
May 24, 2009
I have a thing for twinks. Luckily, I'm young enough that it's not yet creepy, but sometimes watching twink porn makes me feel like a pedophile. This tended to…
- Review: Impulse Butterfly
April 5, 2009
Don't ask me why I had to try a strap-on vibrator. I'm ashamed to admit that I ever thought it would work. It's just that I'm getting so desperate to find…
- Review: Bare With Me game
March 28, 2009
Bare With Me is a sex game, so unsurprisingly, the box is beyond ridiculous; it features a jungle scene with a woman bathing, a creepy-ass park ranger leering,…
- Review: Monkey Spanker
March 26, 2009
The Monkey Spanker is so weird-looking that my boyfriend had to try it. The toy consists of a plastic handle, a soft and vaguely ribbed entrance, and a…
- Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
March 22, 2009
I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
- Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
January 15, 2009
I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
- Review: Bi Pole Her #3
December 24, 2008
Genre: Bisexual Director: Ed "Twinkle-Toes" Hunter (hey, that's what it says on the cover...) Length: 2 hours, 33 minutes Cast: Nicole, Rick, Sandro,…
- Review: Star 69: Threesomes
December 11, 2008
Genre: Edited-down threesomes Director: Varies by scene Length: 3 hours and 43 minutes on each disc, 7 hours and 26 minutes altogether Cast: See below. Ctrl…
- Review: The Violation of Harmony
November 18, 2008
Genre: Lesbian, Feature Length: 98 minutes Cast: Harmony Rose, Monica Mayhem, Audrey Hollander, Gwen Summers, Holly Wellin, Jennifer Dark, Cameron Love,…
- Review: Ride the Vibe
November 4, 2008
I don't want to lead you on, so straight up: Ride the Vibe doesn't work. I know. It has a cool name. It sounds like it will turn you into an orgasm…
- Review: Durex Play Vibrations Focus
October 20, 2008
My boyfriend and I are big fans of Durex condoms. When we started having sex, we tried a few different types of condoms and he preferred those. Plus, they…
- Review: Her Perfect Fit
June 4, 2008
A somewhat bored-looking, lingerie-clad woman stares back at me from her position atop Her Perfect Fit. Three cute icons at the bottom of the package explain…
- Review: Royal Wizard
October 9, 2007
The Royal Wizard has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head with a narrow shaft, and its deep blue body is accented with…
- Review: Sydnee's Elegant Endeavor
October 2, 2007
I never imagined masturbation as "elegant," nor have I ever described it as an "endeavor." Perhaps if my experience with Sydnee's Elegant Endeavor had been…
- Review: Little Chroma
- Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth more?
- Category: Sound Off! (8)
Plz to give me your opinion.
- Should I change my slogan?
December 5, 2011
There are a lot of things about this blog that were decided on a whim. For instance, the domain name. I don't like it because it's hard to spell, but it was…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2010
December 31, 2010
I'm starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I'm gonna make a list of my top and bottom toys for the year, and give out entirely fake awards…
- Holiday giving wishlist 2010
December 3, 2010
It's that time again! Time for the holiday wishlist meme. Basically, bloggers exchange lists, then try to grant each others' wishes. My list this year isn't…
- Poll: What should I post next?
December 2, 2010
People! Friends! I'm finally back! I am now with a different host and hopefully should have very little or no downtime to speak of from now on. I have quite…
- Holiday giving wishlist
December 4, 2009
This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
- Where to go from here
November 6, 2009
Passing the one-year mark on this blog has led me to think a lot about what I should change around here. I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I started…
- Vote for the Pure Wand winner!
September 5, 2009
A month ago, I began a very hardcore contest called What would you do for a Pure Wand?. I decided to make the contest a somewhat complicated one, to befit the…
- Should I change my slogan?
- Category: Um, No (12)
These sex toys need to be obliterated from the earth. Since I can’t do that, I just talk shit about them.
- Um, No: Sexpander
October 11, 2012
It is no longer good enough for us to have sexcapades, folks -- now we must sexpand our sexual horizons with the Shots Toys Sexpander. It's a scorpion...…
- Um, No: Peter Piper and Erotic Cigar
August 9, 2012
So this is an actual thing. I don't know why it's called The Original Peter Piper, because I'm pretty sure the original Peter Piper is the one from 1813…
- Um, No: Pleasure/Love Mitts
June 1, 2012
Do you dream of being the COOLEST LOVER ON THE BLOCK? Do you regularly mistake torture devices for romantic accoutrements? Want to give your lady a massage…
- Um, No: Rock and Roll Massager
August 4, 2011
This is all so overwhelming. I want to be clever and make you giggle, but... this website, this product... THERE IS TOO MUCH TO MAKE FUN OF. The website…
- Um, No: Make Her Slap You Kit
May 24, 2011
This is the most epic recipe for failure ever. Pipedream's Turn Her On Kit: For the perfect encounter. Everything you need to turn on that special someone is…
- Um, No: Interracial Double Dong
April 19, 2011
Um... Er... How is this even... Why...? So you can express your racial preference... with a friend? No more arguing over whether you'll use the…
- Um, No: Ecstasy Rope
November 8, 2010
The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long turd of beautiful blue jelly with a flexible internal…
- Um, No?: Topco's Fucked line
July 23, 2010
WARNING: There are several photos of paraphilia-inspired sex toys in this entry that you may find totally disgusting. Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line…
- Um, No: "Joy" Finger
March 2, 2010
In the biggest product name FAIL of all time, I present to you the Joy Finger from Doc Johnson. I can guarantee you this rubber abomination is not going…
- Um, No: Joanna Angel's whip vibe
January 24, 2010
OH GOD, NO. DON'T COME ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING. I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE. I DON'T NEED THE SAME SPIKES TIMES A THOUSAND PLUS VIBRATION. A…
- Um, No: "How to Make a Homemade Dildo"
December 17, 2009
There are only a few truly great dildo-making instructional videos on YouTube. And by truly great I mean truly horrifying. Things of note: "A broken…
- Um, No: Dual Pussy & Ass Stroker
October 27, 2009
Acquaint yourself with Carmen Luvana's pussy, Austyn Moore's pussy, Carmen Luvana's ass, and Austyn Moore's ass. This is, I'm guessing, the first ever…
- Um, No: Sexpander
- Category: Uncategorized (1)
- Love for HostGator -- and 40% off hosting
October 22, 2012
I don't tend to post about sales, usually keeping things isolated on my sales & deals page. But since this is a one-day only thing, and since it is…
- Love for HostGator -- and 40% off hosting
- Category: Video (7)
- The best Christmas list ever
December 20, 2010
This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- Um, No: "How to Make a Homemade Dildo"
December 17, 2009
There are only a few truly great dildo-making instructional videos on YouTube. And by truly great I mean truly horrifying. Things of note: "A broken…
- Review: FYN Big Foot case
March 6, 2009
It pays to be on the computer 24/7, and to have Twitter updates popping up in the corner of my screen as they happen. That is how I acquired my wonderful Big…
- Review: Bo
January 20, 2009
Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the…
- Video: Introducing LELO's Bo
November 5, 2008
As you may know, LELO was kind enough to send me their new cock ring, Bo. I have never owned a LELO toy, but I had heard about their beautiful packaging. It…
- Video: Gyrating Massager Noise Test
October 26, 2008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tItRKBn14es Look at me! I started a YouTube account for making videos of sex toys! This one is of the Gyrating Massager (see my…
- Politics 'n' pornstars
October 10, 2008
I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…
- The best Christmas list ever
