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Category: Announcements (25)
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner
  February 5, 2012
  The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only did I receive a ton of entries, but I didn't…
- Blogiversary giveaway gift card winners
  November 7, 2011
  Thanks, peeps, for being total badasses! I had a great turnout in my 3-year blogiversary / 200 reviews giveaway. Now I am pleased to announce the ten winners o…
- Hey Epiphora goes mobile!
  October 20, 2011
  I know what happens, peeps. You're standing in line for a concert, or waiting for decades at DMV, and you're fiddling with your phone thinking, damn, I…
- It's not a free Pure Wand, but I tried
  September 18, 2011
  When Sexcuse Moi asked if I wanted to do a special promotion and offer a discount on a certain toy, I knew which one immediately: the Pure Wand. This toy is…
- Green sex toy giveaway winners
  March 19, 2011
  Let me begin by saying, YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. I feel like I just spent half my life counting entries for my Green sex toys for everyone! giveaway. Granted, it's…
- Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!
  February 28, 2011
  I've never been a big participator in St. Patrick's Day. I don't go out and get wasted on Irish Car Bombs, nor do I specifically remember to wear green every…
- The best Christmas list ever
  December 20, 2010
  This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- 2-year blogiversary giveaway winners
  October 16, 2010
  Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all your entries. Here are the winners of the 8 fabulous…
- Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes!
  October 4, 2010
  My 2-year anniversary of blogging -- and 3-year anniversary of sex toy reviewing -- is approaching fast! And of course, I can't resist an opportunity to shower…
- We came, we Tickled.
  August 28, 2010
  Hoorah! My Tickle gift card giveaway went swimmingly. The Twitter parties were great -- we discussed many awesome things, like how sex toys are different from…
- Giveaway: It's raining Tickle gift cards!
  August 15, 2010
  So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided to hold some more! This time, there will be no…
- Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question
  June 22, 2010
  I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin' Twitter parties! Now that the festivities have wound down, I have…
- Squeeze some VixSkin winner!
  May 18, 2010
  Damn! You guys really like dildos, don't you?! The response to my Squeeze some VixSkin giveaway was immense. I wish I could give all of you the VixSkin dildo…
- It's Courtney Trouble week!
  February 1, 2010
  Follow Courtney Trouble week by subscribing to my RSS feed or subscribing via email! If you don't know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that.…
- Tickler winner!
  January 25, 2010
  I was delighted by the response to my Tickler giveaway, sponsored by the great folks at Tickle. I received a boatload of comments! But of course, there can…
- New decade, new butt plug winner!
  January 17, 2010
  Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging, and salivating over the NobEssence…
- Winter hotness giveaway winners!
  January 3, 2010
  Thank you, everyone who entered That Toy Chick's and my Winter hotness giveaway! We're very excited to be sending two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear…
- A little hiatus
  December 21, 2009
  Christmas is coming up fast this week, which means several days of festivities for me. I know a lot of my readers are probably quite busy around this time as…
- Blogiversary blowout winners!
  October 28, 2009
  Ahhh, the end of my blogiversary blowout! I am excited to announce the seven lucky winners. First I chose my two favorite comments of all time and awarded…
- And the winner of the Pure Wand is...
  September 14, 2009
  After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning entry: body writing, the fantastic feat of epic…
- RubyGlass21 dildos winners!
  August 2, 2009
  My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the level of participation and thoughtfulness of the…
- And the bumpy glass goes to...
  June 13, 2009
  My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say, it was a resounding success. In all, my followers tweeted about the…
- Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet winner!
  April 11, 2009
  I received nearly 30 entries to my contest to win the Epiphora-approved Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, making this contest my most successful to date! I attached a…
- Babeland gift card winner!
  March 18, 2009
  I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first sex toy. I am a firm believer that everyone should at least…
- Babeland Swag Contest Winners!
  December 30, 2008
  I didn't get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most. I asked participants to digitally edit a sex toy into a…
Category: Ask Piph (2)
- Ask Piph #2
  April 13, 2010
  Check out Ask Piph #1! Would you like to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. If all your favorite sex toys had to be…
- Ask Piph #1
  January 16, 2010
  Would you like to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora gmail com, or ask here. What made you choose the pseudonym "Epiphora"? I put too much…
Category: Banter (80)
- Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
  February 6, 2012
  A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
- A milestone. A huge one.
  January 26, 2012
  I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about ((Seriously, I remember feeling lost... I felt like I was…
- Jollies resurfaces... on Etsy
  January 19, 2012
  I mourned the death of sex toy company Jollies half a year ago, but it looks like we all might have one final chance to get some of their toys. A couple days…
- 5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten
  December 19, 2011
  I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing eye for shooting porn. But all of them combined?…
- A touch of whimsy
  December 1, 2011
  I'm always getting emails from people wanting to advertise their shit on my site. Only, they never want to pay to advertise it. In fact, they present it to me…
- The Netflix of porn
  October 10, 2011
  I'm finally at a point where I can shell out the cash for a monthly porn DVD subscription. THIS IS VERY EXCITING! I've been wanting to do this for ages. It…
- Tantus sends me a box of challenges
  August 17, 2011
  I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
- Goodbye, Jollies
  June 21, 2011
  I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
- Once upon a time...
  May 13, 2011
  ...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
- Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring
  May 10, 2011
  A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions left and right. After grumbling…
- Things seen at an amateur porn film festival
  April 27, 2011
  Outside the theater, most people are hipsters. Most people are smoking. But the people that stand out are the ones holding a purple inflated Alien Love Doll.…
- Legend for my header
  April 12, 2011
  Click to embiggen. Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epipho…
- Fooled again!?
  April 2, 2011
  Look, I had to top last year's April Fool's joke. And although perhaps you were less shocked this time, I think I succeeded: Delta O. Venus called it "a…
- A dude's solution to the problem of phthalates
  March 8, 2011
  Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to soften cheap sex toys? Are you skeptical…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
  February 14, 2011
  Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
  February 7, 2011
  Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
- Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
  January 20, 2011
  Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
- Peek inside my sex toy storage
  January 14, 2011
  I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y'all are creepers, so I figured you'd want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I…
- The best Christmas list ever
  December 20, 2010
  This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
  December 12, 2010
  There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
- Oreos? Really?
  October 29, 2010
  It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
- Tantus, your neon colors are killin' me
  October 15, 2010
  Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three popular toys (Ryder, Echo, and Acute) in…
- Still Fleshlight after all these months
  October 1, 2010
  I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
- Best sex toy storage: plastic drawers
  September 16, 2010
  I think I've finally found a method for storing sex toys that works. In March of last year, I wrote about organizing all my sex toys into a bunch of For…
- Friends I've made along the way
  August 20, 2010
  You know, I didn't expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I was a bit lost and alone. I knew nothing about other…
- Hooray
  August 1, 2010
  Time for my first password-protected post. Because I'm sitting here fuming, and there's nothing else I can do to feel better. There is a blog post that made…
- Dildo desk takeover
  July 21, 2010
  A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS -- err, actually organize my sex toys. They've been hanging out in plastic drawers,…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
  May 31, 2010
  Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
  May 21, 2010
  Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! There are so many ways to overlook all the bullshit that EdenFantasys has pulled in the past. I know this because I…
- What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
  May 12, 2010
  Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- Why I won't be coming out any time soon
  May 7, 2010
  My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company's website, relieved to find their…
- The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
  May 4, 2010
  The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
  April 29, 2010
  I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
- She Wouldn't Fuck You!
  April 24, 2010
  Dear this spammy ad's target audience: I don't think getting ripped will be enough. Here's a better idea... Have a large cock. Be able to get hard…
- Watch battery bullets can suck it
  April 6, 2010
  Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
- April Fooled!
  April 2, 2010
  If you didn't get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like: With a .GIF, sparkling background and Comic Sans, of course! Jake…
- I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
  January 26, 2010
  Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
- So kiss me and smile for me...
  December 11, 2009
  Today I sent one of my favorite toys away. It was my NobEssence Seduction. It developed white splotches in one area that wouldn't wash off. I emailed…
- Holiday giving wishlist
  December 4, 2009
  This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
- The dual orgasm
  November 15, 2009
  I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, "I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm. G-spot and clitoral at the…
- Where to go from here
  November 6, 2009
  Passing the one-year mark on this blog has led me to think a lot about what I should change around here. I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I started…
- Shame, Fleshlight style
  October 10, 2009
  Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
- Discontinued? No reviews? I should know better.
  October 5, 2009
  The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape,…
- A clitoral revolution is brewing
  September 3, 2009
  The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a picture; that's how unusual it was. Normally, after I masturbate, I'm left…
- Talking sex shops over coffee
  August 27, 2009
  I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop. That's because, where I live, my options to do so are…
- 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
  July 31, 2009
  I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
- An absence of grimacing
  July 21, 2009
  Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far -- to say the least. The last time I wrote about our forays, which was in January, I noted…
- All good things must be replaced
  July 14, 2009
  I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Not exactly forgiven
  July 8, 2009
  Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
- Don Wands keeps digging
  June 27, 2009
  "Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
- Or you could get defensive
  June 26, 2009
  When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Saying "dildo" on Twitter
  June 18, 2009
  It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
- Sneak peek at the new Tantus Curve
  May 23, 2009
  As a graduation present to myself, I ordered two dildos from Tantus’ closeout section: the Twist and the Acute (at amazing prices, by the way). Imagine my…
- A likely lack of posts
  April 12, 2009
  It seems insane to me, but in about a month, I will be graduating from college. It is terrifying and, at this point, a bit incomprehensible. I still have a…
- A hint of organization
  March 26, 2009
  My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Cal Exotic inches toward integrity
  February 21, 2009
  I'm a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there. The "new" site is underwhelming; it doesn't seem…
- Policing sex toy reviews?
  February 7, 2009
  So the Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008 list came out. And I was ecstatic to find myself in spot #5. Although I've been reviewing since fall of 2007, I have only…
- His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
  January 24, 2009
  We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
- Hey Epiphora's new home
  January 14, 2009
  It's true, I've moved! I know; I'm still just a wee one in the sex blogosphere, but that didn't stop me from spending Christmas money on a domain and hosting.…
- The spirit of sex bloggers
  December 25, 2008
  It's been snowing like mad out here, and my Christmas festivities have been delayed for a few days. Today was going to be just another day... until I checked…
- It's official; I'm a squirter
  December 24, 2008
  Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly how fast I have to thrust with the Ella. I soaked…
- More real than usual
  December 3, 2008
  Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin' 2008, because then we can all be excited. Behold: a fake pussy molded from the…
- A revolutionary cock
  November 19, 2008
  Sometimes I talk about the future of sex toys whimsically, hopefully, as though all toys will one day be made of body-safe materials, all packaging will be…
- Porn documentaries (the good news)
  November 16, 2008
  There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing: a new documentary called 9 to 5: Days in…
- Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things
  November 4, 2008
  Barack Obama will be our next president. I'm not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I'm excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be…
- Porn documentaries (the bad news)
  October 29, 2008
  The bad news is, they're hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative or superficial. Even Frontline, which I normally adore…
- The perks of tweeting
  October 22, 2008
  I'm so excited I can hardly sit still! This new blog, and my new Twitter, are working wonders for me. Today, Ansley Agnello posted a review of the Flexi…
- LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?
  October 19, 2008
  I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it's rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I…
- Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices
  October 13, 2008
  Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then I remembered that I was reading Feministing. Shit, I…
- Politics 'n' pornstars
  October 10, 2008
  I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…
- In the mail: Durex finger thingy, a SEX BELT, Gyrating (?) massager
  October 8, 2008
  These three items are on their way to me right now, and boy do I have some confusions about them! Durex Play Vibrations Focus: I can tell you right now…
- Caving in
  October 7, 2008
  I never thought I would become a "sex blogger." Mainly because I don't write very much erotica, and I somehow thought that was a requirement for sex blogs. But…
- Category: A Death in the Family (3)
  - Goodbye, Jollies
    June 21, 2011
    I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
  - So kiss me and smile for me...
    December 11, 2009
    Today I sent one of my favorite toys away. It was my NobEssence Seduction. It developed white splotches in one area that wouldn't wash off. I emailed…
  - All good things must be replaced
    July 14, 2009
    I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Category: Adventures in Squirting (5)
  - Review: Randy
    January 9, 2010
    Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My pussy is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
  - The dual orgasm
    November 15, 2009
    I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, "I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm. G-spot and clitoral at the…
  - His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
    January 24, 2009
    We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
  - It's official; I'm a squirter
    December 24, 2008
    Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly how fast I have to thrust with the Ella. I soaked…
  - Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
    December 11, 2008
    You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since gotten over the…
- Category: Boyfriend Buttplay (2)
  - An absence of grimacing
    July 21, 2009
    Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far -- to say the least. The last time I wrote about our forays, which was in January, I noted…
  - His fingers, the tip of my pinkie
    January 24, 2009
    We set up the Liberator Ramp and Wedge on the bed, then draped the Throe over it. It was a luxurious black mess, a satin throne for me to sprawl upon. I spread…
- Category: Dirty Videos (7)
  - 5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten
    December 19, 2011
    I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing eye for shooting porn. But all of them combined?…
  - The Netflix of porn
    October 10, 2011
    I'm finally at a point where I can shell out the cash for a monthly porn DVD subscription. THIS IS VERY EXCITING! I've been wanting to do this for ages. It…
  - She Wouldn't Fuck You!
    April 24, 2010
    Dear this spammy ad's target audience: I don't think getting ripped will be enough. Here's a better idea... Have a large cock. Be able to get hard…
  - Porn documentaries (the good news)
    November 16, 2008
    There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing: a new documentary called 9 to 5: Days in…
  - Porn documentaries (the bad news)
    October 29, 2008
    The bad news is, they're hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative or superficial. Even Frontline, which I normally adore…
  - Hot scenes: Roxy Deville + Steven St. Croix
    October 15, 2008
    Who needs lube when you have a video of Steven St. Croix fucking the unbelievably hot Roxy Deville? Not me! This scene from Naughty Office Vol. 3 made it…
  - Politics 'n' pornstars
    October 10, 2008
    I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…
- Category: Disingenuous Assholes (7)
  - Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
    February 6, 2012
    A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
  - Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring
    May 10, 2011
    A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions left and right. After grumbling…
  - I'm sick of you, Facebook
    February 14, 2011
    Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
  - Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
    February 7, 2011
    Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
  - Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
    January 20, 2011
    Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
  - EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
    May 21, 2010
    Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! There are so many ways to overlook all the bullshit that EdenFantasys has pulled in the past. I know this because I…
  - What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
    May 12, 2010
    Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
- Category: Epic Fail (15)
  - Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
    February 6, 2012
    A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
  - A touch of whimsy
    December 1, 2011
    I'm always getting emails from people wanting to advertise their shit on my site. Only, they never want to pay to advertise it. In fact, they present it to me…
  - A dude's solution to the problem of phthalates
    March 8, 2011
    Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to soften cheap sex toys? Are you skeptical…
  - Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
    January 20, 2011
    Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
  - 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
    December 12, 2010
    There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
  - Oreos? Really?
    October 29, 2010
    It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
  - EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
    May 21, 2010
    Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! There are so many ways to overlook all the bullshit that EdenFantasys has pulled in the past. I know this because I…
  - What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
    May 12, 2010
    Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
  - The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
    May 4, 2010
    The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
  - Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
    April 29, 2010
    I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
  - Watch battery bullets can suck it
    April 6, 2010
    Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
  - I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
    January 26, 2010
    Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
  - Shame, Fleshlight style
    October 10, 2009
    Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
  - Don Wands keeps digging
    June 27, 2009
    "Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
  - Or you could get defensive
    June 26, 2009
    When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Category: Feminism's Not a Dirty Word (6)
  - Jack's Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down
    February 6, 2012
    A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his blowjob ebook. We found his promo website, and…
  - Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion
    February 7, 2011
    Trigger warning for violence against women. When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don't know what they're talking about. The majority of…
  - Um, No?: Topco's Fucked line
    July 23, 2010
    WARNING: There are several photos of paraphilia-inspired sex toys in this entry that you may find totally disgusting. Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line…
  - Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
    April 29, 2010
    I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
  - I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
    January 26, 2010
    Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
  - Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices
    October 13, 2008
    Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then I remembered that I was reading Feministing. Shit, I…
- Category: In My Dreams (2)
  - Holiday giving wishlist
    December 4, 2009
    This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
  - Talking sex shops over coffee
    August 27, 2009
    I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop. That's because, where I live, my options to do so are…
- Category: Joy to the World (4)
  - Tantus sends me a box of challenges
    August 17, 2011
    I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
  - Tantus, your neon colors are killin' me
    October 15, 2010
    Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three popular toys (Ryder, Echo, and Acute) in…
  - Still Fleshlight after all these months
    October 1, 2010
    I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
  - Friends I've made along the way
    August 20, 2010
    You know, I didn't expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I was a bit lost and alone. I knew nothing about other…
- Category: Making Progress (8)
  - A milestone. A huge one.
    January 26, 2012
    I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about ((Seriously, I remember feeling lost... I felt like I was…
  - Why I won't be coming out any time soon
    May 7, 2010
    My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to go. I poked around the company's website, relieved to find their…
  - Hell Yes: Ola
    January 14, 2010
    There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I've seen that really looks innovative. It's made by…
  - Review: Benjamin Bond
    March 22, 2009
    When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and had only penetrated myself with a tiny toy skinnier than…
  - Cal Exotic inches toward integrity
    February 21, 2009
    I'm a freak. The moment I heard that California Exotic Novelties launched a new website, I flew on over there. The "new" site is underwhelming; it doesn't seem…
  - More real than usual
    December 3, 2008
    Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin' 2008, because then we can all be excited. Behold: a fake pussy molded from the…
  - A revolutionary cock
    November 19, 2008
    Sometimes I talk about the future of sex toys whimsically, hopefully, as though all toys will one day be made of body-safe materials, all packaging will be…
  - LELO's Bo: cock ring of the future?
    October 19, 2008
    I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it's rechargeable! Has any company made a rechargeable cock ring before now? I…
- Category: Sad News (3)
  - Goodbye, Jollies
    June 21, 2011
    I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock. There have been rumors, even scares,…
  - Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
    January 20, 2011
    Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
  - The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
    May 4, 2010
    The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
- Category: Something Like Feedback (3)
  - Not exactly forgiven
    July 8, 2009
    Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
  - Don Wands keeps digging
    June 27, 2009
    "Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
  - Or you could get defensive
    June 26, 2009
    When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
- Category: Technology (2)
  - I'm sick of you, Facebook
    February 14, 2011
    Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
  - What the eff is RSS?
    October 12, 2008
    My apologies to the 3 awesome people who have subscribed to my feed already, but I wanted to do a quick rundown of what RSS is and how to watch feeds. You…
- Category: Toybox Reports (14)
  - Tantus sends me a box of challenges
    August 17, 2011
    I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn't show up in my affiliate control panel. I…
  - Once upon a time...
    May 13, 2011
    ...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
  - Legend for my header
    April 12, 2011
    Click to embiggen. Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epipho…
  - Peek inside my sex toy storage
    January 14, 2011
    I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y'all are creepers, so I figured you'd want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I…
  - Still Fleshlight after all these months
    October 1, 2010
    I'm at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes -- then he emerges to tell me that he is going…
  - Best sex toy storage: plastic drawers
    September 16, 2010
    I think I've finally found a method for storing sex toys that works. In March of last year, I wrote about organizing all my sex toys into a bunch of For…
  - Dildo desk takeover
    July 21, 2010
    A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS -- err, actually organize my sex toys. They've been hanging out in plastic drawers,…
  - Love letter to the Turbo Glider
    May 31, 2010
    Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
  - The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
    May 4, 2010
    The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
  - Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
    February 19, 2010
    Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
  - Discontinued? No reviews? I should know better.
    October 5, 2009
    The Impulse Fantasy Kit was supposed to be the answer to my need for more power than the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet provides. Same company, same bullet shape,…
  - 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
    July 31, 2009
    I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
  - All good things must be replaced
    July 14, 2009
    I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
  - A hint of organization
    March 26, 2009
    My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Category: Whine Time (14)
  - Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU
    January 20, 2011
    Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator and feminist pornographer extraordinaire, has…
  - 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
    December 12, 2010
    There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
  - Oreos? Really?
    October 29, 2010
    It started out innocently enough, with a girls-only presentation about periods in the fifth grade. On a super-secretive slip of paper, I asked the presenters…
  - EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
    May 21, 2010
    Huge thanks to Juliettia for this image! There are so many ways to overlook all the bullshit that EdenFantasys has pulled in the past. I know this because I…
  - What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
    May 12, 2010
    Good morning to me! Hello , Please be advised we have disabled your contributor account at EdenFantasys.com This decision was internal and is…
  - The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2
    May 4, 2010
    The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form 2, that the vibrations shift. Seemingly out…
  - Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator
    April 29, 2010
    I was recently watching a video about the hymen made by Kara Sutra, in which she recommended HealthyStrokes.com for its hymen gallery. A'ight, sounds sex-positi…
  - Watch battery bullets can suck it
    April 6, 2010
    Hey, watch battery bullets -- have I told you lately to suck it? No? Yeah, that's because usually when a dildo comes with a watch battery bullet, I toss the…
  - I blog about sex. That is not an invitation.
    January 26, 2010
    Yes indeed, I run what the general population would call a "sex blog." I spend my days drafting posts about sex toys, porn, and more sex toys. I am incredibly…
  - Shame, Fleshlight style
    October 10, 2009
    Tonight I came across a link to a Gizmodo post called "I Had Sex With Furniture: The Shameful (NSFW) Fleshlight Motion Review." The inclusion of the word…
  - Not exactly forgiven
    July 8, 2009
    Some time has passed since the bulk of the hoopla with Don Wands/Glow Industries -- remember the weekend of questionable blog comments and unapologetic…
  - Don Wands keeps digging
    June 27, 2009
    "Our remarks were appropriate." —Email to me from Don Wands I knew this Don Wands fiasco was not over when I woke up to 16 new emails. Two bloggers, Miss…
  - Or you could get defensive
    June 26, 2009
    When I write a negative review of a toy, I don't expect to ever hear from the company that produced it -- and I usually don't. I'll be the first to admit that…
  - Saying "dildo" on Twitter
    June 18, 2009
    It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
Category: Contests & Giveaways (39)
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner
  February 5, 2012
  The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only did I receive a ton of entries, but I didn't…
- Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway!
  January 17, 2012
  You want this dildo. First, as you can see, it's gorgeous. It's glimmery. It's iridescent. It has an effing Swarovski crystal in its base. But that's not even…
- Blogiversary giveaway gift card winners
  November 7, 2011
  Thanks, peeps, for being total badasses! I had a great turnout in my 3-year blogiversary / 200 reviews giveaway. Now I am pleased to announce the ten winners o…
- Blogiversary giveaway: celebrating 200 reviews with 600 bucks!
  October 6, 2011
  Oh snap, my friends! This week is my 3-year blogging anniversary, and I've hit 200 reviews written! I wrote 35 reviews off-site before I began this blog, and…
- Green sex toy giveaway winners
  March 19, 2011
  Let me begin by saying, YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. I feel like I just spent half my life counting entries for my Green sex toys for everyone! giveaway. Granted, it's…
- Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!
  February 28, 2011
  I've never been a big participator in St. Patrick's Day. I don't go out and get wasted on Irish Car Bombs, nor do I specifically remember to wear green every…
- 2-year blogiversary giveaway winners
  October 16, 2010
  Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all your entries. Here are the winners of the 8 fabulous…
- Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes!
  October 4, 2010
  My 2-year anniversary of blogging -- and 3-year anniversary of sex toy reviewing -- is approaching fast! And of course, I can't resist an opportunity to shower…
- We came, we Tickled.
  August 28, 2010
  Hoorah! My Tickle gift card giveaway went swimmingly. The Twitter parties were great -- we discussed many awesome things, like how sex toys are different from…
- Giveaway: It's raining Tickle gift cards!
  August 15, 2010
  So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided to hold some more! This time, there will be no…
- Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question
  June 22, 2010
  I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin' Twitter parties! Now that the festivities have wound down, I have…
- Giveaway: Woodgasm
  June 6, 2010
  Wooden sex toy manufacturer NobEssence makes some of the most beautiful -- and expensive -- sex toys out there. And while most of their toys retail for…
- Squeeze some VixSkin winner!
  May 18, 2010
  Damn! You guys really like dildos, don't you?! The response to my Squeeze some VixSkin giveaway was immense. I wish I could give all of you the VixSkin dildo…
- Giveaway: Squeeze some VixSkin!
  May 1, 2010
  It's no secret I adore VixSkin, the soft-on-the-outside and hard-on-the-inside silicone invented by Vixen Creations. Right now, I'm still on a high from my…
- It's Courtney Trouble week!
  February 1, 2010
  Follow Courtney Trouble week by subscribing to my RSS feed or subscribing via email! If you don't know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that.…
- Tickler winner!
  January 25, 2010
  I was delighted by the response to my Tickler giveaway, sponsored by the great folks at Tickle. I received a boatload of comments! But of course, there can…
- Giveaway: A Tickler of your choice!
  January 17, 2010
  Hey! If you're new here, why don't you subscribe to my RSS feed or subscribe via email to make sure you'll catch the next giveaway? Also, follow me on Twitter…
- New decade, new butt plug winner!
  January 17, 2010
  Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging, and salivating over the NobEssence…
- Giveaway: New decade, new butt plug
  January 4, 2010
  The year is 2010. It's a new decade, and you're ready for a change. Your butt plug collection is paltry, consisting of just a few uninspired shapes, perhaps…
- Winter hotness giveaway winners!
  January 3, 2010
  Thank you, everyone who entered That Toy Chick's and my Winter hotness giveaway! We're very excited to be sending two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear…
- Winter hotness giveaway
  December 14, 2009
  When That Toy Chick asked if I wanted to help her give away two Joque harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear, I was elated. I just reviewed a Joque of my own, and…
- Blogiversary blowout winners!
  October 28, 2009
  Ahhh, the end of my blogiversary blowout! I am excited to announce the seven lucky winners. First I chose my two favorite comments of all time and awarded…
- Blogiversary blowout: oodles of sex toys
  October 6, 2009
  Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of this here blog, so of course, I wanted to give out some presents! I was inspired by other blogiversary contests held…
- And the winner of the Pure Wand is...
  September 14, 2009
  After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning entry: body writing, the fantastic feat of epic…
- Vote for the Pure Wand winner!
  September 5, 2009
  A month ago, I began a very hardcore contest called What would you do for a Pure Wand?, sponsored by the amazing folks at Play Passions. I decided to make the…
- Round 2 of the Pure Wand contest begins
  August 21, 2009
  It's that time... time to move into the next phase of my What would you do for a Pure Wand? contest! I received a total of 22 entries, and have chosen my…
- Contest: What would you do for a Pure Wand?
  August 9, 2009
  Ten inches of stainless steel. Two spheres of extreme G-spot stimulation. One and a half pounds. The sex toy, the legend. Yes, the folks of Play Passions,…
- RubyGlass21 dildos winners!
  August 2, 2009
  My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the level of participation and thoughtfulness of the…
- Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!
  July 18, 2009
  Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks of RubyGlass21. And…
- Saying "dildo" on Twitter
  June 18, 2009
  It's easy to forget, especially within my sex toy bubble, that there are all kinds of people on Twitter. Look up any Twitter directory, though, and you…
- And the bumpy glass goes to...
  June 13, 2009
  My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say, it was a resounding success. In all, my followers tweeted about the…
- Giveaway: Win two bumpy glass dildos!
  May 22, 2009
  In celebration of my graduation and my leap back into reviewing and blogging, I am excited to announce a bumpy giveaway. The wonderful Domina Doll and…
- Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet winner!
  April 11, 2009
  I received nearly 30 entries to my contest to win the Epiphora-approved Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, making this contest my most successful to date! I attached a…
- Contest: Win the toy I rave about
  March 29, 2009
  TabuToys has taken notice of my ridiculous and unhealthy obsession with my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, and they presented me with an offer I could not refuse:…
- Babeland gift card winner!
  March 18, 2009
  I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first sex toy. I am a firm believer that everyone should at least…
- Contest: Win a Babeland gift card!
  February 27, 2009
  Yep, my friends at Babeland are letting me have a second contest! I'm giving away a Babeland gift card! I'm going to make this contest very simple: comment…
- Babeland Swag Contest Winners!
  December 30, 2008
  I didn't get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most. I asked participants to digitally edit a sex toy into a…
- Swag Contest: Win a Rabbit Habit or Pink Kink Kit!
  December 13, 2008
  Very exciting news! My pal Mae at Babeland is allowing me to give away two great items to my readers. Having only started this blog in October, I am…
- Obama will be president, and seven other awesome things
  November 4, 2008
  Barack Obama will be our next president. I'm not a hugely political person, but I was worried all day and now I'm excited as fuck. I feel so lucky to be…
Category: Epiphora Makes Lists (3)
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2011
  December 31, 2011
  It's almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means -- it's time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, like last year, this list includes…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2010
  December 31, 2010
  I'm starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I'm gonna make a list of my top and bottom toys for the year, and give out entirely fake awards…
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
  December 12, 2010
  There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
Category: Goodies (1)
- Wallpaper: Santa Eleven
  December 19, 2008
  I was hoping to do a whole series of these for the holiday season, but schoolwork won out. Nonetheless, I have finally finished a wallpaper for those of you…
Category: Guides (1)
- 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn't royally suck
  December 12, 2010
  There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite amateur mistakes, mistakes that make our eyes…
Category: Hell Yes (11)
- Hell Yes: Leaf
  November 14, 2011
  BMS Enterprises has not made much of anything that's too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of bullets, and they designed…
- Hell Yes: Luz de la Riva Parda dildo
  February 4, 2011
  Um. It's made of ash stone. It's nearly 0. It's Pure Wand-shaped. And it can go in my vagina anytime, though it probably never will. That is the Luz de…
- Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?
  July 5, 2010
  This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read descriptions? Too bad -- YOU CAN'T. This is all you…
- Hell Yes: Bartenders
  May 16, 2010
  Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud at something on the…
- Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can
  April 9, 2010
  These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean... heh, heh... Even though my boyfriend wasn't a huge fan of his Sex in a…
- Hell Yes: Woodvibes
  March 30, 2010
  It's probably unfair for me to feature a sex toy line that doesn't even exist, but seriously, these are the definition of beautiful. Woodvibes were…
- Hell Yes: Cobra Libre
  March 7, 2010
  I think Fun Factory is definitely onto something with the Cobra Libre. I've been wondering when someone would harness the power of vibrations in a penis-oriente…
- Hell Yes: Alice
  February 23, 2010
  I don't even really know the plot of Alice in Wonderland, and yet Erica McLean and Carlos Batts's upcoming porno Alice is making me, um, very excited. I've…
- Hell Yes: Ola
  January 14, 2010
  There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I've seen that really looks innovative. It's made by…
- Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)
  November 26, 2009
  The ChillDil (or if you prefer, there's a Twitter account), the brainchild of That Toy Chick, is a sleeve for heating and cooling sex toys. It can…
- Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2
  November 7, 2009
  Tongs. Chopsticks. Tweezers. I did not know I wanted a sex toy modeled after them. But the Jimmyjane Form 2 is making me drool. This is the first time…
Category: Interviews (4)
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 4
  February 8, 2010
  It's the last day of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Berlin. Today: Bordello. Courtney Trouble and I didn't mean to have a drunken online chat; it…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 3
  February 6, 2010
  It's day six of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Dirty South. Today: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2. Tomorrow: Roulette Berlin. Courtney Trouble and I…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 2
  February 4, 2010
  It's day four of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Speakeasy. Today: Seven Minutes in Heaven. Tomorrow: Roulette Dirty South. Courtney Trouble and I didn't…
- A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 1
  February 2, 2010
  It's day two of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette. Today: Nostalgia. Tomorrow: Speakeasy. Courtney Trouble and I didn't mean to have a drunken…
Category: Jack-off Journal (13)
- Jack-off Journal #13
  January 12, 2012
  February 3rd, 2011 Tonight I found one of my favorite male pornstars, Danny Wylde, on cam. When he saw my name in the chatroom, he said, "holy shit, is…
- Jack-off Journal #12
  January 24, 2011
  October 1st, 2010 WHY WHY WHY WHY: WHY WHY WHY WHY. November 13th, 2010 I took a break from playing Plants vs. Zombies... ...to watch a new…
- Jack-off Journal #11
  September 23, 2010
  August 5th, 2010 Today I watched Justine Joli: Lost with Saraid, which I had been eagerly anticipating. Very quickly realized it was a mistake to have…
- Jack-off Journal #10
  August 13, 2010
  July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the nozzle is not plugged up. Today, attempting to…
- Jack-off Journal #9
  July 19, 2010
  June 6th, 2010 Here's a little secret for you: I've been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually hate erotica. I generally don't fantasize.…
- Jack-off Journal #8
  June 16, 2010
  May 8th, 2010 Eight days into May and I haven't jacked off yet. I need to work on life. I saw pictures of this cute pornstar named Gracie Glam (oh god…
- Jack-off Journal #7
  May 25, 2010
  April 6th, 2010 Wow, most frustrating masturbation session in a long time. I watched, but not really, Fashionistas, which wasn't doing it for me at all (o…
- Jack-off Journal #6
  April 18, 2010
  March 4th, 2010 You know what's hard to watch? An hour and 16 minutes of nothing but cocksucking. But I did it -- boy, I did it -- in the name of reviewing. T…
- Jack-off Journal #5
  March 10, 2010
  February 9th, 2010 Dear diary, today I learned that masturbation while drunk is really fucking annoying. I spent most of the night in a chatroom with Britni…
- Jack-off Journal #4
  February 13, 2010
  January 2nd, 2010 Although I'd just read a terrible piece of "science," I was too tired to go for the G-spot gold, so I picked up the Wahl and watched a bit…
- Jack-off Journal #3
  January 3, 2010
  December 10th, 2009 Having received an orange Jimmyjane Little Chroma in the mail from a Halloween giveaway I didn't know I entered, I decided to pit the…
- Jack-off Journal #2
  December 1, 2009
  Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and Tom Byron. Sasha and Sunny were great,…
- Jack-off Journal #1
  November 16, 2009
  Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 Settled into bed with Roulette on my laptop and the Better than Chocolate on my clit, for probably the most simple masturbation…
Category: New arrival (4)
- New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more
  December 6, 2008
  I think it's fair to say that my boyfriend's getting a little irritated with having to bring in mail that looks like this. Although three packages in one day…
- New arrival: Ophoria Pleasure No. 6
  November 21, 2008
  Today the mail guy brought me the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo. Babeland sent it as my next review item. I was surprised to find that it is smaller in girth…
- New arrival: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra's Secret
  October 25, 2008
  I think my boyfriend has discovered the secret to giving me gifts: all sex toys! For my birthday, he got me these two wondrous items: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra'…
- New arrival: Goddess
  October 8, 2008
  With a 30% off coupon, I have bought my very first 100% silicone watch-battery-using dildo. It is, fittingly, named Goddess. I wanted a textured dildo…
Category: Photos (45)
- Review: Soraya
  July 6, 2011
  The world of luxury ((silicone, rechargeable)) rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has a few in their new G4 line; Cal Exotics is trying really…
- Review: Allure
  June 10, 2011
  My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous ((I just looked at my Linger review and I wrote almost this exact phrase in it. Wow, I…
- Once upon a time...
  May 13, 2011
  ...my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked): This photo was taken on September 6th, 2008. Most of the toys in this box…
- Review: Goddess
  May 6, 2011
  It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn't know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and…
- Review: Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
  April 6, 2011
  I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed…
- Afterward
  March 25, 2011
  After a long masturbation session, the kitchen counter usually looks something like this: Left to right: Alumina Motion/Revolve hybrid, Dual-Sided Swirled…
- Review: Split Dildo
  March 21, 2011
  The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
- Tantus Sherbet and old packaging
  October 27, 2010
  When I searched the universe to find a discontinued Tantus Sherbet (yes, the neon green color fueled my fervor more than I should admit), I was so amused by…
- Purpleheart vs. Cocobolo
  August 31, 2010
  These kinds of emails are the best to receive: It's time for another round of awkward question of the day: Would you be able to take a picture of your…
- Review: Maverick
  April 27, 2010
  I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is shared…
- April Fooled!
  April 2, 2010
  If you didn't get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like: With a .GIF, sparkling background and Comic Sans, of course! Jake…
- Avatar prototype
  March 16, 2010
  This is a quick snapshot I took when I came up with the idea for my avatar. I wanted to see if it would look as good as it did in my head. It almost…
- Review: Jollet
  March 14, 2010
  The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
- One year ago
  February 28, 2010
  At a cozy little bed & breakfast, we celebrated our fourth anniversary. Dream Toys Lemon Drops, NobEssence Linger, Acuvibe Mini I had probably the best…
- Review: Form 2
  February 26, 2010
  It's the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or... the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It's the Jimmyjane Form 2, a two-pronged pipsqueak that I've…
- Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
  February 19, 2010
  Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
- Review: Eroscillator
  November 8, 2009
  You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
- Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
  October 20, 2009
  I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
- A clitoral revolution is brewing
  September 3, 2009
  The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a picture; that's how unusual it was. Normally, after I masturbate, I'm left…
- Review: Seduction
  August 14, 2009
  The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
- 5 lbs 7 oz of sex toys
  July 31, 2009
  I have a lot of toys I don't use. I've given a few away to friends, but most of them sit in a drawer or in one of my toy cases, taking up space and generally…
- Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!
  July 18, 2009
  Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks of RubyGlass21. And…
- All good things must be replaced
  July 14, 2009
  I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived its price tag and the amount of times I recklessly washed…
- Review: Romp
  June 30, 2009
  Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
- Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
  June 10, 2009
  A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
- Review: Be Be
  May 29, 2009
  It's not every day you receive a postcard along with a sex toy. Along with a packet of materials explaining and promoting the toy itself, my package included a…
- Sneak peek at the new Tantus Curve
  May 23, 2009
  As a graduation present to myself, I ordered two dildos from Tantus’ closeout section: the Twist and the Acute (at amazing prices, by the way). Imagine my…
- Review: Lemon Drops glass dildo
  March 27, 2009
  Despite the grotesque name, I've always wanted to try a "juicer"-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the Lemon Drops, a stunningly beautiful piece…
- A hint of organization
  March 26, 2009
  My sex toy collection has been slowly creeping out of the two For Your Nymphomation cases it was in. Many silicone toys were being kept in their plastic…
- Review: Luna Beads
  February 3, 2009
  I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
- Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
  January 17, 2009
  Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
- Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
  January 15, 2009
  I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
- Review: Cry Baby
  January 7, 2009
  It sounds wrong to say "my Cry Baby is dead." But it's true. Now, I did not drop my Cry Baby. I didn't say anything mean to it. But... I suppose it may have…
- Review: Linger
  December 7, 2008
  On my quest to become a sex toy connoisseur, I am determined to try every phthalate-free material on the market. Next up: wood! Wood is one material I've been…
- New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more
  December 6, 2008
  I think it's fair to say that my boyfriend's getting a little irritated with having to bring in mail that looks like this. Although three packages in one day…
- Review: Pleasure No. 6
  December 5, 2008
  It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I've never heard of. Especially when that toy is 100% silicone and adorable as hell! I speak of the…
- Review: Rhapsody, Symphony Edition
  November 28, 2008
  There's been some hoopla and excitement surrounding this new toy company, Evolved Novelties, so when I was offered the opportunity to review one of their toys,…
- Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo
  November 24, 2008
  Before this dildo, I'd never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers of affordable glass dildos—a rarity in the…
- New arrival: Ophoria Pleasure No. 6
  November 21, 2008
  Today the mail guy brought me the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 dildo. Babeland sent it as my next review item. I was surprised to find that it is smaller in girth…
- Review: Ripple (small)
  November 15, 2008
  I knew the Tantus Ripple would be amazing. How? Well, for one, Tantus can do no wrong; their toys are made of beautiful 100% silicone, and they're lovingly…
- Review: Hitachi Magic Wand
  November 12, 2008
  Hello, hello, the reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put off by your grandma-esque appearance. But,…
- Review: Maven masturbation sleeve
  November 8, 2008
  My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so, a fluid squeezing motion that I have yet to…
- Review: Crystal Teaser
  November 7, 2008
  It's tiny! A year ago, my vagina would've rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a thing of this size and feel immediate disappointment. It's…
- New arrival: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra's Secret
  October 25, 2008
  I think my boyfriend has discovered the secret to giving me gifts: all sex toys! For my birthday, he got me these two wondrous items: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra'…
- New arrival: Goddess
  October 8, 2008
  With a 30% off coupon, I have bought my very first 100% silicone watch-battery-using dildo. It is, fittingly, named Goddess. I wanted a textured dildo…
Category: Pornfail (2)
The silly things that happen in porn, documented.
- Pornfail: Mmm, rubber
  July 14, 2011
  Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn't look sanitary. In fact, I'm willing to bet…
- Pornfail: Popsicle "fun"
  July 30, 2010
  This one comes to us from the thoughtfully-titled Pound the Round 2. If you have sensitive teeth, click away now. STEPS FOR GETTING A GIRL'S MOUTH AND…
Category: Postcards from the Peanut Gallery (4)
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Romp
  March 29, 2011
  I am unabashed about my love for the NobEssence Romp. I can't help it if it's the best butt plug ever made, okay?! I can't help it if I turn into a ROOOOOMP…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Alumina Motion
  June 23, 2010
  Ah, the Tantus Alumina Motion. One of my favorite dildos. I gave one away in my blogiversary blowout, to an awesome guy by the name of Jaye Valentine. Jaye…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Eroscillator
  March 4, 2010
  I'm not surprised that my insanely extensive and enthusiastic review of the Eroscillator resulted in several of my readers lusting after it. Sarahbear took…
- Postcards from the Peanut Gallery: Luna Beads
  January 8, 2010
  It was my glowing endorsement of the Lelo Luna Beads that convinced Rachelle to get them. But beyond that, her job as a waitress needed some sprucing up. And…
Category: Public Service Announcement (1)
- PSA: Not everything I say is sexual
  October 17, 2010
  I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex on the brain 24/7. And most importantly, I do not feel the need to sex-ify…
Category: Reviews (176)
- Review: Spider
  January 30, 2012
  It's been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw the Spider, he was giddy. This thing really is interesting…
- Review: Severin
  January 23, 2012
  I don't know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that's okay -- I've never really been the queen of class. It feels like I'm pooping. Because…
- Review: Crystal Twist
  January 17, 2012
  Stay tuned today for a giveaway of this glorious dildo! You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco…
- Review: Deluxe G-Spotter Hitachi attachment
  January 9, 2012
  It's all fun and games until someone's vag vibrates off. The Deluxe G-Spotter is my first ever Hitachi attachment. I know; I'm a slacker. But I've never…
- Review: Lyla
  December 28, 2011
  Soaring hope followed by crushing despair. That's the LELO Lyla. The first ever rechargeable wireless egg, meant for insertion in the vagina and fun on the…
- Review: Jellyfish
  December 26, 2011
  The Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish is a magical sea creature. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. And I'm keeping it. Because despite the fact that this dildo…
- Review: iVibe Massager phone app
  December 21, 2011
  When asking me to review the iVibe Massager iPhone app, the developer freely admitted to me -- and I quote — I already know its pretty weak. I mean its a…
- Review: Y-Bullet
  December 14, 2011
  The Lady Calston Y-Bullet is a HIGH-TECH device. It plugs into your USB PORT. It runs off PURE USB ADRENALINE. Its plastic box reads, Make Your Next MSN Web…
- Review: Form 4
  November 28, 2011
  I know what you're thinking. After such distressing trysts with Jimmyjane's Form 6, Form 2, and Form 3, why the fuck would I want to try the (inventively-named)…
- Review: Touch
  November 7, 2011
  Here's a sentence only a sex toy freak would ever write: I've been waiting a long time for a company to make a rechargeable clit toy with a pointy tip. One of…
- Review: Rough Sex 3
  October 19, 2011
  This may be the right time to admit that I don't find Adrianna Nicole's face terribly attractive. However, her body is smokin', her tattoos are fabulous, and I…
- Review: Mustang
  October 3, 2011
  Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It's been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin,…
- Review: MiMi
  September 11, 2011
  Everyone's coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3; LELO invented the Siri and…
- Review: Ryder
  July 26, 2011
  There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job and does it well. If it were a person, you'd want it as…
- Review: Soraya
  July 6, 2011
  The world of luxury ((silicone, rechargeable)) rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has a few in their new G4 line; Cal Exotics is trying really…
- Review: Allure
  June 10, 2011
  My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous ((I just looked at my Linger review and I wrote almost this exact phrase in it. Wow, I…
- Review: Goddess
  May 6, 2011
  It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn't know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and…
- Review: Candy-Colored Glass Dildo
  April 6, 2011
  I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy ones, swirled ones, tiny ones, pointy ones, curved ones, bulbed…
- ~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! *~*~*~*~
  April 1, 2011
  WARNING! Adult content ahead!!!!!! if u are offended by sex products do not scroll down! This is a review of a Marital…
- Review: Split Dildo
  March 21, 2011
  The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
- Review: Lucky 11
  March 3, 2011
  The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved's "Roulette" line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base that controls the vibrations. Admittedly, I was drawn…
- Review: Mia (new version)
  February 21, 2011
  LELO is a sex toy company that listens to people. When consumers loved their uniquely-shaped Gigi, they invented a dildo version named Ella (which, by the…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms
  February 16, 2011
  Tristan Taormino does incredibly important work with her Expert Guide series of porn movies. So many "how-to" movies are yawn-inducing, but Tristan realizes…
- Review: Bliss 8
  February 10, 2011
  The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is it joshing you. It is one serious mofo, and that is why I love…
- Review: Ami
  February 1, 2011
  Je Joue, makers of the failtastic SaSi, attempt to make vag balls! In my head, that is the slogan for the Je Joue Ami. Which is really quite unfair to the…
- Review: Vanity by Jopen Vr9
  January 21, 2011
  This vibrator is not purple. It is fuchsia. Let it be known. Despite every product photo ever depicting it as a nice, moderate color of purple, it is instead…
- Review: Mystic Wand
  January 12, 2011
  The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right. Replace the entire text of this review with "IT…
- Review: Getaway Wild
  December 29, 2010
  Those who remember the wrath I unleashed on the Nomi Tang Better than Chocolate may be surprised that I was even interested in the latest Nomi Tang creation,…
- Review: G-Rider
  December 16, 2010
  I'm just going to have to admit defeat with this one. The Nexus G-Rider is too much for my butt. I thought I could handle it. I have the G-Play medium -- a…
- Review: Isla
  December 9, 2010
  The LELO Isla is one of three toys in LELO's new Insignia line. These toys are characterized by cut-out handles and metallic cores, but my favorite part is…
- Review: Form 3
  November 15, 2010
  Bless Jimmyjane’s little hearts; they really are trying. They're trying so hard to create innovative toys, but they keep promising shit that they can't…
- Review: La Palma
  November 4, 2010
  I was stirring ramen on the stove as my boyfriend tried on the La Palma for the first time. He figured it out easily and slipped his hand inside. It looked…
- Review: Rough Sex 2
  October 18, 2010
  Tristan Taormino has upped the ante. After the greatness that was Rough Sex, she has created a sequel that is longer (3.5 hours, yo), kinkier, and more…
- Review: Two
  October 11, 2010
  The Wet for Her Two is... um, actually, what is it? Is it a dildo? A sleeve? Should I call it a "finger extender"? I don't know. It's just... long silicone…
- Review: Toyfriends
  September 27, 2010
  My standards for the Tickler Toyfriends were laughably low. I reviewed their predecessors, the Ticklers, and was astonished by with their lack of power.…
- Review: Stimulating O Gel
  September 20, 2010
  You probably don't know this, but I'm fucking in love with Sliquid. I love their H20 and Sassy lubes, which are odorless, flavorless, and have a grand total of…
- Review: Siri
  September 10, 2010
  The Siri is a new release from LELO made solely for clitoral stimulation. Siri is futuristic and adorable, small and perfect for grasping. I am, admittedly,…
- Review: Outlaw
  September 2, 2010
  The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8 1/2" tall, with a girth of 2" and an insanely detailed shaft,…
- Review: Eleven
  August 22, 2010
  I don't normally have sexual dreams, but I've had dreams about the Njoy Eleven. They were always incredible jack-off sessions consisting of intense G-spot…
- Review: Spring
  August 17, 2010
  The Fun Factory MiniVibe Spring is a little pipsqueak of a vibrator in the same family as Fun Factory's Bubbles, Ocean, and Flash -- all smallish, rechargeable,…
- Review: Talula
  August 6, 2010
  I have never seen a sex toy angled like Vamp Talula. I mean, this thing is nuts. Just look at it. It juts out crazily. It falls over if I try to stand it up.…
- My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)
  July 26, 2010
  You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless…
- Review: Isis
  July 16, 2010
  The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It's sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It comes snuggled in white satin, in an elegant…
- Review: My Own Master
  July 8, 2010
  There is something about Kimberly Kane’s brain that I really like. My Own Master, her latest directorial movie, reminds me exactly why. Static on the TV in…
- Review: SaSi
  June 29, 2010
  The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it's still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the block. It's just like oral sex! It remembers…
- Review: Johnny
  June 20, 2010
  I did it. I got Johnny -- a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And... and... balls! (Keen readers will point out that I've already had one realistic…
- Review: Ina
  June 14, 2010
  The LELO Ina is a very divisive toy. Those who love it vehemently love it; those who have trouble with it vehemently bemoan its incompatibility with their…
- Review: Form 6
  June 8, 2010
  I've been dreading writing this review. I've been putting it off. I've been typing and deleting, trying to form sentences that adequately explain my feelings…
- Love letter to the Turbo Glider
  May 31, 2010
  Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
- Review: Signature
  May 25, 2010
  Oh joy! Oh rapture! My first ceramic toy! This is the Signature, a very shiny ceramic dildo made by Duncan Charles Designs. Duncan Charles is a small…
- Review: Grip
  May 11, 2010
  Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel -- as he puts it -- too much like extensions of his hand. He…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven 3
  May 3, 2010
  Courtney Trouble's Seven Minutes in Heaven is a queer reality porn series. I am enamored with the first Seven Minutes in Heaven, and I thought Seven Minutes in…
- Review: Maverick
  April 27, 2010
  I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is shared…
- Review: Turn Me On Vibrating Panties
  April 20, 2010
  Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties (is your brain…
- Review: Beyond 1
  April 16, 2010
  How do you improve on a truly fantastic G-spot dildo? Duh, you make it vibrate! Vibrations make everything infinitely better, right? I mean look at Rumble…
- Review: Bnaughty Unleashed
  April 12, 2010
  It's okay. You can be wary of the Bswish Bnaughty Unleashed. I was too. And sadly, having tried it now, I still am. I was really hoping for a triumph. So…
- Review: Fairy Mini Wireless
  April 8, 2010
  It's been a little while since I crowned the Fairy Mini Mini better than the Hitachi in almost every way, but there's a new Fairy in town -- the Fairy Mini…
- Review: Beyond 3
  April 2, 2010
  I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with…
- Review: Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong
  April 1, 2010
  The 1st thing I noticed about the Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong was his alluring scent. OMG, it reminded me of cherry blossoms on a beautiful walk in the…
- Review: Pfun
  March 27, 2010
  As my first stainless steel butt plug, it's kinda funny that the Njoy Pfun is meant, well, for the prostate -- but I have an unhealthy love for curved butt…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio
  March 24, 2010
  I'm not big on blowjobs in porn. I don't hate them, but I'll usually only watch a couple minutes of a blowjob, then fast-forward to whatever's next. Thus, I…
- Review: Flexi Felix
  March 21, 2010
  I've been reviewing sex toys for over two years now, so it's high time I tried some mothafuggin' anal beads. Yet... there's not much to say about the Flexi…
- Review: Astrovibe
  March 17, 2010
  I knew I had to have the Astrovibe the moment I saw it. It did not matter what size it was. It didn't matter if it vibrated or not. It didn't matter if it came…
- Review: Jollet
  March 14, 2010
  The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
- Review: Succu Dry Fleshlight
  March 12, 2010
  Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I've wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he'd…
- Review: Billy Castro Does the Mission
  March 8, 2010
  So Billy Castro, hottie extraordinaire of Bordello and Speakeasy, now has his own film. It's called Billy Castro Does the Mission, for obvious reasons. In it,…
- Review: The Big Book of Sex Toys
  March 5, 2010
  Reading The Big Book of Sex Toys, I learned that it's hard to read a book about subject I already know like the back of my hand. Also a subject I'm snooty and…
- Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System
  March 3, 2010
  The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a stupidly long name, comes in a large box, and…
- Review: Form 2
  February 26, 2010
  It's the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or... the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It's the Jimmyjane Form 2, a two-pronged pipsqueak that I've…
- Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox
  February 19, 2010
  Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I've got a solution for you. It's called the Tunti…
- Review: Delve
  February 16, 2010
  Well, folks, the time has come -- I've found a NobEssence toy that doesn't work with my body. But it's not for lack of trying, of course -- the Delve is a…
- Review: Ticklers
  February 11, 2010
  The Ticklers will fool you, with their neon colors and cute-ass shapes. But their adorableness is matched, even overtaken, by their failure. Is it really…
- Review: Cocomini
  February 9, 2010
  There are a lot of vibrators in the world, but few that charge via USB. That's why I wanted the Xtassie Cocomini. Okay, that and it comes in freaking TURQUOISE.…
- Review: Bordello
  February 8, 2010
  It's the last day of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Berlin. This shall excite you: Bordello is basically Clue porn. There is a murder, a…
- Review: Roulette Berlin
  February 7, 2010
  It's day seven of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2. Tomorrow: Bordello and a chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 4. Roulette Berlin…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2
  February 6, 2010
  It's day six of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette Dirty South. Tomorrow: Roulette Berlin. I was really impressed by Seven Minutes in Heaven, so I…
- Review: Roulette Dirty South
  February 5, 2010
  It's day five of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Seven Minutes in Heaven and a chat with Courtney Trouble, pt 2. Tomorrow: Seven Minutes in Heaven 2 and a…
- Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven
  February 4, 2010
  It's day four of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Speakeasy. Tomorrow: Roulette Dirty South. Billed as the "first ever gonzo queer film," Seven Minutes in…
- Review: Speakeasy
  February 3, 2010
  It's day three of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Nostalgia. Tomorrow: Seven Minutes in Heaven and a chat with Courtney Trouble pt. 2. I had high hopes…
- Review: Nostalgia
  February 2, 2010
  It's day two of Courtney Trouble week! Yesterday: Roulette. Tomorrow: Speakeasy. Besides having one of the most kickass porno titles of all time,…
- Review: Roulette
  February 1, 2010
  It's day one of Courtney Trouble week! Tomorrow: Nostalgia and a chat with Courtney Trouble pt. 1. Roulette is Courtney Trouble's first film, so sure --…
- Pop Shot: Beer Lube
  January 31, 2010
  It doesn't taste like beer. At all. ((No, not even a little.))
- Review: Bcurious
  January 29, 2010
  The Bswish Bcurious, which is quite humorously one letter away from being called the "Bicurious," joins a small, tight-knit family of other rechargeable…
- Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)
  January 22, 2010
  My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista). After all, he loves his first Fleshlight…
- Review: Belladonna's Strapped Dykes
  January 19, 2010
  There will be squirting, tons of it -- onto faces, asses, assholes, sheets. There will be spitting, punching, smothering, choking. There will be feet in mouths…
- Review: Wahl
  January 15, 2010
  The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle -- usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been…
- Review: Randy
  January 9, 2010
  Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My pussy is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
- Review: Scoop/Wedge
  January 5, 2010
  The Liberator Ramp and Wedge are somewhat legendary in the sex blogging community -- and should be legendary in the entire world -- for making sex and…
- Review: Better than Chocolate
  December 13, 2009
  Let's get one thing out of the way: I don't like chocolate all that much. In small doses or in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, okay, but I'm not ravenous for it --…
- Review: My Mini Miracle Massager
  December 7, 2009
  It seems that making miniature Hitachi knock-offs is in style. I've already found my mini Hitachi knock-off lover -- the Fairy Mini Mini Wand -- but I'm…
- Review: Raquel
  December 3, 2009
  The Vixen Creations Raquel doesn't look like much, especially in pictures. It's a simple pink dildo with a bulging head, a streamlined shaft, and a chunky…
- Review: Joque harness
  November 29, 2009
  In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It's not a re-hashing of the usual harness style. There is no other harness…
- Review: Soft Serve
  November 23, 2009
  As I've previously mentioned, I'm quite fond of ice cream inspired dildos. And even if no ice cream should come in this freakish shade of blue, the sweet idea…
- Review: Eroscillator
  November 8, 2009
  You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
- Review: The Birthday Party
  November 1, 2009
  I expect a lot of Sasha Grey. And I expected a lot from The Birthday Party, since it marks one of Sasha's first cracks at directing (along with Oren Cohen).…
- Review: Tiger
  October 28, 2009
  The Fun Factory Tiger is just begging me to make a bunch of tiger jokes, puns, and references. But I will resist doing so. For now. Instead I will just say…
- Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
  October 20, 2009
  I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
- Review: Hydra
  October 15, 2009
  If you have a stuffed-up nose and malfunctioning taste buds, Intimate Organics Hydra will seem completely perfect. It's water-based, glycerin free, DEA free,…
- Review: Sqweel
  October 12, 2009
  The only clue I had to the LoveHoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it. But the icon reminded me of a shortbread cookie and…
- Review: Content
  October 4, 2009
  Writing this review feels like a bit of a sham. Eon McKai's Content is meant to speak for itself -- and for the most part, it does, in its desaturated and…
- Review: Sex Tarts round-up
  October 1, 2009
  Flavored lubes notoriously suffer from too-sweet syndrome -- and gross-aftertaste syndrome -- which is why I am generally skeptical of them. The Sex Tarts…
- Review: Fleshlight
  September 27, 2009
  My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question "do you want a Fleshlight?", responded with a shrug. But it's not the…
- Review: Raspberry Chunk
  September 18, 2009
  I've had my eye somewhat indifferently trained on the Raspberry Chunk for a while now. In March, I reviewed the Lemon Drops, a juicer-type glass dildo made by…
- Review: Under the Bed Restraint System
  August 31, 2009
  For a set of restraints, the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System seems to make a dangerous declaration: fuck bedposts. Having never tried restraints…
- Review: Luna
  August 26, 2009
  The first thing you should know about the Jollies Luna is that it is large: 6" long and 1.5" in diameter. Get out your ruler/measuring tape and visualize this.…
- Review: Rough Sex
  August 23, 2009
  So we've already established that rough sex, when directed and shot by genius pornographer Tristan Taormino, is hot as fuck. What could possibly make it…
- Review: Candy Stick
  August 16, 2009
  Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I've tried one before, the Fun Factory Twister, and it was a bit of a flop. More than…
- Review: Seduction
  August 14, 2009
  The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
- Review: Rider
  August 7, 2009
  The Jollies Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle inside the vagina and quietly, secretly, stimulate. While it…
- Review: Pussy a Go Go
  August 5, 2009
  Pussy a Go Go is a fake documentary about a traveling burlesque carnival show -- or, rather, the (often sexual) exploits that go on behind the scenes. It is…
- Review: Vibrating Velvet Harness
  August 2, 2009
  The Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness is composed mostly of nylon straps, so when I touch/look at/wear it, all I can think about is backpacks. It makes me…
- Review: Hardcore Circus
  July 29, 2009
  A circus is a hard thing to pull off in a porno, which is why I was half-expecting the scenery of Erica McLean's Hardcore Circus to be a room with a couple…
- Review: Stroker
  July 20, 2009
  I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Silicone Stroker. It's one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made by a company that impresses…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men
  July 19, 2009
  What am I gonna do with you, Tristan Taormino? Really, if you keep making innovative and hot porn like this, people are going to stop believing me when I drool…
- Review: Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser
  July 13, 2009
  The Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser looks like a joke: a plastic, slightly pointed pink bullet with a TPR bunny-shaped sleeve. It is, essentially, a rabbit…
- Review: Echo
  July 11, 2009
  I've had the Tantus Echo on my wishlist for a long, long time, ever since it lost in my mental choice between the Echo and the Goddess for my first 100%…
- Review: Champion
  July 7, 2009
  Go ahead, tar and feather me... I didn't love Champion. ((I am definitely in the minority. Other bloggers have, by and large, loved Champion.)) It pains me…
- Review: Alumina Pace
  July 3, 2009
  After my disappointing experience with California Exotic's aluminum butt plugs, Metis Black (president of Tantus) offered to send me Tantus's take on an…
- Review: Romp
  June 30, 2009
  Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
- Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief
  June 26, 2009
  The Astrea I vibrating brief is "one size fits most," which of course means "one size fits size small." It cuts into my skin very efficiently. Being from…
- Review: Mr. Man
  June 25, 2009
  Mr. Man is an understated genius of a dildo. It doesn’t look special from afar, but the hole at the tip of the head hints at its secret ability to transfer…
- Review: Treeze Wave
  June 24, 2009
  I used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands Treeze Wave wooden vibrator, however,…
- Review: Love Liquid
  June 24, 2009
  Kama Sutra Love Liquid is water-based, but the untrained eye and vagina might think it silicone-based. It is insanely thin. So thin that it can ooze off the…
- Review: iVibe Egg
  June 23, 2009
  Sure, bullet/egg vibes rule. They're tiny and portable and made for the clit. In a way, they're all bound to be winners, as long as they have decent power. But…
- Review: Curve
  June 21, 2009
  The Fun Factory Curve is a curly 100% silicone dildo that is not ashamed of its adorableness. It's made of a soft matte silicone with raised accents in a…
- Review: Waterproof Slender Probe
  June 20, 2009
  There's only so much you can say about a vibrator, and so I won't say much. The Waterproof Slender Probe measures 6 3/4" in length, with a diameter of 1".…
- Review: Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Rough Sex
  June 19, 2009
  In trying to articulate what makes much of Tristan Taormino’s porn so great, I've decided on this: she pushes her performers to express their actual…
- Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets
  June 14, 2009
  On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, "Try Me." You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body…
- Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
  June 10, 2009
  A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
- Review: Aluminum Mini 3" and 4"
  June 9, 2009
  There are two surprising things about California Exotic's Aluminum Mini butt plugs. First, uh, they're made of aluminum, and since when does CE consider that a…
- Review: Sublime
  June 9, 2009
  A while back, I wrote up a post entitled "Cal Exotic inches toward integrity," which detailed the new and hilariously titled "Couture Collection," a line of…
- Review: Bootie
  June 4, 2009
  My history with butt plugs has not been especially eventful, nor has it been particularly blissful. My first plug was the adorably sparkly Buddy, which, while…
- Review: Brent Corrigan's Summit
  June 2, 2009
  Brent Corrigan's Summit is supposed to be a reality-style porn film. All the stars journeyed to a Lake Tahoe cabin for 10 whole days to shoot it. Hot dudes…
- Review: OhMiBod
  May 30, 2009
  I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn't have quite enough justification to state that blatantly in a review... until last…
- Review: Be Be
  May 29, 2009
  It's not every day you receive a postcard along with a sex toy. Along with a packet of materials explaining and promoting the toy itself, my package included a…
- Pop Shot: Minerva
  May 27, 2009
  The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
- Review: Share
  May 26, 2009
  I'm not the ideal candidate for a double-ended dildo, mainly because my boyfriend is not ready for penetration in the least. But he is willing to suck any cock…
- Review: Skinny Dipped
  May 24, 2009
  I have a thing for twinks. Luckily, I'm young enough that it's not yet creepy, but sometimes watching twink porn makes me feel like a pedophile. This tended to…
- Review: Bob
  May 22, 2009
  I'm going to resist the urge to refer to the Lelo Bob as though it were male. It is going to be difficult, since... it's named Bob. But the name Bob makes me…
- Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Threesomes
  May 21, 2009
  Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Threesomes begins with a lesson from Tristan, about nine minutes long. As you might imagine, nine minutes isn't much time to…
- Review: On My Dirty Knees
  April 18, 2009
  Eon McKai understands something about porn that many directors don't: male porn stars can be more than disembodied penises. Of course, he understands a lot of…
- Review: Impulse Butterfly
  April 5, 2009
  Don't ask me why I had to try a strap-on vibrator. I'm ashamed to admit that I ever thought it would work. It's just that I'm getting so desperate to find…
- Review: Girls Girls Girls 2
  April 5, 2009
  Girls Girls Girls 2 is an '80s-inspired porno directed by the fabulous Joanna Angel. There is no plotline, just discrete scenes, and luckily, it doesn't take…
- Review: Bare With Me game
  March 28, 2009
  Bare With Me is a sex game, so unsurprisingly, the box is beyond ridiculous; it features a jungle scene with a woman bathing, a creepy-ass park ranger leering,…
- Review: Lemon Drops glass dildo
  March 27, 2009
  Despite the grotesque name, I've always wanted to try a "juicer"-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the Lemon Drops, a stunningly beautiful piece…
- Review: Monkey Spanker
  March 26, 2009
  The Monkey Spanker is so weird-looking that my boyfriend had to try it. The toy consists of a plastic handle, a soft and vaguely ribbed entrance, and a…
- Review: Benjamin Bond
  March 22, 2009
  When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and had only penetrated myself with a tiny toy skinnier than…
- Review: Xtreme Kit
  March 22, 2009
  I've been curious for a while now about the Xtreme Kit. I am unabashed in my creepy allegiance to the Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet, but I always wondered if the…
- Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
  March 22, 2009
  I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
- Review: The New Romantix
  March 21, 2009
  The New Romantix is one of the most frustrating porn films I've ever seen. From the description of it, I thought I'd love it. It features some performers I…
- Review: FYN Big Foot case
  March 6, 2009
  It pays to be on the computer 24/7, and to have Twitter updates popping up in the corner of my screen as they happen. That is how I acquired my wonderful Big…
- Review: Twister
  March 6, 2009
  I'm a sucker for sex toys that come in any shade of green. They're difficult to come by. The Fun Factory Twister, sent to me from the folks at PinkCherry, is a…
- Review: Secret Garden cream
  February 15, 2009
  Allow me a little embarrassment; I've never reviewed an arousal cream before. So I don't really know how to compare Shunga Secret Garden cream to other…
- Review: Live In My Secrets
  February 8, 2009
  I hesitated in requesting Live In My Secrets. The trailer, which features relentless screams from the infamous "God Warrior" (“she's not a Christiaaaan!"),…
- Review: Massage Oil (Excitation)
  February 4, 2009
  How hard is it to review a massage oil? It must be hard, as I have been procrastinating writing this review for quite some time. And it finally occurred to me…
- Review: Luna Beads
  February 3, 2009
  I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
- Review: Gigi
  January 31, 2009
  Recently, I've been caught up in a passionate love and squirting affair with Ella, LELO's pure silicone double-ended dildo with a G-spot tip. But I had never…
- Review: G-Twist
  January 21, 2009
  The first thing I noticed about the Fun Factory G-Twist was that it was quite large. The second thing I noticed was that the battery compartment was impossible.…
- Review: Bo
  January 20, 2009
  Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the…
- Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
  January 17, 2009
  Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
- Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
  January 15, 2009
  I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
- Review: Cry Baby
  January 7, 2009
  It sounds wrong to say "my Cry Baby is dead." But it's true. Now, I did not drop my Cry Baby. I didn't say anything mean to it. But... I suppose it may have…
- Review: Cobalt Twister
  January 6, 2009
  I know, I know, I know. I'm reviewing another glass dildo. What can I say? I just keep finding interesting shapes and textures that I want to try. Phallix's…
- Review: Elle clitoral dancer
  December 23, 2008
  As many of you know, I am practically married to my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet. Although it is a quite blissful marriage, I often wonder if there is more out…
- Review: Mia
  December 20, 2008
  Here is who I am: I got very excited when I received a 2GB jumpdrive as a gift. I anxiously await every new version of Firefox. I install a bazillion…
- Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
  December 11, 2008
  You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since gotten over the…
- Review: Linger
  December 7, 2008
  On my quest to become a sex toy connoisseur, I am determined to try every phthalate-free material on the market. Next up: wood! Wood is one material I've been…
- Review: Pleasure No. 6
  December 5, 2008
  It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I've never heard of. Especially when that toy is 100% silicone and adorable as hell! I speak of the…
- Review: Rhapsody, Symphony Edition
  November 28, 2008
  There's been some hoopla and excitement surrounding this new toy company, Evolved Novelties, so when I was offered the opportunity to review one of their toys,…
- Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo
  November 24, 2008
  Before this dildo, I'd never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers of affordable glass dildos—a rarity in the…
- Review: The Violation of Harmony
  November 18, 2008
  Genre: Lesbian, Feature Length: 98 minutes Cast: Harmony Rose, Monica Mayhem, Audrey Hollander, Gwen Summers, Holly Wellin, Jennifer Dark, Cameron Love,…
- Review: Ripple (small)
  November 15, 2008
  I knew the Tantus Ripple would be amazing. How? Well, for one, Tantus can do no wrong; their toys are made of beautiful 100% silicone, and they're lovingly…
- Review: Hitachi Magic Wand
  November 12, 2008
  Hello, hello, the reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put off by your grandma-esque appearance. But,…
- Review: Maven masturbation sleeve
  November 8, 2008
  My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so, a fluid squeezing motion that I have yet to…
- Review: Crystal Teaser
  November 7, 2008
  It's tiny! A year ago, my vagina would've rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a thing of this size and feel immediate disappointment. It's…
- Review: Girls Who Lust
  November 2, 2008
  Genre: Lesbian Director: Patience (from AbbyWinters) Length: 110 minutes Cast: Angie, Odette, Carys, Cleo, Fotina, Kiki Special Features: Girl-Girl…
- Category: Hi, I love you (36)
  - Review: Crystal Twist
    January 17, 2012
    Stay tuned today for a giveaway of this glorious dildo! You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco…
  - Review: Jellyfish
    December 26, 2011
    The Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish is a magical sea creature. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. And I'm keeping it. Because despite the fact that this dildo…
  - Review: Touch
    November 7, 2011
    Here's a sentence only a sex toy freak would ever write: I've been waiting a long time for a company to make a rechargeable clit toy with a pointy tip. One of…
  - Review: Mustang
    October 3, 2011
    Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It's been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin,…
  - Review: Mystic Wand
    January 12, 2011
    The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right. Replace the entire text of this review with "IT…
  - Review: Siri
    September 10, 2010
    The Siri is a new release from LELO made solely for clitoral stimulation. Siri is futuristic and adorable, small and perfect for grasping. I am, admittedly,…
  - My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)
    July 26, 2010
    You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless…
  - Review: Johnny
    June 20, 2010
    I did it. I got Johnny -- a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And... and... balls! (Keen readers will point out that I've already had one realistic…
  - Love letter to the Turbo Glider
    May 31, 2010
    Dearest Turbo Glider, Hello, my dear. It's been a while, I know. A few trysts here and there, but things between us are nothing like they used to be. I…
  - Review: Maverick
    April 27, 2010
    I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls -- all of it. It grossed me out. And I know this visceral reaction is shared…
  - Review: Beyond 3
    April 2, 2010
    I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very intensely. Some stimulate it softly, with…
  - Review: Jollet
    March 14, 2010
    The Jollies Jollet: it looks so simple, but there is virtually no other dildo like it. And not just because it's polka-dotted. I mean, that helps quite a bit,…
  - Review: Belladonna's Strapped Dykes
    January 19, 2010
    There will be squirting, tons of it -- onto faces, asses, assholes, sheets. There will be spitting, punching, smothering, choking. There will be feet in mouths…
  - Review: Wahl
    January 15, 2010
    The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle -- usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been…
  - Review: Randy
    January 9, 2010
    Randy Field Diary, Day #1 -- Arrival My pussy is not ready for the brown beast they classify as "Randy." I'm quite sure of this, pulling its plastic storage…
  - Review: Joque harness
    November 29, 2009
    In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It's not a re-hashing of the usual harness style. There is no other harness…
  - Review: Eroscillator
    November 8, 2009
    You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you -- until you fall in love with one, and then…
  - Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand
    October 20, 2009
    I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck -- heavy, long, with a head that really is bigger…
  - Review: Fleshlight
    September 27, 2009
    My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question "do you want a Fleshlight?", responded with a shrug. But it's not the…
  - Review: Under the Bed Restraint System
    August 31, 2009
    For a set of restraints, the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System seems to make a dangerous declaration: fuck bedposts. Having never tried restraints…
  - Review: Rough Sex
    August 23, 2009
    So we've already established that rough sex, when directed and shot by genius pornographer Tristan Taormino, is hot as fuck. What could possibly make it…
  - Review: Candy Stick
    August 16, 2009
    Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I've tried one before, the Fun Factory Twister, and it was a bit of a flop. More than…
  - Review: Seduction
    August 14, 2009
    The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with NobEssence's…
  - Review: Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men
    July 19, 2009
    What am I gonna do with you, Tristan Taormino? Really, if you keep making innovative and hot porn like this, people are going to stop believing me when I drool…
  - Review: Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser
    July 13, 2009
    The Impulse Kit Bunny Arouser looks like a joke: a plastic, slightly pointed pink bullet with a TPR bunny-shaped sleeve. It is, essentially, a rabbit…
  - Review: Echo
    July 11, 2009
    I've had the Tantus Echo on my wishlist for a long, long time, ever since it lost in my mental choice between the Echo and the Goddess for my first 100%…
  - Review: Romp
    June 30, 2009
    Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my heart pounding when I open a new toy. When I opened…
  - Review: Mr. Man
    June 25, 2009
    Mr. Man is an understated genius of a dildo. It doesn’t look special from afar, but the hole at the tip of the head hints at its secret ability to transfer…
  - Review: Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Rough Sex
    June 19, 2009
    In trying to articulate what makes much of Tristan Taormino’s porn so great, I've decided on this: she pushes her performers to express their actual…
  - Review: Fascinator Shag Throe
    June 10, 2009
    A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through the towels I put…
  - Review: Bootie
    June 4, 2009
    My history with butt plugs has not been especially eventful, nor has it been particularly blissful. My first plug was the adorably sparkly Buddy, which, while…
  - Review: On My Dirty Knees
    April 18, 2009
    Eon McKai understands something about porn that many directors don't: male porn stars can be more than disembodied penises. Of course, he understands a lot of…
  - Review: Live In My Secrets
    February 8, 2009
    I hesitated in requesting Live In My Secrets. The trailer, which features relentless screams from the infamous "God Warrior" (“she's not a Christiaaaan!"),…
  - Review: Luna Beads
    February 3, 2009
    I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I'd locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and…
  - Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion
    January 17, 2009
    Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is a new breed entirely. If you are like me, and…
  - Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation
    December 11, 2008
    You always remember your first. And I'm proud to say that Ella is mine -- the first toy to give me a G-spot orgasm. Now, I have long since gotten over the…
- Category: Pop Shots (4)
  - Pop Shot: Beer Lube
    January 31, 2010
    It doesn't taste like beer. At all. ((No, not even a little.))
  - Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief
    June 26, 2009
    The Astrea I vibrating brief is "one size fits most," which of course means "one size fits size small." It cuts into my skin very efficiently. Being from…
  - Pop Shot: Minerva
    May 27, 2009
    The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
  - Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
    March 22, 2009
    I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
- Category: Slush pile (28)
  - Review: Severin
    January 23, 2012
    I don't know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that's okay -- I've never really been the queen of class. It feels like I'm pooping. Because…
  - Review: Lyla
    December 28, 2011
    Soaring hope followed by crushing despair. That's the LELO Lyla. The first ever rechargeable wireless egg, meant for insertion in the vagina and fun on the…
  - Review: iVibe Massager phone app
    December 21, 2011
    When asking me to review the iVibe Massager iPhone app, the developer freely admitted to me -- and I quote — I already know its pretty weak. I mean its a…
  - Review: Y-Bullet
    December 14, 2011
    The Lady Calston Y-Bullet is a HIGH-TECH device. It plugs into your USB PORT. It runs off PURE USB ADRENALINE. Its plastic box reads, Make Your Next MSN Web…
  - Review: Split Dildo
    March 21, 2011
    The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot, thinking of what it would be like…
  - Review: SaSi
    June 29, 2010
    The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it's still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the block. It's just like oral sex! It remembers…
  - Review: Turn Me On Vibrating Panties
    April 20, 2010
    Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties (is your brain…
  - Review: Fairy Mini Wireless
    April 8, 2010
    It's been a little while since I crowned the Fairy Mini Mini better than the Hitachi in almost every way, but there's a new Fairy in town -- the Fairy Mini…
  - Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System
    March 3, 2010
    The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a stupidly long name, comes in a large box, and…
  - Review: Ticklers
    February 11, 2010
    The Ticklers will fool you, with their neon colors and cute-ass shapes. But their adorableness is matched, even overtaken, by their failure. Is it really…
  - Review: Better than Chocolate
    December 13, 2009
    Let's get one thing out of the way: I don't like chocolate all that much. In small doses or in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, okay, but I'm not ravenous for it --…
  - Review: Sqweel
    October 12, 2009
    The only clue I had to the LoveHoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it. But the icon reminded me of a shortbread cookie and…
  - Review: Rider
    August 7, 2009
    The Jollies Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle inside the vagina and quietly, secretly, stimulate. While it…
  - Review: Vibrating Velvet Harness
    August 2, 2009
    The Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness is composed mostly of nylon straps, so when I touch/look at/wear it, all I can think about is backpacks. It makes me…
  - Review: Stroker
    July 20, 2009
    I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Silicone Stroker. It's one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made by a company that impresses…
  - Review: Treeze Wave
    June 24, 2009
    I used to hold to the unfounded belief that making any material vibrate would be an accomplishment. Trying the Don Wands Treeze Wave wooden vibrator, however,…
  - Review: Waterproof Slender Probe
    June 20, 2009
    There's only so much you can say about a vibrator, and so I won't say much. The Waterproof Slender Probe measures 6 3/4" in length, with a diameter of 1".…
  - Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets
    June 14, 2009
    On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, "Try Me." You feel them; they are glossy, pointy, somewhat pliable. They remind you of body…
  - Review: Brent Corrigan's Summit
    June 2, 2009
    Brent Corrigan's Summit is supposed to be a reality-style porn film. All the stars journeyed to a Lake Tahoe cabin for 10 whole days to shoot it. Hot dudes…
  - Review: OhMiBod
    May 30, 2009
    I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn't have quite enough justification to state that blatantly in a review... until last…
  - Pop Shot: Minerva
    May 27, 2009
    The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is wrong. It may be packaged in a psuedo new…
  - Review: Skinny Dipped
    May 24, 2009
    I have a thing for twinks. Luckily, I'm young enough that it's not yet creepy, but sometimes watching twink porn makes me feel like a pedophile. This tended to…
  - Review: Impulse Butterfly
    April 5, 2009
    Don't ask me why I had to try a strap-on vibrator. I'm ashamed to admit that I ever thought it would work. It's just that I'm getting so desperate to find…
  - Review: Bare With Me game
    March 28, 2009
    Bare With Me is a sex game, so unsurprisingly, the box is beyond ridiculous; it features a jungle scene with a woman bathing, a creepy-ass park ranger leering,…
  - Review: Monkey Spanker
    March 26, 2009
    The Monkey Spanker is so weird-looking that my boyfriend had to try it. The toy consists of a plastic handle, a soft and vaguely ribbed entrance, and a…
  - Pop Shot: Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves
    March 22, 2009
    I needed gloves to wear for my product videos. The Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves looked fairly cute. They're black, lacy, and have roses on them. California…
  - Review: Deck the Halls butt plug
    January 15, 2009
    I've been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I'm a butt plug connoisseur. Not at all. In fact, I only own a few of them. But…
  - Review: The Violation of Harmony
    November 18, 2008
    Genre: Lesbian, Feature Length: 98 minutes Cast: Harmony Rose, Monica Mayhem, Audrey Hollander, Gwen Summers, Holly Wellin, Jennifer Dark, Cameron Love,…
Category: Sound Off! (9)
- Should I change my slogan?
  December 5, 2011
  There are a lot of things about this blog that were decided on a whim. For instance, the domain name. I don't like it because it's hard to spell, but it was…
- I'm sick of you, Facebook
  February 14, 2011
  Facebook hates sex bloggers ((And sex toy manufacturers, and sex shops, and sex workers, and, uh, sex itself.)). This is well-established. They've disabled my…
- Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2010
  December 31, 2010
  I'm starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I'm gonna make a list of my top and bottom toys for the year, and give out entirely fake awards…
- Holiday giving wishlist 2010
  December 3, 2010
  It's that time again! Time for the holiday wishlist meme. Basically, bloggers exchange lists, then try to grant each others' wishes. My list this year isn't…
- Poll: What should I post next?
  December 2, 2010
  People! Friends! I'm finally back! I am now with a different host and hopefully should have very little or no downtime to speak of from now on. I have quite…
- Holiday giving wishlist
  December 4, 2009
  This year, I thought I'd participate in the holiday wishlist meme. I've already been able to grant some of Ashley's wishes, and am hoping to find others I can…
- Where to go from here
  November 6, 2009
  Passing the one-year mark on this blog has led me to think a lot about what I should change around here. I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I started…
- Vote for the Pure Wand winner!
  September 5, 2009
  A month ago, I began a very hardcore contest called What would you do for a Pure Wand?, sponsored by the amazing folks at Play Passions. I decided to make the…
- Tell me what to do!
  April 28, 2009
  I have quite the backlog of toys that I need to review once I jump back into the game. I still have a couple weeks before I finish with school, but I'm itching…
Category: Um, No (9)
- Um, No: Rock and Roll Massager
  August 4, 2011
  This is all so overwhelming. I want to be clever and make you giggle, but... this website, this product... THERE IS TOO MUCH TO MAKE FUN OF. The website…
- Um, No: Make Her Slap You Kit
  May 24, 2011
  This is the most epic recipe for failure ever. Pipedream's Turn Her On Kit: For the perfect encounter. Everything you need to turn on that special someone is…
- Um, No: Interracial Double Dong
  April 19, 2011
  Um... Er... How is this even... Why...? So you can express your racial preference... with a friend? No more arguing over whether you'll use the…
- Um, No: Ecstasy Rope
  November 8, 2010
  The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long turd of beautiful blue jelly with a flexible internal…
- Um, No?: Topco's Fucked line
  July 23, 2010
  WARNING: There are several photos of paraphilia-inspired sex toys in this entry that you may find totally disgusting. Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line…
- Um, No: "Joy" Finger
  March 2, 2010
  In the biggest product name FAIL of all time, I present to you the Joy Finger from Doc Johnson. I can guarantee you this rubber abomination is not going…
- Um, No: Joanna Angel's whip vibe
  January 24, 2010
  OH GOD, NO. DON'T COME ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING. I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE. I DON'T NEED THE SAME SPIKES TIMES A THOUSAND PLUS VIBRATION. A…
- Um, No: "How to Make a Homemade Dildo"
  December 17, 2009
  There are only a few truly great dildo-making instructional videos on YouTube. And by truly great I mean truly horrifying. Things of note: "A broken…
- Um, No: Dual Pussy & Ass Stroker
  October 27, 2009
  Acquaint yourself with Carmen Luvana's pussy, Austyn Moore's pussy, Carmen Luvana's ass, and Austyn Moore's ass. This is, I'm guessing, the first ever…
Category: Uncategorized (1)
- Pleasurists #165
  January 26, 2012
  Courtesy of the bedroom blogger Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you…
Category: Video (7)
- The best Christmas list ever
  December 20, 2010
  This festive clip is the best 28 seconds of video majesty I've seen in quite a while: I mean, does it get any better? Pugs and Fleshlights -- in ONE…
- Um, No: "How to Make a Homemade Dildo"
  December 17, 2009
  There are only a few truly great dildo-making instructional videos on YouTube. And by truly great I mean truly horrifying. Things of note: "A broken…
- Review: FYN Big Foot case
  March 6, 2009
  It pays to be on the computer 24/7, and to have Twitter updates popping up in the corner of my screen as they happen. That is how I acquired my wonderful Big…
- Review: Bo
  January 20, 2009
  Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too late for mail delivery. But the doorbell rang, the…
- Video: Introducing Lelo's Bo
  November 5, 2008
  As you may know, Lelo was kind enough to send me their new cock ring, Bo. I have never owned a Lelo toy, but I had heard about their beautiful packaging. It…
- Video: Gyrating Massager Noise Test
  October 26, 2008
  Look at me! I started a YouTube account for making videos of sex toys! This one is of the Gyrating Massager (see my review of it here). I went a little…
- Politics 'n' pornstars
  October 10, 2008
  I'm normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have been great events to watch and eat…