Feb 162016

Hell Yes: SelfDelve produce-shaped sex toys

These are dildos. Due to the graphic nature of this blog I would normally not need to specify that, but this could more easily pass as a basket of artificial fruits and vegetables. The sex toy world has given us glass versions of produce before — chili peppers, eggplants, cornbananas — but a huge selection of body-safe silicone ones? Not until now! THERE’S A FUCKING ASPARAGUS, YOU GUYS.

I found out about this company on a HOT TIP from a reader, who wrote:

I’m in Europe right now and I discovered a lovely indie shop in Berlin that carries this brand of dildos: SelfDelve. They’re handmade here in Germany. The silicone is really nice, a bit soft. I got a very realistic (though unripe

[. . . read more]

Feb 022016

Review: Downunder Toys

Special deal! Get 10% off and free shipping at Downunder Toys with code EPIPHORA.

Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked.

Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in the world (“your honest approach to this field makes my heart sing,” “I’m still laughing over your LELO Hula Beads review”). Introduce yourself without condescending to me (hint: if you’re a sex toy company, I probably already know that you exist). Then… the cherry on top… the pièce de résistance… drop a sentence like this:

I really think I’d like to challenge your love of VixSkin — I know, a bold claim, but hey, if you don’t set a challenge, where’s the fun in life?

So,[. . . read more]

Jan 142016

Learn The Business of Blogging About Sex -- on your schedule! What’s that, you say? You wanna be a badass sex blogger and pay the bills? Uncover my blogging secrets? Find out all my strange productivity techniques and social media philosophies?

Now you can, anytime you want! The Business of Blogging About Sex, the intensive online class I run with JoEllen Notte (Redhead Bedhead), is officially back and better than ever! Months in the making, now there are even more ways to learn to accommodate different schedules, learning styles, and needs! One thing remains the same, though: you can (and should) stay in your pajamas as you learn.

I’m kind of really proud.

The various lessons, which you can purchase individually or in packages, cover everything JoEllen and I have learned in our decade of combined experience sex[. . . read more]

Dec 312015

Epiphora's best and worst sex toys of 2015

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older lists!]

What a year 2015 was! I showed my face on the internet and subsequently used it to prank all of you. I got emotional about what being a writer means to me, then had my work published in Best Sex Writing of the Year. I managed to get out of the house a couple times, to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summitan epic sex blogger retreat, and two smaller #dildoholiday vacations with friends. When the universe manifested yet another “scientific” “study” “proving” that[. . . read more]

Dec 142015

Review: Womanizer W100 Why isn’t this sex toy wearing a wife beater?
Why isn’t it blasting Eminem?
Why isn’t it friends with OJ?
Why doesn’t it endorse Robin Thicke?
Why doesn’t the spout emit AXE body spray?

I feel these are legitimate questions to ask of a sex toy named the Womanizer. I know it was designed by Germans, but guys, it’s 2015, you need to nary lift an ass cheek off your chair to find the answer to any imaginable question. For instance, I recently Googled “do cats go through menopause” and “can guitar face be controlled.” You are capable of Googling “womanizer.” You’re not naming your external hard drive; you’re naming a product, which presumably you plan[. . . read more]

Nov 252015

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales! Some people might argue that mashed potatoes and gravy are the best thing about this time of year, but I’d argue that freakishly good sex toy deals win out. You can put both in your orifices, which is appealing, but food is temporary, and high-quality dildos are forever. Also, I don’t recommend mashed potatoes as a lubricant. In case your mind was going there. Mine was.

The point is that if you have been waiting for a good price on the sex toy of your dreams, now is when you should bite the bullet. I watch sales and deals all year long, but this is when retailers tend to pull out all the stops. I even have some special coupons you won’t find anywhere but here, and[. . . read more]

Nov 232015

7-year blogiversary giveaway winners The biggest giveaway of the year on this here blog has officially closed, and what a giveaway it was! There were over 4,800 individual entrants vying for 30 fantastic sex toy prizes. As always, I loved being a sex toy santa for a day and emailing all the winners!

If you didn’t win this time around, I have two pieces of news to lift your spirits. One, this week is Thanksgiving and therefore Black Friday and therefore the most hardcore discounts on sex toys, and I’ll be cataloging all of them in a post for you. Keep your eyes peeled on my Twitter account, or sign up for my newsletter to be[. . . read more]

Nov 122015

Review: Bouncer Oh, Fun Factory. You poor things. Do you not realize what the word “bouncer” insinuates here in America? That’s the guy who slices up fake IDs in vodka commercials. The guy who tells you your slacks are not appropriate for the sex club. The guy whose existence you begrudgingly accept because he might protect you from peril at some point, but who is mostly just macho and huge and ridiculous.

It’s true that the Bouncer needs a technical name, though, since simply meandering across its shape would not grab your attention. You’d never know without reading a description or holding this dildo in your hands that each ripple contains a free-moving ball, ready to roll around when the toy is jostled.

Yeah — kegel[. . . read more]

Nov 072015

Sex toy news: scented vibrators and remote-controlled underwear

The latest news on the street! This edition of “Sex toy news” appeared originally in my email newsletter, Epiphora’s Snark DigestSign up to get it.

Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff! There’s Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an oddly-shaped mini vibe (my girlfriend: “it’s like someone said, make it look like a penis AND a vulva“), and Bi Stronic Fusion, a Stronic/vibe hybrid.

Spareparts Hardwear, makers of the most durable underwear-style harness on the market as well as my fave harness, now have a boxer briefs harness!

And New York Toy Collective has an uncircumcised dildo: [. . . read more]