Sep 192015
Review: Rosa and Rosa Rouge

It’s not often that a new sex toy company comes out of the woodwork with a product that immediately garners critical acclaim — but that is exactly what happened with the L’Amourose Rosa. Reports of deep, rumbly vibrations echoed through the blogosphere. My eyes narrowed. My fingers tented. It seemed like maybe, just maybe, a challenger had appeared to rival my all-time fave, the LELO Mona 2.

The Rosa comes in two versions: the original ($180) and the Rosa Rouge (a heated version — $240). First notable thing: these toys are really fucking expensive. $180 for a rechargeable insertable toy is unusual enough,1 and tacking on $60 for the heating element is nearing highway robbery. . . . read the rest

Sep 032015
Review: kGoal

Recently my girlfriend admitted that, while fingering me, they wondered, is it possible to break someone’s fingers with a vagina?

So I’m being up front with you: that is the caliber of vagina we’re dealing with, here. That is my ridiculously toned PC muscle. That is years and years of squeezing dildos like a boa constrictor seizing its prey. I do it without thinking, because much of the pleasure I derive from dildos comes from throttling them.

Maybe I’m imagining I’m crushing men’s heads. I dunno.

This is to say that I’m not the prime candidate for the Minna kGoal,1 a pelvic floor strengthening vibrator with corresponding phone app and kegel workouts. . . . read the rest

Aug 222015
Orgasm giveaway winners!

DING — orgasm delivery!

That pile of vibrators over there is soon to be distributed to five lucky winners: Elsie, Angel, Elizabeth, Alice, and Jane! I hope all of you enjoy your Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeables as much as I enjoy mine!

This giveaway was a celebration of my 600th post on this blog, and also an opportunity for you to discuss which household objects you wish would become cordless and rechargeable. By far the most popular responses were vacuums and hair dryers. The most unique ideas were a margarita maker, heating pad, and waffle iron. Another entrant quipped, “this is the only cordless item I need to focus on owning tbh.”

So, if you didn’t win, I encourage you save your pennies and snag your own Magic Wand Rechargeable in the future. . . . read the rest

Aug 082015
Jack-off Journal #19

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.]

February 11, 2015

META JACK-OFF JOURNAL. After spending all day finishing Jack-off Journal #18, I gave it to Aerie to read in the other room and thrust myself into my office for two quick orgasms with the Hitachi, which I desperately needed after a day of nonchalantly skipping through porn files and editing screenshots.

February 28, 2015

Please, god, let this be the last time my vagina experiences the Afterglow and its laser light “technology.” Let this rabbit-infested masturbation nightmare end.

Determined to definitively disprove the veracity of the “PulseWave O” program (an 8-minute “journey designed to enhance arousal and help you achieve better and more frequent orgasms”), I endured it three times and paid special attention to my arousal and orgasm quality. . . . read the rest

Jul 312015
600 posts = orgasm giveaway!

This is the 600th post on this blog. I got all sentimental when I hit 500 posts, so this time I’m going to put the champagne down, hold back my tears, and give you something better: orgasms.

Some may doubt that I can give away orgasms. Orgasms aren’t for sale and don’t come in a box… usually. But the recently-released Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable is an exception. I feel confident that most people who touch this vibrator to their genitals will have an orgasm. It is a beast of epic vibrational proportions, so good that when I hang out with sex blogger friends who have yet to experience it, I try to wheedle them into using mine. . . . read the rest

Jul 282015
Review: Geisha Plug and B Balls

I can’t prove it — unless Google Talk instant message logs count as evidence — but I had this idea first. Rolly kegel balls in a butt plug? Oh yes. Years ago. You can imagine my delight when not one but two companies came out with products closely following my vision.

You can imagine my despair when both of them failed me.

The Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug was the first to let me down. First with the name, because NO. Second with the “diamond” base. Chintzy and laughable, it looks like one of those fake mirrors a Barbie would hold. . . . read the rest

Jul 102015
This sex toy will "rejuvenate" your pitiful vulva for just $850

Day by day, second by second, time is destroying your vulva. Your labia are deflating like a sad soufflé. Your vagina is drying up. The color is draining from your genital region. Your husband is weeping. Your dinner is burning. Your life is a farce.

Enter the Lowe Aurora, a sex toy providing “low-level laser treatment” for your genitals. For your “health.” Of course. More like a massive laser pointer created solely to make you feel bad about your vulva. It’s like someone thought to themselves, how can we combine crushing beauty standards and sex toys?

The female genitals are subject to the passage of time like the rest of the body. . . . read the rest

Jul 082015
Let me teach you The Business of Blogging About Sex!

I have a proposition for you, peeps. If you’ve ever wanted to start a sex blog, or take your current sex blog to a higher level of awesome…

…let me teach you how! This October, I’m teaming up with expert sex writer JoEllen Notte (Redhead Bedhead) for a four-week interactive online class on the business of blogging about sex! We will spill all the insider secrets we’ve amassed in our decade of combined experience sex blogging. Having turned our one-time hobbies into profitable online businesses, we have our share of triumphs and horror stories — and we’re champing at the bit to share them with you. . . . read the rest

Jul 042015
Together, we form one fully functional human

Sex toy temporary tattoos and the lengths we go through to photograph them.
Photo by Kate Sinclaire.

7 sex bloggers were standing outside a glass blowing studio. We’d been waiting for an hour and there was no sign of the studio owners, who’d previously agreed to a private glass dildo making session. It was clear that we’d have to reschedule with them, but how? None of us wanted to pick up the phone.

Finally, Girly Juice volunteered to call the studio the next day. The rest of us sighed with relief.

Girly Juice thought it was funny that we kept calling her Girly Juice. . . . read the rest