Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back that peeps have bought and loved it.

A reader named Alex sent me the sweetest, ego-stroking email thanking me for alerting her to toxic sex toy materials and iffy lube ingredients, James Deen’s existence, and glass dildos. She bought the Crystal Delights Star Delight and Comet G Wand based on my reviews, and confessed, in perhaps the greatest compliment ever given to me, “my vagina thanks you from the bottom of its (our?) heart.”

Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate. And elaborate she did!

I bought the Key Comet G Wand as a bit of an impulse buy after seeing the review on Hey Epiphora. Actually I had originally been tossing up between it and the njoy Pure Wand, but the Comet G Wand was cheaper and therefore it won out. I should quickly preface this thing by saying that my G-spot and I are not the best of friends. Occasionally I can work myself up enough to have an amazing orgasm but that’s quite rare — usually it’s a stranger to me.

All right, so the first time I used this toy I was very ambivalent about it. I’d just gotten it out of its packaging and was raring to use it. My mistake — this toy is definitely not quickie material (at least not for me). I decided to set it aside and see if it got any better on a day when I had more time to myself. Oh man. Can someone say, “best decision of my life”?

The Comet G Wand was pretty much made for my vagina. I didn’t even realise my vagina could play favourites like that until this toy took my normally absent G-spot and shook it out of hibernation like a mofo. If I rock it, it’s there. If I thrust it a little, it’s there. If I stir it…

The Comet G Wand is so impressive because it is like the G-spot whisperer. It’s just heavy enough to give it a good weight and really make me feel it, but light enough not to tire out my wrists. The bulb is basically the perfect size. It nestles up against my G-spot (that’s right — I just used the word ‘nestle’ in a serious setting!) and doesn’t let me forget for a second that it’s there, rubbing against me, putting pressure in all the right places and making me really believe that G-spot orgasms can be a regular occurrence in my life and not just a one-off. It’s a little lube-hungry and it kind of drags a bit upon insertion, but once it’s in there… dude. Using this thing was literally one of the best masturbation sessions I’ve ever had in my life. If I were capable of squirting I’m sure I would have been a dried-out husk by the end of it, it was that good!

If you buy this don’t make the mistake that I did at first. This dildo is for those days when you are all alone in the house and you just feel like masturbating all day and there is literally no conceivable reason why you would ever need to leave your bed. This toy was made for that.

Good point, my friend. I tend to forget that most G-spots require actual warm-up, that most are not always rarin’ to go like mine is.

Also, DRIED-OUT HUSK. Such a grotesque image. I welcome it with open arms.

I know a few more of you jumped on this toy the moment I reviewed it, so add your thoughts below. What do you think of the Comet G Wand?

[Want to write me a postcard? Find out more here.]

The Vibratex Tulip is really bizarre. It looks like a rocket ship puking a flower, like some combination of a character from David Lanham’s work and a beast from the Oddworld games. Figuring it would fit right in, I decided to photograph it among my old Littlest Pet Shop toys.

I’m not easily swayed by sex toy reviews since I witness so many of them that I consider dead wrong, but my amiga at Marveous Darling said of the Tulip: “If you have a clitoris, you need this vibrator.”

Welp, I hope you will still love me, Sarah, but I do not completely agree. I can see why one might say that about this toy, as it is very uniquely shaped, but I find its price tag and flexible neck deal-breaking. (Ersh, those two words should not be so close in the same sentence.)

The Tulip comes in a clear plastic box with no instructions, no storage bag, and no batteries (it takes two AAAs). The packaging continually mentions that the petals are “custom designed,” which, uh? And apparently Vibratex’s slogan is “Arching Your Back Since 1983,” which I find hilarious. It’s like a “your mom” joke waiting to happen.

The Tulip has a dedicated on/off button and a button that cycles through the vibration settings: three steady speeds followed by three patterns (a pulse, a short-short-long pulse, and throbbing escalation — not bad).

The petals are thin and fairly rounded, but that won’t stop them from poking. They don’t flutter, as you might hope. My clit’s a bit of a weirdo and likes the poking sensation, but it’s not for everyone. Even for me, there’s a thin line between fun poking and abrasive pinching, just as there is between pleasant internal scraping and the feeling of something scooping out my insides like a pumpkin.

The key with this one is angle. I find that the more it can be held parallel to the floor, the better. I aim to touch my clit straight-on, so the petals surround it and the nub presses into it. That’s the best way to achieve the most interesting stimulation, and also to avoid the dreaded neck issue. Half the time.

The Tulip’s neck is hollow. Completely, creepily hollow. I can strangle it. Any mispositioning can cause the neck to bend at a 90-degree angle. So I’ll have an orgasm and then look down and realize the neck is completely bent against my vulva. And I feel like that shouldn’t happen with vibrators? Maybe?

When it’s good, it’s good. The three vibration strengths are decent; the sensation is unique and pleasurable. Admittedly, I do like a sex toy that stands up on its own. It even dances across the desk when I turn it on. It’d be perfect for a sex toy puppet show.

But $39 is too steep a price for a battery-operated toy like this. If you can get it for $25 and your clit is also a weirdo, I say go for it. But not if you use a lot of pressure with your clitoral toys. This little freak requires a light touch, lest you be catapulted into bent-neck hell.

Thank you, Good Vibes!

So, I pulled my most elaborate April Fool’s Day prank ever this year. A faux Indiegogo campaign, sketches of potential products, a site re-design, a newsletter, a promotional video… even with the help of my partner in crime, Lorax Of Sex, it was an exhausting, delirium-inducing endeavor. But worth it?

I’ve become somewhat notorious for my April Fool’s Day jokes, as has the internet in general. In 2010, I started with a bang with my Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong review coupled with a soul-crushingly ugly site design. In 2011, I wrote an ~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! *~*~*~*~ and redesigned my blog into a mommy blogger nightmare. Last year I was more subtle, publishing a serious-sounding post about upcoming terrible blog changes.

This year, I wanted to go for the gold, and I roped Lorax Of Sex into joining me. I knew I wanted to do an Indiegogo campaign — it’s the quintessential stupid start-up thing these days — but we weren’t sure about anything else.

At Catalyst, it came to us finally and suddenly. It was so simple, so stupid, so legit enough to fool people maybe for longer than a second. It would be called the Joy Ride, a car seat cover with an O-ring in the seat. I squealed as I gleefully scribbled in her notebook, “NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO COMPENSATE.”

500 zillion hours later, there was this: a site design complete with asphalt background, a sidebar full of Indiegogo “perks,” and a bunch of extra shit (video, newsletter, plus Lorax’s post on the campaign) that I thought might make it seem like we were really serious.

It’s absolutely impossible to find free stock footage of a woman driving a car, and writing a cliche script is hard — but the promo video still came out pretty great. Shira B. Katz is the lovely, pitch-perfect lady behind the voiceover in the video (thanks, Shira!), and my boyfriend will now forever be known as the king of the orgasm crescendo. I told him I wanted music that sounded like a tampon, yogurt, and minivan commercial all at once, and he NAILED IT.

The stretchy O-ring on the Joy Ride was taken directly from an image of a Spareparts harness, painstakingly Photoshopped by me onto an image of a car seat cover. And, as per usual for new and ~revolutionary~ toys, the Cog designs (drawn lovingly by Lorax Of Sex) were all direct rip-offs of other toys: the Rock Box ”female” attachment, the Tantus Charmer, and the Vixen Creations Tristan plug.

Also, the Privacy Blanket idea came from my friend Sundae. Truly genius!

AND THE PERKS OH THE PERKS.

My favorite was this one, written by yours truly:

$2,500 When This Baby Hits 88 mph

We will personally place five Joy Rides in a time capsule for your future grandchildren and bury them in a secret location. We will carefully monitor the whereabouts of your grandchildren, and when they are of appropriate age, we’ll send them discreet directions to dig up this supreme treasure.

I also really enjoyed riffing on Jimmyjane with the $40,000 Stretch Hummer perk.

It’s seriously embarrassing how many hours I spent working on this. How I stayed up until 6 a.m. Monday morning, my back aching, to finish it to my liking, despite a sensation of impending doom that reminded me of college. My ideas are always far more grand than they should be, especially when it comes to silly things like this. I’m sad it only lasted one day.

But actually fooling people was, of course, the best reward. I cackled maniacally as I read the first YouTube comment:

And my favorite Tumblr reblog was easily this one:

why the fuck is this a thing that exists

Many people were quite worried about the safety of the Joy Ride. They asked ”shouldn’t you pull over first?” and “is it just me or does this seem a little (lot?) unsafe? Isn’t using a cell phone while driving scary enough?” I couldn’t resist continuing the joke via Twitter.

The best comment on the post itself was definitely this one:

Because I love that the 50 Shades of Grey reference was the breaking point. I just love that.

I’ll admit, as the hours passed and I became less and less sane Sunday night/Monday morning (I may have even prolonged my cold by not getting enough sleep that night), the urge to actually collect money did rise. But I’m not quite that soulless. Instead, if you enjoyed the joke, click one of my affiliate links or one of Lorax’s and get yourself something nice that won’t cause car accidents.

What was your favorite part of the joke? At which point did you realize it wasn’t real? Have I gone off the deep end with my April Fool’s ideas?

[We got you — April Fool's!]

I cannot explain how excited I am right now, peeps. To finally be able to reveal a project Lorax Of Sex and I have been working on for some time. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna go apeshit.

With over 10+ years combined experience in the sex toy industry, Lorax and I have seen our fair share of wonderful and disastrous toys. Every week it seems like there’s some new ~revolutionary~ device that promises neverending orgasms and eternal happiness. Most of these products are invented by hacks who have visited a sex toy shop a grand total of once.

Many months ago, Lorax Of Sex and I started talking more seriously about teaming up to make a sex toy of our own. She had an idea for something that could be used in the car, and we kinda just went from there.

Fast-forward, um, a lot, and much of the legwork on our idea is now done — we have designs, prototypes, and a manufacturer lined up. What we need is money. I know, I know, but we really believe in this, and the success of Lorax’s Bats In Need campaign made us feel like an Indiegogo campaign would be worthwhile. Plus, if you’re going to throw money at a potential sex toy, why not one designed by people who actually know their shit?

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!

The Joy Ride is a heavy-duty neoprene car seat cover with a very important twist — a unique flexible O-ring in just the right spot on the seat. You’ll simply place one of the attachments in the O-ring and go to town… literally. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) It’s a product that is not only very universal, but extremely customizable and expandable.

There’s a lot more to it, which I’ll explain below. But first, like any good crowdfunding campaign, we have a fun teaser video! So watch that, then read on to find out why the Joy Ride is worth your support. And be sure to check out the various “perks”!

Concept and patent-pending technology

The Joy Ride is no ordinary car seat cover. It’s made of waterproof PVC-backed neoprene, so your car seat will always remain dry throughout all your adventures. The padded headrest is made with a plush, pillowy material, perfect for those times when you want to just park the car, tilt the seat back, and get it on. The Joy Ride also features a discreet and sizeable pouch on its underside for the storage of its attachments and other sexy accoutrements.

The O-ring is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Stretchy and elastic when needed, it conforms to the shape of the toy placed inside of it within seconds. One size fits all! Any toy from .25″ in diameter through 3″ in diameter will fit.

Cogs (attachments)

Perhaps the best part about the Joy Ride is how how endlessly customizable it will be. We’ve come up with a few preliminary attachment (Cog) designs, such as a nubby vibrating clitoral stimulator, a lightly-textured insertable dildo, and a pleasurably-bulbous butt plug. Each one is made of 100% medical grade platinum-cured hand-dipped Japanese silicone, firm yet supple, completely body-safe, hygienic, flavorless, with no smell, and super easy to clean.

And for the dudes out there, we’ve got something really special in mind. It’s called the Cruize Control, and it’s a steering-column mount for your favorite plastic-cased masturbation sleeve. That’s right — now you don’t have to compensate.

Of course, we don’t want you to throw your Cogs in the glove box where any nosy passenger could find them, so we’ve equipped the underside of each Joy Ride with a generous storage pouch.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, though. With your help, we hope to continually expand the product line with new and interesting Cogs. We’re also open to suggestions, so let us know what you’d like to see!

Swatches and add-ons

Aesthetics are just as important as function, so we plan to offer the Joy Ride in an array of exciting patterns and colors to suit every personality. From solid colors to masculine and feminine designs of every flavor, you’ll be riding in style and be the envy of your friends.

Discretion is our tip-top priority, so we’ve developed what we call the Privacy Blanket (patent pending). This blanket is loom woven with double stitched edges for durability, and of course, it is not sheer in any way. It’s so thick it’ll block out the sun! So you can feel extra secure draping it over your lap to keep your exploits all to yourself.

And finally, we have the Inner Goddess Kit.

Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, these sturdy and attractive cuffs attach seamlessly to the sides of the Joy Ride. We’ll even throw in a free satin blindfold. The thrill of danger has never been so close!

Perks like you wouldn’t believe

We hate when Indiegogo campaigns have shitty perks, so we’ve dreamed up some pretty awesome stuff for y’all. Things you can get just for supporting the project include custom-formulated lube, fuzzy balls, a handy keyfob, a mini replica of the Joy Ride for your own personal doodad shelf, artisan chocolates, and even a gold-plated butt plug hood ornament! Com’n, how can you resist that?

If you’re a big spender, there’s even more awesome shit in the running for you. You could even end up with me at your house, bestowing my world-renowned petting skills on your cats. Not a euphemism, sorry.

Ready to contribute? HOORAY! Do it right here.

Share this campaign!

We need your support in order to fully fund the Joy Ride and make it a reality! Please share this campaign far and wide. Or reblog this post on Tumblr or share this post on Facebook. What would be really awesome is if you’d write about the campaign on your blog. You can embed the teaser video, of course, and feel free to yoink any of the text in this post, I don’t even care! I’m pumped to finally be telling you about this, and I hope you’ll help me spread the word as much as humanly possible.

Thank you SO MUCH for your help, peeps!

While I’m generally a pretty frugal person, there are a handful things in life I don’t like to skimp on: coffee, toilet paper, sex toys, and bed sheets. I’m no sheet connoisseur, but I’ve been known to become irrationally angry if I have to sleep in pilly sheets. That’s a step above my mom, at least.

A few months ago I received a suspicious email from a company hawking “erotic bedsheets.” Having seen all the ways this industry can go awry, my immediate mental image was not a cute one. I pictured sheets featuring grotesque porno images. Sheets that absorb ejaculate or repel lube. Something that would be an insult to the word “erotic.” Basically, I pictured these:

But that is not what Vice Merchants produces. Their sheets have nudity, yes. They are sometimes homoerotic, yes. But they are not obscene or gimmicky. They are classy erotic sheets. Luxurious erotic sheets. I wanted them under me, specifically the Poppy Playground ones, so… I made it happen. (Positive thinking, y’all! And obnoxious persistence!)

The sheet set comes with one flat sheet, one fitted sheet, and two pillow cases. I got the taupe color. They also come in pink, which of course I actively shun. The sheets smelled like plastic out of the packaging, but the smell went away after I washed them.

The Poppy Playground pattern comes from artist Miriam Carothers (a different artist is behind each style of sheet). I find it appealing, despite the distracting porno lesbian tongue-kiss. My boyfriend does not find any of it appealing. It reminds him of comic book nudity, which, he says, does not excite him since he is no longer 13.

Still, as has been made abundantly clear, I am not a lifestyle blogger (keeping a small patch of hardwood floor in tip-top shape for photographs is hard enough), meaning these sheets are probably the most fashionable thing in my budding sex dungeon incredibly boring bedroom. Sorry, does that ruin your image of me as a chic sex kitten?¹

I was hoping these sheets would be so comfortable I’d writhe all over them in ecstasy and run back to tell you they’re worth the price. But they’re not. In fact, upon first feel, they weren’t even very soft. Scratchy is too strong a word, but I was surprised by the texture. Now that they’re worn in, they’re definitely softer, but not lusciously so. Not $200 so.

This disturbs me because my Poppy Playground sheets have almost the exact same properties as my other sheet sets: 100% Egyptian cotton, 350-400 thread count, sateen finish. Those run $60, a price I’m happy to pay for sheets that are not total crap. But it’s quite a leap from $60 to $200.

And real talk: my other sheets feel softer. They have a sort of buttery feel that is lacking in the Poppy Playground sheets. Maybe the softness comes from a lot of tossing, turning, and washing — I don’t know. But the bare butt wants what the bare butt wants. And with the two sheets literally laid side by side on the bed (thorough product testing, yo), my bare butt wants the $60 sheets.

However, I don’t purport to know what kind of money goes into making these things, so I asked my contact at Vice Merchants for more info on the $200 price tag. He explained:

The thing about the 60 dollar sheets is they’re usually sold at Walmart or Bed Bath and Beyond, and those places have extreme buying power, also they’re almost always a solid color. We’re just a small, few person operation so obviously we can’t sell sheets at Walmart prices. We have a small team of designers doing a pretty damn good job to make these sheets happen. We also have to forge our own relationships with manufacturers abroad and store these babies in a warehouse (pay them a storage fee and shipping fee). Then there’s marketing costs etc. Oh, and as far as manufacturing, dye is not cheap!

I could go on and on about the pattern repeat on the Poppy Playground which is 27 inches of custom tailored illustrations (there are about 60 elements that went into that design) each labored over to ensure an extremely high print quality. We are talking hundreds of hours of effort just for the design.

I do not doubt the validity of these statements. Supporting small businesses is great. Supporting artists is great. $100 for these sheets I could understand — $40 extra for a sweet pattern and to support an indie manufacturer. But an increase of 233% for such things is more than the average person can justify.

I would never tell you to buy a $200 sex toy if it wasn’t worth every excruciating penny, so I can’t tell you to buy these sheets either. They’re not supremely soft as I had hoped; they just have a unique pattern on them. They are designer. Like, I can see my bourgeois uncle really going for the Cowpoke ones. But that’s the thing: my bourgeois uncle.

Thank you, Vice Merchants!

Get 25% off with code Spring25

1. What on earth would’ve ever given you that impression??? [↩]

Or, “CatalystCon: where children teethe on cock rings and I shake the hand of the man who invented one of the best dildos in history“

IT’S ALREADY OVER. Who’s surprised, though, really? Catalyst was bound to go by in the blink of an eye. Even staying up late, as per usual for me, did not remedy this unfortunate fact of life.

Strange how quickly life goes back to normal, even if “normal” means talking about dildos all day. It’s just depressing not being physically surrounded by like-minded people. That’s saying something, for an introvert like me.

It probably goes without saying that I had an epic time, but as I adjust back to my default life, there’s this weird sensation that the whole weekend almost didn’t happen. Which is why I must preserve it, if even in a scattered blog post.

The hotel was, overall, pretty great. The bed was SUPER comfortable (two styles of pillow to choose from), the window was huge and made me feel like Doctor Eggman, the body products smelled good (orange ginger, how did you know?!) and the bar had some swanky areas to hang out in. Some of the conference rooms were ungodly cold, though, and I had to pay for internet in my room. WHY AM I REVIEWING THE HOTEL. I’m insatiable!

Anyway.

Rather than write something actually cohesive or exhaustive, I’m going to preserve my sanity and present you with a list of some of the amazing, hilarious, and heartwarming things that happened to me during Catalyst. I jotted a lot of it down during my return flight so I wouldn’t forget, because it’s all the little moments that made the experience so wonderful.

• I feel like this should go first: Carol Queen’s partner, Robert Morgan Lawrence, told me he reads my blog.¹
• Sandra from SheVibe bought me drinks, and she is just as feisty and lovable as I imagined. Never hesitate to shop with them, you guys. They’re really good people.
• Joan Price followed me into the bathroom to make sure this tweet was okay with me. Emphatic YES. In fact, I already put it on my “about” page.

• The consensus is that my name is pronounced epi-FOR-a. with an emphasis on the “for.” Numerous online pronunciations endorse my way, eh-PIFF-er-a, but I’m starting to wonder if I should alter my brain.
• No matter how cool you think Tantus is, they’re exponentially cooler. I was really gooey on Metis a few times, which I am not even going to apologize for. That woman is a boss. As is the incomparable Jenna.
• Tristan Taormino’s Sex Educator Boot Camp was life-changing. I have a whole list of things to do on this blog thanks to it. If you have a chance to attend this ever, do not pass it up.
• Had a lot of fun with my new friend Kayla, who made me laugh and graciously taught me how to order my coffee at Dunkin Donuts. Also, I single-handedly took her from “I want a Pure Wand, but they’re too expensive” to buying one, using it, and soaking hotel room towels in less than 48 hours. GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT?
• Speaking of the Pure Wand: I missed Dirty Bingo… because I was too busy shooting the shit with njoy Greg. Priorities.
• Ran into Cooper from Life on the Swingset, who said he sends his toy reviewers to my 15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn’t royally suck (!). We compared our Converse and discussed how to best clean them, like you do.
• Watched Crista’s child teethe on a Tantus C-Ring. If one can teethe casually, that little guy definitely did.
• Tobi Hill-Meyer and I commiserated about what happens to us when we lack motivation, reminding me that even awesome people who do awesome work struggle with the same shit I do.
• Wore all of Lorax’s bat things (cape, pillow, stuffed animals) while brainstorming and giggling in her room late at night. That is all I can tell you… for now.
• Dylan Ryan was just straight chillin’ in various locations as I walked around. As small and insular as our community can be, it makes everyone so accessible and human. (I was still too nervous to talk to her, though.)
• Mused on some CineKink shorts with a dude whose name tag read simply “sex-positive feminist.” I told him to get on Twitter, so, GET ON IT DUDE.

I’m sure others will write about the incredible sessions that took place, because they were incredible (I have SO MANY notes), and I’m still updating my Cataslyst highlight tweets list, but what really sealed the deal for me was all the interactions with people. There were times, sure, when I felt like just a lowly sex blogger. I am not sure if I identify with the “sex educator” label like others do, simply because it feels like a lot of responsibility. But the sentiment of so many presenters — that all of us matter, that we all have something to contribute to the world — is the best takeaway.

It’s possible that I should’ve done this years ago. Very possible. But I also feel that this was the right moment. Years ago, I didn’t have this confidence, this sense that what I’m doing is worthwhile. Now I do, and Catalyst only strengthened those beliefs. It does feel a bit like a turning point — taking what’s been, for so long, something that mostly only existed on the internet, and transferring it into the world. And now, I really think I’m hooked.

1. Sure, it’s because of all the times he’s stuck in bed with nothing better to do, but STILL. [↩]

Photo courtesy of Plumptious Pea

Welcome to e[lust] — The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #45? Start with the newly updated rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Everyday D/s
Honesty sometimes feels like manipulation
Blood, life, sex

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Grief and Sex
Bringing Others into a Dom/Sub Relationship

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You guys, CatalystCon is happening. Like, really soon. In just a couple days, I will be traveling alone for the first time in my life, arriving in Washington D.C. and meeting people I’ve wanted to meet for years. It still has not hit me that this is about to happen.

Up until this week, there have only been a handful of people who could attest to me being a living, breathing human being (Tristan, Lorax, Shanna, Redhead Bedhead, Tomboy Femme). That’s all about to change. After Catalyst, many people will be able to put a face with my name, which I think is good? Albeit slightly terrifying?

I’ve also never needed business cards before, so this was all new for me. I ordered from MOO and spent far too much time honing them. They came out pretty great, though, so if you see me at Catalyst, remind me to give you one (or let you pick one):

Guess who the most-represented toy company is? UH DUH, it’s Tantus. 30% of the cards have either the Cush O2, Echo, or Ryder on the front.

Like a loser, I’ve also acquired a business card holder from Etsy, stocked up on trail mix, protein bars, vegan jerky, and dry roasted edamame, and packed my cutest pajama pants (I’ve heard they’re required to play Dirty Bingo, and nobody has to utter the phrase “pajamas” to me twice).

I will definitely be tweeting as much as I can, using the hashtag #ccon as well as session-specific hashtags. The only sessions I know for sure I will be attending are Toxic Toys (#ccontoxictoys) and When To Give It Away and When To Charge For It (#cconcharge). Otherwise, you’ll just have to follow my tweets to find out where I go and what happens.

Now I’m going to resume worrying that I’m gonna do something wrong at the airport. Any last-second travel tips, guys? One thing’s for sure: my 1-quart ziplock is filled to the brim with creamer.