I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS WHAT GOD WANTS TO BE WHEN HE GROWS UP” when I’m drunk. So much that I have nightmares about LELO changing it. So much that I rush to comfort it when it falls off my nightstand. . . .
Behold! My favorite sex toys!
Bloggers created a wave of hysteria following the release of the Jopen Key Comet G Wand. “It effortlessly strokes the fuck out of my G-spot and makes me thank my lucky stars I was born with a vagina,” Girly Juice raved. “I was 38 years old and found my G-spot for the first time in . . .
I finally get the Hitachi. I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a place of understanding with the bumbling, imprecise beast that is the Hitachi Magic Wand. Perhaps that is how it was meant to be. But there should be laws forbidding newbie reviewers from trying it. I received . . .
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me whether it’s worth the extra cash to get the Top Deluxe version of the toy. I’ve always had to say “I don’t know; mine is the more powerful one and I’ve never tried the regular . . .
[Wondering what I think of the other toys, Zwei and Drei, in the Stronic line?] There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a YouTube trailer filled with innuendo and no actual facts, a video of people racing the toys across a table, and . . .
[Wondering what I think of the vibrating, second generation Comet II? It is ALSO AWESOME.] It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that . . .
Here are my standards for lube: That it not smell like a sanitary pad or like Nickelodeon Gak That it not taste like perfume That it not contain glycerin or parabens That it not immediately slide off the sex toy I squirt it upon That it not come in a bottle that looks like something my . . .
The Tantus Splash looks like it’s in the midst of being slimed. And if it were a celeb at a Nickelodeon awards show, it’d be grinning and taking it like a champ. Because life is good for the Splash. It is a dildo that stands out aesthetically, but also succeeds internally. It doesn’t have to worry . . .
[How much do I love the Mona 2? So much that I now have BACK-UP MONAS.] It’s kind of ridiculous how much I like my LELO Mona 2. Fuck it, love. It just feels weird to say that because the Mona is such a simple toy. It’s not a revolutionary shape, and in fact, it’s . . .