Reviews

The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews!

Review: Prism V

Review: Prism V

There is no clever way to start a review about a vibrator that just works. I can offer no snarky analogies, no thought-provoking insight, no riotous backstory. I can’t lure you in with tales of boundless pleasure: dramatically arched backs, fistfuls of sheets, kaleidoscopes of color passing before my eyes. But let me tell you about[. . . read more]

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

Doxy Don (left) and Doxy Die Cast with Nuzzle Tip attachment (right).

Put it on my clit. Now.

That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don, standing in the hallway at a conference with it reverberating in my hands. I’d never seen or heard about the product in[. . . read more]

Review: My Celebrator

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?

I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation[. . . read more]

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

The simplehuman Sensor Pump squirting lube onto the njoy Pure Wand.

Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions and glistening stainless steel bathroom accessories it beckoned, goading me to use it for nefarious purposes. I’d never spend $40 on[. . . read more]

Review: Siri 2

Review: Siri 2

FINALLY. Fucking finally.

I’ve been waiting years for LELO to upgrade their humble little clit vibe, Siri. While they were off dilly-dallying with weird oral sex simulators and pretentious cock rings, I was over here drumming my fingernails on my desk, condescendingly clicking my tongue, wondering if the almost-great Siri would ever get an[. . . read more]

Review: Hole Punch Toys

Review: Hole Punch Toys

Get free U.S. shipping at Hole Punch Toys with code EPIPHORA.

There’s a little operation in Saint Paul, Minnesota, making the world a better place. Quietly, without fanfare, they’re making hand-poured silicone sex toys in fantastical shapes. Carrot and radish butt plugs. Popsicle dildos. Ice cream anal toys. Rocket ship strap-ons. And[. . . read more]

Review: Tiny Dildos

Review: Tiny Dildos

[This post is an April Fool’s Day joke. However, because I am
very dedicated to my jokes, I actually did do all these things.]

Perhaps “tiny” is condescending. “Diminutive”? “Miniature”? “Wee”? I don’t want to be flippant or rude, but it’s an objective fact that these dildos are roughly 1/60th the size of their, shall I[. . . read more]

Review: Boosty

Review: Boosty

The Boosty is being discontinued. Get it now at Good VibesPleasure Chest, or She Bop.

When I saw the Fun Factory Boosty for the first time, I murmured, “I need it in my soul.” 80% of that reaction was in response to the turquoise color option, but it’s not only that —[. . . read more]