While I’m generally a pretty frugal person, there are a handful things in life I don’t like to skimp on: coffee, toilet paper, sex toys, and bed sheets. I’m no sheet connoisseur, but I’ve been known to become irrationally angry if I have to sleep in pilly sheets. That’s a step above my mom, at least. [...]

It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just how he likes it — soft and smooth as a baby’s butt. I should delete that. I really should. But I just can’t bear to do it. Don’t come at me, [...]

I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The Crystal Twist is one of those toys. As if the Crystal Twist was not pretty enough to begin with, Shellie has gone and added incredible color highlights to it. This is the reinvented Crystal Twist Color in gold. It also comes in red, cobalt blue [...]

Look, I get it. You think this is a picture of a FUN FUN SUPER FUN night. I know — you’d kill to own that many sex toys. But I would gently ask that you acquire a sense of scale and absorb what you are seeing here — five dildos, two of them enormous, two [...]

I think I can call this a legit collection now. Back in April, after jealously ogling everyone’s photos of the mini Tantus dildos at Momentum, the lovely Jenna sent me a few in various colors. They are mini Goliaths, and I adore them. I set them up on my shelf all in a row, and threw [...]

The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it. I love that Fun Factory d-d-d-does have the guts to make their toys in off-beat, unpopular colors. But it was the combination of the orange + the girth + [...]

One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I had to have the Tantus Cush O2. I tore through my drawers but I couldn’t find it, which only increased my fervor. As I stalked the halls wailing “there are only so many places it could be!”, I remembered that I had packed [...]

I can now say that I own a vibrator engraved with my name. Or, I should say, engraved with the epic sequence of words Exclusively for Epiphora. I didn’t choose that phrase — my brain is nowhere near that swanky — but I like it. And they spelled my name right, which is more than I can [...]