Movie Night

In which I watch (and make fun of) movies and documentaries about sex toys, porn, and other relevant topics.

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the 2-star review of The Girl Next Door that I wrote for my high school newspaper when it hit theaters in April 2004. “Just about everything is unrealistic,” I complained, “except maybe how horny everybody is.”

I was 17, and like all 17-year-olds, I wanted to be above the inanity of this movie.

But the inanity is what makes this movie great.

The Girl Next Door 1 is about Matthew (Emile Hirsch), an awkward overachiever, his friends Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitzy (Paul Dano), and the life lessons they learn and hijinks they pull when they meet his new neighbor, Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert), who used to be — and kind of still is — a pornstar. . . . read the rest

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

[Welcome to Movie Night, a new feature in which I’ll snark about movies
and TV that address sex toys, porn, and sexuality. I hope it makes you laugh!]

Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a ~crazy~ idea: to, uh, do something about the uh, problem of porn. Or something. It’s kind of murky. I don’t think even they know what their focus is. The movie actually begins with Mike saying, “most people don’t believe it, but Craig and I are ordained ministers.”

The idea for the enterprise came to Mike while he was in the shower — a story he likes to tell time and again at his talks as though it isn’t the most skeezy basis for an anti-porn ministry ever. . . . read the rest