Hell Yes

Upcoming sex toys that might actually be good?!

Hell Yes: kGoal

Hell Yes: kGoal

[Hoorah! This toy is now a reality and I tried it!]

Everyone pause and bask in this moment.

I have found a sex toy crowdfunding campaign that isn’t shitty.

It’s a squeezable silicone bulb — er, they’re calling it a pillow — that measures the clenching of your pelvic floor muscles, and it’s called the kGoal (get it? Sounds like “kegel”? If you pronounce “kegel” that way?). It charges via USB and wirelessly communicates with an app on your phone, which serves up your exercise history, suggested workouts, and “max squeeze.” I see a community scoreboard coming on.

As added incentive, the kGoal’s motor offers vibrational biofeedback as you do your exercises, while the outer arm is equipped with a status light and second motor. . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures

Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures

Update: You can now find Fucking Sculptures at SheVibeEarly to Bed and Tantus!

These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a lot. Fucking Sculptures is a brand new (seriously, their launch party was on December 23 and included glassblowing, burlesque, and pizza — why wasn’t I there?!) glass dildo company based in Berkeley, California.

Their dildos are called G-SpoonCorkscrewTwo-CumberHooded Nun, and Pussywillow, and lo! They are not rip-offs of toys that have come before! Believe it, my friends! . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Stronic Eins

Hell Yes: Stronic Eins

[Update: I reviewed it!]

I like thrusting, if you haven’t noticed, so I am drawn to this new majig from Fun Factory. The Stronic Eins, or Stronic One, is the first in a series of three toys in the “Pulsator” family. It has 10 different rhythms, ranging from long and slow to short and rapid. Awkwardly, the verb Fun Factory should probably be using is thrust, but they keep using pulsate, a word we’ve been using for years to refer to a certain type of vibration pattern. But this toy doesn’t vibrate at all:

A whole new kind of stimulation — instead of vibrating, this new kind of toy pulsates with powerful waves which deliver a real treat especially at the lowest frequencies. . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Leaf

Hell Yes: Leaf

Update! I reviewed the Leaf Life. Browse the whole Leaf line at SheVibe.

BMS Enterprises has not made much of anything that’s too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy casesan extensive line of bullets, and they designed the Jopen line, but that’s about it. UNTIL NOW.

Now, it looks like they’re trying to break through into the luxury market — and the hippie market — with their sleek new rechargeable line, Leaf.

Fresh, Bloom, Touch, Vitality, Life, Spirit

The entire line comes in the most gorgeous grass green silicone, and is available in NO OTHER COLOR, which I am just quivering with excitement about. . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?

Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?

This is what I call a fucking tease:

Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read descriptions? Too bad — YOU CAN’T. This is all you get, loser.

Ah, carrot-dangling at its finest (and most frustrating). Well played, Zini. Well played.

My predictions about each toy’s features:

  • Donut: Dispenses donuts after use
  • Namison: Makes car racing sounds as you thrust
  • Seed & Bud: Impregnates you with vibrator robot babies — with no option to disable impregnation
  • Chu: Coos at you and laughs at your jokes by saying “LOL”
  • Psi: Doubles as a kitchen device for cracking nuts and stirring shit (…with your mind)

While we wait for August to roll around, friends, any thoughts on what these crazy, awesome-looking contraptions might be? . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: <i>Bartenders</i>

Hell Yes: Bartenders

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.]

Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud at something on the internet, and this trailer managed to do it — three times. Even my boyfriend laughed when he watched it, and he doesn’t like porn!

Best moments of this trailer:

  • 0:58 — Some dude slapping another dude’s tattooed ass to urge him to jack off elsewhere. Totally random, and obviously amazing.
  • 1:08 — James Deen showing his high-tech I.D. card. Swoon.
. . . read the rest
Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can

Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can

These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh…

Even though my boyfriend wasn’t a huge fan of his Sex in a Can series Fleshlight — the Succu Dry — I’m still giggling like a schoolgirl over this new, gay-oriented Sex in a Can series, Jack’s Soda.

It’s just so bright and playful! And campy; I mean, fruit sodas… for gay men. The “flavors” are Cherry Pop, Banana Cream, and Gape Soda. Oh yes, they went there. And the semen splatters seem oddly at home among the fruits…

I think I’m in love with this series because it reminds me of silly childhood things, like smelly markersxylophones, and Lisa Frank. . . . read the rest

Hell Yes: Woodvibes

Hell Yes: Woodvibes

It’s probably unfair for me to feature a sex toy line that doesn’t even exist, but seriously, these are the definition of beautiful.

Woodvibes were concocted by an industrial designer named Jonas Lönborg, for his master’s project at The Danish Design School. As such, they are only very, very alluring prototypes. Jonas’s aim was this:

I wanted to create something that could be used by both sexes, instead of following the ‘classic’ male/female patterns of use. I also wanted to create something that was beautiful, but ‘un-sexy’ enough that you could have them displayed in your living room if you wanted to. . . . read the rest