[Hoorah! This toy is now a reality and I tried it!] Everyone pause and bask in this moment. I have found a sex toy crowdfunding campaign that isn’t shitty. It’s a squeezable silicone bulb — er, they’re calling it a pillow — that measures the clenching of your pelvic floor muscles, and it’s called the kGoal (get it? Sounds like “kegel”? If you pronounce “kegel” that way?). It charges via USB and wirelessly communicates with an app on your phone, which serves up your . . . read more
Upcoming sex toys that might actually be good?!
Update: You can now find Fucking Sculptures at SheVibe, Early to Bed and Tantus! These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a lot. Fucking Sculptures is a brand new (seriously, their launch party was on December 23 and included glassblowing, burlesque, and pizza — why wasn’t I there?!) glass dildo company based in Berkeley, California. Their dildos are called G-Spoon, Corkscrew, Two-Cumber, Hooded Nun, and Pussywillow, and lo! They are not rip-offs of toys . . . read more
[Update: I reviewed it!] I like thrusting, if you haven’t noticed, so I am drawn to this new majig from Fun Factory. The Stronic Eins, or Stronic One, is the first in a series of three toys in the “Pulsator” family. It has 10 different rhythms, ranging from long and slow to short and rapid. Awkwardly, the verb Fun Factory should probably be using is thrust, but they keep using pulsate, a word we’ve been using for years to refer to a . . . read more
Update! I reviewed the Leaf Life. Browse the whole Leaf line at SheVibe. BMS Enterprises has not made much of anything that’s too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of bullets, and they designed the Jopen line, but that’s about it. UNTIL NOW. Now, it looks like they’re trying to break through into the luxury market — and the hippie market — with their sleek new rechargeable line, Leaf. Fresh, Bloom, Touch, Vitality, Life, Spirit The entire line comes . . . read more
Um. It’s made of volcanic ash stone. It’s $430. It’s Pure Wand-shaped. And it can go in my vagina anytime, though it probably never will. That is the Luz de la Riva Parda dildo. All my sex toys, even the really cool ones, look like amateurs in comparison. The end.
This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read descriptions? Too bad — YOU CAN’T. This is all you get, loser. Ah, carrot-dangling at its finest (and most frustrating). Well played, Zini. Well played. My predictions about each toy’s features: Donut: Dispenses donuts after use Namison: Makes car racing sounds as you thrust Seed & Bud: Impregnates you with vibrator robot babies — with no option to disable impregnation . . . read more
Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud at something on the internet, and this trailer managed to do it — three times. Even my boyfriend laughed when he watched it, and he doesn’t like porn! Best moments of this trailer: 0:58 — Some dude slapping another dude’s tattooed ass to urge him to jack off elsewhere. Totally random, and obviously amazing. 1:08 — James Deen showing his . . . read more
These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh… Even though my boyfriend wasn’t a huge fan of his Sex in a Can series Fleshlight — the Succu Dry — I’m still giggling like a schoolgirl over this new, gay-oriented Sex in a Can series, Jack’s Soda. It’s just so bright and playful! And campy; I mean, fruit sodas… for gay men. The “flavors” are Cherry Pop, Banana Cream, and Gape Soda. . . . read more
It’s probably unfair for me to feature a sex toy line that doesn’t even exist, but seriously, these are the definition of beautiful. Woodvibes were concocted by an industrial designer named Jonas Lönborg, for his master’s project at The Danish Design School. As such, they are only very, very alluring prototypes. Jonas’s aim was this: I wanted to create something that could be used by both sexes, instead of following the ‘classic’ male/female patterns of use. I also wanted to create . . . read more