April Fool’s!

I like to pull your leg.

April Fool's wrap-up (+bloopers!)

April Fool's wrap-up (+bloopers!)

Enjoy: bloopers from my April Fool’s Day video review:

I had many ideas for April Fool’s Day this year, but the idea of a sex toy video review was solidified one night when I realized I could craft a video which began well but devolved into a pile of shit. It would start out great, with an awesome theme song and me being my charming1 self. Then there would be strange cuts. Bad lighting. I would say weird shit I wouldn’t normally say. But it would happen slowly, so that for as long as possible, the illusion of sincerity would remain. . . . read the rest

Video review: Princessa

Video review: Princessa

[This toy really is the worst, but this is mostly an April Fool’s joke.]

In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only for clicking and dragging while I hold my breath. My eyes have been replaced with cameras, my legs with tripod attachments.

But it has been worth it. Because now, finally, I can show you my first ever video review.

I’ve dabbled in the video arts over the years, but this is a new level because it involves more than simply painting my nails. Written reviews are not going away — there will just be video reviews sprinkled in every once in a while. . . . read the rest

Say hi to my new sponsors!

Say hi to my new sponsors!

[Edit: Although I do love these companies, this is an April Fool’s joke. GOTCHU.]

Being a niche blog, and one dedicated to something that a percentage of inhabitants of earth refuse to even talk about, I’ve spent years growing relationships with companies in the adult industry alone. But a few months back, one of my friends suggested reaching out to more “mainstream” places, like those who make my favorite non-dildo products. The idea sounded just crazy enough that it might work.

Heaps and heaps of emails and wishful thinking later, I’m happy (and surprised) to report that five companies have agreed to sponsor me and the orifices/appendages that are not my genitals. . . . read the rest

We got you!

We got you!

So, I pulled my most elaborate April Fool’s Day prank ever this year. A faux Indiegogo campaign, sketches of potential products, a site re-design, a newsletter, a promotional video… even with the help of my partner in crime, Lorax Of Sex, it was an exhausting, delirium-inducing endeavor. But worth it?

I’ve become somewhat notorious for my April Fool’s Day jokes, as has the internet in general. In 2010, I started with a bang with my Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong review coupled with a soul-crushingly ugly site design. In 2011, I wrote an ~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! . . . read the rest

Help fund the Joy Ride!

Help fund the Joy Ride!

[We got you — April Fool’s!]

I cannot explain how excited I am right now, peeps. To finally be able to reveal a project Lorax Of Sex and I have been working on for some time. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna go apeshit.

With over 10+ years combined experience in the sex toy industry, Lorax and I have seen our fair share of wonderful and disastrous toys. Every week it seems like there’s some new ~revolutionary~ device that promises neverending orgasms and eternal happiness. Most of these products are invented by hacks who have visited a sex toy shop a grand total of once. . . . read the rest

A few changes around here

A few changes around here

[APRIL FOOL’S! Take none of this seriously! My past April Fool’s jokes
have been pretty blatant, so I went with a more subtle approach this time.]

Don’t crucify me, peeps, but I’m starting to get burnt out on reviewing sex toys. I know, I know! Of course, I’m too obsessed with sex toys to ever completely stop writing about them. But I feel like I need to change things up a little around here so I can keep my sanity. You’ll still read, won’t you? I’ll still bring my trademark snark; I’ll just be broadening my reviewing horizons a bit.

For example, there are a lot of innovative and groundbreaking sex products that I’ve overlooked in the past for judgmental reasons, and I think they deserve a fair shake. . . . read the rest

Fooled again!?

Fooled again!?

Look, I had to top last year’s April Fool’s joke. And although perhaps you were less shocked this time, I think I succeeded:

Delta O. Venus called it “a festival for the senses.” Vid Tuesday said, “I love that fucking tight Myspace design you’ve got kickin’. And that dolphin toy looks tight.” Lovehoney exclaimed, “It’s a thing of beauty! So much beauty, crashing all over.” Holly informed me, “I showed the boyfriend your site. In his words, ‘this is disgusting!'”

I was very pleased to hear that a few of you experienced your browsers crashing due to my site! I must say, though, my favorite was this email from a concerned reader:

subject: Your Website is Having an Issue

I’m almost thinking it got hacked or something. . . . read the rest

~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! *~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~* Adult intimate product review!! *~*~*~*~

[This review is an April Fool’s joke; please, never buy this abomination of a toy!]

WARNING!

Adult content ahead!!!!!!

if u are offended by sex products do not scroll down!

This is a review of a Marital Aid.

do u understand?

ok

(LOL it took me 4ever to figure out how to add pictures!)

n-e-wayz…

I thought me and my hubby could use something special to spice things up as lately we’ve been not too sexy. well ever since the 8 babies, i’ve been REALLY not in the mood and hubby is always trying to get me between the sheets. . . . read the rest

April Fooled!

April Fooled!

If you didn’t get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like:

With a .GIF, sparkling background and Comic Sans, of course! Jake Holden commented,

cool background! looks like myspace but better LOL can u send me the html codes plz>?

I also posted a review of the Cherry-Scented Vibro Dong, a horrible abomination that my April Fool’s Day persona LOVED. Thank you for all your comments and tweets; you guys kept me laughing all day.

I especially loved what Wilhelmina Wang had to say…

loving the site redesign! I think you’re taking your blog in an awesome new direction!!! . . . read the rest

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