Oct 312016
 

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion pulsator vibrator

Wipe the stars from your eyes. Dash your dreams. Give up all hope.

It sounds perfect on paper: a beautiful marrying of motion and vibration. A self-thrusting shaft and a vibrating clitoral stimulator all in one sex toy, from the company that brought us the truly innovative and actually life-altering Stronic Eins. I was optimistic, believe me, just like you.

But oh my god, the Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion is a deeply disappointing sex toy. Its insertable portion is flawless — that’s the hard truth — but its clitoral portion is absolutely unforgivable. Terrible aim, dismal vibrations. We have here an ingenious thing wrecked by an ill-fated modification, like dill pickle soup made with too much pickle juice, or Facebook now that your racist relatives are allowed to join. Can’t enjoy it now, can you?

If I sound like a melodramatic soliloquy, it’s because this is the kind of toy that inspires hope in people. They hold it in their hands and start believing in miracles. Ah, here it is, finally: G-spot pleasure, the likes of which I’ve never known, and simultaneous clitoral stimulation! Never before have I felt so compelled to abruptly slap the sex toy out of their hands and implore them not to waste their money.

This review is my slap. This is my stern, unwavering eye contact. My plaintive but firm “don’t.”

Blame the clitoral stimulator most of all. It overshoots my clit by miles, and its vibrations are caps-lock GODAWFUL. They’re even shallower and buzzier than my “definitely not a vibrator” face cleansing device. They land somewhere between the infamous Princessa and Flash, two impeccable examples of how bad vibrations can be. This is a motor so unpleasant that, quite frankly, Fun Factory should know better than to utilize it in any of their toys, and certainly not in their most expensive one.

Yeah, because that’s a thing: the Bi Stronic Fusion costs $220. Nobody — NOBODY — should spend that much money on something this likely to suck.

Genital anatomy is always a hurdle for rabbits/dual vibes like this, and BOY IS IT A HURDLE for the Bi Stronic Fusion. (“Hurdle” is too gentle a word. “Nightmare” would be apt.) Used “normally,” inserted as far as feels correct, the clitoral arm lands way too high on my vulva. I have to bury the toy to the hilt in my vagina, past my G-spot and way up against my cervix, to get the clit arm closer to my clit. If I physically push the clitoral part down and ignore how unacceptable the vibrations are and how uncomfortable everything feels, I can eke out a bad orgasm. Only then.

To be clear: THIS IS NOT A THING I SHOULD HAVE TO DO. The point of a dual vibe is to get simultaneous, satisfying internal and external stimulation without having to involve two hands. But, of course, it rarely works out that way.

The most upsetting thing about the Bi Stronic Fusion is that if it wasn’t a dual vibe, I would be in love with it. The shaft is just girthy enough, just long enough, with a pleasing G-spot curve that, coupled with the steady back-and-forth movement, would surely win my vagina’s favor. Saw off that external arm and this would be a completely different review.

But instead, my only option for clitoral happiness is to lean the toy’s handle downward enough to wedge an actually-good clitoral vibe in there instead of using the shitty attached one. Great. Cool. wonderful. Totally ideal situation.

I’m never getting the thrusting joy I should be, either. The whole point of the Bi Stronic Fusion, and the reason you’d spend several hundred dollars on it, is freedom of movement. Yet the shaft’s motion is incompatible with built-in clitoral stimulation: it’s either thrusting wildly and doing nothing for me clitorally, or stubbornly bumping my cervix while I attempt to hold it still against my clit.

There’s no way this toy can become usable as a dual vibe. Even if it hit my clit like a bullseye, I’d still hate the buzzy sensation. Even if it had a rumbly motor, it wouldn’t stay in contact with my clit. Dropping $220 on this thing is not going to feel like a solid choice for most people on earth.

I know. I shouldn’t speak in absolutes. Some people may very well enjoy this toy anally,1 and I’m not saying it’s impossible for someone to like it vaginally — a very very very specific type of person, with the right anatomy and taste for high-pitched vibrations might like it. But that person is a fucking unicorn and most likely not you.

Lest you feel too downtrodden in this dystopian universe I’ve created, let me throw you some bread in the form of a memory. It was 3 years ago, and the world had just been blessed with arguably one of the most groundbreaking lines of sex toys in the last decade: Fun Factory’s Stronic pulsator line. Their first release, the Eins, was a perfect encapsulation of innovation and simplicity. I was, and still am, astonished by how much I enjoy it:

The Stronic Eins does fucking wonders for my G-spot. My G-spot is notoriously easy to stimulate, yes, but the sensation is so unique and awesome. The thuddy throbs, the back and forth movement… it just strokes my G-spot so consistently. Most toys are not consistent because, you know, I’m behind the wheel. And I’m not a machine.

. . . the Stronic Eins jostles my G-spot into oblivion with very little effort on my part. Quick, disgustingly effortless pleasure. The Stronic Eins is like nothing else in my arsenal, and it has already become a cornerstone.

I’ve loved nothing else in the Stronic line as much as the original Eins. If the follow-up Stronics were the unnecessary plot twists, the Bi Stronic Fusion is the shock ending that makes you scream at the TV and nearly quit the entire franchise. WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME SO? HOW CAN I TRUST YOU NOW?

The Stronic Eins lives in the tip-top drawer of my desk with the best of the best, while the Bi Stronic Fusion is never going to be used again after I publish this. It’s wild to have such disparate feelings about two toys with so much in common, but it just goes to show that even the most awesome of sex toys can be ruined by turning them into rabbits.

The Bi Stronic Fusion should be struck from the Fun Factory canon.

You may think I am speaking in hyperbole. You probably think I’m a jaded bitch. That’s fine, but I trust my gut. I experience a deep, overwhelming sadness when people at the sex shop where I work bring one of these up to the counter to buy it. It’s like watching the world go by as a ghost — I want so badly to stop them, but I can’t. It’s not my place.

This is my place, and by god I’m going to try to persuade you not to spend money on this toy — no matter who you are or how you masturbate or how much disposable income you have. It seems easy enough to think, well, the Stronics are $190 to begin with, $30 seems like a small price to pay for clitoral stimulation. Don’t. You are so much better off getting the Stronic Eins and a corded egg, mini vibepocket rocket… hell, even a watch battery bullet has better vibrations. You’re still under $220, and you have no idea how much emotional distress I’ve saved you from.

I understand why Fun Factory made this toy: they had to. It was the obvious next step, to combine the pulsating motion with vibration. It needed to exist, and yet, I really wish it didn’t. So let this review serve as an elegy for the Bi Stronic Fusion. For all the people who will use it and curse the sky. For all it could have been and isn’t. For all it never will be, because now I realize how impossible that dream was.

Get the Stronic of your choice (*cough* Eins) at SheVibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, Pleasure Chest,
Fun Factory, Smitten KittenLovehoney (international), or Come As You Are (Canada).

  1. Although I’m not sure why you wouldn’t just want the Stronic Zwei for that. []
  • EmJay

    🙁
    What if they made one with a clitoral arm like the Nova? Could it be a shining miracle of thrust and vibratory synchronicity then? Or would the longest thrusting still pull it away?

  • Alluring Ali

    A very nice looking toy. Too bad it is so disappointing. Thanks for the review. Like you, I am sure I would have gotten it only to feel the same. I appreciate you writing your honest opinion. 🙂

  • Megan Leigh

    What will it take, to create a decently priced, decently functioning dual stimulator?

  • OMG, I’m the unicorn. I hated the other stronics and loved this one. Now I want to get all sciencey and measure various points on our vulvas, hahahah!

  • Ruby Perilous

    I am just polishing my unicorn horn. Purchased in full knowledge the clit arm would be decorative as far as vibes, I use it to loosely keep it just where it should be,(helpful when coughing). Always teamed with a Tango for which there is plenty of room when the weightiness and gravity do their thing. In fact its a go to on par with Mona, Rosa, Prism in this house. My partner rates the Bi Stronic for anal highly too although Rosa is his go to. Its a two horn house!

  • For every vulva to be built exactly the same.

  • Lunabelle

    But…if you’re using the Tango, then the clit arm doesn’t do the job for you and you are not actually the mythical creature for whom this device is a perfect fit. I mean, yes, I reviewed this thing and agree that the shaft is a Thing of Beauty, but that sad clit flipper is a no go.

  • But if you’re using this with the Tango for clitoral vibration then…….what’s the point? Why not just get the Eins?

  • Layla Studies Sex

    I’m going to admit something because this post epitomizes it so well. I often read Epiphora’s sex toy reviews like many people read magazines. I don’t have the money to buy basically any of the toys, I just come here for the excellent and delightfully sassy reading.

  • cjd2004

    Hmm I wonder how it would go anally…

  • Sadly, this.

  • Anatomy is definitely a HUGE factor, but I wonder also, do you prefer buzzy vibrations? And how is it that you hated the thrusting of the other Stronics but love it in this one? I’m curious!

  • That’s not what I meant by unicorn. A unicorn would be a person who uses the built-in clitoral stimulator because it aligns perfectly with their anatomy and they enjoy the type of vibrations it offers. If you have to use a Tango instead, the Bi Stronic Fusion has clearly failed in both aspects.

    I also want to reiterate that, as stated in this review, I love the thrusting motion and the shaft shape of the Bi Stronic Fusion, but I don’t see why you’d make it harder for yourself (and spend $30 more) when you could just get the Eins and have more space for your clitoral vibe of choice.

  • It’d be better, but I still don’t think it would be ideal. I want that shaft to jiggle as much as possible!

  • That might be the only remotely satisfying way of using it, yeah. It’s too big for me to try that way.

  • It is always so satisfying when we do not pick up a toy because I just have a “feeling” it will be a flop and then you write a really well-thought out honest review confirming my feelings. : )

  • Your customers are lucky to have you!

  • oh stop..

  • Ruby Perilous

    You and Dangerous Lily are right, I do see that the Eins would be a better choice for anyone who wanted more space for a diverse clit vibe option.
    I suppose the Bi Stronic Fusions clit vibe would mostly be a useless pretty flap for most but as with the clunky Rosa handle it is a practical positive for me. I have a major neck injury and the ability to gently guide and hold that useless part without stopping the thrusting actually helps me a whole lot. Although our toy stash is big it so happens the Tango is always my go to due to needing pinpoint clit stimulation. Had I read your review first I would not have bought the Bi as your reviews do dictate what what we buy. The ‘handle’ function is a happy accident in this case.A bonus that it also makes it anal safe. We both find the shaft a perfect size and shape.I am going to order the Eins today as curiosity is piqued, you never know, the Bi may end up tossed to the back of the stash never to be seen again.

  • I do like buzzy so that is def a big factor. I can also take or leave penetration much of the time– very much a fan of clit stim and only really enjoy penetration when I’m close to or immediately after clit orgasm. With the prior model the thrusting was just– weird. Not effective. Awkward even. Like a golf ball rolling around in a coffee can inside my vag. Like the thrusts were duds for me no matter what setting I used (I own the Drei and have used the Enis too). This was even the case using it while I used a clit vibe at the same time (which I pretty much have to do for me to enjoy it). Granted, on the Bi fusion the clit stim is a big sell for me and it fits my anatomy well. But the internal fit and thrusts felt much more deliberate and enjoyable too. MUCH MORE. It could be because it’s perfectly coordinated with the clit stim or it could be because the shape of the shaft is better for me? I’m not sure what it is that’s making the difference but this one thrusts like I wished the other stronics did.

  • My life with the Stronic Bi-Fusion, in three acts:

    ACT I – The Day It Arrived
    “The new stronic arrived and I already hate it. I actually said out loud ‘you took away one of the best features in exchange for THIS?’- the controls are maddening now. One of the best things was logical button progression and the ability to not only cycle in one direction. It has no nuance anymore and the clit thing is REALLY buzzy to the point that at time the only way you know it’s on is the horrible sound.”

    ACT II – Using The Bi-Stronic
    “It is a prime example of that’s not where my clit is. it doesn’t just not hit the clit, it’s like it goes out of it’s fucking way to miss. The length/angle/curve is such that it p much cups the mons and kinda hits the top of the pelvic bone structure there, if you REALLY jam it up in you. That’s not just a miss, that’s like bowling and landing your ball into the gutter… two lanes over.”

    ACT III – Final Thoughts
    “Rabbit stronic is not two great tastes that taste great together. It goes together about as well as squid and chocolate.”

  • FieryRed

    Have any ever been made with adjustable-angle clit arms?

  • Fox200

    I take on of this from Edenfantasys about 1 month ago and i cant stop playing , its very cute vibe :33