Oct 252013

That cat is totally enthused about the dildos. That's his enthusiasm face.Today, I am 27.

I have come to expect very little from people over the years, but Ashley Manta took this glorious photo of her cat plus the Pure Wand and Echo, Sandra emailed me singing happy birthday, and someone sent me a picture of their boobs with “Happy B-Day Piph” written on them. I feel so special.

This, and all the excessively sweet comments people have been leaving on my giveaway post (which, true, I did bribe you with sex toys, but still) have really meant a lot.

I am so honored to have all of you people in my life, in whatever capacity that may be. I am thankful for cats and dildos and friends who buy me sleek purses because my corduroy purse is “not professional enough for Catalyst” and people who take me out to sushi and don’t make fun of my inability to eat with chopsticks (this actually applies to several people now; I’m just that cool) and people who drink fishbowl drinks with me and stay up late with me watching trashy TV shows.

Today my dad took me out to breakfast and complimented my blog1, my mom got me the usual birthday balloon (which one of my cats has promptly punctured), and for some reason, the flood of Facebook birthday wishes seems more genuine this time around. Probably nothing has changed — I’m just getting old and sentimental. But don’t worry. I’m still as crotchety about sex toys as ever.

Tweet: "Oh, oh, happy birthday @Epiphora! May your day be filled with sex toys, cats, schnapps, and piph-colored nail polish."

So all I wanted to say is thank you for all of the wellwishes. And I am still accepting photos of cats and dildos. (The comments section has an image upload option…) Hey, if Tegan & Sara can do it, so can I! I’m just about as famous as them, right?

  1. He likes the design, you guys. The header. The font. []

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  • Here’s a cat picture for you.

  • But everyone be advised, that is NOT a dildo.

  • Ashley Manta

    Beau the cat feels very special that he made it onto your blog! He said to tell you that he will gladly be the star of any future cat/dildo photos and that we should make this a meme. He also wishes to give you kitty birthday snuggles, so come down to LA!

  • Quinn Carpenter

    Happy birthday! Hope you have many more with just as many, if not more, sex toys and fun things. 27 isn’t too old, just imagine when you hit 69 and can giggle about it. What the heck is piph colored? Also this doesn’t have a dildo or sex toy in it but I have a picture of my cat, Castiel. We found him and he’s really strange. Cute, but strange. (He eats shoes, won’t stand a closed door, climbs EVERYTHING, and caught a snake in our pantry a bit ago.)

  • Piph = Epiphora, so Epiphora-colored, see the turquoise I’m wearing here:

  • Haha. Piph = Epiphora. So like the turquoise I’m wearing here:

  • Kelly

    Since I do not have a cat (or an impressive dildo collection), I googled “cats and dildos” for you. Yes, just for you 😉 So here, happy birthday 🙂


  • Kelly

    The dildocorn should be your new mascot 😀

  • Guest

    That’s right, you wanted cat AND dildos.

  • Artemisia Absinthium


  • That’s right, you wanted cat AND dildos.

  • tonyinabag

    that makes me think of THE ACCOMODATOR. which makes me sad.

  • tonyinabag

    i keep my dildos and cats far away from one another since one of my lovelies ATE THE HEAD off my vixen ‘woody’ (my very first cock, RIP) so instead you just get a picture of my cats. who are cute. but no cock shotz. sorry.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY <3 (i spent last night re-reading your "um no" section and laughing hysterically.)


  • Elena Kate

    Cross-eyed Margot loves Epiphora, and feels ambivalent about sex toys.

  • Dildos AND cats!



  • Heaven

    Happy Birthday Epi I hope you had a great one and it looks like you are.

  • hoppy72

    Happy Birthday! I hope your day is Orgasmic!!!

  • Sookie says Happy Birthday Piph & sends some loving head butts!

  • So regal! And of course the Crystal Twist. She is a lady with class.

  • ArchVixen

    Here’s some kitty love for you on your birthday! <3


  • Mariah

    Fffffffff- How do I not have a camera in this day and age? GOSHDANGIT

    Happy birthday!

  • Guest

    I tweeted this at you, but just to cover the bases: Calvin says happy birthday 🙂

  • nemo lovebutt

    I think I broke your comments. At least for me. But here’s Calvin wishing you happy birthday!


  • Robyn Armstrong

    I don’t have a lot of toys to my name. (Yet.) But here is an image of my sweet Penelope. I loves her. :3 Hope you can hug every cat (or dildo) on your birthday.
    Have a good one!


  • Robyn Armstrong

    Haha! Her cat toys are pretty cute too. Like a CATNIP RAINBOW :O (Sorry it’s blurry.)

  • I tried so hard to get this to fit my cat’s head! She was too tiny. Freakin hilarious!

  • She’s no match for Cross-eyed Margot, but Sushi says Happy Birthday!

  • Pour toi, ma cherie!

  • Happy birthday!

  • So, as I have no cats but I do have much love for you I made you this. Happy Birthday!!

    Also, fishbowl drinks… mmm…

  • The barely legible part says “happy birthday” but, come on, that’s not the fun part.


  • I really really really CANNOT HANDLE THIS CAT

  • Ashes

    I’m totally not letting my cat anywhere near any of my dildos, because she, being a cat, is inherently evil, and therefore cannot be trusted. BUT! When she’s not simulating the movement of a Stronic Eins, Butter the Pug can be found dressing in colors that make you vomit with rage.

  • nuala macmoragh

    I’m in tears.. lol! Best. comment. section. ever!

  • nuala macmoragh

    No and I’m betting we’re never going to see the fun part of what happens at your house in this picture, either 😀

  • nuala macmoragh

    Which one ate Woody’s head? I bet it was the fuss face one on the left. Maybe not. The one on the right looks pretty guilty too. They all look guilty. Maybe it was a team effort.

  • tonyinabag

    the grey one in the back! she is horrible. one of my other dicks has a few fang marks in it from her but i caught her before it was completely, uh… beheaded.
    she loves to chew up my sneakers too – that squishy foam stuff on the soles? oh man. she’s eaten through my laptop cord, a few phone chargers, etc. she also loves to lick plastic bags and tape.

    cats. ugh. if they weren’t so fucking cute…

  • Com’n, cat, get more excited about the glory that is the Seduction!

  • fia

    Wow my birthday is at the 10/25 too! Well, I do not have a cat since I’m allergic to them and I own a lot of birds. Still, I wish you a late happy birthday. And thank you a lot for your reviews. Since sex toys are so expensive in Brazil I always take a look in here before buying. Because of you now I have a Lelo Ella and gave myself a Leaf life for birthday (must arrive today).

  • nuala macmoragh

    She looks the least guilty too. Go figure!

  • nuala macmoragh

    Yanno, I think I’m happy my cat isn’t excited over my sex toys. It’s bad enough that he likes it when I flog him.

  • fia

    Here I am once again, this time to thank you for being borne 27 years ago so I could discover Leaf Life. OMG! I forgot to say my Wahl is on it’s way from USA. Can’t wait for it!

  • gungnir

    That kitty looks cheesed off enough to kill you while you sleep! Good luck!

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