This is the 500th post on this here blog. I felt like it needed some sort of commemoration, so I spent far too much time assembling a hokey 500 made up of sex toys. Shut up.
I feel like this is important, though. Bloggers — perhaps more so sex bloggers — change with the seasons. Sex blogs are constantly dropping dead. From when I started in 2008, there are only a small handful of my friends still blogging (shout-out to Adriana, Lilly, and Kara Sutra!). To some, 500 posts may sound like child’s play. But to me, a freak for whom every post is a carefully-crafted piece of writing, it is an accomplishment.
Here’s a little breakdown of those 500 posts:
258 have been reviews.
97 have been categorized as “banter,” a term I stole from Tegan & Sara. My favorite sub-category is probably “Disingenuous Assholes.”
52 have been giveaways.
25 have been Hell Yes and Um, No.
16 have been Jack-off Journals.
7 have been April Fool’s jokes.
The rest have been guides, lists, Ask Piphs, Pornfails, PPGs, and other miscellany.
I’ve chronicled the evolution of my toybox from one small toybox all the way to plastic drawers. Obvs, I’ve grown as a sexual being throughout the course of this blog, from someone who could barely handle a finger-sized vibrator to a badass who ejaculates, has dual orgasms, and can fit anything in her vagina.
I’ve enjoyed taking down mansplainers, unethical sex toy companies, disturbing porn directors, pompous “authors,” and even random people who write articles about vibrators yet know nothing about vibrators. Also, “a touch of whimsy.” I’ll never get over it.
And I can finally say that all the sex toy reviews that are rightfully mine have been added to my archives here, flawed as they are. So if you go to 2007, you’ll see reviews from before the blog actually began. Weird, but worth it. That shit is mine.
There have been creepers and a bit of drama along the way, but it has dissipated over time, and I’ve learned how to better cope with haters (disengage, block, and forget they exist). I’ve made many more friends than enemies; I’ve even made friends with my enemies, as I quickly found that Laura is a lovable curmudgeon.
Blogging is funny. Everything is learned as you go along. True, I already knew how to write, and I knew enough CSS to survive. But a lot of it was blindly feeling my way through the dark. Evidence: my first blog post is just about the worst thing ever. Thankfully, this thing happens when you do something over and over: you improve. You stop sucking. You become, even, almost good.
Last January, I crunched the numbers and realized I was making enough money from this blog to live on — an accomplishment I never set out to achieve. But now, as the years and posts go by, the more steadfastly I cling to this blog of mine. My own little piece of the internet where all my passions collide. That something so enjoyable can also be profit-generating is a fucking triumph… and the income enables me to continue doing it, and doing it well.
Which brings me to you. (You knew this was coming, right? If I can’t be mushy now, WHEN CAN I?) You, peeps, are my reason for all of this. The success of this blog has allowed me to do something I love. Few people get such a privilege. I imagined one day I’d find myself confined to a tiny cubicle, soullessly typing into a spreadsheet, staring down the barrel of the rest of my life. Instead I am in my pajamas, at my big desk, knocking cats away 24/7, tidying up my spreadsheet of all the sex toys I own. And typing into this box, always. This comforting, freeing little box. I much prefer this life.
Oh jeez. I am getting far too sentimental now. Better stop before I tarnish my image completely. So I will leave you with some questions, peeps: when and how did you find my blog? Why did you stay? What can I do better in the next 500 posts?
(And since I’ve been around the block enough times to know that people are gonna ask: the 5 is crafted from a Tantus Meteorite, We-Vibe Tango, NobEssence Dare, Wake-Up Vibe, and Doc Johnson Reflections Serenity wand. The first 0 is a Whipspider Tentacle, Inside Out Spiral Rib Double Dong, Fun Factory Smartballs, and NobEssence Linger. The second zero is an njoy Pure Wand, Jollies Bubbles, LELO Gigi, and Leaf Life.)