Apr 122011
 

Click to embiggen.

Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to figure out WTF that-one-toy-in-Epiphora’s-header is. No longer will you have to sheepishly email/tweet me and awkwardly try to describe the location of the toy you need identified.

I took the picture that became my header image in fall of 2008, when I bought HeyEpiphora.com, so these toys are all from that time. Some of them are a bit embarrassing…

  1. Evolved Symphony Rhapsody
  2. Hitachi Magic Wand — I received my first one a little too early in my reviewing career. Yeesh.
  3. Phallix Cobalt Twister
  4. Vixen Creations Buddy — My first butt plug! It wouldn’t stay in!
  5. Liberator Fascinator Throe — The black satiny goodness that everything is lying on.
  6. LELO Gigi
  7. Fun Factory DelightOne of my first “luxury” toys.
  8. Tantus Goddess — My first 100% silicone dildo. Aww.
  9. System JO flavored lube
  10. Topco Snake of Paradise
  11. Topco Gyrating Massager — Oh god, my brain hurts just thinking about the sound this thing makes.
  12. Fun Factory Corsar
  13. Bswish Bgee
  14. Deck the Halls butt plug
  15. Tantus Alumina Motion
  16. LELO Luna Beads — Still love them to this day.
  17. Phallix Gold-Ribbed Love Wand — My first glass dildo, and my favorite. Affectionally called “the bumpy glass dildo.”
  18. NobEssence Linger — My first wooden toy, but not my favorite; the Seduction holds that title easily.
  19. California Exotic Xtreme Pack G-spot BulletThis thing was attached to my clit for quite a while… until I met the Eroscillator.
  20. Shunga Secret Garden
  21. LELO Ella — The toy that taught me to ejaculate.
  22. California Exotic Silicone Slims Self SatisfierI’d never give this toy a chance today, but it worked alright as my first vibrating butt plug.
  23. California Exotic Turbo Glider — One of my very first sex toys, and the first toy I reviewed.
  24. Phallix Twisted Lattachino Love Wand
  25. O’My lube
  26. LELO Mia (old version)
  27. LELO BoTo this day, the only cock ring I don’t hate. (Although I really haven’t tried a ton. I’m traumatized.)
  28. Tantus Ripple, small
  29. Phallix Inside Out Spiral Rib Double Dong — Who names this shit?
  30. Ophoria Pleasure No. 6
  31. Fun Factory Benjamin Bond — Was way too huge for me when I reviewed it; I need to try it again.
  32. Phallix Dual-Sided Swirled Rib
  33. Tantus Alumina Revolve
  34. Fun Factory G-Twist

There you have it, folks! Any more questions?


Did you like this? Subscribe for more of it!

Get new posts directly in your inbox!

Get my less frequent Snark Digest newsletter with posts + exclusive content!


  • http://duskinchains.com Dusk

    Nice! I’ve been wanting something like this for ages now, thanks.

  • http://alanandmichele.com Alan & Michele

    LOL Brilliant! We’ve been trying to figure out what #4 was for ages. Thanks!

  • Serafina Brightside

    Wow! I’m so glad that you did this! Thanks so much! I’ve always wondered which toys were which, and of course by now as a developing sex toy reviewer I know a few more of their names by heart than I used to lol. Well, awesome! Also, I couldn’t ever figure out a place besides EF where I could buy the Xtreme Pack…well now I know, so I really appreciate that!

    PS. I just got the Ella in white yesterday. So happy! Haha, maybe it’ll teach me to ejaculate as well. Though…it collects lint and shit like crazy…

  • http://kitoconnell.com/ Kit OConnell

    This is neat.

  • anonymous

    I’m SO happy to finally know what #31 is. I’ve been looking at your header and wondering for months!

  • http://www.loveware.be Rebecca

    Hi Epiphora,

    I was just wondering why you didn’t review some of the toys in the header, like most of the Phallix toys or Fun Factory’s corsar?

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @Rebecca: I have reviewed those toys, but I reviewed them on EdenFantasys’ site. Since I don’t support them anymore, I have not linked to my reviews in this post.

  • Kayla

    You mentioned that this is an old photo, but I love the style. I think you should do an updated version with toys that you find yourself using most now.