Aug 132010
 

July 1st, 2010

I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the nozzle is not plugged up. Today, attempting to lube up a toy, my lube split-streamed on me and sprayed itself on my shirt. Classy.

July 6th, 2010

Having watched a lot of porn in a wave of deleting, I decided to jack off to a scene from The Pinch featuring Evan Stone and Sunny Lane. It wasn’t as good as their scene in Pussy a Go Go, but there was THIS POSITION…

…which made me say, “creative porn performers FOR THE WIN.” Because seriously, the world would be a bleak place without performers (and directors) who actually try to make scenes interesting.

July 20th, 2010

While watching the beginning of Belladonna: Slut!, I couldn’t help but think of the obscenity case against John Stagliano recently. The first scene of Slut! began with slow-motion footage of water and soap suds cascading down Charley Chase’s ass and pubic hair. You can’t argue that this porno has no artistic value.

I think I have a thing for soap/water/oil in porn. Especially when a SPONGE is involved! Admittedly, though, I kept wondering whether the soap was real or not, and if it was, how on earth Charley seemed totally fine with consuming it.

I used the Fun Factory Spring on my clit, and the Vamp Talula was in my vag. I was a bit miffed by my inability to really grasp Talula’s awkward base, but nonetheless I came hard while jigging it in me.

Not ready to be done yet, I carefully lifted the Eleven out of its case and began watching the second scene, which began with Andy San Dimas lifting her leg up and pissing on a wall. This turned into one of the roughest scenes I’ve seen in a long time. Mr. Pete was relentless with shoving his cock down Andy’s throat. Normally I would not question consent in a Belladonna movie, but I really hope this was negotiated beforehand. (Edit: Turns out I was semi-right about this scene.)

With the Eleven in my vag and the Eroscillator on my clit, I had a good clitoral orgasm. Then I washed my toys and watched RuPaul’s Drag U.

July 25th, 2010

Forcing myself to dig into my “try again” drawer, I brought out the Alumina Revolve. I expected the ball end to hit my G-spot… but it didn’t. Fail.

My second dildo was the NobEssence Intrigue, which I recently acquired from a swap. The Romp-shaped end was glorious and G-spot heavenly, but the other end was too long and hurt my cervix. Ow.

Sufficiently warmed up, I dragged my boyfriend into the bedroom to try his hand at wielding the Eleven. After much thrusting, disappointment filled my soul. I couldn’t seem to orgasm no matter how fast he fucked me with that thing. So I scrambled for the Pure Wand, and proceeded to squirt four times while my boyfriend sat on the bed, watching me and petting the purring cat.

July 29th, 2010

Today I watched the rest of Belladonna: Slut! and decided that I was really sick of that same bleak brick room used for all the scenes, and that same sickly lighting. It was one of the first days of my period (which has somehow synced up with several of my internet friends’ periods… spooky), and this made for a lot of gooey blood on my dildo of choice. But whatevs — that is why I love non-porous toys.

  • http://thecherryscoop.blogspot.com/ Sundae

    I hope on the 25th kitty was staring at you intently, in a way only cats can manage. That would have made it a total creeper scene, especially with the right background music. >: D

  • http://elodieonlove.com/ Elodie

    Something about the way you phrase it makes me picture your boyfriend as a supervillain… watching you and petting the cat… he’ll get that Bond next time, but for now he gets to watch his main henchwoman fuck herself.

  • http://batterybliss.com simon

    Always enjoy watching Sunny Lane work — you can say whatever you like about the woman, but you cannot question her enthusiasm.

  • Andy

    That’s such a shame the Eleven isn’t as good as you’d hoped :-(

    Still, the Pure Ward sounds fantastic! Am really thinking about buying one of those myself for prostate play.

  • http://twitter.com/PrettyBoiVin Vincent Cooksey

    Okay, that soap looks sexy. But if it was real soap? just.. ewww.. I’d imagine being in trouble as a kid for mouthing off and getting soap in my mouth. Instant turn off. It makes me wonder now, tho.. tempted to try and look it up/find out. hmmmmm.

    Also, the blood comment reminded me of a lesbian Vampire joke… *cackle*

  • Shannon D

    Lol… in one of the online communities I’m a part of which is primarily female with only maybe 2-3 guys, half of us (especially those of us who are often in the chat we use) seem to be on the same schedule. It is spooky, that’s for sure. All of the toys you mentioned in this Jack-off Journal sound awesome and I think one of them might have to be my next purchase when I finally have some extra money… esp. because one of my -three- toys broke, and it was a replacement for the same thing that broke within a month… the replacement didn’t last much longer at 4 months. Also, EWW SOAP. I’d also be worried about some flying into eyes… I was in the shower one day and was getting my hands soapy and some went into my eye somehow and burned for a good 5 minutes. Ow.

  • http://britisshameless.com Britni TheVadgeWig

    “Petting the purring cat” sounds sexual.

  • Tuesday

    I’m so sorry the Intrigue didn’t work out better for you. At least you liked one half of it. That’s better than for me.

  • http://pollyvincere.tumblr.com Polly Vincere

    That position is so amazingly hot.
    Unsecented, dye free soap doesn’t taste that bad. Not that I would go to those extremes with it, but the Suave version for kids makes a lot of suds and has very little taste.

    Please excuse the following – it’s just too bad to not say:

    Sounds like there was more than one kitty purring that night!

  • http://www.namelesschaos.com namelesschaos

    “Having watched a lot of porn in a wave of deleting”

    This line made me realize I’m probably weird in I don’t ever delete porn, i have a DVD burner, media is cheap at cotco so i just burn it off to DVD, instead of deleting.

  • http://heyepiphora.com Epiphora

    @namelesschaos: I can be really picky, so there’s not a lot of porn I will watch more than once. Hence, I delete it!

  • cosmo pinciotti

    “the world would be a bleak place without” porn? really? THAT’s pretty bleak, I’m afraid.

  • http://heyepiphora.com/ Epiphora

    “the world would be a bleak place without performers (and directors) who actually try to make scenes interesting.”

    But I also agree that the world would be sad without porn in it. Because I love porn. So.

  • cosmo pinciotti

    yes, of course, I knew that. porn is shitty sex, I hate porn. there’s no emotional depth in porn, just stupid sport and show fucking… without personality at all and any intimate connection. sex is about going deep together, not about
    tits, cocks, cunts and asses.
    https://twitter.com/cosmopinciotti/status/402107451543007233

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