A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS — err, actually organize my sex toys. They’ve been hanging out in plastic drawers, with no real order to them, for what seems like decades. So I pulled them out of their drawers, piled them on my desk, and started contemplating how to sort them.
I cleaned some dusty toys, put others into sandwich bags, labeled charging cords with masking tape, and listened to a mix called “Songs for Sorting Dildos” (it had a lot of Heart on it).
One disturbing thing I realized while staring at the bulk of my sex toy collection on my desk was that I hardly use most of these toys. I put my very favorites in the top drawers, then realized I was fairly indifferent about almost everything else.
There’s this whole mess of dildos that fall into some hazy “not awesome, but not bad” category, and I really need to make some decisions about them. I’ve kept them around because I tell myself “one day, I’ll have a hankering for that one.” But, it seems, that day never comes. Partly because I forget which toys I own, partly because I’m always testing new stuff or falling back on only the most awesome toys. Woe is me. Such a hard life.
I did, eventually, organize everything into some legitimate categories (there’s a vag balls/anal toys drawer, for instance), although I don’t know how much better it is than before. In any case, I will definitely be writing some posts about my plastic drawers and this organization method. Then you will know all my secrets.
Edit: Here are those posts:
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July 21st, 2010 at 2:10 pm
I stole your drawer idea when you first tweeted about it ages ago and have a double tower of toys myself, they’re organized by type, though anal toys has it’s own drawer and vag balls are with cock rings in mine. ;P I went through a “must clean all the toys and reorganize them!” thing when I got back from Alaska, so I totally know where you’re coming from. I’m in the same way, though, I have tons of toys that just sit there in the drawers because I’m too busy using other ones, even toys I love sometimes end up not getting much action. Oh, the lamentations of the sex toy reviewer.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I want your tentacle.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:28 pm
@Britni TheVadgeWig: That sounds like a terrible pick up line from an anime film…
July 21st, 2010 at 7:19 pm
I think anybody who owns more than 3 of a “basic type” of toy will eventually experience this guilty feeling about not using them all equally . . . I know I have.
Also, yay for organizing!
July 21st, 2010 at 8:30 pm
What’s that other bright green looking toy? The non-Candy Stick one, in the bag?
July 21st, 2010 at 8:42 pm
So far my toys are just one layer in a large Rubbermaid container, and I still use them all (though some more than others).
I don’t see the Eroscillator there.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:21 pm
@Ashley: That’s the Tantus Sherbet! It’s discontinued, sadly.
@Elodie: I didn’t need to get the Eroscillator out. I know where it belongs: as close to me as possible.
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:27 am
I thought Luna was a golf ball
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I’m with Britney the Vadgewig….I want your tentacle! lol
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:24 am
twas fun playing “name that toy!” with this picture.
i tend not to keep anything i don’t love, or if i have a number of dildos that are too similar, i only keep one or two. i’ve given away and swapped out a bunch of stuff. well, this way my friends get to share in the sex toy love
July 23rd, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Wow that’s a lot of dildos! It’s almost art-installation-y! The colours are pwetty!
I need to sort out my (quite a lot smaller) collection, it’s hard to put them all in one drawer because if my mother/sister is looking for something I don’t want them to stumble across it accidentally. I’ll have to wait to get a toy-chest for when I have my own place!
xoxox
July 23rd, 2010 at 3:12 pm
By the end were you all like, “clean ALL the things?”
July 23rd, 2010 at 5:11 pm
ps is your intrigue the purple heart color too? It’s a little hard to tell
July 23rd, 2010 at 5:12 pm
@sophie2229: It’s actually Cocobolo, like my Romp!
July 28th, 2010 at 5:15 am
I am going to take a picture, I think, when I clean and pack all mine up for the move so I can see what, exactly, I have.
July 28th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
I am TOTALLY jealous of your awesome collection!
August 5th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Tentacle: Yay or nay? Por que?
August 5th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
@sophie2229: I hate to admit it, but nay. Every time I try it, I get frustrated. It’s too short and really, really awkward. Doesn’t hit my G-spot, and the texture doesn’t even feel that great.
August 6th, 2010 at 5:44 am
@Epiphora: That’s what I thought would happen, thanks for saving me the time/dinero. Hooray!
October 15th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
I always feel somewhat guilty for some reason about my neglected toys that fall in the “not awesome, not bad” category . . . Weird.
I actually like your desk taken over by dildos. I mean, who needs a clean desk anyway? It looks SO much more interesting that way. So much eye candy!
May 31st, 2011 at 7:56 pm
“ALL the things…?”
I nearly snorted smoothie out my nose when I saw that Hypoerbole and a Half quote. And I am in desperate need of toy sorting. Right now I’m mid-move back home, and shit keeps coming up, so I’ve never unpacked. Thus, almost my entire freakin collection languishes in a suitcase and at the bottom of my rolling trunk.
And yeah, those “wait, I own this? Whodathunk…” moments with good-not-great toys are always fun.
June 1st, 2011 at 3:37 pm
So, we’re dying to know – what is the tentacle-y wonder there?
June 1st, 2011 at 3:46 pm
@Kinkmage: That’s the Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle!
June 1st, 2011 at 3:49 pm
@Epiphora:
Instant wishlist add! We love pretty toys, and that thing is flippin’ gorgeous.