[Pornfail is a new feature about, well, porn failures. Do you like?] This one comes to us from the thoughtfully-titled Pound the Round 2. If you have sensitive teeth, click away now. STEPS FOR GETTING A GIRL’S MOUTH AND POPSICLE ON YOUR PENIS 1. Randomly whip out your popsicle, calling it an “ice cream” — [...]

You have come here wondering if the Njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound and a half of medical-grade stainless steel can indeed change your — and your G-spot’s — life. The answer is yes. Holy fuck, yes. Your G-spot will never be the same. You don’t even know. [...]

WARNING: There are several photos of paraphilia-inspired sex toys in this entry that you may find totally disgusting. Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line entitled Fucked, and… I’m don’t even know what to think about it. Not because of the gag factor (though that is definitely an issue), but because of the problematic [...]

A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS — err, actually organize my sex toys. They’ve been hanging out in plastic drawers, with no real order to them, for what seems like decades. So I pulled them out of their drawers, piled them on my desk, and started contemplating [...]

June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually hate erotica. I generally don’t fantasize. I prefer graphic depictions of genitals going into other genitals. But this particular fiction — a slash pairing which is morally objectionable on more than one level — is [...]

The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It’s sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It comes snuggled in white satin, in an elegant white box that closes with a ribbon (okay, okay, all Luxotiq toys come that way, but shhh). And in use, it never tries anything too crazy. It [...]

There is something about Kimberly Kane’s brain that I really like. My Own Master, her latest directorial movie, reminds me exactly why. Static on the TV in the background? Sailor hats? Music that I actually like? What is this? Surely it cannot be a porno. A little creativity goes a long way in porn. Remember [...]

This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read descriptions? Too bad — YOU CAN’T. This is all you get, loser. Ah, carrot-dangling at its finest (and most frustrating). Well played, Zini. Well played. My predictions about each toy’s features: Donut: Dispenses donuts after [...]