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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo OsΓ© twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo OsΓ© twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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Month: December 2008

Giveaways

Babeland Swag Contest winners!

December 30, 2008
I didn’t get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most....
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dr. Laura Berman Ruby

December 29, 2008
While I do own quite a few glass dildos at this juncture, I don’t have any that look quite like...
Keep Reading
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bree & Sasha

December 27, 2008
Genre: LesbianDirector: Andre MadnessLength: 2 hours, 5 minutesCast: Bree Olson, Sasha Grey, Ava Rose, Lisa Neils, Angie Savage, Lexxi Tyler,...
Keep Reading
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

The spirit of sex bloggers

December 25, 2008
It’s been snowing like mad out here, and my Christmas festivities have been delayed for a few days. Today was...
Keep Reading
Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

It’s official; I’m a squirter

December 24, 2008
Last night, I squirted for the third time in my life. It was ridiculously easy to get there, knowing exactly...
Keep Reading
PornSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Bi Pole Her #3

December 24, 2008
Genre: BisexualDirector: Ed “Twinkle-Toes” Hunter (hey, that’s what it says on the cover…)Length: 2 hours, 33 minutes Cast: Nicole, Rick,...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Elle clitoral dancer

December 23, 2008
As many of you know, I am practically married to my Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet. Although it is a quite...
Keep Reading
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Spring Chickens #21

December 22, 2008
Genre: Mostly straight, vignetteDirector: Gregg AlanLength: 2 hours, 23 minutesCast: Nicole Ray, Brittany Angel, Mickey Graham, Cameron Love, Chayse Evans,...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mia

December 20, 2008
Here is who I am: I got very excited when I received a 2GB jumpdrive as a gift. I anxiously...
Keep Reading
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

Wallpaper: Santa Eleven

December 19, 2008
I was hoping to do a whole series of these for the holiday season, but schoolwork won out. Nonetheless, I...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

Swag Contest: Win a Rabbit Habit or Pink Kink Kit!

December 13, 2008
Very exciting news! My pal Mae at Babeland is allowing me to give away two great items to my readers....
Keep Reading
The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

December 11, 2008
You always remember your first. And I’m proud to say that the LELO Ella is mine — the first toy to...
Keep Reading
PornSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Star 69: Threesomes

December 11, 2008
Genre: Edited-down threesomesDirector: Varies by sceneLength: 3 hours and 43 minutes on each disc, 7 hours and 26 minutes altogetherCast:...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Linger

December 7, 2008
...slightly shiny. I do have some gripes, though: there is a visible seam running down the middle of the toy, and several imperfections in the wood (a small rough patch, an odd circle interrupting the clean lines on the handle). Basically, it is not perfect, and I only point this...
Keep Reading
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

New arrival: Ella, Bare with Me game, & more

December 6, 2008
I think it’s fair to say that my boyfriend’s getting a little irritated with having to bring in mail that...
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DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pleasure No. 6

December 5, 2008
It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I’ve never heard of. Especially when that toy...
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Load More
Illustration of Epiphora

Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

For over 18 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

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Very fave sex shops

SheVibe: my all-time fave, with a selection that will blow your brains out Spectrum Boutique: a hip, modern sex shop dedicated to body-safe toys and radical inclusion Lovehoney: the best place to shop for international orders

see more

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.

Review: Ida

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

Revel Body sonic vibrator... plus jump drive and "competitor model."

Review: Revel Body

Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.

Review: Fascinator Shag Throw

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